Thai Ladies And Falangs,

[Gary A]

I really was serious about marrying a Thai lady with kids but found that I just couldn't handle it. I think all Thai women want kids. They consider kids as their Thai type of social security. My wife is 40 years old and still wants kids but she knows that won't happen with me. (SNIP SNIP). I certainly wouldn't want to deprive a young lady from having a family. We discussed this before we married and she accepted that even though she still feels bad that she never had any.

[ray23]

Reason I came here, I have much freedom in my life then I had before. My money is enoung to have the lifestyle I want and I have the time to enjoy it.

My childhood was spent in a country setting, really not that much different then living here. There I was making great money I was also spending huge somes for existence working six day a week for it. I had all the things I wanted but not a life. Here I can have both.

My first visit was in Pattaya and it was fun no doubt anbout it. I also knwe that I didn't want that forever. What made the difference was coming to Udon, just the right mix for me.

At my age at the time 55 I was dating ladies in thier 40' ssome of them just great, but they had baggage just like me. Got tired of paying the prices for what all the previous guys had done them.

I had two teenage daughters that really needed to make appointments to see. See theywewre bus haivng a life, as they should have been doing.

So primairly I was working spending a day off getting ready for work the next week. Slip in dating where I could.

I had already been retired from my original career for five years so I had a sufficient income. So the only thing stopping me was fear of change. But change was what I needed. The last time I came for vacation it was a serious try Five mont leave of absence, I never went back.

I had enough time here the vacation befoe three month and the five months to know, it was not a easy decesion and would take a huge adjustment. knew ther woudl be times when I would doubt that decesion so I sit down and wrote out exactly what I had in the states and what I felt about it. So when things got rough I read it again, knowing that it would be no different if I went back.

I tried the bar secen mulitple women all the goodies when I got here. Eventually I had a good understanding of what I really wanted to enjoy my life. It simply wasn't the bar scene. So I went about finding my Thailand lots of trial and error.

So what was the reason I came here, I wanted to change my life, I had everything to gain and very little to lose. I simply was not content with where my life went and I changed it.

[rockyysdt]

So what was the reason I came here, I wanted to change my life, I had everything to gain and very little to lose. I simply was not content with where my life went and I changed it.

My story is as you say "same same" to your begginings.

I'm also looking for change.

Perhaps not necessarily with a new partner.

Definitely no children as I have three adult ones already.

I'm looking for spiritual growth, perhaps with guidance from one of the mant Watts around Thailand.

Yours is one of the success stories with much experience and memories.

I want a stress free environment, where my money will give me more free time to pursue my quest.

Somehow I'm been drawn to Thailand and Isaan.

[ray23]

Well the true beauty of thailand is you can make your life what you want, a long as you have suffcient income. You are patrient not an easy thing to do But it's a learning process.

I'm really not all that keen about children simply because I have already rasied two famalies. My wife and I have none at the moment. Adoption is an option, I have already said yes to that. The wife at the moment has opted not to go that route. She will have sufficient monies coming in after my death, so that the support factor is no a part of ourlives. She has opted for the freedom she has at the moment.

Like Gary I wanted a home, that's what I have.

I still have times of adjustments after five years, but those are really minor compared to what they were before.

I have much more peace in my life now han I ever had before. As a norm if I have problem in the end when I look at it it's something I created myself. I try not to do that to often

[Gary A]

I was in Bangkok a couple of weeks ago and it made me realize just how good I have it up here. I had actually forgotten how much I dislike Bangkok.

A good woman, a home, a dog, a workshop and a little land plus all the toys to use in the shop and to work the land. That's really not a lot but I'm perfectly content with it. I hate the thought of ever having to go back to the farang ghettos.

[Sir Burr]

I see this thread has been resurrected.

There will be at least two posters who will cringe when they read their original posts on page 1.

[yorkman]

I was in Bangkok a couple of weeks ago and it made me realize just how good I have it up here. I had actually forgotten how much I dislike Bangkok.

A good woman, a home, a dog, a workshop and a little land plus all the toys to use in the shop and to work the land. That's really not a lot but I'm perfectly content with it. I hate the thought of ever having to go back to the farang ghettos.

I disagree Gary, that is a lot Much more appeal than a little condo by the Chao Phraya and the "entertainment" options IMHO

[yorkman]

I see this thread has been resurrected.

There will be at least two posters who will cringe when they read their original posts on page 1.

Errr yes, they made mistakes being recent inhabitents of Thailand. So glad you enjoy the misery of others "Sir" Burr, thanks for pointing it out , as if it was not obvious, I personally do not enjoy gloating over others bad luck/judgement experiences.

Do you have more to add? Perhaps your story? If it is worth telling?

[ray23]

Well I think I might just be the culprit to lead the thread astray, but it's very difficult not answer questions. I think most of the questions the original op has presented were answered. But the truth is that living here comes as a total package no just one aspect of it.

If you not happy here with yourself and your surrondings that will reflect in a relationship no matter who you are with. Trust me I have my moments but usually in the end the problem is really between my ears. When that happens yes it puts tension into my wife and I's relationship. Sometimes we do things to complicate matters ourselves, adn my first reaction is to blame it on her. Just the way I am I may think things through and realize that I caused the conflict, but not at first.

We have been together long enough to realize that if I raise my voice, (something that scares the heck of Thai's) It doesn't meant that I'm going to hit her or hurt it, it simple means I'm angry. She knows to give me a bit of time and things will calm down and sometimes she even gets an apology. I have learned that when something bothers her she is very quiet. I have also learned that doesn't always mean she is angry with me. Eventually everything gets laid out on the table and we discuss it and find the right answer or a middle ground.

But that all comes with time and commitment or at least you would hope that it will. You can not live with someone and agree all the time. Must of us come with baggage mine three failed marriages, losing my time with my children's growth not once but twice and a ton of other things. Her a mother was beaten to death by her father over a Mia Noi, her father went to prison. Leaving he and her younger brother, everyone with the exception of the aunt had positions of right and wrong in that. The kids paid for it. So although my wife may gossip about Mai Noi's she woudl really be threatened by that.

Part of her family I hope to never see agian and I probably wont we had ridden the bike to Chaing Rai two day on the road, when we got to the village one Uncle just couldn't break away for work to see her, So we road up the mountian on dirt paths to see him. What was he doing sittting and watching an aunt nest grow deciding if it wa time to go for the eggs. That was more important then seeeing the his neice he hadn't seen for ten years. She used to believe that was the kind of treatment she deserves, that is no longer the case.

When we first got together I had been playing here for about a year so not exactly squeaky clean myself. If I wanted to go out for a beer she would literally push me down on the bed and sit on on my chest. Could I have removed of course but not without hurting her. So I just stayed home. To be homest she really didn't understand what a wonderful and honest person she was and how much that meant to me. Life had beaten her down so much that she had no confidence.

Her last Thai huband (boyfriend) had a gambling problem stole he money out of her purse while she was at her fathers death bed. at the time she was working on a farm for lodging and food plus a 1,000 naht a month and she had actually saved money from that. Tha was what she eft when she came to me, easy to understrand why she might not trust men. But I had no idea of that at all. I found these things out over years. She really doesn't complain much about anything. Unless a mood hits her.

That posseiveness drove me crazy I had been single for about six years and very use to coming and going with no thoughts to anyone else. But, I knew she was special and I adjusted. I went to wrok in Kuwait for three months and eveyhting changed. I came back and I guess she realized I would. Today I can kid around and flirt with girl and it doesn't bother her at all. She knows I'm coming home and she knows it's just something I do in jest. I really don't mess around on her and jealousy just won't work on a long term basis. I thin that part o the probelm with that is it is so readily available here if you have just a little bit of money. She doesn't live in a vaccum.

Tha trip changed a lot in our lives I had my own baggage and a far as I was concerned it was all about money here. I accepted that. She needed to take care of herself while I was gone. I arrranged for a friend to give her 7k a week, pretty darn good money for Thai' but not a drop in the bucket for a party girl. You see there wa no way in heck I was giving her an ATM card to my account I had a bit of experiece with party girls by this point. She might pick up money from him every three weeks. she was working to saving for our future. Today she has her own bank account and handles about 50K a mont. She pays all the bill and is in charge ofthe house and that includes the household money. But she earned my trust first.

When the moods would hit I did my norm and excercised my MACHO, threats like no tommorrow. You see I got my own baggage and I can be pretty darned defensive myself. None that did anythign except to drive us furthe apart. <deleted> inally one day i sit her down and spoke calmly to her I explained hat I realized that she had, had a hard life. But that stopped when she came to me. That I had only tried to do good for her. I didn't hurt her and I didn't deserve to be punished for what others did to her. Now I have no idea why it worked but it did. I'm happy that it did cause I was already looking for an apartment and had not said one word to her about it.

This four years leading to a good marriage has really been a journey with many twists and turns. Sorry folks you can't have what I have without paying some prices. Was it worht it I think so, it would never have happened if I had sent her down the road when things were uncomfortable. Somehting I have very little problem doing. But there was something about her that made me stay,I don't think I could really identify that. Sure I love her but I would never subject myself to misery for that alone. I've loved lots of women.

I haev had lots of friends tell me how lucky I am, sorry luck had nothing to do with it, it was earned by both of us.

[yorkman]

............

<deleted> inally one day i sit her down and spoke calmly to her I explained hat I realized that she had, had a hard life. But that stopped when she came to me. That I had only tried to do good for her. I didn't hurt her and I didn't deserve to be punished for what others did to her. Now I have no idea why it worked but it did.

............

I haev had lots of friends tell me how lucky I am, sorry luck had nothing to do with it, it was earned by both of us.

snipped only for brevity

Well said Ray,

You say you have no idea why telling her exactly how you feel worked, but I would hazard a guess you do really? You just put your cards on the table as well, explaining your thinking about it, and she listened.

When I see people blaming culture, characterising thais as being "airheads" that are only interested in shopping and gossip, equating lack of educational opportunity with stupidity, saying that they are only interested in money etc etc, and subsequently blaming all or any of those for their problems, I can only shake my head. Despite the superficial stuff they are just people as well.

Thats it, IMHO, the rest of it is, well, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus....... the world over.

I have never met any farang/thai couple where both sides did not bring some baggage with them; if teenage first loves were the usual perhaps then, but thats not the case usually is it?

[egg]

Hi folks ,,l think l was 1 of those naive fools that someone mentioned ,,, l didn't do enough homework before l embarked on this adventure,,, everything has been a steep learning curve for me,,,,,,, l wanted a change in my life, the rut in Oz was getting too much of the same same.

We have been married ( legally) going on 2 years ,,and live in Isaan,(we and 2 kids),,we built a new house (although she did not want one ), and have been living in it for almost a year, on the outskirts of the village , with a rural outlook ,,a view of ,, you guessed it ,, rice paddies .

The first 6 months were good and it just seems to be getting better,,, there are times when the language is a problem and we misunderstand each other ,, dont talk for a day ,, then it is all forgotten and things get back to normal.

My wife is the bread winner of the family ( a teacher ,, and she treats me like 1 of her students ),,, owing to a bit of bad judgement with my nest egg (there isn't 1 anymore ) ,,,she tells me not to worry ,we still have life ,, and she is right , again.

l am the house husband ,, along with the feeding of fish,, a fair bit of the gardening,, l guess l am the allround Mr Handyman ,,nevr enough time in the day

l think l have been very lucky to find a woman like her and her family who are fantastic , they have accepted me without question and have asked for nothing ,, when l buy something Mum gets angry and asks "why do spend money? we dont need that" ,, even if l need it.

l miss my kids back home ,, heaps ,,they have met there new mum a few times and get on extremely well .

So when l sit and think about it ,,,l might have been naive ,,, maybe even stupid ,, but it was a good decision ,,and l am happy she said yes when l asked her to marry me.

sorry ,, didn't mean to ramble on so much

Cheers

[Sir Burr]

I see this thread has been resurrected.

There will be at least two posters who will cringe when they read their original posts on page 1.

Errr yes, they made mistakes being recent inhabitents of Thailand. So glad you enjoy the misery of others "Sir" Burr, thanks for pointing it out , as if it was not obvious, I personally do not enjoy gloating over others bad luck/judgement experiences.

Do you have more to add? Perhaps your story? If it is worth telling?

No, a successful marriage of ten years doesn't make a story worth telling.

You obviously don't speak any Thai, otherwise you wouldn't have put quotation marks around the Sir part of my Nik.

[LoveDaBlues]

I was in Bangkok a couple of weeks ago and it made me realize just how good I have it up here. I had actually forgotten how much I dislike Bangkok.

A good woman, a home, a dog, a workshop and a little land plus all the toys to use in the shop and to work the land. That's really not a lot but I'm perfectly content with it. I hate the thought of ever having to go back to the farang ghettos.

Gary, your old age must be affecting your memory.....I've never forgotten how crappy BKK is.

[Gary A]

I was in Bangkok a couple of weeks ago and it made me realize just how good I have it up here. I had actually forgotten how much I dislike Bangkok.

A good woman, a home, a dog, a workshop and a little land plus all the toys to use in the shop and to work the land. That's really not a lot but I'm perfectly content with it. I hate the thought of ever having to go back to the farang ghettos.

Gary, your old age must be affecting your memory.....I've never forgotten how crappy BKK is.

You're probably right. It seems that the older I get the more selective my memory becomes. I tend to remember the good thing and forget the bad things. My last trip to the US was a harsh reminder of that.

[yorkman]

Hi folks ,,l think l was 1 of those naive fools that someone mentioned

( a teacher ,, and she treats me like 1 of her students That sounds familiar

sorry ,, didn't mean to ramble on so much

Cheers

clipped only for brevity

Ramble away Egg, glad its working out. She wants no money?? You have struck gold, in Thailand or elsewhere!!!

Apart from the occasional poster (see up ) its good to see positive posts

[Lickey]

Im in much the same boat as Egg, spent 3/4 of my nest egg after selling up in UK and moving here, my gf sold her bungalow and we built a new beauty salon, improved the farm irrigation ect, the salon is a big hit in the village/town, its busy all the time, the new irrigation on the farm means we can sell fruit and salad items the year round and is bringing in money everyday, basically, like Egg im a kept man, but i cant sit home all day, nuture pets or watch tv, look at the lovely young girls that are in out of the salon, so i spend a lot of time on the farm, Her family [mum and dad deceased] are no problem to me, never asked for money and always willing to help, thats why ive never bothered to buy a pick-up, 1/2 phone calls and we have a pick-up at the door within minutes, so life is great just now, in fact, i cant say i miss the UK that much having spent most of last Oct there, im glad to be "home",

The end of a happy life together does play on my mind quite a bit, when you hear stories of people ransacking your home when you are at your wifes funeral ect, the provision ive made for that is in about 10 years time, we will sell salon and farm and move to UK, or the Thai coast perhaps, buy a small house and spend our twilight years there, Perhaps im to dependant on Pan, although i still have a golden parachute, and kids/adults in the UK, I would be very uncomfortable living in Thailand without her,

Cheers, Lickey..

[AYJAYDEE]

............

<deleted> inally one day i sit her down and spoke calmly to her I explained hat I realized that she had, had a hard life. But that stopped when she came to me. That I had only tried to do good for her. I didn't hurt her and I didn't deserve to be punished for what others did to her. Now I have no idea why it worked but it did.

............

I haev had lots of friends tell me how lucky I am, sorry luck had nothing to do with it, it was earned by both of us.

snipped only for brevity

Well said Ray,

You say you have no idea why telling her exactly how you feel worked, but I would hazard a guess you do really? You just put your cards on the table as well, explaining your thinking about it, and she listened.

When I see people blaming culture, characterising thais as being "airheads" that are only interested in shopping and gossip, equating lack of educational opportunity with stupidity, saying that they are only interested in money etc etc, and subsequently blaming all or any of those for their problems, I can only shake my head. Despite the superficial stuff they are just people as well.

Thats it, IMHO, the rest of it is, well, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus....... the world over.

I have never met any farang/thai couple where both sides did not bring some baggage with them; if teenage first loves were the usual perhaps then, but thats not the case usually is it?

and that was also very well said