How to instill cultural identity in your child – and why it matters

[snoop1130]

 

Just the other day while eating family dinner, my wife and I started talking about the idea of returning to America. The conversation then transitioned to the differences between Thai and American cultural values and the ways in which Thais and Americans differ. My 7 -year -old daughter, whose eyes darted between my wife and I as we took turns talking, swung her head and asked, “Daddy, do American people eat this too?”

 

I was confused, not at her question, but that she would speak of American people as being different from herself – —especially since she was born in America. “You realizerealise you ’are American, too, right?” I said. She tilted her chin into her neck and giggled, and although I chuckled as well, it got me thinking about how my daughter identifies—or does not identify—with the American culture of which I’m from, and whether that lack of identity may somehow affect her if we move back or she wants to study or work in the states. 

 

Would my daughter grow up to be a culturally rootless soul, failing to connect with American culture? Or would she somehow benefit from being what I discovered are Tthird culture kids, children who spend their developmental years in cultures other than their parents’ home countries.

 

I asked other non-Thai families and people who were raised in Thailand about their experiences, and I discovered there are three primary ways that you can teach your son or daughter about your home culture’s values while raising him or her in Thailand, so that when they return to your native country, they are well -adjusted.

 

Take occasional family holidays back home

 

Frances Watthanaya, who heads a programme in Northeastern Thailand for at -risk youth, is a Canadian native who now lives in a rice farming village in the Mueang Yang District of Nakhon Ratchasima with her Thai husband and 10 -year -old daughter. Unlike many of her compatriot families who live in Bangkok, Frances has almost no access to Canadian culture save for the occasional television show. Because of her extreme case, Frances believes there is only one way to teach her daughter about the cultural values of Canada.

 

“Spend time in both countries,” she said. “Spending time in Canada is the most important and the only way I can really instil those values in her. She has to see it and experience it for herself.”

 

You may not live in rural Thailand, but your child will still benefit from the occasional trip back home. They’ll have time to play with cousins, listen to grandparents recount family stories, and see how people interact day-to-day. This will teach your son or daughter more about your culture’s values than words or movies or music. If it’s not possible to fly back home regularly, though, you can still expose your children to your home culture right here in Thailand.

 

Join clubs, societies, or international schools

 

Although the world is slowly moving away from tribalism, children need to feel like they belong to a group who shares similar values to form a healthy sense of identity. One way to accomplish this is by enrolling your child into clubs, societies, or international schools where he or she can associate with people from your native culture. By doing so, this will prepare them for life outside of Thailand if they choose to study or work in your home country.

 

In fact, it doesn’t matter where you come from in the world, you will most likely be able to find a place to take your children to expose them to your home country’s values. You can do this by enrolling them in one of the country’s hundreds of international schools, or by visiting a smaller club.

 

Kevin Amlid, whose Norwegian father and Thai mother own a self-storage business in Pattaya, always found himself immersed in Norwegian culture when he was growing up. His father would take him and his younger brother to the Norwegian Seaman’s Church for two main celebrations every year: the Norwegian Constitution Day and Christmas Eve.

 

Full Story: https://expatlifeinthailand.com/lifestyle/how-to-instill-cultural-identity-in-your-child-and-why-it-matters/

 

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[SiSePuede419]

On 4/19/2021 at 3:34 AM, snoop1130 said:

Just the other day while eating family dinner, my wife and I started talking about the idea of returning to America.

Your wife is Thai.  You live in Thailand.  Why do you insist on believing that your kids are...American?!?!?

 

Birthplace is not culture. ????

Edited April 20, 2021 by SiSePuede419

[brewsterbudgen]

I think the author of the article "think(s) too much".

[Hanaguma]

We had the same issue here in Japan. My son's mother is Japanese, I am from Canada.  There is no need to choose one culture over the other, kids are smart. They can easily recognize both and learn both, especially if they can spend time in both and learn both languages. 

 

We found language study the key as language opens up culture in so many ways. We followed a system that is called "MLaH", or Minority Language at Home. Since we live in Japan, this means that at home we spoke English nearly all the time- all of us, not just my son and I. We also watched English language tv as much as possible, had English books/school supplements and so on. Basically, home became an English oasis. 

 

A lot of people try for the OPOL (one parent one language) approach, where each parent uses their native language with their children. But I found that it doesn't provide enough support for the minority language in many cases.  When a child sees thier parents BOTH using the minority language on a daily basis, it shows value and respect for it. Besides, the kids get enough of the minority language outside the home- school, friends, extended family, etc. 

 

The kid is25 now and fluently bilingual. He never worried too much about "what" he is.  But I get the impression he enjoys slipping from one culture to the other when he feels like.  Takes effort, but is a great gift you can give your children.

[2009]

On 4/21/2021 at 5:09 AM, SiSePuede419 said:

Your wife is Thai.  You live in Thailand.  Why do you insist on believing that your kids are...American?!?!?

 

Birthplace is not culture. ????

 

Culture is learned from people. Isn't he American? They'll have some of his ethnicity if he has been raising them.

 

[from the home of CC]

On 4/21/2021 at 5:09 AM, SiSePuede419 said:

Your wife is Thai.  You live in Thailand.  Why do you insist on believing that your kids are...American?!?!?

 

Birthplace is not culture. ????

after all the attacks on Asian Americans recently, it certainly is better to be here than there...

[marc26]

On 4/20/2021 at 3:09 PM, SiSePuede419 said:

Your wife is Thai.  You live in Thailand.  Why do you insist on believing that your kids are...American?!?!?

 

Birthplace is not culture. ????

Because she is American.........

Believe it or not, not all westerners living in Thailand self-loathe their own country and wish they were Thai

 

It is good to have both cultures...............

[marc26]

On 4/20/2021 at 7:25 PM, brewsterbudgen said:

I think the author of the article "think(s) too much".

Yeah thinking of how you want your child to be raised and what cultures you want to instill in them is "thinking too much"

[scammed]

she can eat bugs with ketchup, let that sink in

[rcuthbert]

The family is the "*Primary Agent of Socialization." In North America, special interest coalitions are working to replace the family with the schools and social media. In other words, they are attempting to reconstruct Western culture.

*The family is the primary unit for socializing children, which is important because no society is possible without this process. ... Parents, siblings, other relatives, and any member of a family unit, all help to socialize children from the time they are born."

 

*

https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=family+is+the+%22Primary+Agent+of+Socialization.%22

 

 

[2009]

On 4/21/2021 at 5:09 AM, SiSePuede419 said:

Your wife is Thai.  You live in Thailand.  Why do you insist on believing that your kids are...American?!?!?

 

Birthplace is not culture. ????

 

Current location is not culture either.

 

Culture (ethnicity) is learned behaviour and beliefs, irrespective of nationality (your passport) or race (your appearance, genetics).

 

Why wouldn't his kids share traits with the American parent who raised them? And why shouldn't both parents teach their own culture to them?

 

If you observed his kids and the local Thai, I'd bet you would notice they are quite American and quite different to the local Thai - they have some American traits already - maybe as much as (or more than) their Thai traits.

 

My kid, born and raised in Thailand, clearly has both Thai and Western ethnicity. In fact, she identifies more as a farang and has more character traits of me than her mother. She was raised mostly by me. Though, I can clearly see Thai culture in her too.

 

Ethnicity changes too. Look at a Thai who has lived in America for decades. How different they are from before. Look at farang who have been in Thailand for decades. Some people adopt new culture more willingly and so their ethnicity becomes blended. I should know, everyone calls me "farang Lao" lol

 

Maybe there are some benefits to learning from their dad's (foreign) culture.

 

Can anyone think of any?

 

 

 

 

[marc26]

On 5/5/2021 at 8:45 PM, 2009 said:

 

 

 

Maybe there are some benefits to learning from their dad's (foreign) culture.

 

Can anyone think of any?

 

 

 

 

When I 1st met my wife she was afraid to go into 4/5 star hotels

She now has a business(or had before covid) that deals with owners of hotels, telling staff that try and make things difficult to "<deleted> off"

 

I grew up lower middle class in the US, but I never felt I "didn't belong anywhere"
I remember we'd go to nice restaurants for special occasions..........I was never itimidated,

 

We know Thai chefs here in Vancouver who went to major culinary schools, worked around the world but still feel they "are less than"

 

I showed my wife she belongs anywhere and she feels she belongs anywhere now..............both examples are traits learned by different cultures...........

[GinBoy2]

Maybe this is just me, but often think a lot of culture is tied up with language.

 

I'm hispanic, so I've spoken English and Spanish all my life. I feel American, yet if I visit family in Mexico the culture isn't alien to me, mainly I think because I can understand everything around me.

 

Our son was born in Singapore, and we made a decision to make him fluent in languages. Mom only spoke Thai & Lao, and I only spoke English and Mandarin, although I wish I'd also done Spanish as well, but I couldn't wrap my head ahead speaking all three.

 

When we moved to Thailand he was an early teen, he fitted right in. Same when he moved to the US for college. I think for the same reason I'm comfortable with my American and Mexican heritage, its that he understands everything in his environment through language.

 

Thai's often stress before they move to mystical Farangland about food, since it seems a very central part of their perceived culture.

 

We have always eaten our own 'ethnic' foods and everything in between wherever we have lived.

 

So again, maybe it's just me. But language is the key to 'culture' in my mind, and it gives you the ability to seamlessly move between 'cultures'

[marc26]

On 5/13/2021 at 6:12 PM, GinBoy2 said:

Maybe this is just me, but often think a lot of culture is tied up with language.

 

I'm hispanic, so I've spoken English and Spanish all my life. I feel American, yet if I visit family in Mexico the culture isn't alien to me, mainly I think because I can understand everything around me.

 

Our son was born in Singapore, and we made a decision to make him fluent in languages. Mom only spoke Thai & Lao, and I only spoke English and Mandarin, although I wish I'd also done Spanish as well, but I couldn't wrap my head ahead speaking all three.

 

When we moved to Thailand he was an early teen, he fitted right in. Same when he moved to the US for college. I think for the same reason I'm comfortable with my American and Mexican heritage, its that he understands everything in his environment through language.

 

Thai's often stress before they move to mystical Farangland about food, since it seems a very central part of their perceived culture.

 

We have always eaten our own 'ethnic' foods and everything in between wherever we have lived.

 

So again, maybe it's just me. But language is the key to 'culture' in my mind, and it gives you the ability to seamlessly move between 'cultures'

I can see that.

I am from Boston, lived in NYC for 14 years
There is such a Latin culture in those cities, that it feels familiar to me when I travel to Latin America

 

Funny you mention the language.

I am taking my Thai wife to Mexico for the 1st time, and I guarantee you she gets a bit angry(not really) that I know/understand Spanish much better than I know Thai

[marc26]

Back to cultural traits

A big one for me is curiosity. 
I've met very few Thais, even highly educated ones, who have much of a curiosity. They are discouraged not to question people like teachers/doctors.....
 

That gives them no sense of curiosity, IMO..............

I want any child I have to question everything and everyone.................

[GinBoy2]

On 5/17/2021 at 1:46 PM, marc26 said:

Back to cultural traits

A big one for me is curiosity. 
I've met very few Thais, even highly educated ones, who have much of a curiosity. They are discouraged not to question people like teachers/doctors.....
 

That gives them no sense of curiosity, IMO..............

I want any child I have to question everything and everyone.................

That I would argue is not a cultural trait but a societal trait.

 

My son growing up in Singapore with an American Dad and a coconut Thai Mom (she grew up in Chicago) was as curious and questioning as any kid.

 

It was a few years of Thai High School that attempted to knock that 'flaw' outta him.

 

Thankfully going to college in the US he regained that ability to question and think for himself.

 

But I don't think thats a cultural thing. He still feels himself to be American and Thai culturally.

 

Now is his brain wired differently to someone born, bred and subjected to Thai educational brainwashing? 

 

Absolutely!

[2009]

1 hour ago, GinBoy2 said:

That I would argue is not a cultural trait but a societal trait.

 

My son growing up in Singapore with an American Dad and a coconut Thai Mom (she grew up in Chicago) was as curious and questioning as any kid.

 

It was a few years of Thai High School that attempted to knock that 'flaw' outta him.

 

Thankfully going to college in the US he regained that ability to question and think for himself.

 

But I don't think thats a cultural thing. He still feels himself to be American and Thai culturally.

 

Now is his brain wired differently to someone born, bred and subjected to Thai educational brainwashing? 

 

Absolutely!

 

I dunno.

 

Have you not seen the black shirt protests?

 

And plenty of critical conversations about it in homes too.

 

Not to mention all the previous coloured shirt protests over the years/decades.

 

And you should meet my wife and her mother. Question bloody everything. Can't even go for a beer.

 

Thais know how and when to keep their mouths shut though...some a little too well..but they do so in their own best interest (e.g. law, salary).

 

Doesn't mean they don't have critical thinking skills, just a little different from ours. They navigate those waters differently.