If You Marry A Thai Woman

[Q_Q_Dude]

don't bring her back to your home country

she'll then be relegated to having locals think of her as a "mail order bride" and being isolated from society, unless she meets other thais.

that's what i've experienced growing up as a luk kreung in the US

i might write a book on this subject one day

[jumnien]

TROLL

[Q_Q_Dude]

TROLL

how about you actually debate my topic?

[jumnien]

TROLL

how about you actually debate my topic?

I think I'll wait for the book to come out!

[AmeriThai]

don't bring her back to your home country

she'll then be relegated to having locals think of her as a "mail order bride" and being isolated from society, unless she meets other thais.

that's what i've experienced growing up as a luk kreung in the US

i might write a book on this subject one day

My wife is Thai and we've been married for more years than I can remember. We are living in the USA but we own a house in Thanland and make frequent trips there. SHe's never been treated like a "mail order bride", has always been well liked both in Thailand and the US.

This thread is confusing. First it starts out with "mail order brides" then switches to "luk kreungs". So which is it?

Edited March 10, 2007 by AmeriThai

[madjbs]

Why is it a troll? What he says is unfortunatly quite true. Allot of people back home (UK) have very ignorant atittudes about asians and especially about Thais. Although they probably wont say anything, what goes on behind their back is something else.

Edited March 10, 2007 by madjbs

[cdnvic]

Those people probably have issues with misjudging all kinds of people, don't let it worry you.

[Q_Q_Dude]

don't bring her back to your home country

she'll then be relegated to having locals think of her as a "mail order bride" and being isolated from society, unless she meets other thais.

that's what i've experienced growing up as a luk kreung in the US

i might write a book on this subject one day

My wife is Thai and we've been married for more years than I can remember. We are living in the USA but we own a house in Thanland and make frequent trips there. SHe's never been treated like a "mail order bride", has always been well liked both in Thailand and the US.

This thread is confusing. First it starts out with "mail order brides" then switches to "luk kreungs". So which is it?

How does she feel in American society? Does she have any regular social contact with people in the US other than you/the immediate family? Does she lament and prefers truly Thailand?

Like I said, there are a TON of social issues here. As someone who's grown up in this situation and feel that I can contribute to the global knowledge pool by doing so, I plan to write a book on this subject someday.

Edited March 10, 2007 by Q_Q_Dude

[jumnien]

My wife speaks English pretty well but I must say it is difficult for her when we return to California. The gardener is Mexican, the maid is Czech, the corner store is Korean, the donut shop is Cambodian, the supermarket is Chinese/Vietnamese and the tourists are German and French and nobody seems to speak <deleted>' English anymore! Thank Buddha we return to Thailand where we can communicate....

[AmeriThai]

don't bring her back to your home country

she'll then be relegated to having locals think of her as a "mail order bride" and being isolated from society, unless she meets other thais.

that's what i've experienced growing up as a luk kreung in the US

i might write a book on this subject one day

My wife is Thai and we've been married for more years than I can remember. We are living in the USA but we own a house in Thanland and make frequent trips there. SHe's never been treated like a "mail order bride", has always been well liked both in Thailand and the US.

This thread is confusing. First it starts out with "mail order brides" then switches to "luk kreungs". So which is it?

How does she feel in American society? Does she have any regular social contact with people in the US other than you/the immediate family? Does she lament and prefers truly Thailand?

Like I said, there are a TON of social issues here. As someone who's grown up in this situation and feel that I can contribute to the global knowledge pool by doing so, I plan to write a book on this subject someday.

She has no particular qualms about American society.

Yes, she has social contact with non-family members, generally American, Thai and Lao. We have a Thai wat nearby as well.

She naturally prefers Thailand because she's a Thai and that's where her roots are from. I like Thailand too, which is why we have a house there. We plan to retire there in the not too distant future.

The social issues, while important to you, sounds like they are from your own particular experiences. Other people may also have had some difficult issues. But I don't think I'd go so far as to imply that it's necessarily typical. Most of the Thai people we know (and we know a lot) who live in the US seem to enjoy it. Most of the luk kreungs we know aren't having any particular social problems and in fact are well liked by everyone.

Everyone is going to have different circumstances though. A lot of it has to do with your own perspectives of yourself and your surroundings, and we can make a difference in how others view us and we are treated. It all starts within our own self.

Edited March 10, 2007 by AmeriThai

[jbsears]

It depends on the couple. If its a middle aged man and a young Thai lady, then yeah that's what they'll think. Even more so they will think if she is an uneducated farmer.

If you are approximately the same age, she is well educated/has a good job and can speak English well, then I don't think anyone will think she is a mail order.

[ColPyat]

don't bring her back to your home country

she'll then be relegated to having locals think of her as a "mail order bride" and being isolated from society, unless she meets other thais.

that's what i've experienced growing up as a luk kreung in the US

i might write a book on this subject one day

I think you cannot generalize that way.

There are so many factors involved, starting from the individual herself, to her social class in Thailand, over to the environment one moves in the western country, and the effort both of you make to integrate.

In my case, we don't live in the west, but often go there to visit my family. My family treats my wife lovely, my friends do as well, i do make sure that i do involve my wife in all aspects of life there. My wife rarely socializes with fellow Thais in the west since she has made some very bad experiences with some of them during our first long term stay there a decade or so ago, such as Thais she met in the supermarket trying to persuade her to become a prostitute behind my back, and others trying to set her up with a new boyfriend, which has resulted in that mentally instable person stalking my wife even up to the point of following us to Thailand, and then making a suicide attempt when my wife screamed at him in public to leave us alone. Very ugly.

Anyhow, i know of cases you describe here, but i also know of cases where Thai women have adapted very well to life in the west.

[jbsears]

In my case, we don't live in the west, but often go there to visit my family. My family treats my wife lovely, my friends do as well, i do make sure that i do involve my wife in all aspects of life there. My wife rarely socializes with fellow Thais in the west since she has made some very bad experiences with some of them during our first long term stay there a decade or so ago, such as Thais she met in the supermarket trying to persuade her to become a prostitute behind my back, and others trying to set her up with a new boyfriend, which has resulted in that mentally instable person stalking my wife even up to the point of following us to Thailand, and then making a suicide attempt when my wife screamed at him in public to leave us alone. Very ugly.

Hey ColPyat, I was wondering what kind of Thais are in America that act like this? I am moving back to the US in July with my soon to be wife and hope not to encounter anybody like you have mentioned. Are these ex-prostitutes that are now in the US, rich Thais that own prostitute establishments in Thailand too, or a totally different type of Thai? I really hope to avoid people who would want to cause any trouble in our new life together.

[AmeriThai]

Hey ColPyat, I was wondering what kind of Thais are in America that act like this? I am moving back to the US in July with my soon to be wife and hope not to encounter anybody like you have mentioned. Are these ex-prostitutes that are now in the US, rich Thais that own prostitute establishments in Thailand too, or a totally different type of Thai? I really hope to avoid people who would want to cause any trouble in our new life together.

I think in general, you're probably not likely to encounter such problems as that. Most Thais in the US are those worth making friends with, much the same as those in Thailand. If you encounter a problem, then you just have to deal with it one way or another. The most important thing is that you and your wife clearly understand each other and know how to deal with such matters.

[k2bikerider]

My wife has many American friends and less Thai friends, She prefers not to hang around too many Thai people in the USA as she says they gossip too much.. My wife was educated in Singapore from age 12 to HS graduation, then Uni in BKK then MBA in USA. So she is used to being outside of Thailand, her and my age is only 1 year apart( I'm 37 and she is 36) and we have small children.. But I think there is situations where this is true, but you can't paint a broad paint brush over all Thais.

[Soju]

don't bring her back to your home country

she'll then be relegated to having locals think of her as a "mail order bride" and being isolated from society, unless she meets other thais.

that's what i've experienced growing up as a luk kreung in the US

i might write a book on this subject one day

I'm having extreme difficulty understanding what exactly it is that you are trying to debate. You don't bring your wife back to your home country, but yet she feels isolated from society? How so? Locals, Thai's I'm presuming, see her as a "mail order bride"? How so? I realize that term is most definitely a misnomer as it is most commonly used, but I think you are using it even beyond it's already improper meaning. How can you have experienced anything like this if you grew up in the U.S.? Growing up in the U.S. as a luk kreung, and a Thai woman living in Thailand after marrying a foreigner are totally different.

I didn't bring my wife back to my home country, and there are no issues with any isolation whatsoever and absolutely no "mail order bride" tags on her.

[Mighty Mouse]

If you are concerned with what the neighbours might think, remain a hermit and die a lonely old man.

[ColPyat]

Hey ColPyat, I was wondering what kind of Thais are in America that act like this? I am moving back to the US in July with my soon to be wife and hope not to encounter anybody like you have mentioned. Are these ex-prostitutes that are now in the US, rich Thais that own prostitute establishments in Thailand too, or a totally different type of Thai? I really hope to avoid people who would want to cause any trouble in our new life together.

Not America, I am from Europe.

But well, one has to be careful. For many Thai women marriage is just an extension of their old profession or vocation, and in the country they move with their husbands they continue in their old lifestyle. Recently i was made aware of a cafe in my hometown, in which in daytime Thai wifes hang out while their husbands are at work. Basically, you see there rather similar characters as in some of the Pattaya freelancer bars - both Thai women and western clients.

I am not saying that all are like that, but there definitely are many who marry not exactly for altruistic reasons, and that is not just restricted to farmer's daughters, but also the coveted "educated" middle class birds can be highly devious in their true intentions, often even more so.

Be careful with what people your wife socializes. There are people around who take delight in destroying other's happiness, mostly because of their own failures.

[pumpuiman]

Here in the U.S. my wife is treated with respect, has falang friends, and prefers not to associate with other Thai people, due to what she says is their habit of being two-faced.....talking behind each others backs.

You are unfortunately in an extremely racist area, or paranoid.

Please include this post in your book.

[meemiathai]

I can still remember a few years back a holiday in NZ, me and wife was at a sky-diving base and I was telling the staff I was from HK and my wife Thailand. The dirty and arrogant looks on their faces!! How rude!! But what can I do?

I know what you mean, OP. Unfortunately most farangs don't realize how racist(feeling superior) their own people are. Sorry, don't mean to bash anyone. Just stating my observations.

Once again, best farang people I've met was in Edmonton, Canada. Every blxxdy person was an angel! They seemed to be fxxking colour blind!

[srisatch]

don't bring her back to your home country

she'll then be relegated to having locals think of her as a "mail order bride" and being isolated from society, unless she meets other thais.

that's what i've experienced growing up as a luk kreung in the US

i might write a book on this subject one day

As often an original post not well expressed raises an interesting issue: The treatment of partners from another culture/the experience of Asian partners of Europeans/Australians/Americans at the hands of their new community and family..and of course the experience/treatment of farangs arriving as husbands in Asian households...

I don't worry about this on an hourly/daily basis...but racism/ethnocentrism/prejudice on whatever basis..class??wealth/culture/religion is everywhere. I certainly fight it on my wife and childrens' behalf if I encounter it.

My initial thought might have been that growing up as a Luk khreung in the US might have been better than in Thailand..but as my children grow up, in Thailand and the UK, I am not so sure.

Thais abroad, as with farangs, appear to be of a few sets. Rich Ones and Business people..Embassy Staff etc. Toursists-well class with the former!. Students. Restaurant Owners and Workers. Wives. Prostitutes. You won't be ignorant of the fact that class distinctions are as alive and well in Thailand as they are in the UK/US or anywhere else.

Multicultural Understanding Fear and Tolerance is a big subject for a book!

[lordofdelusion]

My wife speaks English pretty well but I must say it is difficult for her when we return to California. The gardener is Mexican, the maid is Czech, the corner store is Korean, the donut shop is Cambodian, the supermarket is Chinese/Vietnamese and the tourists are German and French and nobody seems to speak <deleted>' English anymore! Thank Buddha we return to Thailand where we can communicate....

That's funny and very true! Add to that my friends from Texas and Georgia and no one knew what was going on.

[solent01]

Interesting thread, and with our experience in the UK, we have also been confronted with this attitude, it is certainly not the norm, however it does exist, but it is always the people that have issues in their own lives that hold the belief that Thai brides are in some way "mail order brides" or worse "ladies of the night", we don't let it bother us, as these people are not worth the effort.

Edited March 10, 2007 by solent01

[cdnvic]

Interesting thread, and with our experience in the UK, we have also been confronted with this attitude, it is certainly not the norm, however it does exist, but it is always the people that have issues in their own lives that hold the belief that Thai brides are in some way "mail order brides" or worse "ladies of the night", we don't let it bother us, as these people are not worth the effort.

Exactly. The smiling idiots making mail order bride or bargirl comments are hardly the type of mentality that one should be concerned with.

[Boon Mee]

You want some strange reactions re bringing your Thai wife back to the states circa just after Viet Nam was over and meeting some of the folks down at the VFW.

[WaiWai]

I seem to remember the OP has mentioned having a Thai mother. If that is indeed the main source of his observations, perhaps he will tell us more about her experiences in the U.S. & whether her situation has improved over time, or not. Children often have perspectives that spouses lack.

Undoubtedly, some migrants experience isolation. "Homebound" women and older folk who cannot get around easily would be examples of groups more likely to suffer from this.

[jumnien]

My first wife was a native Californian caucasian 22 year old methedrine-addicted part time dominatrix with the biggest tits you've ever seen. Most people thought she was a pretty nice girl. After that, I'm not too concerned with other American people's ability to judge who I'm dating and where they come from!

[Jimmyd]

My wife *wants* to move back to the US. She wants to have the same opportunity I have had--to live in a country not my own. We've been back a few times, but that's not enough for her. She can see that living abroad will help her grow as a person. I've told her I'm willing to go back, but that she has to take the lead in the matter.

Sure there are people who will look down on Thai-Farang relationships, but there are also those who will not like us because of religion/race/attitude/hairstyle and so on. Usually ignoring them and living life to the fullest is the best way to deal with those attitudes.

I agree with those who have said that generalizing is not very useful. Some Thais will have problems in the same way the some Westerners have problems when they get to Thailand. Others will thrive.

[jetjock]

don't bring her back to your home country

she'll then be relegated to having locals think of her as a "mail order bride" and being isolated from society, unless she meets other thais.

that's what i've experienced growing up as a luk kreung in the US

i might write a book on this subject one day

I think you cannot generalize that way.

There are so many factors involved, starting from the individual herself, to her social class in Thailand, over to the environment one moves in the western country, and the effort both of you make to integrate.

In my case, we don't live in the west, but often go there to visit my family. My family treats my wife lovely, my friends do as well, i do make sure that i do involve my wife in all aspects of life there. My wife rarely socializes with fellow Thais in the west since she has made some very bad experiences with some of them during our first long term stay there a decade or so ago, such as Thais she met in the supermarket trying to persuade her to become a prostitute behind my back, and others trying to set her up with a new boyfriend, which has resulted in that mentally instable person stalking my wife even up to the point of following us to Thailand, and then making a suicide attempt when my wife screamed at him in public to leave us alone. Very ugly.

Anyhow, i know of cases you describe here, but i also know of cases where Thai women have adapted very well to life in the west.

I totally agree Colpyat's statement that one cannot generalize as there are so many factors involved that will determine how someone is treated by society back in your home country. In my case, my Thai wife is very highly educated, extroverted and from an upper middle class family in Thailand and speaks fluent English without a Thai accent so she immediately and easily integrated into American society when she arrived back in the US with me. In a very short time, she developed many wonderful friendships here with people with similar educational and social backrounds and was totally accepted by her peers. As the saying goes "water tends to seek it's own level" so obviously if you bring someone back home that is poorly educated and lower class backround, she most likely will have major problems trying to integrate into a different type of society. Please so not get me wrong as I would agree that just because someone comes from a poor educational or social backround or country with a poor reputation does not mean that they are not wonderful people, but the reality of the situation is that many people will discriminate on the basis of those facts when brought back to your own country. In my humble opinion, if you marry someone from a different country and really care about their happiness and well being, I think it is important to give serious thought to these type of factors before taking them to live in a country that they may or may not be able to successfully integrate into the new society. Unfortunately not everyone is able to adjust and find lasting happiness in a new and different country.

[leisurely]

Obviously I can't comment on the original post, however I would like to make an observation. QQ, you seem a pretty one dimensional sort of person. Everytime I see a topic you have started it seems to have the word 'luk kreung' in the title. You seem to define yourself by your race. I don't think that is a healthy thing. After all, would you like to be known as stroke man or amputee boY.

As I said, it is not a criticism, rather an observation.