Meeting parents

[roo860]

Get a few beers down ya first, then you'll be ready to roll, give the mother a hug and a kiss, worked well for me, she still thinks I'm mental.

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[Captain 776]

53 minutes ago, alex8912 said:

But every once in awhile you CLEARLY hear your name mentioned lol. 

If you hear the word BUFFARO......RUN

[connda]

Make sure to brush your teeth and your hair, use deodorant, and check that your trousers are zipped before meeting the parents.
Extra points if you provide the parents with a balance sheet showing your net worth translated into Thai, and assure them that you have never even considered kissing your girlfriend yet, but are saving yourself for marriage!  And keep us informed of your relationship.  It would be great to know how the family is doing after you've racked up a thousand posts or so.  Best of luck!  And if she has good looking sisters - keep your eyes averted.  You don't want to convey the wrong impression.

[Briggsy]

Take some juggling balls to keep them, and yourself of course, entertained during the lulls in the conversation.

[dotpoom]

"Just be yourself".

(they probably don't bite)?

[Tomahawk21]

OP you say the lady is 23 how old are you ? this may have a bearing on how they treat you also.

[roo860]

OP you say the lady is 23 how old are you ? this may have a bearing on how they treat you also.

True, they might be calling you uncle.

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[SOTIRIOS]

...sounds like you are already 'done for'....so what use is any advice....

[fordguy61mi]

Lucky for me I’ve never met her family. They are scattered about Issan and Her Dad is dead and her mom is 84 and going blind and thinks she’s in Bangkok but she’s married to me and living in the states. She has kept me from them to shield me (us) from sinsod initially and later using us as an ATM. Only her sister knows. It’s a great arrangement if you can swing it.

[Jaggg88]

Thai traditions depict that meeting your GF's parents means you are engaged and are expected to marry. So you will have to buy your GF some gold as an engagement present which she can show off to her family. This is to show your sincerity and your ability to look after your GF and her parents. You and your GF will have to sit on the floor at a lower level than the her parents as a show of respect. However, most Thai families don't bother with all this old tosh so just be yourself and smile a lot.

[Rod the Sod]

On 3/31/2019 at 12:17 AM, richard_smith237 said:

Indeed... If she's 23 and he's 60yo, overweight and fits the 'farang slob' stereotype its unlikely to go well...

 

But the Op mentioned he has a good career, that his girlfriends family are 'middle class' (which I assume means educated and financially independent) its likely the daughter is making intelligent decisions within her 'age-socico-economic-educational' bracket in which case a natural and mutually respectful relationship will take its natural path and the parents will recognise this... 

 

That said, this could all be 'shot gun' stuff as the op mentioned they are planning on having a baby in a few months, in which case his GF is pregnant and he's doing the right thing !!!... in which case, that horse has bolted... the parents can't be too upset - the Op is sticking around !

"The OP mentioned he had a good career". Nope, he mentioned he was a CIO - still could be a "farang slob" as you so delicately put it!!

[Pravda]

Meet the Fockers

[khunPer]

On 3/30/2019 at 2:20 PM, KevinFR said:

What advice can you give me?

thank you,

If you haven't read it yet, then buy the book "Thailand Fever", that will gives you answers to most questions about a Thai relationship – furthermore the book is written in both English and Thai language, so your wife-to-be can also read about a relationship with a Westerner. More info here at thailandfever.com. The book is normally available in all Thai book-stores that also sell English and foreign language books, its also available in German and a few more languages.

 

In general many Thai families seem to appreciate the in Western eyes little old-fashioned man, being a polite gentleman; not rushing a relationship; and being the provider for a family.

 

Besides reading the suggested book, ask you fiancee what you might expect from meeting her parents, and how she expect you to behave when meeting the family.

????

 

 

[isaanjohnno]

On ‎3‎/‎30‎/‎2019 at 8:22 PM, faraday said:

Tell 'em you're gonna pay 1M baht sin sod. 

LOl- the best advice so far ????????- the level of stupidity amongst "in love" falangs is just amazing here in Thailand-the ignorance of some is just world class. they deserve to be duped. LMFAO

[Mac98]

Be generous with the small stuff. Don't dominate the conversation. Ask your gf what they would like. Be pleasant to others around who are outside her family. Don't wear a T-shirt about good boys and bad boys.

[Mbaki]

3 hours ago, mike787 said:

To you, yes, it is "rubbish".  To others, it's a choice that may constitute prudent judgement and caution.  Internationally, they call this a "chaste" system.  Everyone sizes everyone up, from the physical, psychological, to financial potential.  It's human nature.  How far one chooses to go is 'their" discretion, ie, between them and their God.  But your opinion is understood....I wish it were seen as "rubbish" by all people everywhere.

I believe he meant that most Thai’s not knowing who their parents were is a load of rubbish.

[thesetat2013]

Run Forrest! Run

[Ctkong]

The op has not come back with the information about his age while his gf‘s 23. Without providing additional details about himself and the condition of his gf ( pregnant or not) , he is not going to be able to suss relevant information and advice from the posters. Majority of the posters are just going to have fun at his expense...

[Ctkong]

Op has not clarify where his gf was from, whether she is thai Chinese or ethnic Thai , where their socio economic culture are different.  

[justin case]

On 3/30/2019 at 8:36 PM, richard_smith237 said:

Best advice I can offer... Don't rush things, be yourself, don't pretend to be anything you are not. Try and relax as much as possible while being respectful. 

 

Much of it also depends on their attitudes towards foreigners and the strength your wife shows about how easily influenced she is or is not by their opinions of you. 

 

 

Personally, I was extremely lucky. My Wife's parents were initially not best impressed that their daughter was 'friends' with a Westerner. My FIL was concerned about what his friends would think. 

Its somewhat of a facade... I met my future In-Laws at a couple of functions, weddings etc and was introduced as 'a friend'.... 

My Wife manufactured Our first 'official introduction' as the boyfriend to time with a visit from my FIL's friends visiting from the US (Thai American), they grilled me !!!... but I understood the complimentary feedback they gave my FIL (in Thai). 

 

My girlfriend gave the impression that I was a serious boyfriend and not a fleeting affair. We did not live together, my Girlfriend had to be home by midnight. We managed to sneak a few holidays away, even to the UK etc over the couple of years we were dating. 

Slowly the in-laws accepted me, I was always polite, but myself, relaxed and not trying too hard I guess. By the time I asked my FIL for permission to marry his daughter he was quite acceptant of a foreigner (me) Marrying his daughter. The In-laws are now loving grandparents and pop over a couple of times per week.  

 

 

 

F. all that fake bulls...   

 

a smile in your face and a knife in your back

 

be yourself, give nothing , sin sod is their problem

 

or say: in your country, the father of bride pays for wedding

[Sheryl]

29 minutes ago, Ctkong said:

Op has not clarify where his gf was from, whether she is thai Chinese or ethnic Thai , where their socio economic culture are different.  

 

Even more importantly:

 

1. Do they already know about the pregnancy (or plan to get pregnant - this point is unclear)?

 

2. Does he intend to at any point marry this woman? If not - does she know and accept this? And how does she anticipate her parents will react to it? I cannot imagine nay middle class Thai parents being OK with an out of wedlock pregnancy and no intent to marry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ThaiWai]

Go back in time and pull out?

[ThaiWai]

10 hours ago, justin case said:

F. all that fake bulls...   

 

a smile in your face and a knife in your back

 

be yourself, give nothing , sin sod is their problem

 

or say: in your country, the father of bride pays for wedding

Sin sod convo just destroyed my relationship.  I agreed to pay because her uncle actually raised her and that was an unexpected burden for him.  Then I asked who I give the bill to for her two boys that I have been feeding and sheltering for the past 5 years and wanted to know how much sin sod I was gonna get when they got married and who was gonna pay for our wedding and the boys weddings.  Yeah that went over like a fart in church.  I said my peace though. 

[oldrunner]

How ignorant of the "most Thai parents don't know, etc" I met my wife at a disco. She was introduced by a

Thai waitress I knew. She was reluctant to dance with me but I encouraged her and we had a good time. Later we went to my place and proceeded to disagree on what was supposed to transpire. I assumed it was to roll in the sack, etc. but she seemed shy to this. Eventually, she decided to leave and leave she did. The next day I went to where she was a waitress and forced 500 Baht on her and left to my own bar. Eventually, things became more intimate and 27 years later she is no longer shy with me. She had two children, boys aged 5 and 6 and Mr. Thai husband was long gone. I visited her village in Ayutthaya and met her mother, dad long buried. Soon after, she moved in with me and the rest is history. We were married and she accompanied me on a visit to the USA and where I was working in Saudi Arabia. 

[roo860]

How ignorant of the "most Thai parents don't know, etc" I met my wife at a disco. She was introduced by a

Thai waitress I knew. She was reluctant to dance with me but I encouraged her and we had a good time. Later we went to my place and proceeded to disagree on what was supposed to transpire. I assumed it was to roll in the sack, etc. but she seemed shy to this. Eventually, she decided to leave and leave she did. The next day I went to where she was a waitress and forced 500 Baht on her and left to my own bar. Eventually, things became more intimate and 27 years later she is no longer shy with me. She had two children, boys aged 5 and 6 and Mr. Thai husband was long gone. I visited her village in Ayutthaya and met her mother, dad long buried. Soon after, she moved in with me and the rest is history. We were married and she accompanied me on a visit to the USA and where I was working in Saudi Arabia. 

So what happened when you met the mother? That's the question, not when you met your wife.

 

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[richard_smith237]

23 hours ago, justin case said:

On 3/30/2019 at 5:36 PM, richard_smith237 said:

Best advice I can offer... Don't rush things, be yourself, don't pretend to be anything you are not. Try and relax as much as possible while being respectful. 

 

Much of it also depends on their attitudes towards foreigners and the strength your wife shows about how easily influenced she is or is not by their opinions of you. 

 

 

Personally, I was extremely lucky. My Wife's parents were initially not best impressed that their daughter was 'friends' with a Westerner. My FIL was concerned about what his friends would think. 

Its somewhat of a facade... I met my future In-Laws at a couple of functions, weddings etc and was introduced as 'a friend'.... 

My Wife manufactured Our first 'official introduction' as the boyfriend to time with a visit from my FIL's friends visiting from the US (Thai American), they grilled me !!!... but I understood the complimentary feedback they gave my FIL (in Thai). 

 

My girlfriend gave the impression that I was a serious boyfriend and not a fleeting affair. We did not live together, my Girlfriend had to be home by midnight. We managed to sneak a few holidays away, even to the UK etc over the couple of years we were dating. 

Slowly the in-laws accepted me, I was always polite, but myself, relaxed and not trying too hard I guess. By the time I asked my FIL for permission to marry his daughter he was quite acceptant of a foreigner (me) Marrying his daughter. The In-laws are now loving grandparents and pop over a couple of times per week.  

 

 

 

F. all that fake bulls...   

 

a smile in your face and a knife in your back

 

be yourself, give nothing , sin sod is their problem

 

or say: in your country, the father of bride pays for wedding

If you say so... however, proof is in the pudding... over 10 years on... very happy, normal family life with a son who has loving grandparents who a free to pop over whenever they want and do so at least a couple of times per week. 

 

The inlaws were initially as cautious of me as I was of them, actually, moreso, because I was with their daughter... any parents who aren't cautious don't care, IMO that would raise alarm bells as to what type of family my GF grew up in... So I would hope and expect that the in-laws are cautious and expect me to be respectful of them...  and rightly so, especially when the attitudes of some is "F. all that fake bulls..."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 2, 2019 by richard_smith237

[Tony125]

On 3/31/2019 at 12:00 AM, Odin Norway said:

No info on your age and how long you have been together.Or where you have been living. Sounds like a rushed decision having a baby before you have even met the rest of the family IMO.For all we know that only read your post,you could have met her last week? Or you could even be older than her parents...Where they live also makes a bit of difference..

His profile states he just turned 24

[KevinFR]

I am 24 years old. It's been two years since we've been together, so we're the same age. Your comments are quite shocking I think, even my girlfriend is shocked at what you said. Why do you generalize things you see with old farang?

 

These parents were not married precisely because of the dowry. I think they are far from having this mentality. It must be known that she contributes to the costs of everyday life without me asking. It must be the Thai you describe.

[HampiK]

3 hours ago, KevinFR said:

I am 24 years old. It's been two years since we've been together, so we're the same age. Your comments are quite shocking I think, even my girlfriend is shocked at what you said. Why do you generalize things you see with old farang?

 

These parents were not married precisely because of the dowry. I think they are far from having this mentality. It must be known that she contributes to the costs of everyday life without me asking. It must be the Thai you describe.

I think, that you already lived 2 years together with her is a good way to know her. I would not worry too much. But also good to see the parents, as you can see and maybe have some insights in their life. I not always agree with the parents, but they respect my opinion as well (as long it's probably not too extrem I guess). I see the parents almost once a month and this is fine with me. Don't listen to too many bad comments, but you can find a good wife or a bad wife in Thailand or any other country. On the other side.. the Thai girl can find a good foreigner or a bad foreigner.. let's say same chance for both ????.

 

I would guess the parents can speak english (at least a little) or are you able to speak some Thai? this would of course help in some conversation. Even when at least one group is only able to speak a little bit. Be open when you see the parents and think after the meeting what you now think of your gf and the parents. And also think, that not all Thais are the same. So you can not compare your relationship with the relationship of others. 

 

What should you do when meet the parents? Be yourself (at least if you are half a decent man). Try to have some conversation with them, and don't think too much. I would say ask your gf if you have to be careful about some topic (e.g. politics,...)?

For example I like to talk about cars and politics with the father, and he seems to be happy that he can share some of his interest with someone else.