I'm at a crossroads, and hope to get some advice from seasoned expats, and people with more life experience. 

 

I currently have a programming job that allows remote work where- and whenever. I spent a few months working in Thailand recently and enjoyed it. But now Im back in my home country, Sweden. I have the possibility to get a new programming job here, which seems a lot more interesting. But I would be giving up my freedom of remote work. And while I enjoy the Swedish nature and summer, winter is on its way. And the social climate here is different too. I'm a bit off-beat, like many others who seek excitment abroad. It's a bit lonely and boring in Sweden too. While I look okay and am fit, I believe I have some traits resembling aspergers, so no big chances with the women here. In Thailand I can have limited company on my own terms in exchange for money at least. And perhaps I could meet someone who values me as a partner for other reasons, including but not limited to a stable income.

 

How can I decide which way to go? Current job and Thailand, or new job and Sweden? Will my new job become like my current one after a while? Will Thailand be too much of a hassle with visas etc? Is there actually any joy to be found in the bars over there? 

 

I know I will have to make the decision. But I would appreciate any help to make a good decision. 

 

Thanks

 

 

I'm at a crossroads, and hope to get some advice from seasoned expats, and people with more life experience. 

 

I currently have a programming job that allows remote work where- and whenever. I spent a few months working in Thailand recently and enjoyed it. But now Im back in my home country, Sweden. I have the possibility to get a new programming job here, which seems a lot more interesting. But I would be giving up my freedom of remote work. And while I enjoy the Swedish nature and summer, winter is on its way. And the social climate here is different too. I'm a bit off-beat, like many others who seek excitment abroad. It's a bit lonely and boring in Sweden too. While I look okay and am fit, I believe I have some traits resembling aspergers, so no big chances with the women here. In Thailand I can have limited company on my own terms in exchange for money at least. And perhaps I could meet someone who values me as a partner for other reasons, including but not limited to a stable income.

 

How can I decide which way to go? Current job and Thailand, or new job and Sweden? Will my new job become like my current one after a while? Will Thailand be too much of a hassle with visas etc? Is there actually any joy to be found in the bars over there? 

 

I know I will have to make the decision. But I would appreciate any help to make a good decision. 

 

Thanks

 

 

Well, I'm from Sweden myself and I know how lonely things get there sometimes. Especially in wintertime and furthermore I assume in your job as well. The first years of my retirement I also lived in Thailand. Lucky did. Because I got a few expensive lessons from the Thai Ladies. Maybe you are different and you only want this short time activities. But probably not. I think you would prefer a good partner in your life. That is possible, but rather rare in Thailand to find. I had to learn it the hard way and I left for the Philippines. And I can just tell you, this was one of my better decisions in my life. I'm now married to a beautiful Filipina since many years. Did she take me because of money ? Probably yes. But even so, there are light years between a Thai and a Filippina compared. So as you are independent locationwise as a programmer you might give it a try. Furthermore the new immigration laws in Thailand suck.

 

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"job that allows remote work where- and whenever."

your job may allow it  but in Thailand you working illegally.

"I expect a lot of foreigners will leave and won't bother coming back after getting harassed and ripped off over TM30." 

 

Quote from another poster...

 

It is not any one form that concerns expats living here...it is the entire immigration culture of creating angst among their paying guests...

 

Let me give you an analogy...while working in the US...one has to constantly be aware of retaining receipts...keeping track of mileage and so on to satisfy the IRS at the end of the year...income taxes are a major consideration in every planning both personal and work related...

 

Thai immigration with it needing a form to track your movements, money requirements, and visits to expats homes are just that way...whatever your plans...you must think: "how is this going to affect my immigration status?"

 

You are not really "free" to move about the country...

 

Hope this helps!

 

 

 

 

47 minutes ago, aajj88 said:

I'm at a crossroads

How old are you?

55 minutes ago, Swedenlars said:

Well, I'm from Sweden myself and I know how lonely things get there sometimes. Especially in wintertime and furthermore I assume in your job as well. The first years of my retirement I also lived in Thailand. Lucky did. Because I got a few expensive lessons from the Thai Ladies. Maybe you are different and you only want this short time activities. But probably not. I think you would prefer a good partner in your life. That is possible, but rather rare in Thailand to find. I had to learn it the hard way and I left for the Philippines. And I can just tell you, this was one of my better decisions in my life. I'm now married to a beautiful Filipina since many years. Did she take me because of money ? Probably yes. But even so, there are light years between a Thai and a Filippina compared. So as you are independent locationwise as a programmer you might give it a try. Furthermore the new immigration laws in Thailand suck.

 

Gesendet von meinem SM-N950F mit Tapatalk

 

 

 

Thailand just seems so wonderful still, the food especially. I have heard the food in the philippines isn't so great. But still worth looking into. I will have to go there and see. Tack

45 minutes ago, Puchaiyank said:

"I expect a lot of foreigners will leave and won't bother coming back after getting harassed and ripped off over TM30." 

 

Quote from another poster...

 

It is not any one form that concerns expats living here...it is the entire immigration culture of creating angst among their paying guests...

 

Let me give you an analogy...while working in the US...one has to constantly be aware of retaining receipts...keeping track of mileage and so on to satisfy the IRS at the end of the year...income taxes are a major consideration in every planning both personal and work related...

 

Thai immigration with it needing a form to track your movements, money requirements, and visits to expats homes are just that way...whatever your plans...you must think: "how is this going to affect my immigration status?"

 

You are not really "free" to move about the country...

 

Hope this helps!

 

 

 

 

Oh really, I had no idea it was that bad. And that's really a shame, because I really hate those sorts of things haha. Certainly sways me in the other direction. Thanks for the info

38 minutes ago, Stocky said:

How old are you?

Early thirties

9 minutes ago, aajj88 said:

Early thirties

So for Thai ladies you'd be holiday cash material but not marriage cash material !

If I were you, and we share a lot of similarities, I'd go for it. I did and I'd do it again. This forum is famously pessimistic and they're right in saying things are tough, immigration wise. Be prepared for the worst in that regard, everything else is pretty sweet. Do it on a trial basis, meaning don't leave yourself with no escape plan and no home to go back to.

 

It beats being a lonely, single guy microwaving my meals for one and scraping the frost off my car windows in the morning to go to my dreaded 9 to 5. I'm happy here, I don't think I would be at home.

You are going to be isolated in Thailand or PI, especially if you have poor social skills and are introverted.  And you work alone.  If you take the new job, you won’t work alone I assume and you have the chance to improve your skills?  You also will likely meet more Aspies, there are also female Aspies.  You might want to seek some out on websites.  Seek therapy to improve your skills and work on areas where you don’t do well, like if you have anxiety, or depression, or OCD type things?  Concentrate on your career because that is usually one area Aspies can really excel so don’t kiss that off to have cheap sex in Asia, make money!!  With money, you can buy whatever you need!!

 

 

 

1 minute ago, RichardColeman said:

So for Thai ladies you'd be holiday cash material but not marriage cash material !

You realise if you're a young, single, relatively attractive guy there are options outside of hookers, gold diggers and bar girls, right? Probably not.

5 minutes ago, Greyhat said:

You realise if you're a young, single, relatively attractive guy there are options outside of hookers, gold diggers and bar girls, right? Probably not.

_{At OPs age I had more babes than I knew what to do with and Thailand and SEA was for desperate old men and not even on the radar. OP is from the land of big breasted viking godesses so I seriously doubt he is super handsome if he doesnt have a GF .} 

4 minutes ago, amykat said:

You are going to be isolated in Thailand or PI, especially if you have poor social skills and are introverted.  And you work alone.  If you take the new job, you won’t work alone I assume and you have the chance to improve your skills?  You also will likely meet more Aspies, there are also female Aspies.  You might want to seek some out on websites.  Seek therapy to improve your skills and work on areas where you don’t do well, like if you have anxiety, or depression, or OCD type things?  Concentrate on your career because that is usually one area Aspies can really excel so don’t kiss that off to have cheap sex in Asia, make money!!  With money, you can buy whatever you need!!

 

 

 

Yeah you're probably right about isolation. It's the same thing here too. It's strange, I've pondered this many times. I grew up with a lot of friends, and actually still habe many of them if I'd only engage. The thing is, I don't seem to enjoy it very much. Don't know if I'm aspie, but think so. And it seems like what others enjoy in interaction is not the same as I do, so it doesn't mix very well. And you're right, the job is an area where I could prosper. It just doesn't seem worth it in the end, if that's all I do. The old job is still an okay one, and not very far behind in pay either, just lagging behind technically. We'll see... But thanks for the response

1 minute ago, madmen said:

_{so I seriously doubt he is super handsome if he doesnt have a GF .} 

He said he was slightly socially awkward, or words to that affect. As am (was) I. I feel like I've come out of my shell a big way here, a 5/10 guy in the west is a 8/10 here. I'm slightly younger than OP and I've been here 7 years. I think I'm alright to comment on what to expect in regards to female attention if you gentlemen don't mind, do you even Tinder bro?

If you decide to move here now, at your age, no way will you find a woman who won’t trap you into having children.  Many Aspies find being a parent very stressful.  Besides which you will be stuck here for the next 20 years.  

1 minute ago, amykat said:

no way will you find a woman who won’t trap you into having children

also not true

17 minutes ago, Greyhat said:

If I were you, and we share a lot of similarities, I'd go for it. I did and I'd do it again. This forum is famously pessimistic and they're right in saying things are tough, immigration wise. Be prepared for the worst in that regard, everything else is pretty sweet. Do it on a trial basis, meaning don't leave yourself with no escape plan and no home to go back to.

 

It beats being a lonely, single guy microwaving my meals for one and scraping the frost off my car windows in the morning to go to my dreaded 9 to 5. I'm happy here, I don't think I would be at home.

Yeah, damn, that last part is sort of where I am now. Makes me feel like taking a shot at Thailand would be worth it, even if it didn't work. Because even emif staying works, it doesn't appeal very much. Still, I enjoy the work, and entertain myself okay. Thanks

1 minute ago, Greyhat said:

also not true

It is pretty true for a lot of people!!  Either an accidental pregnancy or you might agree to it because for a short time you are on the love drug, especially if you have been lonely and this is new to you.  You are like a starved person just getting everything you ever wanted??  Then the hell comes a few years later.  I spent 14 years there, I know a lot of people.  Even those old guys who had 3 marriages and kids already, find themselves with kids at 65.

1 minute ago, aajj88 said:

Yeah, damn, that last part is sort of where I am now. Makes me feel like taking a shot at Thailand would be worth it, even if it didn't work. Because even emif staying works, it doesn't appeal very much. Still, I enjoy the work, and entertain myself okay. Thanks

If you can afford to take the shot, by which I mean you're not going to ruin your life if things don't work out here, I honestly think it's worth going for. It worked out well for me, anyway.

8 minutes ago, madmen said:

_{At OPs age I had more babes than I knew what to do with and Thailand and SEA was for desperate old men and not even on the radar. OP is from the land of big breasted viking godesses so I seriously doubt he is super handsome if he doesnt have a GF .} 

I'm not super handsome. But that's not the reason. Lots of even ugly guys get women. I'm just a bit off I think. Did meet some girls over the years, but not sure if I can have a relationship as engaged as one is expected to be here. 

1 minute ago, amykat said:

It is pretty true for a lot of people!!  Either an accidental pregnancy or you might agree to it because for a short time you are on the love drug, especially if you have been lonely and this is new to you.  You are like a starved person just getting everything you ever wanted??  Then the hell comes a few years later.  I spent 14 years there, I know a lot of people.  Even those old guys who had 3 marriages and kids already, find themselves with kids at 65.

While I'm sure you're right, if you really don't want kids and you're a sensible person it's completely avoidable. I had a fair few gfs from my mid to late 20s so if anecdotes count for anything I'm living proof.

Do you trust Batman?

 

 

 

1 minute ago, PatOngo said:

Do you trust Batman?

It's very apt that this Batman was probably originally drawn in the 50s ????

If you look at statistics, men are primed to get married and settle down exactly at the OPs age.   Greyhat, you were not there yet.

2 minutes ago, amykat said:

If you look at statistics, men are primed to get married and settle down exactly at the OPs age.   Greyhat, you were not there yet.

Well that's it then, if the statistics say it, it's inevitable. OP is going to be tricked into fatherhood.

So OP, for a lot of Aspies, what makes them most happy is their special interest(s).  Many end up doing that for work to some extent.  Then if you can find a partner to do that with?  So maybe look for a new hobby to lose yourself in?  Birding appeals to a lot of Aspies.  Some women do that, or can be brought along.  You will find a lot of highly educated birders with engineering degrees or Ph.ds in various areas, etc.  You can travel with groups to chase birds, gives you social time, etc.

 

You need to find social groups around an interest that you have, or can get.  Not just boring chit chat about nothing.  Have you tried Meet up for subjects?

 

 

5 minutes ago, Greyhat said:

Well that's it then, if the statistics say it, it's inevitable. OP is going to be tricked into fatherhood.

Well better than your one anecdote of you!!

And no, statistics say he is the prime age to be getting married.  Not to get scammed in Thailand ...but all things considered, putting together all the pieces of the puzzle ...I adopted a child that is the product of a marriage that went to <deleted> from a guy just like him and a Thai woman.  I can think ahead, and want more for the OP than he can see for himself right now!!

Plus, my Father and brother are Aspies.