Daughter of Alzheimer's Mom Speaks on Healthcare Issues For Expats

[BadSpottedDog]

Hello All,
 

DeAnna here.

I am the daughter of the Mom with Alzheimer's we had to move to the Philippines. I would like to report that all is well, and we are completely happy with the move. Mom was super happy when I saw her before I left, and I had the opportunity to watch how they handled her (without my presence being known). I am very pleased with what I saw. But that is not exactly what this post is about .... 

 

Since I have literally "been through the ringer" TWICE now with elder challenges, I wanted to bring to light the other situation I dealt with last year. I actually posted about it then, but now things have settled, and wanted to follow up. It's a lot to think about and plan for.

 

My husband and I had an older friend who was a long time expat, who helped us navigate all of the obstacles with moving to Thailand. He was SO proud of how prepared he was personally. He had medical insurance for 8 million, money in a Thai bank, and money in multiple US banks. He had a will and an attorney in the USA, as well as a will here in Thailand. He had no family, and not any close friends here in Thailand. (bitter, old expats who have run off all their farang friends should take serious note here). He DID have a long term relationship with a Thai family from Isaan ... a man, wife and son. He had financially supported them for years, and they were close. Their agreement was that he would assist them financially, but when he got older and infirm, they would take care of him. Seems perfect, right?

 

When he became terminally ill and went into the hospital, I went to stay with him. My plan was to visit for only a couple of days to show my support, but that plan went horribly wrong. When I arrived, he had been in the hospital for 2 days already, and was heavily dosed up on fentanyl. He was afraid, and could not do anything for himself. I was shocked that the hospital nurses were asking ME to pay his bill! What? He had insurance! When he had initially been brought in, they checked his wallet and found his insurance card and debit card. Of course, the hospital filed a claim with the insurance company (IMG), but they ultimately refused to pay. Even though my friend had owned this policy for EIGHT years, and he had been diagnosed with his illness (COPD) a mere 3 years ago ... the insurance company denied his claim as a "pre existing condition". They never paid a dime, and Bangkok hospital had cleaned out his Thai bank account.

No one knew anything about where his US money was, or even how much there was. The Thai family were helping him in the hospital, but honestly, they had no idea how to navigate insurance claims, US bank accounts, or attorneys. He was completely unable to get online and transfer money or pay bills, and his rent in Thailand was due. I went ahead and paid the rent out of my own pocket, but the astronomical hospital bill was looming and growing daily, and there was no way I could tackle that. However, I did track down his insurance agent, argued with the hospital about the options, and eventually, I was able to help him get online and pay the current medical bill, but it kept growing every day. My short stay eventually turned into a 10 day battle. The COPD had been declared terminal and at end stage. He couldn't stay in the hospital for months, so where would he go? All of this had to be worked out ... and it eventually was. The hospital finally agreed to release him if I would sign a guarantee for the bill ???? 

He was released, and went home with the proper equipment and the Thai family to help care for him. He needed help with everything. Dressing, toilet, bathing, all of it. I managed to help him pay the final bill when he left. Sadly, he had to return to the hospital some weeks later and he died there. They would not release the body until the final bill was paid, and I was finally able to manage that. The aftermath was a nightmare as well. My friend had bequeathed all of his assets plus his house in Nevada to this Thai family! How would they collect this? It was a complete struggle trying to get the family to understand how much they were inheriting, and how to collect it. I contacted the lawyer in the states, and made sure the official will was sent to them (which took the Thai family months to do). I contacted the neighbor in Nevada to update her, as she was "managing" the house and tenants. Now the estate is in probate, and most likely will be for years. We are still dealing with the USA attorneys, who will most likely eat up most of what is left (about 20 million baht) in fees. 

 

Now, I ask you ... are you one of these nasty expats that have run off all your friends and family? Even if you're not, what will you do as you age out and can no longer care for yourself? Even if you have a Thai partner, do you really think they can adequately deal with legalities and banking in your home country? Take some time and ask yourself the following ...

• Did you know that your insurance most likely doesn't cover long term care? Ask them about this. 
• How likely would it be that you suffer from a stroke or debilitating heart attack or an accident that leaves you permanently disabled?
• What happens when you are unconscious in the hospital, and have no advocate?
• Do you trust the hospital staff to argue with the insurance company or make final arrangements?
• Do you think they will continue to give you optimal care if your insurance is refused?
• Is there anyone you trust who even knows where your money is? 
• If you are planning to go back to your home country when you can no longer care for yourself, who will arrange the travel if you are unable to?

 

There are literally THOUSANDS of issues that arise when you are out of commission. I realize it is unrealistic to expect that you could possibly have every scenario taken care of in advance. But why is it that when expats "prepare", they never think about the fact that they most likely will not be able to navigate banking, insurance problems and communicating with others overseas. I would love to hear your comments or stories!

I hope this helps at least some people out there, and please remember .... life is just too short. BE NICE to one another. Go out of your way to do a kind gesture "just because"! We are ALL in this together ❤️

 

Here is the eulogy I wrote to post on his facebook page when he passed. (below is a pic of him in the hospital, and my Mom when she lived with us on Samui) Both of these souls have been a labor of love for me.

"It is with deepest sorrow that I must announce the passing of our dear Friend. My heart is broken. My husband and I became close friends with him when he helped us navigate our exit from the USA to Thailand three years ago. I didn't get to meet him in person until recently, when in September, I went to stay with him in the hospital for 10 days. Despite us having polar opposite backgrounds, histories, and beliefs, the three of us got along fabulously and respected each other's opinions. (Yes, he had more conservative friends too). Our friendship alone is a testament to the kind of person he was, and how people should treat each other. It is our wish, that in his honor, everyone would make their best effort to get along and respect each other ... no matter what the differences may be.
He was always thinking of, and helping others. He regularly gave to charities and causes. He lived his life to the fullest, and never looked back. I loved hearing the "stories" about his past and all of the adventures he had. I loved hearing him speak fluent Thai, and seeing how he had embraced the Thai people and culture. He got some chuckles in the hospital by listening to the Thai nurses talk to each other, and then surprising them by speaking in Thai, just to show them that he had understood every word they said! (which was not their intention most of the time). I got many laughs seeing this ... He was a jokester to the end. ❤️  Thankfully, he rallied from his illness for a time after his first stay in the hospital. He enjoyed eating "real" food and being back home. Unfortunately, he had to be admitted into the hospital again on Oct 25th when his condition worsened. This time it was different. All the hospital could do is keep him sleeping and comfortable until he was ready to go. So please think of him today and say a prayer. Please treat others with respect and dignity. Do something nice for someone, and think of him when you do. This man made a difference in many lives, and will continue doing so. Rest in Peace my friend ….

[Sheryl]

Who was the Executor of his will? And how is it that person did now know his financial  details?

 

My Executors have up to date listings of all my assets, internet banking details etc. They also have Durable Powers of Attorney -- 2 of them, one notarized by US Embassy for use in the US and one drawn up by a Thai legal firm, in Thai and English, for use in Thailand. One of them also has a Health Care power of attorney, again 2, one for use in US `and one specifically for Thailand.

 

POA is critical, it is what will let someone handle your affairs if you are incapacitated.

 

 

[BadSpottedDog]

1 hour ago, Sheryl said:

Who was the Executor of his will? And how is it that person did now know his financial  details?

 

My Executors have up to date listings of all my assets, internet banking details etc. They also have Durable Powers of Attorney -- 2 of them, one notarized by US Embassy for use in the US and one drawn up by a Thai legal firm, in Thai and English, for use in Thailand. One of them also has a Health Care power of attorney, again 2, one for use in US `and one specifically for Thailand.

 

POA is critical, it is what will let someone handle your affairs if you are incapacitated.

 

 

You're absolutely right. He had an executor, but it was just the attorney that he found in the yellow pages. He had no one else he trusted. The attorney had no medical POA, and didn't know where any of his money was. It was a bad situation. 

It sounds like you are better prepared than most ???? Well done!

[Maestro]

If I understand the OP correctly, because a friend of hers had prepared badly for the event of his becoming incapacitated and for the execution of his last will and testament, she started this topic to badmouth the members of this forum – as I understand she has also done with earlier topics she started – with statements like:

 

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(bitter, old expats who have run off all their farang friends should take serious note here)

 

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Now, I ask you ... are you one of these nasty expats that have run off all your friends and family?

 

ThaiVisa is the wrong forum for this.