Mispronunciation?

A visiting professor at an university is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. ”That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further.....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost."

The student replies, "Ghost? ######..... From back there I thought you said 'goats'!"

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talking abouta sexa? Imma justa tellun my frienda how to spella "Mississippi"!

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line for the automobiles, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."

Ford thinks about it and says,” I want to hang out with God, Himself."

The angel at the Gates takes Ford to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God,

"Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" God says, "Ah, yes." "Well," says Ford "You have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much front end protrusion

2. It chatters at high speeds

3. The rear end wobbles too much, and

4. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust."

"Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on." God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it.

"It may be that my invention is flawed," God replies to Henry Ford, "but according to My Computer, more men are riding my invention than yours."