Do You Have A Jealous Partner & Have Trouble Making Real Friends?

[LindsayBKK]

I don't think this is just a Gay thing but let's start...Ok somebody calls your mobile late at night and your partner answers and question's why they called, thus pis'n off the person calling & he makes up stories about having an affair with me etc... Well I didn't and it has been a stressful 2 days since this happened. This person was just a guy I met in lingozone for people wanting to learn english & vice versa , now I think it was a big mistake. Yes I told him I had a bf already plus I never met him only talking to him that day. Do you have to tell your partner everytime you meet somebody? Was it a mistake to put his name in my Mobile? Are Thais more jealous than others?

p.s I even had to show my bank statements, cash, to prove I didn't spend money at restaurants, hotels etc..... sigh! input please!

[PeaceBlondie]

Lindsay, your description of your b/f's jealousy sounds way over the top. Intimate relationships should have a high level of trust. Without trust, there isn't a good relationship.

Without knowing how long y'all have been together, it's hard to assess.

Uhhm, what if you turned the tables for a week and acted equally jealous? Tell him you'll do it, and see how he reacts.

[LindsayBKK]

Lindsay, your description of your b/f's jealousy sounds way over the top. Intimate relationships should have a high level of trust. Without trust, there isn't a good relationship.

Without knowing how long y'all have been together, it's hard to assess.

Uhhm, what if you turned the tables for a week and acted equally jealous? Tell him you'll do it, and see how he reacts.

6 years + and yes he was from the start overly jealous somewhat.

When we first met in 2000 I had lots of friends but now I hardly talk to anyone. Now I spend alot of time alone.

I forgot to mention he currently has my mobile to check who will call me.

The tables have been turned before and he always had an excuse or doesn't see why I should ask.

I don't see it lasting much longer.

[idle44mins]

Lindsay, your description of your b/f's jealousy sounds way over the top. Intimate relationships should have a high level of trust. Without trust, there isn't a good relationship.

Without knowing how long y'all have been together, it's hard to assess.

Uhhm, what if you turned the tables for a week and acted equally jealous? Tell him you'll do it, and see how he reacts.

6 years + and yes he was from the start overly jealous somewhat.

When we first met in 2000 I had lots of friends but now I hardly talk to anyone. Now I spend alot of time alone.

I forgot to mention he currently has my mobile to check who will call me.

The tables have been turned before and he always had an excuse or doesn't see why I should ask.

I don't see it lasting much longer.

I can imagine Lindsay.

I've had some relationships, always monogamous, but in some relationships jealousy played some minor part.

A Thai (man/woman) is pretty jealous and suspicious. In most cases a Thai partner will accept some kind of intrusion up to a certain level, because they're afraid that the relationship may end if they are too offensive.

At the moment I'm having a LAT relationship with a Thai and he is constantly on the phone with who ever........sometimes I dare to ask who he spoke to and than his answer is........."oh my friend from Buriram", who is a huge Thai guy with a lot of overweight and a very mature and deep voice; strange.........I thought I heard a screaming girl....

It's a matter of give and take in a relationship, but I can imagine that you have given yours by now.

[ProThaiExpat]

I am no expert on psychology, but it seems to me that if you want to improve things regarding your mate's jealousy, you might try reinforcing his self esteem, insuring that he knows how much you care, that he is the only one for you and that you are a one guy at a time guy.

You might also consider inviting him whenever you meet with other Thais or falang.

While my Thai does express jealousy to a degree not experienced in the West, for our last five years together I have taken extraordinary steps to reassure him along the lines mentioned above.

I am pretty much a loner, so not having a lot of friends for him to be jealous of is not a problem. I have noticed that when feelers are made by Thais to visit, it rarely happens. If I want to get paranoid, I could project his strategy to isolate me to protect his hold on me. On the other hand, many Thais do desire contact with well to do falang to give them face and my Thai well knows that and perhaps can see through these overtures.

In answer to your question, yes, I believe Thais show a great deal more jealousy than Westerners do, whether they feel greater jealousy is another question.

In defense of your Thai, if he feels he is very lucky to have connected with you and you are responsible for many good things happening to him and his family and he has self esteem issues, I certainly can see how he wants to protect his "turf" so to speak.

IMHO, this subject is just another of the many issues we falang need to deal with with our mates and whatever we do that works without sacrificing our own needs and desires, is good.

[peter991]

Hi there Lindsay. Sorry to read about your troubles. Let's see what I can do to help.

1. You two have been together for 6 years. That's a long time as far as relationships go.

2. Your BF answers your mobile. I don't see a problem there. However - the other person, a classmate (you don't say if he was Thai -- I assume to) makes up a story that he is having an affair with you. Naturally, you and your BF are not together 24/7, so he (your BF) is immediately jealous. I even had that problem last year. My BF would get a phone call on his mobile from Thai mutual friends telling him that I was having an affair with them ... very hard seeing I was in Australia at the time - and I was allegedly in Phuket! It sounds like your friend from class is doing the same thing. Thais love to gossip and tell 'white lies' to each other: I showed my BF my Passport to prove when I had arrived and departed Thailand - but he said he had heard it is possible to 'remove pages' in a Passport if I wanted to hide my comings and going from him. (Passport pages are not numbered - so I guess it is remotely possible??

3. I think you were wrong to put your friend's name and number in your mobile. I would be wary if my Thai BF had a farang's name and number in his mobile phone (if I didn't personally know the guy!).

4. I have found Thai guys to be incredibly jealous. You are his BF, his status symbol/trophy, his life. He could do something crazy if that seems (to him) threatened in any way. My BF even threatened to jump from our 13th floor condo one evening (after a few drinks) when he misunderstood something I said to him. I called his bluff - but it was a worrying evening!

Summary: Reading between the lines, it sounds like you still love each other - BUT you don't sound at all happy with the situation and you are writing looking for a reason to end the relationship.

Peter

[LindsayBKK]

Thanks to all for the helpful advice.

I'm glad I'm not the only one it happens to.

Yes Peter991 your on the money.

My previous relationship was in Australia and lasted 18 years. I was 17 and he was 35 when we met. Yes Thai. I was stabbed many times when he got angry and I have the scars to prove it. Only took about 5 years to realize all I had to do was walk away as not to make things worse. After this last incident I feel like I am going back in time, the non trusting & Mothering so to speak. It didn't matter what I said he was going to believe the other guy rather than taking my version. If he doesn't trust me after 6 years there is nothing else I can do. Yes I am still at home but we don't talk much. I've lost my enthusiasum to make things better.

Moving back to Brisbane and living alone sounds like such a nice, peaceful alternative

Thanks again

[peter991]

I sent you a PM, Lindsay. It may help.

Peter

[OlRedEyes]

Don't know much about the gay community, but in any relationship - sounds like you are a possession.

Are you a submissive person? I think the answers are obvious, depending on what you seek.

[Scott]

Most Thais are quite jealous. This is a country where delayed gratification of needs is not well understood. People here (and in a lot of tropical countries) are used to acting a little more impulsively than those from more temperate climates.

The society is structured around "watching" other people rather than internalizing your control mechanisms. It's hard for them to understand that you could be with someone else and be having a conversation.

I've been with my other half for going on 20 years and he remains jealous--and he has every right to be that way given my track record!! I, however, have no right to be jealous--something which I don't understand.

I think you need to put your foot down. He doesn't need to be going through your bank account, phone records etc. I wouldn't put up with that stuff because it is a never ending cycle. Until he starts supporting you, he shouldn't have too much say over what you do or don't do regarding your money.

Periodically, I've had to put my foot down. My other half knows I am not looking for any other relationships. I don't check on him because I can't justify doing it considering I am not monogomous. Some of the stuff just gets into a control situation and that's the basic problem.

What makes it so interesting to me is that as I've gotten older and I look in the mirror in the morning, what I see doesn't look like God's answer to sexual desire, however, the other half seems to think I am just about the most desirable thing walking around and that every young Thai male is just waiting to pounce on me. Sure is an ego-booster for me!

[Espada]

I'm sorry about what happened to you. For 6 years in relationship doesn't mean you are conquer or own trust. So hard to believe in true relationship in present time. People can change so much in just one night. sorry to beat around the bush. what i mean is your man fear to lose you. somehow his reaction express toward you may not what he really mean ( of course, i'm not your man, and i'm not you but i assumed i was right about that) may be the length of time can be cause of ignorance and lack of trust. i wanna make it sound like i'm an expert but base on my own experience.

anyhow, i think talking seem to be the best way to solve problem. do not turn your back or walk away without clear your mess. ( last warning LOL)

i think sometime you may wanted to be alone. more freedom to think or do whatever you like. but consider about going back to where you from may be good (for while) then when you feel much better. you will know what to do. he's not the last man in this world but you love, don't you? you can talk to me anytime. alway be your friend.

gotta pick up my man at airport now. G'day mate

P.S sorry if my opinion sound boring

[peridot]

I can empathize with your position. I have a jealous Thai boyfriend, and feel lonely a lot of the time because I don't have many other friends. I insist on my right to go out alone, especially because he goes to sleep at 9:00 or 10:00pm because he works early in the morning. He resisted for a long time, but then said he usual "You can choose". I know that sounds like an open mind on his part, but I have learned that if I choose to go out, I am also choosing to put up with his questions and moodiness the next day.

Whenever we go out anywhere -- to a store or a restaurant -- he is always watching who I look at. He asks me "Do you like him?". At first I always said no, to avoid problems. Then I started telling him my honest opinion, hoping he would relax when he realized that I liked to look at others, but I was not looking for another boyfriend. But every time I said "Yes, he is handsome", he says, "Then follow him. I will move out." I worried at first, then just decided that I must be true to myself as well as be honest with him. If he really wants to move out if I look at other men, then he can do that. But I don't think it would be honest of me to tell him I don't look at other men. I tell him honestly that I am not looking to replace him, and leave it at that.

I can't imagine giving him my cell phone to answer. I think that is giving in to another's demands too much, and is not healthy. I also don't put phone numbers from other men in my cell phone, after a single experience. I once gave my phone number to someone I met at a sauna who was from a town near Si Saket where my boyfriend grew up. I had been honest with him about my relationship, and thought I could learn more about the country from him. He started sending me text messages several times a day, asking to meet for sex. When my boyfriend asked who was calling me, I lied for about two minutes, then decided I wouldn't start a dangerous game of lying. I told him I had given someone my number, but was sorry I had. I sent the other man a message asking him not to call again, and fortunately he didn't. But my boyfriend seemed to learn something from that exercize, too. He relaxed a bit when he heard my honesty, and even jokes about me looking at other people -- exercizing my eyes, he calls it.

I am willing to do some things to ease his mind, but I am not willing to give up my own freedom for him. I am who I am, and if that feels too restricted, I find myself getting cranky and irritable. If we are to have a long term relationship, we must each know the other one, and choose to put up with all of them or break it off.

I still haven't made any friends in Bangkok, and that is something I hope to do. My boyfriend is not very chatty, and I want to learn more about Thai culture, and I want a circle of friends here. I haven't figured out that one yet.

[RAMPAGE]

I can empathize with your position. I have a jealous Thai boyfriend, and feel lonely a lot of the time because I don't have many other friends. I insist on my right to go out alone, especially because he goes to sleep at 9:00 or 10:00pm because he works early in the morning. He resisted for a long time, but then said he usual "You can choose". I know that sounds like an open mind on his part, but I have learned that if I choose to go out, I am also choosing to put up with his questions and moodiness the next day.

Whenever we go out anywhere -- to a store or a restaurant -- he is always watching who I look at. He asks me "Do you like him?". At first I always said no, to avoid problems. Then I started telling him my honest opinion, hoping he would relax when he realized that I liked to look at others, but I was not looking for another boyfriend. But every time I said "Yes, he is handsome", he says, "Then follow him. I will move out." I worried at first, then just decided that I must be true to myself as well as be honest with him. If he really wants to move out if I look at other men, then he can do that. But I don't think it would be honest of me to tell him I don't look at other men. I tell him honestly that I am not looking to replace him, and leave it at that.

I can't imagine giving him my cell phone to answer. I think that is giving in to another's demands too much, and is not healthy. I also don't put phone numbers from other men in my cell phone, after a single experience. I once gave my phone number to someone I met at a sauna who was from a town near Si Saket where my boyfriend grew up. I had been honest with him about my relationship, and thought I could learn more about the country from him. He started sending me text messages several times a day, asking to meet for sex. When my boyfriend asked who was calling me, I lied for about two minutes, then decided I wouldn't start a dangerous game of lying. I told him I had given someone my number, but was sorry I had. I sent the other man a message asking him not to call again, and fortunately he didn't. But my boyfriend seemed to learn something from that exercize, too. He relaxed a bit when he heard my honesty, and even jokes about me looking at other people -- exercizing my eyes, he calls it.

I am willing to do some things to ease his mind, but I am not willing to give up my own freedom for him. I am who I am, and if that feels too restricted, I find myself getting cranky and irritable. If we are to have a long term relationship, we must each know the other one, and choose to put up with all of them or break it off.

I still haven't made any friends in Bangkok, and that is something I hope to do. My boyfriend is not very chatty, and I want to learn more about Thai culture, and I want a circle of friends here. I haven't figured out that one yet.

In my experience jealousy in a Thai-farang relationship moves exponentially with the change (perceived or real) in economic benefits accruing to whichever partner is less well financially endowed (usually the Thai). The more benefit your partner perceives he is receiving from the relationship (and the longer the relationship lasts) the more anxious he becomes about losing what he has gained.

My partner and I have been together four years and I now notice a marked increase on the jealousy meter. I think that's almost inevitable however I do agree with a previous poster that one way to alleviate this is to take extraordinary steps to assure your partner that you are not looking for anyone else. There's not much else you can do as long as there remains a significant financial disparity between you and your partner.

[jdinasia]

I can empathize with your position. I have a jealous Thai boyfriend, and feel lonely a lot of the time because I don't have many other friends. I insist on my right to go out alone, especially because he goes to sleep at 9:00 or 10:00pm because he works early in the morning. He resisted for a long time, but then said he usual "You can choose". I know that sounds like an open mind on his part, but I have learned that if I choose to go out, I am also choosing to put up with his questions and moodiness the next day.

Whenever we go out anywhere -- to a store or a restaurant -- he is always watching who I look at. He asks me "Do you like him?". At first I always said no, to avoid problems. Then I started telling him my honest opinion, hoping he would relax when he realized that I liked to look at others, but I was not looking for another boyfriend. But every time I said "Yes, he is handsome", he says, "Then follow him. I will move out." I worried at first, then just decided that I must be true to myself as well as be honest with him. If he really wants to move out if I look at other men, then he can do that. But I don't think it would be honest of me to tell him I don't look at other men. I tell him honestly that I am not looking to replace him, and leave it at that.

I can't imagine giving him my cell phone to answer. I think that is giving in to another's demands too much, and is not healthy. I also don't put phone numbers from other men in my cell phone, after a single experience. I once gave my phone number to someone I met at a sauna who was from a town near Si Saket where my boyfriend grew up. I had been honest with him about my relationship, and thought I could learn more about the country from him. He started sending me text messages several times a day, asking to meet for sex. When my boyfriend asked who was calling me, I lied for about two minutes, then decided I wouldn't start a dangerous game of lying. I told him I had given someone my number, but was sorry I had. I sent the other man a message asking him not to call again, and fortunately he didn't. But my boyfriend seemed to learn something from that exercize, too. He relaxed a bit when he heard my honesty, and even jokes about me looking at other people -- exercizing my eyes, he calls it.

I am willing to do some things to ease his mind, but I am not willing to give up my own freedom for him. I am who I am, and if that feels too restricted, I find myself getting cranky and irritable. If we are to have a long term relationship, we must each know the other one, and choose to put up with all of them or break it off.

I still haven't made any friends in Bangkok, and that is something I hope to do. My boyfriend is not very chatty, and I want to learn more about Thai culture, and I want a circle of friends here. I haven't figured out that one yet.

In my experience jealousy in a Thai-farang relationship moves exponentially with the change (perceived or real) in economic benefits accruing to whichever partner is less well financially endowed (usually the Thai). The more benefit your partner perceives he is receiving from the relationship (and the longer the relationship lasts) the more anxious he becomes about losing what he has gained.

My partner and I have been together four years and I now notice a marked increase on the jealousy meter. I think that's almost inevitable however I do agree with a previous poster that one way to alleviate this is to take extraordinary steps to assure your partner that you are not looking for anyone else. There's not much else you can do as long as there remains a significant financial disparity between you and your partner.

Helps when you weren't in a relationship with someone else when you started the affair that turned into your current partner

My partner just isn't the jealous type ... thankfully

[Krub]

In my much younger days I was the jaleous partner. It is not fun to be jaleous at all and I have managed to grow out of it thanks in a good part to contact and understanding the THai 'mai pen rai' attitude.

I also agree that your jaleaou aprtner of 6 years is doing it in fear of losing you. it is a way (not a nice way for you I admit) to show his attachement to your relationship.

I would suggest you help him by giving in to his requests for 'checks' to acertain degree but mostly by involving him with your everyday encounters.It might seem childish to you but if it is important to him why not ?

Good luck it seems such a shame to have to consider breaking a 6 years relationship for this unless you are looking for a reason to break up.

[sbk]

This is the Gay People in Thailand forum.

Try to abide by the rules posted at the top of the forum

We all strive to make this an welcoming Forum, and our regular posters are kind, considerate, thoughtful... and sometimes even funny!

Go ahead and browse, but once you have sense of what's going on PLEASE don't be afraid to post here...! Your Nickname gives you complete anonymity.. and without posters, there would BE no ThaiVisa Gay Forum. sad.gif

However, having said that, please take note everyone, offensive words, provoking, flaming, name-calling and bigoted posts will not be tolerated here. It's VERY possible to have a in-depth and heated discussion without becoming intolerant or extremely personal. It happens all the time in the civilized world, and there are MANY examples of great discussions and LONG threads on here, with our fabulous and intelligent members. biggrin.gif

We are really nice guys (honest!), but we will warn, suspend and/or ban members who don't follow this... blink.gif

Oh, and we will also edit any posts that wander off topic, or that have pointless and redundant comments.

Btw, if you DO see anything you consider to be offensive, please feel free to use the "REPORT" button on each message. That gets our attention... BUT please also let us know exactly which posting number you are objecting to (it's honestly not always obvious in a long topic..!)

[ProThaiExpat]

Well said. Giving all posters the benefit of the doubt regarding a level of intelligence that permits them to understand civility, why do posters not restrict their attacks to the subject matter of the thread or post as opposed the attacking the individual who authored the post?

One can only conclude that they know the difference and so their attacks on posters rather than their posts demonstrates to all their mean spirits and undesirability and thus have no legitimate complaint when they are banned by are very lenient mods.

Edited May 27, 2007 by ProThaiExpat

[sbk]

I felt the need to remind some people who want to post in this forum to remember where they are. Looks like the post I was referring to was deleted by the local mod.

[peter991]

I was surprised to read somewhere that Thai partner get more jealous over time in a relationship. My Thai BF got very jealous if I spoke or even looked at another Thai guy. I am fortunate that we managed to have some long chats and I was able to reassure him that so long as he was faithful to me, I would be the same with him.

He trusts me 100% and I am the same with him. I think trust is the most impirtant part of any relationship (gay or straight). Communication comes a strong second place.

Because of this we have a healthy relationship.

Peter

[geriatrickid]

I comment as the "other" man.

I have 2 thai friends that are gay. They have western b/fs. (I met one through a girl I had dated in case you are wondering how I met them. Her brother was always doing something for me and I became dependent upon the grinning midget.)

1 of the guy's has an enviable relationship, sort of textbook wonderful.His western b/f is totally excellent. They are close in age. He laughs alot and is somewhat attentive to letting his b/f know when he is out with his other friends etc. He's the kind of free spirit that will walk around naked and not care who's peeking. He's also very attached to his guy, getting him through his visa process for Australia etc. and putting up with the family routine.

The other western b/f is the kind of guy you would instantly take a dislike to, always reminding his much younger b/f how much he paid for something or all that he has done. Dour and a face that looks like it dried out on the Norwegian tundra. Theirs is a relationship filled with jealousy and it's fueled by the westerner's behaviour. The Thai guy comes from a simple farm family and what you see is what you get, particularly scared about being poor and very insecure. When they go out, Western guy will intentionally talk up some bar boy or something like that. Maybe the intent isn't to provoke jealousy but that's the result. I had thai guy come to my door one day at 5 am crying because his b/f was "mean" to him. When I asked how mean, it was because western guy had talked to some other guy and bought him a beer while they were out. It's a nothing situation to most of us, but to a scared kid with nothing, it's big I guess. I admit to adding fuel to the fire because I tossed the kid 2000 baht and told him next time to make sure he had some fun and to be sure Mr. Icicle saw him getting busy. This caused the frigid one to think I had changed teams and had paid for sex from his b/f. (you know, the once a bar boy type, always a ho kind of thinking.)

I get the feeling that in Thailand, it might be best to think from the other guy's perspective and then to amplify the emotional impact of your behaviour. Young gay Thais that come from impoverished backgrounds are hyper sensitive and you have to adjust to that. I do worry though about the ballistic tempers. Some of these guys just erupt over nothing and they start throwing stuff etc. Maybe the best option is to walk away while you still have your dignity and body parts and start the process again. With so many people looking to love and to be loved, you're bound to get it right sooner or later.

Edited June 13, 2007 by geriatrickid

[endure]

I comment as the "other" man.

I have 2 thai friends that are gay. They have western b/fs. (I met one through a girl I had dated in case you are wondering how I met them. Her brother was always doing something for me and I became dependent upon the grinning midget.)

1 of the guy's has an enviable relationship, sort of textbook wonderful.His western b/f is totally excellent. They are close in age. He laughs alot and is somewhat attentive to letting his b/f know when he is out with his other friends etc. He's the kind of free spirit that will walk around naked and not care who's peeking.

Are you sure he's Thai? I've been with my Thai boyfriend for 14 years and he still gets embarrassed about getting naked when we're alone together

[ProThaiExpat]

geriatrikid's post left we wondering who he was talking about at any one moment, a thai b/f or the falang.

I do note, however, that the negative relationship description received a great deal more attention than the positive one.

Do posters in this thread and elsewhere in Thaivisa, when talking about Thais, suffer from the malady newspapers do, that is reporting only "bad news", that somehow good news doesn't sell newspapers.

My guess is that anyone reading these threads will get the wrong impression, that there are more "bad" falang/Thai relationships than good ones?

Perhpas someone should start a poll and get those in relationships of more than one year rate their relationship as generally good or generally bad. I suspect there will be very few generally "bad" ones over a year in length as the participants in those kinds of relationships would have parted or were about to.

[mikethevigoman]

I don't think this is just a Gay thing but let's start...Ok somebody calls your mobile late at night and your partner answers and question's why they called, thus pis'n off the person calling & he makes up stories about having an affair with me etc... Well I didn't and it has been a stressful 2 days since this happened. This person was just a guy I met in lingozone for people wanting to learn english & vice versa , now I think it was a big mistake. Yes I told him I had a bf already plus I never met him only talking to him that day. Do you have to tell your partner everytime you meet somebody? Was it a mistake to put his name in my Mobile? Are Thais more jealous than others?

p.s I even had to show my bank statements, cash, to prove I didn't spend money at restaurants, hotels etc..... sigh! input please!

This is not meant in a bad way but i had this with all the bgs i tried to have a relationship with, im not suggetting your bf came from that backround ,however it is rife with these stories of jealousy and i found its mainly money related, that you are , or may be spending money on this ,imaginery in most cases other person,.i put it down to them not trusting anyone because of the enviroment they are from, .i understand it now, i didnt then, that is why i never again wanted to try with a person from that industry,. i am now happily married to a lady that wasnt connected in anyway with that business and we get on fine with no jealousy on either side,. i get calls from other ladies in my business etc and there is never a problem, ,.the big issue here is the the big J word,It dosent matter where they come from, if you have jealousy in a relationship it always brings misery,..address that and act on it is my suggestion to you,.

[mikethevigoman]

Lindsay, your description of your b/f's jealousy sounds way over the top. Intimate relationships should have a high level of trust. Without trust, there isn't a good relationship.

Without knowing how long y'all have been together, it's hard to assess.

Uhhm, what if you turned the tables for a week and acted equally jealous? Tell him you'll do it, and see how he reacts.

6 years + and yes he was from the start overly jealous somewhat.

When we first met in 2000 I had lots of friends but now I hardly talk to anyone. Now I spend alot of time alone.

I forgot to mention he currently has my mobile to check who will call me.

The tables have been turned before and he always had an excuse or doesn't see why I should ask.

I don't see it lasting much longer.

i didnt see this before my last post ,but, i think you have a serious problem here,. you need to try again and failing being able to resolve this trust and jealousy issue move on, i know when you have feelings for someone its not that easy, however your life is at stake here and a decision has to me made and reading between the lines i think you are hurting and need to make a move,.

[geriatrickid]

geriatrikid's post left we wondering who he was talking about at any one moment, a thai b/f or the falang.

I do note, however, that the negative relationship description received a great deal more attention than the positive one.

You're right, I mucked that up. I was trying to point out what made one a solid relationship and the other one doomed. The comments were about a really decent guy and the the miserable prune I dislike and why their relationship worked or didn't work. I commited 2 cardinal sins of posting; 1. Stating the obvious, cuz those of you with solid relationships knew this already and 2. Commenting as if you knew the guys. ( I suspect you probably know the "bad" type. They come in all shapes, sizes & nationalities.) I will put my brain in gear next time. No wonder why when we go for a beer, we sit in the corner so no one hears my idiot remarks.