Disappointments

[duratanium]

If you went to a 'Red Light District' in Amsterdam, for example, would you expect to find long lasting love and happiness? I doubt it. So why do the same in LOS or in any other country?

There are many girls / ladies working in shops, supermarkets and a variety of other places who would love to find themselves a Farang. But then you need to ask why they want a Farang.

I think in many cases that they are looking for a better lifestyle that a Farang can offer them. On the other hand, many Thai women are divorced / separated and with one or more children. These women are unlikely to find another Thai man to marry and have a loving relationship with so a Farang is always a good option for them.

My Thai g/f has many female friends of all ages who often ask her if I can find another Farang for them as they want a good, honest relationship and, yes, sex. Some of these Thai ladies are as young as 22 years with one child and the husband walked out on them and they would dearly love to find happiness. They do not want to be alone and without love for the rest of their lives in the same way many of us do not want to face that prospect.

It can take time and patience to find the right one. Also takes time to get to know the lady in the shop. Add to that the language barrier, the cultural differences etc., makes it even harder.

Find some lass in a shop that takes your fancy and ask her for help to find X. If she can speak some English then you can at least communicate.

Or hang out with some other Farang and get to meet Thais that way. I gather than in Chiang Mai - for example - that many good Thai ladies would love to meet a Farang.

All depends where you look and what you want at the end of the day. Go down the docks in any country in the world and you would know what to expect.

[britmaveric]

Well if you meet someone from a bar as an example or anywhere and the focus happens to be dosh then you have your answer. Run quick and as far away as possible. If opposite holds true then I think you can safely say its not the dosh and its you that really matters.

I found that people get into trouble with their relationships when they really don't know the person and they do things they never would do back in the west with said relationship. And craziest bit yet - communication is lacking, either can't speak each other's language very well. Simply put they rush into things - why I am not sure?

As far as good girls don't go to bars or discos thats complete rubbish. I know quite a few middle/upper class thai ladies that frequent these venues.

Edited April 6, 2007 by britmaveric

[Tod Daniels]

Finding a 'gem' here while on holiday is something akin to panning for gold in a pig trough. You're very unlikely to find real gold.

It takes TIME, and that is what many foreigners here seem the most unwilling to invest of themselves. Perhaps it could be that sex is so easy to find as well as comparatively inexpensive which garners such a 'bang for the buck' mentality. Thankfully with prostitution against the law there is no prostitution per se.

You have to be willing to invest in your appearance, to put time into 'understanding the culture' (oh, how I hate that term), to really attempt learning the language past bar-gurl or street thai. Above you have to frequent places where available women are located. There is no end to the amount of women you can meet. It is the HIGH initial investment in time, and above all in patience which puts many off.

Sometimes a reality check is a tough but necessary thing to. Believe me when you look in the mirror you are NOT seeing you as other people do but as you see yourself. If you are slovenly, over weight, ill kept, what would any beautiful available women see in you, no matter what the country?

Several posters are ‘spot on’ (to coin a phrase not American) in their assessment of a person's actions here in the glorious "Land 'O Thais", compared to those same actions searching for love in their home countries. I see many foreigners do things which I am sure would never ever enter their empty heads in their home country during the pursuit of love.

I read a study from a first world country done on where people met their partners. Cited first was their place of work; second their leisure activity place (i.e.; gym, park, rec-center, etc) and thirdly at a regularly frequented entertainment venue (i.e.; dance club, disco, corner pub, etc).

Once you add in the almost brick wall that the language barrier can be, the cultural disparity, the educational, wages and value system differences it is easy to see why such horror stories abound here and success stories are far and few between. When things move more quickly, initial expectations don't equal long term reality and problems start.

I do believe one can find an educated, literate, beautiful partner here in the glorious "Land 'O Thais". I know more than one eligible thai bachelorette. They frequent many places foreigner's also frequent, but are shy, reticent, and often times outright afraid to be with foreigners. Sometimes it is the fear they be perceived by their countrymen and other foreigners as bar-gurlz. Other times they are just plain afraid by not having the comfort level of enough exposure to foreigners in a relaxed environment. A first date with them often means taking their friends along as chaperones, so they are not seen as too forward. Once that formality is out of the way, I have found them to be more than accommodating in their charms and their enthusiasm for further merriment.

Too often the success stories I've read and heard about entail accepting a marginal (if that, quality of life), eating semi-gelatinous food in a one room thai shack located in the middle of นคร ไม่มีที่ไหน อีสาน.

Now I'm all for lowering one's expectations, after all "when in Rome-blah-blah-blah", however; "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto." You wouldn't think of being with someone like that in your country so why would you do that here?

Gems can and are found here in the glorious “Land ‘O Thais” but it is far from the wide clearly marked "Yellow Brick Road" to love. It is more a vaguely discernable path hemmed in by thorny brambles. However, IF you're willing to get scratched by a few thorns, the destination's rewards far outweigh the journey's discomfort.

[Luckydog]

Basically if you are a fat old balding man who manages to find himself an attractive woman 20 years younger than yourself you are going to be in for a disapointment.

WAKE UP, LOOK AT YOUSELF IN THE MIRROR, what is this young attractive woman seeing in you?????

your beer belly???

your receding hairline?????

your sexual prowess???

NO, the only thing you have going for you is your wallet, lose that and game over.

BB

And who can blame them?

Also you have to understand that just because you pay for everything, you are NOT

first on the list of people she cares about......In order of importance there's Mama, Papa,Her kids, her brothers and sisters, her friends and then...... YOU.

With some exceptions, this applies to virtually every Farang/Thai relationship in LOS.

Perhaps the best thing is to get a couple of nice Thai Dogs, who are great company,WILL appreciate your kindness, and give you unconditional love. Washing and cleaning ladies are easy to find, and they are cheap. As for Sex. Pay for it when you are feeling horny.......Who needs a permanent pain in the Butt, eh?

[Creeper]

With some exceptions, this applies to virtually every Farang/Thai relationship in LOS.

Would you care to enlighten the Forum as to how you can judge and comment on ' Virtually every Farang/Thai relationship in Thailand ?

Or did you learn this ' Knowledge ' listening to the jaded old cynics nursing their Singha beer outside a mama and papa shop in Pattaya ?

[qwertz]

With some exceptions, this applies to virtually every Farang/Thai relationship in LOS.

Would you care to enlighten the Forum as to how you can judge and comment on ' Virtually every Farang/Thai relationship in Thailand ?

Or did you learn this ' Knowledge ' listening to the jaded old cynics nursing their Singha beer outside a mama and papa shop in Pattaya ?

Those are the ones I'm talking about, Creeper. How did they get that way?

[Maigo6]

Those are the ones I'm talking about, Creeper. How did they get that way?

Many Farangs in Thailand had failed marriages/ relationships in their own countries before hitting Thailands shores.

Many come with the mindset that as they have money, they can get a girl much younger than themselves, and that is true.....................................BUT, when it comes down to paying the price for that relationship in monetary terms, looking after the family etc, they cry, " I didn't sign up for this, we don't do this in my country, so I'm not doing it here ".

In their own country they would never be in the same position in the first place, they would be just another lonely guy, the same as they used to be but have forgotten about.

Thai men with the financial clout also contribute to their wifes Family if they are in need, so why do Farangs think they are immune to this system?

I guess they can always go back to farangland for a few months for a reality check, walk into a bar and try chatting up a 22 year old stunner ( if they exist ), if you don't get arrested, beaten up or laughed at, I would be very surprised.

Edited April 6, 2007 by Maigo6

[jbsears]

I think it also depends on the environment of the bars. If your talking university bars in the West, you may find your sweetheart. If your talking bars/clubs in Thailand, you probably won't. One difference with Thailand and other countries like it is that it is not culturally acceptable for girls to hang out in bars. Therefore, most of the good girls that are marriage potential you will not find in the bars/clubs in Thailand. In the West where it isn't so taboo for girls to hang out in bars/clubs, you have a better chance to meet that special one. Unless a skanky whore is your type, a Thai beer bar is not a place to meet the future wife.

what a load of <deleted>, lets talk about the west for a moment, you either meet people through your work environment , you were at college/university with them or you met in a bar/club. Same as in here in Thailand you stay away from Pattaya and the Nana/cowboy/patpong in bangkok, and go to the rest of the entertainment venues in bangkok you will meet a different set of people. Most people the world over meet their future partner in an entertainment establishment, same as in Thailand, you go out, yes many single thai girls want a thai bvoyfreind but also many want a farang boyfreind, same as in the west you get to know someone first, you have a chance of a relationship that may last, you just want a <deleted> then go to the above mentioned places.

BB

P.S this is an edit, i thought i had something semi-intelligent to say but as i am pissed can't remember what it was, and my above post after re-reading it makes no sense to me either, ###### heineken.

Well said buriramboy and I agree. The "bars" people are talking about are not what I would class as a bar. There are plenty of night spots that aren't just full of tourists and BG's and are much more upmarket than your open aired bus shelter with a few chairs and BGs scattered around. These cater directly to the tourist trade so what would you expect to find there?

Cheers

Jimmy

I wasn't talking about bargirl places only. I mean all bars in Thailand. Good girls aren't supposed to go to bars and definitely aren't supposed to pick up guys in bars in this type of culture. Even if it is Santika or another bar that caters to well off Thais, a good girl will not be found there mingling with guys she doesn't know. The only exception to this are the girls that work in offices all week and go out with their coworkers on Friday or Saturday night. These girls are there to loosen up with their coworkers and not at all out to meet guys. I know many girls that aren't even allowed out at night by their parents. Trust me when I say many, many good marriage material girls will not be found in bars in Thailand.

Edited April 6, 2007 by jbsears

[britmaveric]

I wasn't talking about bargirl places only. I mean all bars in Thailand. Good girls aren't supposed to go to bars and definitely aren't supposed to pick up guys in bars in this type of culture. Even if it is Santika or another bar that caters to well off Thais, a good girl will not be found there mingling with guys she doesn't know. The only exception to this are the girls that work in offices all week and go out with their coworkers on Friday or Saturday night. These girls are there to loosen up with their coworkers and not at all out to meet guys. I know many girls that aren't even allowed out at night by their parents. Trust me when I say many, many good marriage material girls will not be found in bars in Thailand.

Complete rubbish mate!!!!

[duratanium]

With some exceptions, this applies to virtually every Farang/Thai relationship in LOS.

Would you care to enlighten the Forum as to how you can judge and comment on ' Virtually every Farang/Thai relationship in Thailand ?

Or did you learn this ' Knowledge ' listening to the jaded old cynics nursing their Singha beer outside a mama and papa shop in Pattaya ?

Those are the ones I'm talking about, Creeper. How did they get that way?

Maybe because they feel they have been shafted back in their home country by having to give up half of everything to someone they see as a bra burning feminist in a divorce?

Reality of life now is that men/women generally have to go 50/50 in a divorce split (when the kids are grown up etc.) and many do not like it.

So, they come here, launch themselves into something they do not give themselves chance to understand. They trawl the bars in Pattaya / Phuket / BKK and get shafted again by some bar girls ripping them off because they let themselves be suckered into it by a beautiful smile and a good lay.

There are many bars outside of these places where a lot of upstanding Thai men and women go to for a few drinks / night out etc. Many have no 'bar girls' at all. Look at the Irish pubs in BKK. I do not recall seeing bar girls in them.

Take Nakhon Sawan as an example. You have to look quite hard to find 'bar girls'.

So as one person said that ALL bars in Thailand are the same has to be way off the mark.

Normal everyday Thais of both sexes go to pubs for a night out and to listen to live music or eat etc. If they did not, there would be no bars outside of the tourist hot spots.

As for parents forbidding them to go out, yes, I understand it is frowned upon and it does happen. But this rule does not apply carte blanch to all Thais.

And no, I am not an expert on Thailand.... but have been enough places and around for long enough to understand life to a good degree.

There are enough bitter people in Farang Land who go abroad looking for something different, but that does not mean they will find it, or that it will make them happy.

Happiness is from within yourself. But for many it is easier to blame someone else for their own troubles.

That's it.... I'm off to the pub for some beer, music and a dance or 3, but no women as I am happy with the girl I have

[jetjock]

When I read through these threads, I think it is unfortunate that I read many generalizations about Thai girls which in my experience has proved to not be true. My observations and my humble opinions are based on several years of socializing with many of my Thai wife's friends which all have college degrees, have good jobs, speak some English, make good money by Thai standards, and would be considered to be in the middle to upper class of Thai society. These are some of the large misconceptions that I have observed by reading some of the postings.

Thai girls are only after money--False--Many Thai girls I know are looking for the same things as western girls which are love, happiness, and security.

Thai girls are all looking for a farang husband--False--Many Thai girls that I know would never consider of marrying a farang. Many of these girls have had no experience with farang men other than what they see on the streets (which is usually disgusting to them).

Thai girls are easy when it comes to sex--False--Many Thai girls still cling to the old fashioned idea that virginity until marriage is good. I have met several beautiful girls in their mid twenties with boyfriends that claim to still be virgins (I get this info from my wife since Thai girls talk a lot amongst themselves) Even if it is not true, they still value virginity.

Thai girls of marriage quality are easily found in bars--False-- Good quality Thai girls that I know do not go into bars unless occasionally they are socializing with a group of friends and in that case, they usually go to places and areas where farangs never go.

With these observations in mind, I think that Thailand is a wonderful place to find the girl of your dreams. I have not said it is easy to find these type of women because it isn't and you also have to keep in mind that most good quality women are also looking for the man of their dreams. It takes time, patience, and the right attitude to find them, but there are many quality women out there as there are in all countries. I think the major problem I observe is that many farangs do not seem to have the ability to discriminate between the girls with the good hearts and those with the black hearts and therefore because of their bad experiences seem to generalize about all Thai girls.

Edited April 6, 2007 by jetjock

[colino]

oh what a lovely topic worms and can spring to mind if you meet a bar girl check what phone she has and size of ring and necklace thats a sure way to see if shes been busy relax

[colino]

oh yer stay away from mbk (is my sister telephone honey)

[qwertz]

Colino, you're a cynic. Why? Let's see if you can tell us without bg bashing. I'm already wise to such types as you mention but I really wanted some input on why so many farang guys are so embittered, not so much with the milieu but what went wrong and why they didn't see it coming when they could have easily tapped into a forum and forearmed themselves.

[colino]

hi qwertz im not a cynic i love being on the sky train listing to them dont get me wrong im happly married its just a source of entertainment alot of guys i talk to end up embitterd because they think they are being ripped off as they dont understand the importance of family overhere i think

[qwertz]

hi qwertz im not a cynic i love being on the sky train listing to them dont get me wrong im happly married its just a source of entertainment alot of guys i talk to end up embitterd because they think they are being ripped off as they dont understand the importance of family overhere i think

Okay C, I read you and I do the same every trip; there's always a heap of new stories to digest.

[colino]

cheers

[Vit77]

Ufff... I have girlfriend who spends with me almost 24h a day. I teach her a bit how to help me in my small business. So she can work for herself (and for me).. Anyway we often meet my friends - farangs and her friends - thais. And I hear a lot of stories. Some friends of my gf call her to get some advises.. it's usually something like that:

"aw.. i love this farang, but he is bf of my friend - from my village, but 2 night ago he was completely drunk so I had sex with him.. and yesterday I met him but he went from me, so I called him, he didn't pick up the phone - i don't know why"..

not long time later the lady they were talking about call and say - "my bf is so wonderful, but I have already another one - just can't tell him now about it.. he promised me some gifts - so I have to wait".. and then - we go somewhere together (all these cheaters, hehe) - I know all secrets - everybody fakes around.. and one of my friend take one of these girls home. Of course she said "I have bf, I love him very much, so we just go for moment".. during sex bf calls and she puts phone into underpants of my friend and talks to him - "ok, my bf can talk to our friend".. the stories are a lot more complicated but..

.. I am lost now who loves whom, who has more money and who has bigger "business" and other stuff.. even if my gf tells me those stories with names.. Bobby is that man, and Marc is this another.. I just nod and smile I think how smart are all these farangs who spend fortunes to their only girls

Aw.. the funniest thing is they are not bar-girls, they rarely go to pubs or on disco.. and they have very often regular not-well paid jobs. First time I was really shocked (especially after I met some "couples"). But now - after history of guy who lived 5 years with girlfriend and at the end he found that "her brother" living not far is in the truth her husband - nothing can surprise me

Even yesterday I met sweet couple, they just came from Europe. My gf wanted talk with lady (thai friend) - so I wanted take her bf (farang) somewhere.. I joked: "let's go to soi cowboy for 2 beers", he just answered he never goes there and he is good boy.. 1 day before I was listening stories how many boyfriends she has actually at once and it's more and more difficult for her She works in big tourist company and don't like bars at all

Amazing Thailand..