How To Feel At Home In Land Of Smiles

[Alf Witt]

Given that the English are not disposed to learning foreign languages I am developing a system for farangs to be understood in Thailand by speaking English only.

The pronunciation may not be exact, but its as good as you will get from the average Englishman.

The following are some basic phrases. All that is required is to remember the Thai meaning for the English phrase.

All suggestions for inclusion in this innovative publication will be gratefully received.

men awry - English: males behaving badly Thai: What's the bad smell

crap pom - English: comment upon Aussie roots Thai: polite acknowlegement

my hen - English: The eggs belong to me Thai: I have not seen her, him, it.

you cow - English: expression of endearment to a lady Thai: I'm hungry

pee sow you knee cap? - English: Did the pig urinate on your leg? Thai: Is your older sister here?

look sow - English: Did you see the pig? Thai: Daughter

homme mac mac - English: He's pretending to be French but he's really Scottish Thai: What a wonderful smell

cow pat - English: be careful where you put your feet in the farmyard Thai: fried rice

men mac - English: they come from north of the border Thai: what a stink

yo yo - English: childs toy Thai: many

cap ban - English: no hats allowed Thai: I'm going home

Bangkok - English: Reason for visiting Thailand Thai: Krungthep

Go pee pee - English: p*ss off Thai: Andaman island.

die, die - English: Why don't you drop dead? Thai: Sure, sure. It can be done.

[Alf Witt]

No responses? What's wrong - not funny? don't understand? offended? nothing to add?

[Neeranam]

Lol, some nice ones there!!

[Neeranam]

For lunch I had " guy prick Thai"

English - **** ***** *****!

Thai - pepper chicken

55555(english fifty five thousand five hiundered and fifty five - tahi ha ha ha ha ha ha )

[Alf Witt]

Come on! There are lots. Think about it.

pie rot - English: time to clean out the fridge Thai: travel by car

ba ba - English: sheep Thai: daft

my my - English: I'm amazed Thai. new wood

Madame - English: addressing a lady Thai: black dog

Lets compile a "useful" guide here. Meet the challenge.

[Maigo6]

Good one H.................

I will call you 'H', as I reckon you forgot it at the front of your nickname.

[Neeranam]

I hear - English:I am listening, Thai: ######

witt ya lai - English:Alf you're a liar, Thai:college

Edited May 7, 2007 by Neeranam

[Maigo6]

Key - English: Something to lock a door with, Thai : something to lose down the toilet.

[monsieurhappy]

You said it!!

Definitely not funny!

You're not living up to your name!

[zzdocxx]

I do like the concept! ! !

[keddy]

Come on! There are lots. Think about it.

pie rot - English: time to clean out the fridge Thai: travel by car

ba ba - English: sheep Thai: daft

my my - English: I'm amazed Thai. new wood

Madame - English: addressing a lady Thai: black dog

Lets compile a "useful" guide here. Meet the challenge.

Paeng Mak = McPaeng- another stingy Jock

[Maigo6]

He Mare - English: An Equine ladyboy, Thai: %#!*%#! #%!*

[Alf Witt]

I hear - English:I am listening, Thai: ######

I thought of that one Neeranam but was afraid to post it.

you have been in Thailand too long also!

Oi you - English: impolite address thai: the sugar cane is here.

moo - English: cow Thai: pig (Thai logic)

Sam sip - Sam is drinking slowly Thai: 30

Sam sip ha - Sam is drinking slowly and its funny Thai: 35

[keddy]

He Mare - English: An Equine ladyboy, Thai: %#!*%#! #%!*

Yak Mak- a Jock who's had too much to drink

[Alf Witt]

He Mare - English: An Equine ladyboy, Thai: %#!*%#! #%!*

He men - English: Rambo et al Thai: smelly %$"@?

[Alf Witt]

Key Men - English: Important people in an organisation Thai: Don't go to the tiolet right now, i've just been there.

[Neeranam]

Sam can - Eng: Samuel is able, Thai:important

cow pat - Eng: cattle shit, Thai: fried rice

bam rung - Eng: the idiot phoned, Thai:improve

ban dit - Eng:robber, Thai: uni graduate

[qwertz]

Oo ah: English - climax. Thai - cow

[Alf Witt]

porn tip - English: dump for dirty books Thai: person's name

[qwertz]

Kit doon: Scottish - strip off. Thai - miss you

Mai pen lai: English - spelling mistake. Thai - no problem

Edited May 7, 2007 by qwertz

[khon kaen boy]

man felang - english -johnny bloody foreigner - thai/ potato well it might mean the same in some cases

can coke - english/fizzy drink thai/ toad

[qwertz]

Pope can pi nar. Cockney - the pope can now use the urinal. Thai - see you next year

Pai nai? Australian - is the pie ready? Thai - where are you going?

Alai - English - a porky. Thai - What?

Edited May 7, 2007 by qwertz

[Bananaman]

Lord dude: English = exceptionally cool bourgeois male; Thai = drinking straw

Doo-ah: English = "do I?"; Thai = body/ticket/etc

Pad see yoo: English = Patrick observes female sheep; Thai = tasty dish with sweet soy sauce

Glue-eye: English = a touch of Bostik in the organs of vision; Thai = banana

Yak pai: English = Large, long-haired humped domestic bovine of Tibetan origin makes consumer purchase; Thai = I would like to go

Edited May 7, 2007 by Bananaman

[qwertz]

Pet ma: English - favourite mum. Thai - very hot.

Patsiiyu: English - Pat has her eye on you. Thai - tasty vegetarian dish

Took ma: English - escorted mum. Thai - very cheap

[Bananaman]

see far: English = observe for a great distance; Thai = (light) blue

see tongue = observe primary organ of taste; Thai = gold

see dam = observe water barrier; Thai = black

see cow = observe bovine creature (or sea cow = manatee); Thai = white

see key...ow! = observe the tool for opening the door whilst voicing pain-induced distress; Thai = green

[Alf Witt]

darling - English: sweetheart Thai: give the monkey

tea rack - English: kitchen shelf Thai: darling

me annoy - English: you're bothering me Thai: the "other woman"

p*ss 'n u lock - English: please lock the door when using bathroom Thai: northern town

[qwertz]

Kin kao: English - unpleasant lady. Thai - eat

Mai chawp: English - my retail outlet. Thai - don't like

Sapalot: English - heavy drinking. Thai - pineapple

Tilak: English - no tea. Thai - darling

Bladder: English - air bag. Thai - nebulous; Thai BF/husband

Pisao: English - NSU. Thai - sister

Koy (Lao): English - modest. Lao - ouch

Spite: English - nasty attitude. Thai - soft drink

Edited May 7, 2007 by qwertz

[Alf Witt]

cat toy - English: feline plaything Thai: dubious sex

lady boy - English: two persons of different sex Thai: one person of different sex