What Sort Of Shi*t Was That?

[Crow Boy]

Before reading this post there please read and accept the following release notes:

1) this is not my original work but without being able to identify the original author am unable to assign copyright. In the absence of said copyright and that it has been in circulation since Adam was a boy I am assuming it to be Public Domain or ex copyright until offered proof of ownership by said owner of copyright.

2) I have not seen this on any forum on TV but it if has been posted before then I offer no apology because I am not going to trawl through every single message just to check

3) I have not posted this on any forum on TV but am willing to accept dispute over this fact if presented with a post topic number or statutory evidence to the fact

4) If you are offended or object to this post then I offer no apology or suggest you tell someone who gives a shit

Assuming you have accepted these caveats then please read on and enjoy

CB

Ghost Shit

That's the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.

Clean Shit

The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Second Wave Shit

It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realise that you have to shit some more.

Brain Hemorrage Shit

Also known as "Pop a vein in your forehead " shit. the kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.

Sweetcorn shit

Self Explanatory

Log shit

The kind of shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush

Drinkers shit

That is the kind of shit that you have the morning after a long night of drinking - its most noticeable trait is the skid marks left on the bottom of the toilet .

"Gee I wish I could shit" shit

Its the kind of shit where you want to shit, but all you do is sit on the toilet with cramps and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Shit

That's the one where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Shit Also known as "The Power dump"

That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

Liquid Shit

The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, spashes all over the inside of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

Mexican Food Shit

A class all its own

The Crowd Pleaser

This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone.

Mood Enhancer

This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, allowing you to be your old self again.

The Ritual

This shit occurs at the same time time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper

Guiness Book of Records Shit

A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations

The aftershock shit

This shit has an odor so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is effected.

The Honeymoons over shit

This is any shit created in the presence of another person.

Groaner

Ashit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance

Floater

Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushes

Ranger

A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper

Phantom Shit

This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit putting it there

Peek-a-boo-shit

Now you see it, now you don't. this shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control

The bombshell

A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e. during love making or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.

Snake Charmer

A long skinny shit which has managed to coil into a frightening position - usually harmless Olympic Shit This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinkers shit.

[kayo]

love the disclaimer crowboy.

have you just posted 500 jokes?

Welcome to bedlam. it is a bit quiet these days...

[Crow Boy]

love the disclaimer crowboy.

have you just posted 500 jokes?

Welcome to bedlam. it is a bit quiet these days...

yes - hit the big 500. I decided to do it with a tribute to Lybia115 because when I first joined he was getting so much stick over his jokes. I hoped that that one would be a quiet nod to his perseverence in the face of adversity and public opinion - much like his avatar

Thanks - see you on the dark side

CB

Only 7800 and I catch up to kayo - keep typing man

[PhilHarries]

Good jokes Crow Boy but your maths needs a little attention.

[peter991]

Welcome to the 500 club, Crow Boy. Hope to see many more posts from you.

Peter

[Crow Boy]

Good jokes Crow Boy but your maths needs a little attention.

No my arithmetic was correct at the time I sent it but did several more posts since then so the number increaded.

so when are we going to see more PhillHarries jokes? Been a bit quiet recently

CB

[Medit8]

Good jokes Crow Boy but your maths needs a little attention.

No my arithmetic was correct at the time I sent it but did several more posts since then so the number increaded.

so when are we going to see more PhillHarries jokes? Been a bit quiet recently

CB

Nah, Crowboy, your math is wrong. You'll need about 8,300 more quotes to catch up...

[Crow Boy]

Good jokes Crow Boy but your maths needs a little attention.

No my arithmetic was correct at the time I sent it but did several more posts since then so the number increaded.

so when are we going to see more PhillHarries jokes? Been a bit quiet recently

CB

Nah, Crowboy, your math is wrong. You'll need about 8,300 more quotes to catch up...

Doh - yes you and PhilHarries are correct - buggrit' so I have put up a new topic for you all to get your collective heads around The Great Race

hope you will try it and enjoy the challenge

CB