How Has Your Lifestyle Changed?

[daveh]

While reading some of the other threads on relationships with BGs, I thought about what causes them to succeed or fail. I wonder if a primary source of failure is the change in lifestyle. I remember when I first arrived in Thailand allowing myself to get too emotionally attached to a BG. I asked her what it would take to get her away from the bar. Basically, I would have had to give her enough so her lifestyle she had become accustomed to, going out and party every night to the wee hours of the morning.

Now, I believe the fact that she was a BG had little to do with this. I believe that if a man enters into a relationship where he is providing support for a woman, then he had better be able to maintain her lifestyle.

Upon reflection, lately I have taken a look at my own lifestyle. Having been in Thailand for about 15 months, my lifestyle has definitely changed as well. Away from the high paying salary I had in the States, I no longer am able to live the way in which I was accustomed to before. This is fine for a short period of time, especially since I was not planning on staying in Thailand. Now I realize that in order for me to stay in Thailand for a long period of time, I will have to get back to the lifestyle I had before. So in a sense, just as some girls (and men as well) have a relationship with someone that is doomed to fail because of a change in lifestyle for the worse, I believe I am in a relationship with Thailand that is doomed to fail unless something changes.

Your thoughts? Comments?

[ProThaiExpat]

There is a lot of truth in what you say.

I was almost retired before coming to Thailand, so I had adjusted to a comfortable "retired" lifestyle. Coming to Thailand, only allowed me to live "better" than before, so my relationship is great and all is well. While there have been some adjustments in our relationship, they were fairly predictable and my "lifestyle" here has had little effect on the relaitonship. In fact, my aversion to "bar hopping" has only been a positive on the relaionship.

I have had to "adjust" to TIT, but that adjustment was made a lot easier by my relationship. Likewise, I treat my Thai as an equal, which is a major consideration in relationshp longevity.

I also feel that my having lived in Asia during my pre-college days goes a long way toward my not feeling "homesick", but am looking forward to a "homevisit" soon with my Thia.

[stroll]

Maybe I shouldn't post here, I don't understand .

First, I wouldn't finance anybody's lifestyle barhopping into the wee hours, unless she did it with me, and I wouldn't want to, once I found a partner.

Second, I do not know what drop in lifestyle you are taking, but in my experience there is so much to make up for this that I do not understand that this is an issue. I'd say it is your attitude which needs to change.

Third, it does sound like it is doomed to fail unless you change.

[NedKelly]

Your lifestyle will change because this is a different place and things are...well....different basically. But yo ucan get back to a similar lifestyle if you plan eveything the right way. For example I used to swim 2k's every morning of the week in Oz. Now I dont swim much at all because I just dont have time. I live too far from the decent pools and don thave a car. I guess I could take a cab, but I just dont feel I have the time. I also work 6 days a week with late finish most nights. There are many other things I dont do here that I used to do. But there are other things I have started doing which keep me going....so u just need to change and balance.

[rainman]

The only thing i noticed that changed is that i don't work 18 hours per day, seven days a week anymore.

[possom]

daveh ,you say you feel you are in a relationship with thailand which is doomed to failure ,unless something changes. that something is you ,because thailand wont change. change doesnt have to be a bad thing, and living on less money than before is something 99 percent of us have had to adapt to .

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Yeah me too, I was used to eating spag-bol at Gullivers everyday and now I'm starving because I can't face the giblets.

[KevinN]

For sure my lifestyle has changed,,I have the same amount of money I had in the states,but now I live better and have some left at the end of the month.

I do less laundry cause now I don't wear skivvies and socks.

I don't have to be sure my coat is hung up so it will be dry before I go out in the snow to pack in wood for the heater.

I don't have to go out and sweep the snow off my sat dish before I can get on the net. or watch TV.

I do not go to AA meetings 3 times a week,wouldn't mind going once in a while if one was closer than 400 KM.

[Bluecat]

Basically, I would have had to give her enough so her lifestyle she had become accustomed to, going out and party every night to the wee hours of the morning.

I'm not sure this is a relationship, Dave.

More like a sponsorship,...

[ambassador]

I do less laundry cause now I don't wear skivvies and socks.

That may very well be the case but if you are changing your clothes and showering twice or thrice a day like the rest of us then surely your laundry output would increase would it not???

[tutsiwarrior]

save on laundry expenses and GO nud_e TODAY!!

[ambassador]

I second that, it's great walking about with your knob out but best done inside the privacy of ones apartment.

[tutsiwarrior]

OK...but maybe we can still economise with the laundry and adopt the slogan DON'T WEAR UNDERWEAR in order to take unclothed subversion to the streets...

[stroll]

So, all the backpackers got it right, after all.

Not supporting ecologically unsound and resource wasting habits like wearing shoes, underwear, or washing of clothes.

[daveh]

I'm not sure this is a relationship, Dave.

More like a sponsorship,...

Yeap, I know. That is why I would not do it. A month later, she had a sponsor from Canada. Good for her, I wonder what she is up to now (this was about 9 months ago).

Also, my friend who has a BG girlfriend seems to have one that is a lot more mature. She is older than the average BG and does not seem to want the type of lifestyle centered around partying. This is good for him as he is not the partying type either.

But honestly, the point of this post is lifestyle. Specifically, the change of lifestyle among expats. When I first came to Thailand, it was for the purposes of rest and relaxation. As you can imagine, lifestyle is not the same while on vacation as it is while living someplace. I liked Thailand enough to take an extended vacation. Now I am at the point that I want to stay on a more permanent basis. But in order for me to do that, I will need to develop a plan whereby I can make a living that will allow me a better lifestyle than I have now. I am working on such a plan now.

I just wanted to hear others tales.

[tutsiwarrior]

stroll...DON'T WEAR UNDERWEAR and GO nud_e TODAY are political slogans. A backpackers adherence to or lack thereof simply reflects limitation of personal hygiene. One must deliberately go nud_e or eshew underwear to have the necessary cred...

I must admit that to enjoy the day to day adherence one must remain private and indoors...stalking the wife or tgf completely nud_e under a flimsy dressing gown, bracing her while growling like a tomcat as she lifts a knee onto a surface in the kitchen to allow penetration from behind and etc.

viva la revolucion...

[andyinkat]

May I come in on this thread please?

I'm about to become a newbie expat - I have a job in Isan starting in September.

I understand that in the town I'm headed there is a community of expats - mostly retired Americans. i've heard that most of them have incomes (from their pension schemes etc.?) around 50-100 thousand baht per month. i guess on that money you wouldn't be living a typical Isan lifestyle!

However I'm hesding out with one small bag containing my worldly possessions and i will have an income of 4000 baht per month, with accommodation and food thrown in free.

I personally have no wish to take a western lifestyle with me - i prefer to live on a similar-ish level to the local populace (with a few comforts thrown in). however - and here is a serious question - do you think my income/standard of living will effectively cut me off from the resident expat community? I won't be able to match their income but I don't want to appear a charity case.

Are there other expats to live/subsist on that sort of income or living standard, or will it be too tight even in Isan (i.e. will I need to supplement my income?)

Thanks :-)

[SoCal]

Andy,

Wow, sounds like an adventure.

Don't live in Thailand, but visit 2-3 times/yr, and your monthly sum is less than my daily.

That said, you sound young, and that's when you should do such things if ever.

Sure you have a helll of an adventure ahead of you.

Cherish every grueling minute.

[ProThaiExpat]

Retired expats are a lot less flexible than when we were young and thus less able to "adapt" to different lifestyle, and a lack of willingness to do so.

With housing and food thrown in, why shouldn't you be able to do it?

You won't be paying for electric, food, etc so your income is largely disposable, ie not required for necessities.

The expats will hopefully judge you on your demeanor and socialability, not your income, so don't worry on that score.

It sounds like a teaching job, which has respect in Thailand.

"Going native" can be exciting when you are young, very educational and a real adventure.

Good luck, relax and enjoy. Don't prejudge anything, keep your expectations minimal and learn the meaning of mai pen rai.

[stroll]

Sounds like the city might be Udon? -just nosy.

Your income is on the low side, even with acc. and food (bsic Thai, I assume) thrown in. Being single and not going out much, it will do.

But expats on the income you mention like to hang out at the more upscale/expensive places for their pint in the evening. Beer is surprisingly high-priced here, not by Uk standards, though.

Have you considered giving private English tuition on the side?

Hourly rates 150-200 Bt, I have been told.

[andyinkat]

Hi fellas,

Location is Nong Khai. Actually I'm not young at all - I'm in my 40s. But I quit the rat race about 4 years ago and burnt my boats (i.e. next to no savings and no assets to fall back on). I lived for a year in a Buddhist monastery and then 18 months living/working in Nepal (Kathmandu - hence my username) where I built a school for street children.

I thought I was applying for a voluntary job in Nong Khai, in a Community College for 18-22 year olds from poor families who haven't been served well by the state education system, so the small salary is a bonus really. Yes, I am an English teacher. And yes, I'm sure I'll be ideally placed to earn extra money through tuition; the College students are from poor backgrounds but I dare say there'll be the trophy wives or expats who want lessons and other prospective clients.

So despite my age I am capable of being adaptable and I prefer to associate as fully as possible with the host community rather than an expat refuge, but there are two aspects that concern me a little:

One is the issue of fitting in with the expats at all when I'll be stretched to get in a round of drinks;

The other - and this one was a depressing fact of life I had to endure in Nepal and I presume will follow me everywhere around the Third World - the expectations of the locals - I am falang therefore I am rich. Every girl wants to be my gf/marry me because I'm going to support her entire family and village. Mind you Nong Khai is not such a bg place - I'm hoping that after a while people will get to accept me for who I am.

So my 'lifestyle' aspirations are very out of kilter with general western expectations and I feel far more comfortable living in the East. But what do you say to this - I keep reading that Thailand is (or has become over recent years) a very shallow materialistic culture. Of course that's a generalisation and presumably most relevant to the big cities and tourist hotspots, but do you folks living there now detect a sea-change throughout society, or are there still significant numbers of families who still maintain more Buddhist materialistic values?

Andy

[Bluecat]

Actually I'm not young at all - I'm in my 40s.

Jeez, you're a kid,...

[stroll]

Well, in general terms Thai society is becoming more materialistic and Mtv oriented, one might argue, but on an individual level of relating to others, my personal experience is I am accepted for what I am (i.e. not rich, either), around the tourist centers there is more interest in judging you for the cash you might be able to spend, but in aplace like Nong Khai I would't worry about that. Not saying you won't find the odd prejudiced somebody or other.

'Buddhist material values', don't know, but my Thai friends don't expect me to buy rounds more than they do, quite the opposite when I visit their place. More about hospitality than Buddhism, I guess.

[Bluecat]

DON'T WEAR UNDERWEAR and GO nud_e TODAY

That's what I call a change of lifestyle, Tutsi.

I mean for "young" people like us.

Back to the sixties.

In the western world.

In Thailand, back to the future,...

[KevinN]

I do less laundry cause now I don't wear skivvies and socks.

That may very well be the case but if you are changing your clothes and showering twice or thrice a day like the rest of us then surely your laundry output would increase would it not???

Why would I want to do that,with 35,000 BTU of air con blowing in the house and me setting with my feet up on the hassock watching UBC and reading a book?.

I ain't down on TU DO street in saigon at a ba mu ba stand drinking beer all day and fooling around with the girls and sweating all over the place.

cides that,wearin skivvies in hot climate will make ya sterile the doc. said,so if I want another kid,I gotta be a "swinger" [thats what they call a guy don't wear skivvies],my last kid is 8 years old this year.

[Flummoxed]

May I join this thread. I think my lifestlye has changed in the following ways:-

I don't walk everywhere at warp factor 7. I have the time to stroll alang at a leisurly pace. This pleases me enormously.

The warmth of the village folk never wears thin. I can talk to anyone at a bus stop without them thinking I'm about to attack them.

I have yet to see a vandalised phone box.

My Thai bank doesn't rape me for money at every opportunity like my UK bank does.

I get food poisoning at leat once a year in England. I've only had it once in Thialand and that was because I ate the food on the train.

In an English grocery store, I one asked for my Pepsi to be served in a plastic bag. They thought I was taking the piss.

The overwhelming lifestyle change has been the fact that I have the time to do the things I want to do. I have time to relax. I have time to watch a movie if I want. I have time to sit outside in the warm evening air and just talk to people about something or nothing. I love the fact that I'm not late for something all the time. Sure, I don't have as much money as when I'm in the UK but hey, who needs it, we've enough for our relaxed life here. The Thai's seem to understand that we weren't placed on this Earth to work ourselves into an early grave. Time for family. Time for children. Time for wife. Time for life. Time, I have time. Time to go into the fields with the kids armed with our slingshots. Time time time.............

[ProThaiExpat]

Andy: I am sure you can find some expats in Issan who don't drink, reformed drunks who are very socialable.

As a teacher, your salary level is well known by most Thais. While you have a lot of "face" as a teacher, trying to maintain a lifestyle you might think is expected of you can be a problem.

My Thai relatives in Issan are in business and it seems the people who borrow money and then have problems paying it back are largely teachers living above their income.

Since your commited to this path, stop worring about things outside your control.

My guess is that anything you project to happen won't, and many things you haven't thought of will happen. That is what makes it an adventure. Enjoy

[Up2U]

In an English grocery store, I one asked for my Pepsi to be served in a plastic bag. They thought I was taking the piss.

No, just drinking it