How to live with Isaan wife in respect of culture

[Elzear]

1 minute ago, from the home of CC said:

So from what I just researched, men give Japanese wives their paycheck and it's the man that gets the allowance. Always been up to different lifestyles but would have to draw the line on that one lol..

The reason is husbands would spend more time at work and with colleagues after work (company first, you know Banzai sirt if thing) and they’d spend all their money on booze and forget about the wives and kids.. etc ..  Another culture

[RedPill]

10 minutes ago, SteveK said:

A lot of people talk about "cultural differences" like it's a bad thing. It gives you an insight into another country's culture, gives you an opportunity to learn more about your wife and yourself, and maybe learn something new along the way like a language, a cuisine or religion. For me it taught me to be more accepting and to just go with the flow. After all, if I wanted a woman with the same culture as me I could have married a pasty bloater from the UK. Embrace the differences and enjoy each day - there are surely thousands of men who'd love to ditch the rat race and shack up in Thailand with a beautiful wife.

Not a bad thing, but you have to agree that different cultures also come with different perceptions when it comes to the topic of love vs. security in a relationship etc. 

 

Don't want to generalize too much, but a Thai woman would start a relationship based on provided security much easier and faster. It can be debated, but I'm pretty sure about this ???? 

 

The often seen larger age gap which they often don't mind too much, is kind of proof of this.

 

 

 

Edited October 24, 2019 by RedPill

[SteveK]

4 minutes ago, RedPill said:

Not a bad thing, but you have to agree that different cultures also come with different perceptions when it comes to the topic of love vs. security in a relationship etc. 

 

I agree. The concept of love in Thailand is very different to in the west, but it's something you can learn about and must accept if you want to live here.

 

With a bit of time, and willingness to learn and adapt to your new home, there's no reason why it won't go well. I've met ex-pats who've been here for years and don't speak a word of Thai, hate Thai food, and spend all their time in bars eating pie and mash. It boggles the brain.

Edited October 24, 2019 by SteveK

[amykat]

2 minutes ago, Elzear said:

The reason is husbands would spend more time at work and with colleagues after work (company first, you know Banzai sirt if thing) and they’d spend all their money on booze and forget about the wives and kids.. etc ..  Another culture

Well you said you feel neglected and like a piece of furniture.  If freely managing money, and even when not, a foreign man’s money is often directed entirely away from him, and towards the Thai family, and maybe for things you will not like.  Maybe for gambling, drinking, people who don’t work in the family, new luxury items for everyone to have face, all while you go broke.  Sort of the same problem.

[1FinickyOne]

6 minutes ago, RedPill said:

Don't want to generalize too much, but a Thai woman would start a relationship based on provided security much easier and faster. It can be debated, but I'm pretty sure about this

Yes, I see this amongst Thai/Thai as well... and in the West too - - how many parents would rather their daughter marry the med student than the rebel philosopher unemployed poet? 

 

They simply need to be more practical and mostly they are... 

[from the home of CC]

7 minutes ago, Elzear said:

The reason is husbands would spend more time at work and with colleagues after work (company first, you know Banzai sirt if thing) and they’d spend all their money on booze and forget about the wives and kids.. etc ..  Another culture

sounds like many cultures (the drinking part not the allowance part)

[1FinickyOne]

2 minutes ago, amykat said:

Well you said you feel neglected and like a piece of furniture.  If freely managing money, and even when not, a foreign man’s money is often directed entirely away from him, and towards the Thai family, and maybe for things you will not like.  Maybe for gambling, drinking, people who don’t work in the family, new luxury items for everyone to have face, all while you go broke.  Sort of the same problem.

If you have a good family, it is not like that... I learned long ago to look at the parents of someone I was dating... I don't drink, I know where money goes to when people do drink - my family does not drink... 

 

Yes, I have contributed to the family financially - my wife and i have been buying farmland for a long time.. we do not charge rent and let the family have the profits... and everyone is living much better... we also pay for schooling of children... but when you are dealing with good people, good things happen. 

[amykat]

16 minutes ago, Elzear said:

That I fitted in and accepted their ways. That they felt I was good (not me saying). That I would provide for their daughter (normal). That I was happy to share their meal, sitting on the floor, eating with hands. That I could cook them a mushroom risotto, although not spicy.. For more, you’ll have to ask them ????

Really, what does that add up to?  Visit some locals, eat like they do?  Offer poor people to support them, smile, smile, smile ....now you are living together, they give you their daughter.  You know nothing about these people, you can’t talk to them.  You might as well be visiting a tourist attraction ...this is how old style or poor Thais eat and live.  Now we will have cultural exchange and they will taste your food, ha ha, smile everyone.  

[Elzear]

15 minutes ago, EVENKEEL said:

Sure you can score a few points if you will try BBQ rat, raw pork and beef, bha lah, oh and the stir fried bugs are always a treat. Oh and don't forget to have a few shots Lhao kao with water chasers, ice in the beer. 

Hey, I’ve eaten things in Congo, I still don’t know what they are. Slept under smoked monkeys full of maggots. But for the story: for some reason in the past, I didn’t like cucumbers.. Once, crossing Balutchistan from Quetta to Iran in an old bus driven by an ancient driver, the bus lost its transmission rod (or whatever it’s called). In the middle of nowhere, under the sun, the passengers wait under the shade of a mud ruin. An Iranian man slices a cucumber, sprays some salt on it and offers it to me. Would you refuse it ? Since then I have nothing against cucumber. And I remain thankful to that fellow traveller for quenching my thirst. ????

[amykat]

2 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

If you have a good family, it is not like that... I learned long ago to look at the parents of someone I was dating... I don't drink, I know where money goes to when people do drink - my family does not drink... 

 

Yes, I have contributed to the family financially - my wife and i have been buying farmland for a long time.. we do not charge rent and let the family have the profits... and everyone is living much better... we also pay for schooling of children... but when you are dealing with good people, good things happen. 

How can this OP determine this is a GOOD family with his limited exposure here?  He is a total newbie.  I read his post history.  He is still struggling with visas here and the whole system, and doesn’t know what is TM30.  He is probably crushed from his recent divorce.  People should take a break after that, not get married to the first person you meet, nobody else is noticing some red flags here ....only me???

[amykat]

3 minutes ago, Elzear said:

Hey, I’ve eaten things in Congo, I still don’t know what they are. Slept under smoked monkeys full of maggots. But for the story: for some reason in the past, I didn’t like cucumbers.. Once, crossing Balutchistan from Quetta to Iran in an old bus driven by an ancient driver, the bus lost its transmission rod (or whatever it’s called). In the middle of nowhere, under the sun, the passengers wait under the shade of a mud ruin. An Iranian man slices a cucumber, sprays some salt on it and offers it to me. Would you refuse it ? Since then I have nothing against cucumber. And I remain thankful to that fellow traveller for quenching my thirst. ????

Yes, but you didn’t hand him your bank book and ask him to manage your money, move in and marry his daughter did you???  

[Pilotman]

15 minutes ago, SteveK said:

I agree. The concept of love in Thailand is very different to in the west, but it's something you can learn about and must accept if you want to live here.

 

With a bit of time, and willingness to learn and adapt to your new home, there's no reason why it won't go well. I've met ex-pats who've been here for years and don't speak a word of Thai, hate Thai food, and spend all their time in bars eating pie and mash. It boggles the brain.

Yes to all that if you intend to live permanently in Thailand, and that, in my view, is where the mistake is often made. When I married my Thai wife all those years ago, it was on the understanding that she would follow me as I worked around the World and that the only time that we would consider moving to Thailand would be when I retired.  That enabled us to adjust to each other and for her to be  immersed in Western culture without the distraction of nearby relatives.  I truly think that is one of the major ingredients that makes our marriage a success, its that she understands me and my culture as much if not more than I understand hers.  Our mixed race daughter has also helped  as she is more farang than Thai in outlook and culture. 

Edited October 24, 2019 by Pilotman

[amykat]

But even if you did, he probably has a better reputation than Thai families, women, looking for men with money do???

 

[SteveK]

32 minutes ago, EVENKEEL said:

Sure you can score a few points if you will try BBQ rat, raw pork and beef, bha lah, oh and the stir fried bugs are always a treat. Oh and don't forget to have a few shots Lhao kao with water chasers, ice in the beer. 

This made me laugh. Did you think they were going to give you a roast beef dinner with a Budweiser?

 

Pla-ra stinks but when it's cooked into a dish it isn't that bad. Think Worcester sauce.

 

Raw beef? I love a rare steak, who doesn't? Wish my Isaan family ate any kind of beef, to be honest. And BBQ rat tastes just like any other meat, the only problem is all the small bones, but you can learn to chew it in your mouth and spit the bones out like they do.

 

It's the differences that make Isaan great. If you can't open your mind and embrace them then frankly you'd probably be better off somewhere else. What they gave you is great for them. Imagine how you'd feel if you invited a Thai into your home in the USA or UK and they point blank refused to even try a medium-rare Chateaubriand and a glass of French red wine?

Edited October 24, 2019 by SteveK

[Elzear]

24 minutes ago, EVENKEEL said:

Sure you can score a few points if you will try BBQ rat, raw pork and beef, bha lah, oh and the stir fried bugs are always a treat. Oh and don't forget to have a few shots Lhao kao with water chasers, ice in the beer. 

 

1 minute ago, amykat said:

Really, what does that add up to?  Visit some locals, eat like they do?  Offer poor people to support them, smile, smile, smile ....now you are living together, they give you their daughter.  You know nothing about these people, you can’t talk to them.  You might as well be visiting a tourist attraction ...this is how old style or poor Thais eat and live.  Now we will have cultural exchange and they will taste your food, ha ha, smile everyone.  

And what are you trying to say ? Do not lix with the natives, don’t feed the birds, go back to where you come from ? And what if, in their own world, they are happy for some difference ? I have talked to many people who’s languages I didn’t know, through signs, expressions, mimics, and the result when we understand each other is laughter and happiness. No need to have lengthy debates. Just present day chats. The rest follows

[Elzear]

4 minutes ago, amykat said:

Yes, but you didn’t hand him your bank book and ask him to manage your money, move in and marry his daughter did you???  

You miss the point, or you are just trying to be a sh... stirer. I don’t get you

Edited October 24, 2019 by Elzear
update

[1FinickyOne]

1 minute ago, amykat said:

Really, what does that add up to?  Visit some locals, eat like they do?  Offer poor people to support them, smile, smile, smile ....now you are living together, they give you their daughter.  You know nothing about these people, you can’t talk to them.  You might as well be visiting a tourist attraction ...this is how old style or poor Thais eat and live.  Now we will have cultural exchange and they will taste your food, ha ha, smile everyone.  

Given time, it adds up to a sharing of life on a deeper level than I have seen in the west... it means sitting on the bedside of a sick relative together, it means watching a respirator in shifts as an infant lies in a coma... crying together as you are told and know she might not make it... it means sharing dreams together... and through time, it means watching the next generation be born and grow up and be a part of the family... it means that you are a person that people will turn to for help when not well... and though I never needed anything in return, what they gave me was a family... and when recently I had my turn of illness, though out of town for the sake if better hospitals, in turn, they all came to visit me and stay with me... 

[NanLaew]

3 hours ago, GalaxyMan said:

Last I checked, paying a woman for companionship is considered prostitution.

Oh God here we go... only post #18 too.

[RedPill]

10 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

Yes to all that if you intend to live permanently in Thailand, and that, in my view, is where the mistake is often made

It's kind of funny ...  it all reminds me, it's 15 years ago I was reading all of this in that book and people are still discussing the same things and topics as of today ...

 

I guess it's the never ending story and circle of Thai / Farang relationships ????

 

 

 

Edited October 24, 2019 by RedPill

[amykat]

1 minute ago, kenk24 said:

Given time, it adds up to a sharing of life on a deeper level than I have seen in the west... it means sitting on the bedside of a sick relative together, it means watching a respirator in shifts as an infant lies in a coma... crying together as you are told and know she might not make it... it means sharing dreams together... and through time, it means watching the next generation be born and grow up and be a part of the family... it means that you are a person that people will turn to for help when not well... and though I never needed anything in return, what they gave me was a family... and when recently I had my turn of illness, though out of town for the sake if better hospitals, in turn, they all came to visit me and stay with me... 

well Ken you have been here a long time and I think as a bit of a younger person?  So you made your life here.  This experience you would have anywhere that you had a family, does not have to be a Thai family in the countryside that you give all your money to.  For you it worked out, that is great.  But for many other people it doesn’t work out so well especially when they start out overly trusting like this OP seems to be.

[Yinn]

39 minutes ago, puchooay said:

What would any family like about living with someone who is polite, caring, thoughtful and respectful?

If good attitude you will have happy marriage. Happy life, many friend. 

People with bad attitude get divorce. Lose the money. Sad life, no friend. Complain a lot.

 

I am not Issan person, but I know many. They are so friendly and fun people. Best music, best party.

Edited October 24, 2019 by Yinn

[1FinickyOne]

7 minutes ago, amykat said:

How can this OP determine this is a GOOD family with his limited exposure here?  He is a total newbie.  I read his post history.  He is still struggling with visas here and the whole system, and doesn’t know what is TM30.  He is probably crushed from his recent divorce.  People should take a break after that, not get married to the first person you meet, nobody else is noticing some red flags here ....only me???

The quality of our lives is determined on good judgement.. I did not research his other posts but am reacting to his OP - he sounds to be on a correct course.. but you take your time, visit with family and keep your eyes open... 

 

For me, I met my wife through an introduction... a friend of mine knew her family in the village and that is the only thing he told me about before the introduction.. 'she comes from a great family' - - and he was right. I am lucky. And I know it. 

[NanLaew]

2 hours ago, ylmiri said:

4 hours ago, EVENKEEL said:

I only advise is to leave money in your budget for an escape. Not to be a gloomy gus, but some guys do go overboard in their golden years and over extend themselves.  And, And I highly recommend you have your very own personnel transportation, I mean keys on you at all times, it belongs to you in name as well. I've never needed it, but have always had it.

This is the best advice I come across here . No wonder your username is "EVENKEEL"-   so you don't flip over - bottom up.

Way back last century during my first marraige here, I traded in my first, own-name car for a gun. I can't claim it really evened up that somewhat doomed relationship but it did get her attention PDQ.

[Tagged]

3 hours ago, Elzear said:

Thank you. My previous married life was with a Japanese lady. Twenty years of comfort and accepting each other’s differences. It ended. No comment, if I may. I like the rural life of Isaan, remote from the masses. My future in-laws have welcomed me in their home. I still feel that it is more complex to assimilate than it was with my ex Japanese family. Most certainly learning Thai is a must

You where accepted by a Japanese family? Reare!

[1FinickyOne]

3 minutes ago, amykat said:

that you give all your money to.  For you it worked out,

Never said that i give all my money to them? 

 

5 minutes ago, amykat said:

This experience you would have anywhere that you had a family,

I don't think so... didn't work that way for me in USA.. I married a poor lady there, helped her mom who never missed an oppt to take a shot at me when she could... heard someone describe a dysfunctional family in USA as any family with more than 1 member...

 

and yes, I have a long history here and have enjoyed the effort of learning language and culture and understanding what some people think is the incomprehensible Thai logic... or at least knowing how to deal w/it w/o controversy and maybe a good laugh.. 

 

I read many posters here who have trouble w/wives and family - though most of the people I know personally do not... I also read many posters who call Thai people stupid.. etc.. they don't seem to get that Thai are sensitive and perceptive, even if not educated.. they know who loves and respects them and who does not.. 

[NanLaew]

25 minutes ago, amykat said:

 I read his post history.

You're stalking the OP?

 

19 minutes ago, Elzear said:

22 minutes ago, amykat said:

Yes, but you didn’t hand him your bank book and ask him to manage your money, move in and marry his daughter did you???  

You miss the point, or you are just trying to be a sh... stirer. I don’t get you

Never mind. The OP has sussed you out.

 

Edited October 24, 2019 by NanLaew

[spidermike007]

I it were me, I would want to live with my wife 10 or 20 km away from the family on a rural ranch. Maintain some separation. I would never, ever consider living under the roof of my in-laws as much as I love them. Life is way too short for that. 

 

It is not that the rural people are ignorant. But, they are tribal and they are ultra conventional. I could never live like that. Who would want to live in such a small box of convention? Why? If you cannot afford to build a home up there you can rent a nice home for next to nothing. 

 

As far as the comment about trash, that would be like water off a ducks back to me. You are insulted that I cleaned up your pig pen land? Means nothing to me. Zero. Less than zero. As you can see, I am better suited to a more independent lifestyle. Visit as often as you want. But, why live with them? 

Edited October 24, 2019 by spidermike007

[Yinn]

20 minutes ago, amykat said:

How can this OP determine this is a GOOD family with his limited exposure here?  He is a total newbie.  I read his post history.  He is still struggling with visas here and the whole system, and doesn’t know what is TM30.  He is probably crushed from his recent divorce.  People should take a break after that, not get married to the first person you meet, nobody else is noticing some red flags here ....only me???

 

You lost money your divorce right? To caucasion guy right?

 

Sound like you want him to fail. 

i wish him good luck and happy life.

One life, be happy one.

[CGW]

2 hours ago, amykat said:

That’s okay, they don’t know your name either.  They just call you the farang.  They do know a lot about your finances however.  How much your car cost, how much you spend on beer, what you have in the bank ....anything your wife knows.

You reckon? you obviously live a very different life to what we do. ????

[amykat]

9 minutes ago, Yinn said:

If good attitude you will have happy marriage. Happy life, many friend. 

People with bad attitude get divorce. Lose the money. Sad life, no friend. Complain a lot.

 

I am not Issan person, but I know many. They are so friendly and fun people. Best music, best party.

This is Yinn trying to misdirect you with smoke and mirrors, and also make everything the foreigner’s fault.  Most Thais are very prejudiced against Issan people, but she is happy if farangs marry the poorest Issan people.  Then she elevated them above you ...it will be your fault if there is a divorce due to your bad attitude.

 

Not due to the many, many problems we have seen/experienced/read about plaguing many poor families, the lack of education, the differences in thinking, etc.