school or facility for aggressive teenager

[Rob3016]

My thai girlfriend's teenage nephew is acting out and hitting the other children in the home, and has tantrums.  Like many thai Families, the nephew lives with the grandparents and his father has moved on with another wife. His new wife wants nothing to do with the father's boy from his first marriage so he was effectively dumped at the grandparents to be cared and raised. For several years, everything has been ok, but for the past year the teen age boy has been a terror. He has strangled the other young children in the grandparents home, and in general he is out of control. The grandparents have no discipline in the home. That's not going to change.

 

What I wonder is are there boarding schools or places for behaviorally challenged children in each Province. The boy lives in Ubon Ratchathani, though his father lives in Bangkok.  Any constructive suggestions are welcome? As a note when the grandparents call the father of the boy, the father just hangs up the phone.  The grandparents have said - please come get your boy.

 

I don't like the idea of putting the teenage boy "away" somewhere, yet he is disrupting the family.  I would welcome any construction suggestions. I would like learn about resources in both Ubon Ratchathani and Bangkok.  

 

Thank you,

Robert

 

 

 

 

 

[HashBrownHarry]

I'm sorry i don't have any info for you but i will say let the Thai family sort this our on your own, this situation is not unique.

As much as you want to get involved to help, stay clear.

[tonray]

Where is the mother ? Is he approaching military age ?

[amykat]

I’m pretty sure the Mother is the OP’s 35 year old girlfriend, but he probably doesn’t know that yet.  
 

Rob, you seem like a nice person who is struggling and soon will be circling the drain with this family and relationship.  I wonder how your million baht, or more, insurance policy on her parents worked out? 

 

Maybe the boy has been acting out because his Mom left recently, that is the missing piece of the puzzle nobody is telling you?  

[rumak]

6 minutes ago, amykat said:

I’m pretty sure the Mother is the OP’s 35 year old girlfriend, but he probably doesn’t know that yet.  
 

Rob, you seem like a nice person who is struggling and soon will be circling the drain with this family and relationship.  I wonder how your million baht, or more, insurance policy on her parents worked out? 

 

Maybe the boy has been acting out because his Mom left recently, that is the missing piece of the puzzle nobody is telling you?  

If you would like more info....maybe ask nicely?      Your 3 paragraphs make 3 assumptions.

And what is that question about an insurance policy ??   

 

 

 Rob,

"where is the boys mother" ?

Was his mother living in the house before?  Why is he not with the mother?

How old is the boy ?  

Anything else we should know ?

 

 

[AndyAndyAndy]

Army/Army school.

[amykat]

Well rumak, I am not asking, I am suggesting something to the OP and people reading this.  I read his past posts.  He seems to be a total newbie here and hooked up with an Issan woman.  His few posts spell trouble to me in typical ways you will recognize.  Like she forgot to mention her child who she claims is her nephew ...etc.

[baansgr]

Poor little blight just wants some love...been dumped and shunted around by everyone....what's the answer, I don't know but disposing of him again to a boarding school will only confirm the reality he isn't wanted. Hobbies or group activities outside the house..Muay Thai..etc may get him some discipline and a Father figure he can respect. 

[ThailandRyan]

He may also have a mental disorder due to circumstances.  Probably getting tested to see, and also seeing a doctor to possible prescribe some meds for him if he is found to be Bi-polar, or has one of several other possible issues...just a thought.

[Lacessit]

Just slip Xanax into his food.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Rob3016 said:

I would welcome any construction suggestions.

Find a new gf with less baggage.

 ... or move far enough away that she's no longer involved with the family.

 

@amykat's suggestion, easy enough to see if gf has given birth, stretch marks are fairly obvious on most women.

Edited May 1, 2020 by BritManToo

[Haveasay]

Firstly teens are in a difficult stage in their life and security of their environment is an essential aspect. Agression is a response to attention seeking or dissatisfaction where needs are not met or jealousy that others get this, so they react needing reassurances. Boundaries provide this, where they urges want to push these. Learned behaviors that are negative need to be adjusted to looking for positives. No and negative comments only fuel aggression. Time is a factor to understand, reassure and as others mentioned distracting this by activities proving your prepared to provide your time to change these outcomes. The more assistance you give now will save worse scenarios in the future. Most of what has happened dysfunctional family situations, can't be changed, efforts now to converse and support can not be underestimated. He's also probably looking for trust in someone, so this could be a long road but the end result worth it.

[Rob3016]

Thank you for the suggestions.

This has been very helpful. Thank you.

For the poster who suggested the boy really is my girlfriend's son. He is not.  I have met the entire family.

I have suggested to my girlfriend to talk to to her nephew with compassion to understand what's going on from his point of view, and also to explain to him that he is going through a naturally transition from boyhood and manhood which all the chemical changes that go along with that.

I suggested that possibly the grandfather can teach him mauy thai.  They live in a village so its difficult too go to "gym".

I think the idea of having him checked for mental illness may be down the line.

For now, I have suggested to my girlfriend, his aunt, compassion, education and boundaries.

 

Thank you everyone,

Robert

[amykat]

Okay Rob, so you met the “entire family” and that means you know them?  You  maybe don’t understand that the entire family is invested in this relationship going well, not only the woman.  It would be a bit unusual that a 35 year old doesn’t have kids, so does she have some others?  It is pretty common for a woman to pretend she has no kids to make herself seem more attractive to a mate.  These kind of lies are not even considered lies really, they HAVE to do it!!  And yes, the whole family, the whole of Thailand understands this!!  Only you don’t.

 

You never mentioned where did the teenager’s Mother go and when and is it associated with his problems?  Or do the other kids he is hurting belong to her?  I just want your eyes to be open that these kind of lies can be going on and just because you met a bunch of poor smiley people, who appear to be nice to you, doesn’t mean what they tell you is true.

[rumak]

8 hours ago, Rob3016 said:

I have suggested to my girlfriend to talk to to her nephew with compassion to understand what's going on from his point of view, and also to explain to him that he is going through a naturally transition from boyhood and manhood which all the chemical changes that go along with that.

well,  i might have to side with amykat on this one.     i think you have a long way to go before

you wake up to the fact that you are not living in  Seattle, Wash.

Hire BM2 to go suss things out.    Probably about 30 minutes should do it 

[rumak]

9 hours ago, Haveasay said:

Firstly teens are in a difficult stage in their life and security of their environment is an essential aspect. Agression is a response to attention seeking or dissatisfaction where needs are not met or jealousy that others get this, so they react needing reassurances. Boundaries provide this, where they urges want to push these. Learned behaviors that are negative need to be adjusted to looking for positives. No and negative comments only fuel aggression. Time is a factor to understand, reassure and as others mentioned distracting this by activities proving your prepared to provide your time to change these outcomes. The more assistance you give now will save worse scenarios in the future. Most of what has happened dysfunctional family situations, can't be changed, efforts now to converse and support can not be underestimated. He's also probably looking for trust in someone, so this could be a long road but the end result worth it.

see post above.     you and rob may think we are cynical.    it is life experience.... in thai culture.

They do not understand  psychology 101.     And to be honest (IMO)....... most of you newbies would fare a lot better to unlearn it as well.   

This is a new term,  a new subject.   Thai living 101.