Hello Everyone:

I'm a brand new member of this web site and I hope I get some advise from you who live there in Thailand and have more experience in life than I do.

I'm in my mid 30s, married to a wonderful man, have a 3 year old baby, live comfortably in the USA. I have college degree and I was a flight attendant of an international airline for almost 10 years. My husband is a captain of the same airline, we met 12 years ago and have been together since then. We love each other so much and we can't live without each other. The problem is I'm Thai and he is an American. I have my big family there, wonderful parents, sister, brother and a lot more. I quit my job 4 and a half years ago and moved to the USA to become a full time home maker and mommy. Everything is so fine with our lives, only the part of missing my family and Thailand. We go there every year for a month or two but I just can't have enough of it. I love my country and my family so much that I want to raise my child there. I would love my child to grow up with relatives and people who love him around. Over here in America, we do not have anyone else. Well, we know some people but I never feel close to them. I've raise in a very conservative family. I would like my child to have the same path.

My husband is still flying and his base is here, in the USA. He still has years before the time to retire. But here is the real problem. I want him to quit his job so we can move to Thailand and live there as a real family. I'm so tired of he being gone to other countries all the time, and I'm home alone with my child. I want them, my husband an my child to spend all the time together and I know that's what they want too. I own a beautiful home free and clear in Rayong, and it's been sitting empty for too long. I have a nice car, free and clear. I have some savings in my accouts, not too much though. So I have been thinking about having my husband quit his job, moving back to Thailand and give a good life to my child. My parents and siblings can't wait for us to live close to them.

This is such a big matter. I really don't know what to do. I think my child will have a better life growing up there but many people (who don't know much about Thailand) do not agree with me. They are so sure that America is definitely the better place for his future.

I'm asking for some advise from the reader who might have some thing to educate me, please. I do not want to make any mistake or harm my husband and my child, the most important people in my life.

Thank you in advance,

momathome

I think you have a very rosy colored view of life in Thailand, not one necessarily based in reality. Read the Thai Visas section of the board to figure out the difficulties your husband will face trying to stay in this country without adequate funding. Read the general forum a bit to see the things people love and hate about this country. Read the Family forum to see the difficulties (and the costs) people face in trying to find a good education for their children.

And then ask yourself, if you force your husband into a situation and he ends up miserable, is your marriage strong enough to survive? Marriage is a partnership and decisions have to be made together based on what is feasible and practical. Seems to me you need to do quite a bit more research before making any kind of move.

The quesiton to ask is, how are you going to support your life in Thailand? SBK makes some very good points about Visas.

Education is a huge problem. Those who can afford good education in Thailand can afford better education overseas.

Getting your husband to pack up work, presumably well paid and personally rewarding work, to move to Thailand where he suddenly becomes 'A Guest', is a move fraught with problems.

In the US you have financial security, you both have rights, your children have access to education and oportunities that are not available in Thailand.

My advice is take holidays in Thailand and as soon as you can get back out to work to build a social circle.

You don't mention how your husband feels about moving. It is important that he also wants to move here, and even then Thailand is not an easy place to live long-term for a foreigner. If he has problems dealing with Thailand, you will get some of the blame. He may also be concerned about your child's education.

Many Americans that can afford it move before a child gets to be old enough to go to public school. They pick a town to live in based on how good the schools are. School is free and parents can get involved with the PTA and school board. There aren't many international schools in Rayong and top schools often charge about 250K plus fees (many charge more too.) That's a big expense and it may result in your family's standard of living becoming lower in Thailand than it was in the US.

Would it be possible for you & your child to spend a couple of months at a time with your family in Thailand during periods when your husband is particularly busy at work & away a lot? That way you get to see more of your family & support from them, without making any major changes or upheavals

Stop being so selfish!

You married into a different culture. Your choice. Now you must learn to respect the culture that you married into.

Objectively your husband will not be able to provide for his child and wife as well in Thailand. Try thinking a little further into the future. If your relatives in Thailand really do care for you and your nuclear family they will understand.

Ya.... seems more like a case of just wanting to be with your family, doesnt sound like you have the best interest of your child at heart... or your husband. Sounds selfish to me too... sorry. Your child has 10 times more opportunities for success in North America unless you have ties to big business in Thailand and you can gaurantee your childs future career in a lucrative Thai family business. Can't believe you would want your husband to quit being an airline captain....... wow.

Damian

Agreed with all the comments so far. I have a suggestion though. Could your husband fly for Thai or one of the other airlines based here? As far as I know, the lingua franca of aviation is English so he shouldn't have any problems communicating. That could be worth investigating. As far as schooling is concerned, we have two girls at an International school and the fees are (fortunately) paid for by my husband's employers or they would be going to the local temple school. Ultra expensive thing educating children.

Hello Everyone:

I'm a brand new member of this web site and I hope I get some advise from you who live there in Thailand and have more experience in life than I do.

I'm in my mid 30s, married to a wonderful man, have a 3 year old baby, live comfortably in the USA. I have college degree and I was a flight attendant of an international airline for almost 10 years. My husband is a captain of the same airline, we met 12 years ago and have been together since then. We love each other so much and we can't live without each other. The problem is I'm Thai and he is an American. I have my big family there, wonderful parents, sister, brother and a lot more. I quit my job 4 and a half years ago and moved to the USA to become a full time home maker and mommy. Everything is so fine with our lives, only the part of missing my family and Thailand. We go there every year for a month or two but I just can't have enough of it. I love my country and my family so much that I want to raise my child there. I would love my child to grow up with relatives and people who love him around. Over here in America, we do not have anyone else. Well, we know some people but I never feel close to them. I've raise in a very conservative family. I would like my child to have the same path.

My husband is still flying and his base is here, in the USA. He still has years before the time to retire. But here is the real problem. I want him to quit his job so we can move to Thailand and live there as a real family. I'm so tired of he being gone to other countries all the time, and I'm home alone with my child. I want them, my husband an my child to spend all the time together and I know that's what they want too. I own a beautiful home free and clear in Rayong, and it's been sitting empty for too long. I have a nice car, free and clear. I have some savings in my accouts, not too much though. So I have been thinking about having my husband quit his job, moving back to Thailand and give a good life to my child. My parents and siblings can't wait for us to live close to them.

This is such a big matter. I really don't know what to do. I think my child will have a better life growing up there but many people (who don't know much about Thailand) do not agree with me. They are so sure that America is definitely the better place for his future.

I'm asking for some advise from the reader who might have some thing to educate me, please. I do not want to make any mistake or harm my husband and my child, the most important people in my life.

Thank you in advance,

momathome

Shouldn't your topic be named: "Should We Move To Thailand?

There are lots of 'I''s in your message...

A solution is that your husband apply as a captain with a (major) Far Eastern Airline. Lots of them around in Singapore, Hong Kong, China, Taiwan etc. so he could have his home-base in Thailand or nearby. Maybe he could even apply as a training-captain with Thai airways but I'm not into that field, so I don't know.

Wish you well though.

LaoPo

Hello again everyone:

Thank you so much for taking your time to read and share your opinion about this. Now I think have to tell you more about us. So that it won't sound like I only think about myself.

I'm from a very small town where most people are farming, growing rice and that sort of thing. My parents have three children, they sacrificed everything they had to send us to the best 'public school' which was about 18 Km away. The road was so terrible that it took more than one hour to commute each way. So we got up at 5.00 o'clock, bathe, had Thai style 'home made' breakfast, got dress and got on the Tuk-Tuk that my parents and our uncle hire to send us to school. The tuk-tuk drop us in front of the school gate and pick us up the same place Monday to Friday all year around. At the time there were on my parents and my uncle who could afford to send children to school. Well, there were families who had more money but decided to do something else with thier children which is not my place to talk about. Anyway, my parents told us everyday that they were trying to give the best life for each of us. They wanted us to study hard and not to worry about anything. We didn't have much money but we lived in a clean little house sorrouned by our relatives, about 5o of them. We had old but clean clothes, we had food that my mother cook for us every meal, we even packed our lunch every single day to school. And we all did study hard, we all went to college, graduated with honors. My sister is a senior nurse, happily married to a Thai military officer. My brother has a good job and married and have two kids. I started my flight attendant job 10 days after my university final exam and I was 22. My first pay check was 3,000 Baht because the first two months was in the training center. I passed the training and worked for the airline. I started making 50,000 Bath/ month right after I finished my training. I sent 5,000 Baht a month to my parents, a about a year later I had them retired but they couldn't because they are used to working but they did slow down and take time of to relax. I bought them a brand new car, which they never own one before. I remodel and extended the house for them. Years later I bought a little car for myself and then I bought a 4 bedroom house with my own money. I quit my job while I was at the top of the game and making 80,000-90,000 Baht/month because the man I love asked me to marry him and moved to America. Since then I became a real house wife. I learned to cook, bake, iron the clothes, clean the house and do everything I can to provide a happy home for my little family. I don't smoke, drink, or even shop. I told my husband not to buy me present on any occations, like birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc. because I want him to put all the money in the his retirement account. I drive him to and from work. I breastfed my son until he turn three. I teach him to count in 1-10 in 4 languages that I speak before he turn 2 and now he can count to 100, spell his name and 4 more words. I spend all my time with him since he was born, never be apart more than 30 minutes, except the night I had to be in operation from ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me.

Now about my husband, he has been flying for 35 years, that means he has always spends his time alone in his 4-5 star hotel room. Sleep alone, eat alone and he hates that. He tells me everyday that he can't wait to sleep in his home next to me, eat my food, take our son to the beach, work on his music. He is a great musician who never has time to play, even though he always carry his 3,000$ quitar with him on his trips. He is not happy with the job anymore, actually he has been unhappy with the job for a long time. He makes about 140,000$ a year, before tax of course. We live in a two bed room condo 10 minute drive from the airport because I want him to be able to get home as soon as he gets off the airplane and I don't want him to have to travel in the car from home to work too long since I know that's killing him.

I want my husband to quit his job because I know he is not happy with it. He is tired of travelling. He wants to have time to be with his family. He wants to work on his music. But his reason of doing the job is to make sure that I will never have to work again, unless I want to. I'm greatful for everything he has done for me and our family and I think it's time for me to do something for him by giving him a chance to do what he wants to do. I know I can get a job in Thailand and make some money to support my family. My husband loves Thailand and says that we will retire there someday. I want someday to be soon. I really don't care about how much money he makes, may be that's not very smart according to some people thinking.

My son is three and he is a great, well behaved kid who always asks me to drive to the airport to see his daddy or ask me to call his daddy when daddy is flying an airplane in the the sky, on the other side of the glove.

So, am I being selfish?

Thanks for reading,

momathome

Hello again:

Yes, I should say 'Should we move to Thailand?' thank you and sorry about that. I wrote the topic very late at night after I put my son to bed.

Sawasdee ka

I don't think you're necessarily being selfish, momathome. You, your family & your husband have all worked extremely hard to get what you have & should all be proud of yourselves. But I still have one question. You say your husband is tired of his job & you are worried about him, but have you discussed these plans with him? How does he feel about all this? This cannot be a unilateral decision, if it is to succeed.

Hello Everyone:

I'm a brand new member of this web site and I hope I get some advise from you who live there in Thailand and have more experience in life than I do.

I'm in my mid 30s, married to a wonderful man, have a 3 year old baby, live comfortably in the USA. I have college degree and I was a flight attendant of an international airline for almost 10 years. My husband is a captain of the same airline, we met 12 years ago and have been together since then. We love each other so much and we can't live without each other. The problem is I'm Thai and he is an American. I have my big family there, wonderful parents, sister, brother and a lot more. I quit my job 4 and a half years ago and moved to the USA to become a full time home maker and mommy. Everything is so fine with our lives, only the part of missing my family and Thailand. We go there every year for a month or two but I just can't have enough of it. I love my country and my family so much that I want to raise my child there. I would love my child to grow up with relatives and people who love him around. Over here in America, we do not have anyone else. Well, we know some people but I never feel close to them. I've raise in a very conservative family. I would like my child to have the same path.

My husband is still flying and his base is here, in the USA. He still has years before the time to retire. But here is the real problem. I want him to quit his job so we can move to Thailand and live there as a real family. I'm so tired of he being gone to other countries all the time, and I'm home alone with my child. I want them, my husband an my child to spend all the time together and I know that's what they want too. I own a beautiful home free and clear in Rayong, and it's been sitting empty for too long. I have a nice car, free and clear. I have some savings in my accouts, not too much though. So I have been thinking about having my husband quit his job, moving back to Thailand and give a good life to my child. My parents and siblings can't wait for us to live close to them.

This is such a big matter. I really don't know what to do. I think my child will have a better life growing up there but many people (who don't know much about Thailand) do not agree with me. They are so sure that America is definitely the better place for his future.

I'm asking for some advise from the reader who might have some thing to educate me, please. I do not want to make any mistake or harm my husband and my child, the most important people in my life.

Thank you in advance,

momathome

All negatve so far arent they,? probably not the best place to ask advise on your situation i feel,.

Agreed with all the comments so far. I have a suggestion though. Could your husband fly for Thai or one of the other airlines based here? As far as I know, the lingua franca of aviation is English so he shouldn't have any problems communicating. That could be worth investigating. As far as schooling is concerned, we have two girls at an International school and the fees are (fortunately) paid for by my husband's employers or they would be going to the local temple school. Ultra expensive thing educating children.

Ever seen a farang flying any of the thai based airlines ? ...

Thai airways only employs Thai nationals. The other airlines are hit and miss but the pay is going to be allot lower than big international airlines. There is a chance he could work for another countries airline but be bassed here but I'm not to sure. Im suprised you say your husband doesnt get enough time with the familly because all the pilots I know get loads of time off as they are only allowed to fly a maximum number of hours per month.

Jake

Look, call me suspicious but there is something not quite right about this. You say your husband has been flying for 35 years. Assuming he started at 20 he would now be about 55 so he must be nearly ready for retirement. How old is he?

I don't think you're necessarily being selfish, momathome. You, your family & your husband have all worked extremely hard to get what you have & should all be proud of yourselves. But I still have one question. You say your husband is tired of his job & you are worried about him, but have you discussed these plans with him? How does he feel about all this? This cannot be a unilateral decision, if it is to succeed.

Now that we have more information I support and echo the above!

Edited June 10, 200719 yr by philliphn

Hello Everyone:

I'm a brand new member of this web site and I hope I get some advise from you who live there in Thailand and have more experience in life than I do.

I'm in my mid 30s, married to a wonderful man, have a 3 year old baby, live comfortably in the USA. I have college degree and I was a flight attendant of an international airline for almost 10 years. My husband is a captain of the same airline, we met 12 years ago and have been together since then. We love each other so much and we can't live without each other. The problem is I'm Thai and he is an American. I have my big family there, wonderful parents, sister, brother and a lot more. I quit my job 4 and a half years ago and moved to the USA to become a full time home maker and mommy. Everything is so fine with our lives, only the part of missing my family and Thailand. We go there every year for a month or two but I just can't have enough of it. I love my country and my family so much that I want to raise my child there. I would love my child to grow up with relatives and people who love him around. Over here in America, we do not have anyone else. Well, we know some people but I never feel close to them. I've raise in a very conservative family. I would like my child to have the same path.

My husband is still flying and his base is here, in the USA. He still has years before the time to retire. But here is the real problem. I want him to quit his job so we can move to Thailand and live there as a real family. I'm so tired of he being gone to other countries all the time, and I'm home alone with my child. I want them, my husband an my child to spend all the time together and I know that's what they want too. I own a beautiful home free and clear in Rayong, and it's been sitting empty for too long. I have a nice car, free and clear. I have some savings in my accouts, not too much though. So I have been thinking about having my husband quit his job, moving back to Thailand and give a good life to my child. My parents and siblings can't wait for us to live close to them.

This is such a big matter. I really don't know what to do. I think my child will have a better life growing up there but many people (who don't know much about Thailand) do not agree with me. They are so sure that America is definitely the better place for his future.

I'm asking for some advise from the reader who might have some thing to educate me, please. I do not want to make any mistake or harm my husband and my child, the most important people in my life.

Thank you in advance,

momathome

Your not married to your family . your family is your husband and child maybe you need to be talking to him and not a bunch of strangers on a website seems to me you are thinking only about yourself and what your missing in life if you miss your family so much treat them to a holiday in america I think you will find that your child will have a far better education in usa so tell your mum and dad back in thailand that at this moment in time they will have to wait and that you will call them up by phone once a week

Hello Everyone:

I'm a brand new member of this web site and I hope I get some advise from you who live there in Thailand and have more experience in life than I do.

I'm in my mid 30s, married to a wonderful man, have a 3 year old baby, live comfortably in the USA. I have college degree and I was a flight attendant of an international airline for almost 10 years. My husband is a captain of the same airline, we met 12 years ago and have been together since then. We love each other so much and we can't live without each other. The problem is I'm Thai and he is an American. I have my big family there, wonderful parents, sister, brother and a lot more. I quit my job 4 and a half years ago and moved to the USA to become a full time home maker and mommy. Everything is so fine with our lives, only the part of missing my family and Thailand. We go there every year for a month or two but I just can't have enough of it. I love my country and my family so much that I want to raise my child there. I would love my child to grow up with relatives and people who love him around. Over here in America, we do not have anyone else. Well, we know some people but I never feel close to them. I've raise in a very conservative family. I would like my child to have the same path.

My husband is still flying and his base is here, in the USA. He still has years before the time to retire. But here is the real problem. I want him to quit his job so we can move to Thailand and live there as a real family. I'm so tired of he being gone to other countries all the time, and I'm home alone with my child. I want them, my husband an my child to spend all the time together and I know that's what they want too. I own a beautiful home free and clear in Rayong, and it's been sitting empty for too long. I have a nice car, free and clear. I have some savings in my accouts, not too much though. So I have been thinking about having my husband quit his job, moving back to Thailand and give a good life to my child. My parents and siblings can't wait for us to live close to them.

This is such a big matter. I really don't know what to do. I think my child will have a better life growing up there but many people (who don't know much about Thailand) do not agree with me. They are so sure that America is definitely the better place for his future.

I'm asking for some advise from the reader who might have some thing to educate me, please. I do not want to make any mistake or harm my husband and my child, the most important people in my life.

Thank you in advance,

momathome

Your not married to your family . your family is your husband and child maybe you need to be talking to him and not a bunch of strangers on a website seems to me you are thinking only about yourself and what your missing in life if you miss your family so much treat them to a holiday in america I think you will find that your child will have a far better education in usa so tell your mum and dad back in thailand that at this moment in time they will have to wait and that you will call them up by phone once a week

I don't think it's necessary to be so judgemental. No one really knows Momathome, other than the few lines she wrote in this thread.

What I pick up out of this is that she's homesick. And I don't think homesickness should be underestimated.

All over TV we can read how much important family ties are for Thai/Asian people (and not only for them. Many 'foreigners' decide to go 'home' or don't even want to live abroad far away from family and/or friends, only we may not read or hear from them so much. But they are by far the majority).

It may come across in her post that Momathome only thinks about herself. But just the fact that she writes this post means to me that she doesn't. If homesickness is not dealt with, it can kill the relationship. I get the impression that's the last thing what Momathome wants to happen. Through this forum, she is asking for support!

If I would be in her shoes I definitely would discuss it with my husband and try to explain how I feel and what bothers me. I don't know Momathome's husband and, thus, I don't know how much he really will listen to and tries to understand her feelings. That's something only Momothome can judge. But if he really loves and respects her he will.

One thing you, Momathome, can do is try to find out (google?) if there are other Thai people (a Thai group?) in your neighborhood. But maybe you have done that already. If you can communicate with or visit them on a regular basis, it may give you some support as I assume they will perfectly understand how you feel.

Another thing you might discuss with your husband (mentioned already on this thread) is if it's possible that you can spend more time in Thailand when he's at work or, during free time in between flights, goes to your house in Rayong in stead of the US. Something like having two homes, one in the States and one in Thailand, if this is possible concerning the eduation of your child of course.

I wish you good luck in finding a solution for your distress,

Nienke

Edited June 10, 200719 yr by Nienke

Hello again:

My husband is 56 and he can be a captain until the age of 65. He has been working hard all his life, trying to provide for his family. He got divorce 2 times before we met, the first time because his wife was sleeping with his friend while he was being away, his family told me this story. The second time, I know his ex and I'm a good friend with his children, she couldn't stand being alone so she started drinking and asking to leave. He is my first and only love, I never been married or being so close to anyone like this in my whole life that's why I'm having a hard time enjoying my life when I know that my husband is doing what he doesn't want to do. Yes, I've asked him if he would like to quit his job and move to Thailand. He said we need to save more money so I can stay home with him and take care of our son all the time. He doesn't want me to have to work again ever. But here is my point of view. I don't need a million dollars to survive. As I said I'm only in my 30s and I'm capable of getting a job at this age. But what if we wait for another 10 years, and we need more financial support for some reason, I'll be too old to start something. I'm young and I should be taking care of my family, don't you think?

My parents are very supportive. We talk once or twice a week. They say they support whatever we want to do. They don't want to come to America because they do not want to drain our bank account.

I started the topic because I was curious how do you, foreigners, live in Thailand. I wonder what kind of life you have? Do you find it's difficult? Do you feel save? Do you feel lonely? Do you miss your homeland? I was trying to see if it's right for us to move there. I want the best for my husband and my son.

Sawasdee ka,

momathome

Hello again:

My husband is 56 and he can be a captain until the age of 65. He has been working hard all his life, trying to provide for his family. He got divorce 2 times before we met, the first time because his wife was sleeping with his friend while he was being away, his family told me this story. The second time, I know his ex and I'm a good friend with his children, she couldn't stand being alone so she started drinking and asking to leave. He is my first and only love, I never been married or being so close to anyone like this in my whole life that's why I'm having a hard time enjoying my life when I know that my husband is doing what he doesn't want to do. Yes, I've asked him if he would like to quit his job and move to Thailand. He said we need to save more money so I can stay home with him and take care of our son all the time. He doesn't want me to have to work again ever. But here is my point of view. I don't need a million dollars to survive. As I said I'm only in my 30s and I'm capable of getting a job at this age. But what if we wait for another 10 years, and we need more financial support for some reason, I'll be too old to start something. I'm young and I should be taking care of my family, don't you think?

My parents are very supportive. We talk once or twice a week. They say they support whatever we want to do. They don't want to come to America because they do not want to drain our bank account.

I started the topic because I was curious how do you, foreigners, live in Thailand. I wonder what kind of life you have? Do you find it's difficult? Do you feel save? Do you feel lonely? Do you miss your homeland? I was trying to see if it's right for us to move there. I want the best for my husband and my son.

Sawasdee ka,

momathome

Hi,

I'm sorry if some posts have distressed you.

As far as education goes, I think there are some pretty good international schools in Thailand. Not sure about the neighborhood of Rayong, but certainly in Bangkok and Chiang Mai. There are many foreign, loog krung and Thai kids at these schools who are all steemed ready to be able to study further at (good) Universities or the like abroad. But, of course, opinions differ here.

So far as living in Thailand concerns, I think it all depends on what you do, how you feel in your own skin and how strong family ties are. No matter where you live there are ups and downs.

And for myself, I can't say I have chosen the most easiest life, but certainly it's interesting and I'm doing something I love to do.

A hubby who wants the wife to stay home and look after the kids, but is himself most of the time away for work, may mean it well but is not listening to the feelings of his partner, in my opinion (probably because he just doesn't understand). And i think you make a very legitimate point by looking in the future. You never know if you once may be forced to work to bring in the necessary finance to survive. Plus, that I can imagine you started climbing the walls out of boredom. You may stress this point to your hubby and that it might be good for you in dealing with homesickness while he's away (especially because your husband already has the experience with his two former wives, that him being away so much and the wife at home all the time taking care of the kids can kill the relationship), in stead of saying that you want to work to help in the family's financial situation, but like to do something like part-time (voluntary) work, a hobby or the like. In that case, your hubby won't feel that he is failing in supporting his family (as I won't be surpised if that's is driving factor in that he doesn't want you to work).

Have you ever heard of the book 'Man come from Mars and women come from Venus), or something like that? It's a very good book explaining the differences between how men view things and how women view thing. I certainly recommend reading it. Just ask in the bookshops if they have it (most probably they do as it's a very popular book).

It might give you an inside on how your husband feels and deals with situations. Once you know and understand that, you can use that in your relationship. And I don't mean in the way of negative manipulation, but positively!

I have great respect for your sincere attempts in finding a solution for your not so easy situation,

Nienke

Edited June 10, 200719 yr by Nienke

Eh... it's really dependant on your husbands personality. Either he will love the "farmer" lifestyle and living in a small village or he will absolutely hate it. I personally would hate it, but I'm a big city kind of guy, I need technology and luxuries if I'm going to be somewere longterm. I noticed alot of the older men mentioning that they like living way out in the small villages so maybe your husband would feel the same way. He might have an idea now of what he would like but until he's living it... he might not really know for sure if he could enjoy it. If I was him I would want to live near the best school for my child, not near your parents that don't have a good school..... but that is me. Is it possible to live near a good school and visit your parents every week? Sacrificing your childs future opportunities shouldnt be an option.

Basically he has already decided to retire in Thailand. You should make sure he meant to live near your parents, perhaps he was planning on Bangkok. If he is as unhappy as you say, truly there is no excuse to continue working a job he hates, I've never understood people that live miserable lives. I prefer to be poor than miserable, but I much prefer making lots of money doing something I like! But most people I have noticed all work jobs they hate. Guess that is the norm.

Number one, you need to make sure you can offer the best possible education to your child on your budget, and that does not include the Thai public school near your village.... hope you can find a way to make it all work out.

Damian

Hello again everyone:

Thank you so much for taking your time to read and share your opinion about this. Now I think have to tell you more about us. So that it won't sound like I only think about myself.

I'm from a very small town where most people are farming, growing rice and that sort of thing. My parents have three children, they sacrificed everything they had to send us to the best 'public school' which was about 18 Km away. The road was so terrible that it took more than one hour to commute each way. So we got up at 5.00 o'clock, bathe, had Thai style 'home made' breakfast, got dress and got on the Tuk-Tuk that my parents and our uncle hire to send us to school. The tuk-tuk drop us in front of the school gate and pick us up the same place Monday to Friday all year around. At the time there were on my parents and my uncle who could afford to send children to school. Well, there were families who had more money but decided to do something else with thier children which is not my place to talk about. Anyway, my parents told us everyday that they were trying to give the best life for each of us. They wanted us to study hard and not to worry about anything. We didn't have much money but we lived in a clean little house sorrouned by our relatives, about 5o of them. We had old but clean clothes, we had food that my mother cook for us every meal, we even packed our lunch every single day to school. And we all did study hard, we all went to college, graduated with honors. My sister is a senior nurse, happily married to a Thai military officer. My brother has a good job and married and have two kids. I started my flight attendant job 10 days after my university final exam and I was 22. My first pay check was 3,000 Baht because the first two months was in the training center. I passed the training and worked for the airline. I started making 50,000 Bath/ month right after I finished my training. I sent 5,000 Baht a month to my parents, a about a year later I had them retired but they couldn't because they are used to working but they did slow down and take time of to relax. I bought them a brand new car, which they never own one before. I remodel and extended the house for them. Years later I bought a little car for myself and then I bought a 4 bedroom house with my own money. I quit my job while I was at the top of the game and making 80,000-90,000 Baht/month because the man I love asked me to marry him and moved to America. Since then I became a real house wife. I learned to cook, bake, iron the clothes, clean the house and do everything I can to provide a happy home for my little family. I don't smoke, drink, or even shop. I told my husband not to buy me present on any occations, like birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc. because I want him to put all the money in the his retirement account. I drive him to and from work. I breastfed my son until he turn three. I teach him to count in 1-10 in 4 languages that I speak before he turn 2 and now he can count to 100, spell his name and 4 more words. I spend all my time with him since he was born, never be apart more than 30 minutes, except the night I had to be in operation from ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me.

Now about my husband, he has been flying for 35 years, that means he has always spends his time alone in his 4-5 star hotel room. Sleep alone, eat alone and he hates that. He tells me everyday that he can't wait to sleep in his home next to me, eat my food, take our son to the beach, work on his music. He is a great musician who never has time to play, even though he always carry his 3,000$ quitar with him on his trips. He is not happy with the job anymore, actually he has been unhappy with the job for a long time. He makes about 140,000$ a year, before tax of course. We live in a two bed room condo 10 minute drive from the airport because I want him to be able to get home as soon as he gets off the airplane and I don't want him to have to travel in the car from home to work too long since I know that's killing him.

I want my husband to quit his job because I know he is not happy with it. He is tired of travelling. He wants to have time to be with his family. He wants to work on his music. But his reason of doing the job is to make sure that I will never have to work again, unless I want to. I'm greatful for everything he has done for me and our family and I think it's time for me to do something for him by giving him a chance to do what he wants to do. I know I can get a job in Thailand and make some money to support my family. My husband loves Thailand and says that we will retire there someday. I want someday to be soon. I really don't care about how much money he makes, may be that's not very smart according to some people thinking.

My son is three and he is a great, well behaved kid who always asks me to drive to the airport to see his daddy or ask me to call his daddy when daddy is flying an airplane in the the sky, on the other side of the glove.

So, am I being selfish?

Thanks for reading,

momathome

Hi momathome,

I don't think you are being selfish at all. I'm sorry to see some people responding so harshly to you on this forum. To me, you seem like a caring mother and wife who is trying to do what is best for yourself and your family. I really admire your determination. To me, you seem like a very hard-working person who cares about her family a lot.

I can't speak as a an expat, as I am currently trying to find a way to make a life for myself in Thailand as well, but I would encourage your plans to move to Thailand to be close to your family. While I think it's true that certain things are easier to get in North America, like high paying jobs and good schools, there are other things about life that make people happy, not just $$. I don't think it's selfish to want your child to grow up close to a big extended family! Also, with the world becoming increasingly globalised, I think it is an advantage for a child to experience different cultures. Learning about the world, different people, different places, is also an important part of a good education!

However, there seems to be three majors things that need to be planned for:

* how your family will support itself

Is it possible for you and your husband to reduce your lifestyle for a few years in America, in order to save more money that would help you get a good start in Thailand? Would your husband be able to take early retirement, perhaps at 60, instead of 65? Would he be able to base himself out of a city in Asia, while flying for the same airline (as others were suggesting)? Would he be able to get a job with a local airline? I don't know much about the airline industry, but would your husband be able to teach at a school that trains pilots for Thai airways, or another Thai-based airline? How good is your husbands' Thai?

* how to get a good education for your child

I know that the Thai goverment has programs that sponsors Thai students to study abroad -- would this perhaps be possible when your son is of university age? Perhaps look on this board to find out what are the good international schools around Rayong, and see what the school fees are like?

* how your husband will adjust to life in Thailand

I think this really depends on your husband. But you say that he intends to retire in Thailand, so he must have good feelings about Thailand. Like some other members were saying, it is good to know if he likes living in big cities more, or living in the country. Perhaps you can talk about these things together, and figure out where/how he would be happy living so you can be happy together. But I think that if your husband is getting older, and your family is alone in the U.S., it would be good for you to be close to your family and friends in Thailand, if later he has problems with his health, to have many people around to help.

I think you are a very caring person, and I wish you the best of luck for all your plans!

Hello Everyone:

I'm a brand new member of this web site and I hope I get some advise from you who live there in Thailand and have more experience in life than I do.

I'm in my mid 30s, married to a wonderful man, have a 3 year old baby, live comfortably in the USA. I have college degree and I was a flight attendant of an international airline for almost 10 years. My husband is a captain of the same airline, we met 12 years ago and have been together since then. We love each other so much and we can't live without each other. The problem is I'm Thai and he is an American. I have my big family there, wonderful parents, sister, brother and a lot more. I quit my job 4 and a half years ago and moved to the USA to become a full time home maker and mommy. Everything is so fine with our lives, only the part of missing my family and Thailand. We go there every year for a month or two but I just can't have enough of it. I love my country and my family so much that I want to raise my child there. I would love my child to grow up with relatives and people who love him around. Over here in America, we do not have anyone else. Well, we know some people but I never feel close to them. I've raise in a very conservative family. I would like my child to have the same path.

My husband is still flying and his base is here, in the USA. He still has years before the time to retire. But here is the real problem. I want him to quit his job so we can move to Thailand and live there as a real family. I'm so tired of he being gone to other countries all the time, and I'm home alone with my child. I want them, my husband an my child to spend all the time together and I know that's what they want too. I own a beautiful home free and clear in Rayong, and it's been sitting empty for too long. I have a nice car, free and clear. I have some savings in my accouts, not too much though. So I have been thinking about having my husband quit his job, moving back to Thailand and give a good life to my child. My parents and siblings can't wait for us to live close to them.

This is such a big matter. I really don't know what to do. I think my child will have a better life growing up there but many people (who don't know much about Thailand) do not agree with me. They are so sure that America is definitely the better place for his future.

I'm asking for some advise from the reader who might have some thing to educate me, please. I do not want to make any mistake or harm my husband and my child, the most important people in my life.

Thank you in advance,

momathome

Your not married to your family . your family is your husband and child maybe you need to be talking to him and not a bunch of strangers on a website seems to me you are thinking only about yourself and what your missing in life if you miss your family so much treat them to a holiday in america I think you will find that your child will have a far better education in usa so tell your mum and dad back in thailand that at this moment in time they will have to wait and that you will call them up by phone once a week

I don't think it's necessary to be so judgemental. No one really knows Momathome, other than the few lines she wrote in this thread.

What I pick up out of this is that she's homesick. And I don't think homesickness should be underestimated.

All over TV we can read how much important family ties are for Thai/Asian people (and not only for them. Many 'foreigners' decide to go 'home' or don't even want to live abroad far away from family and/or friends, only we may not read or hear from them so much. But they are by far the majority).

It may come across in her post that Momathome only thinks about herself. But just the fact that she writes this post means to me that she doesn't. If homesickness is not dealt with, it can kill the relationship. I get the impression that's the last thing what Momathome wants to happen. Through this forum, she is asking for support!

If I would be in her shoes I definitely would discuss it with my husband and try to explain how I feel and what bothers me. I don't know Momathome's husband and, thus, I don't know how much he really will listen to and tries to understand her feelings. That's something only Momothome can judge. But if he really loves and respects her he will.

One thing you, Momathome, can do is try to find out (google?) if there are other Thai people (a Thai group?) in your neighborhood. But maybe you have done that already. If you can communicate with or visit them on a regular basis, it may give you some support as I assume they will perfectly understand how you feel.

Another thing you might discuss with your husband (mentioned already on this thread) is if it's possible that you can spend more time in Thailand when he's at work or, during free time in between flights, goes to your house in Rayong in stead of the US. Something like having two homes, one in the States and one in Thailand, if this is possible concerning the eduation of your child of course.

I wish you good luck in finding a solution for your distress,

Nienke

Hello Nienke, i agree, it seems some members are being a bit hard/judgemental here ,this lady is Thai and i havent met a Thai overseas that wasnt homesick, i think if they can afford it ( and he must be close to retirement ) then come over here, relax and all enjoy life,It sounds like they have done quite well in the states and those US dollars used wisely will go a long way in los,. by the way neinke look at these brothers i met in pattaya park yesterday whilst out for a walk with my family, you wont beleive how well behaved they were !

Edited June 11, 200719 yr by mikethevigoman

Hello again:

My husband is 56 and he can be a captain until the age of 65. He has been working hard all his life, trying to provide for his family. He got divorce 2 times before we met, the first time because his wife was sleeping with his friend while he was being away, his family told me this story. The second time, I know his ex and I'm a good friend with his children, she couldn't stand being alone so she started drinking and asking to leave. He is my first and only love, I never been married or being so close to anyone like this in my whole life that's why I'm having a hard time enjoying my life when I know that my husband is doing what he doesn't want to do. Yes, I've asked him if he would like to quit his job and move to Thailand. He said we need to save more money so I can stay home with him and take care of our son all the time. He doesn't want me to have to work again ever. But here is my point of view. I don't need a million dollars to survive. As I said I'm only in my 30s and I'm capable of getting a job at this age. But what if we wait for another 10 years, and we need more financial support for some reason, I'll be too old to start something. I'm young and I should be taking care of my family, don't you think?

My parents are very supportive. We talk once or twice a week. They say they support whatever we want to do. They don't want to come to America because they do not want to drain our bank account.

I started the topic because I was curious how do you, foreigners, live in Thailand. I wonder what kind of life you have? Do you find it's difficult? Do you feel save? Do you feel lonely? Do you miss your homeland? I was trying to see if it's right for us to move there. I want the best for my husband and my son.

Sawasdee ka,

momathome

Is that you Jimmy ?

one thing i want to point out: having had one husband who spent most of his waking hours in the fields and now with a husband who want around much in the beginning, it can cause many problems when suddenly they are around all the time. u are used to doing everything in the house, and may find it irritating to suddenly have your husband sitting in the salon while u still do your housework etc. , and if u go out to work and he sits home, (your child will be in school soon), he may really really resent it and make him bitter... and more daily arguements and it doesnt matter how much u love eachother, its the petty daily things that often ruin the relationship. u will have to learn to live together whereas up til now, u each have had your own space, even if u didnt like it (or thought u didnt like it).

perhaps, as someone mentioned: u should go for part time job or volunteer in the states first. let your husband be the one to decide to retire (i'm a feminist i swear but sometimes its better to let the man think he is the one making the decision !!!); perhaps he can indeed find a thailand based job in the airlines or a airlines or something so that he can still stay busy with time alone.

i suppose army wives whose men retire have an idea of what i'm talking about, or men who work offshore and suddenly are home all the time....

maybe u should just list pros and cons and ask husband what he thinks on the matter: not sure he would enjoy being surrounded by thai extended family. many westerners dont enjoy that for long periods of time, etc. and its a big change from being pilot to being father at home once the novelty wears off.

bina

If I were you, I won't even thinking coming to thailand ( unless of course you have a lot money for retirement) . I think USA life is a lot better for raising children (better education and life style).

This is just my personal opinion.

by the way neinke look at these brothers i met in pattaya park yesterday whilst out for a walk with my family, you wont beleive how well behaved they were !

You know that these are on the banned dog list in the States, don't you?! Be very carefull if they come close. Don't move, don't run, don't scream. Just let them pee you pants or join in if the need arises. Once they're gone, slowly walk back where you came from and search for a tap, transparant water for your pants and the yellow for you.

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They are very cute, though!

It's impossible to give meaningful advice without knowing all relevant, personal details, including your financial commitments.

But, a few things for consideration.

(1) The male ego is often tied to the size of his salary package. Airline captains are highly paid. As a male I can understand any indecision and reluctance to give up such a lucrative situation.

(2) We live in a materialistic world where money counts, but not for everything. As a farang, I'm very impressed with and attracted to the impression I have of Thailand as a country where people often appear to be happy with so little; happier than we are in the West with so much.

(3) At the age of 56, your husband must be at the minimum retirement age. (At least in Australia 55 is the minimum retirement age.) Even a reduced pension, by American standards, would go a long way in Thailand.

(4) Working under stress in a job or situation you don't like can eventually have health consequences. It would not be wise to sacrifice your health and psychological well-being for the sake of money.

(5) Whilst you speak (or at least write) English so well, how fluent is your husband in Thai? It would be necessary for him to become fluent, in my opinion.

(6) Speaking for myself, I would rather have a relaxed lifestyle in Thailand, playing music, learning the Thai language, helping my children with their homework and so on, than be an airline captain away from home most of the time, especially if I had a beautiful Thai wife who writes English as well as you do .

I think you have answered your own question, or at least pointed yourself in the direction you need to go.

It is of course your husband that you need to be talking to (and since you are careful to consider the feelings and views of your own family, you might want to extend that to the feelings and views of his family).

You have stated that your husband wants to retire to Thailand 'sometime' but do not elaborate in when that 'sometime' is. Has your husband told you when he expects that to be? When he hopes that to be? and importantly when believes that can be possible?

Your husband has a reasonable income, presumably he also has health care, pension and life assurance thrown in with his job. I also presume that with an above average income you are able to live in an area with good schools, services and health care.

These things in Thailand cost an awful lot of money and even then may not be satisfactory.

You may want to do something else with your life, to start a business, contribute to your family's wealth and welfare. The obvious comment here is.... There is nothing stopping you doing that in the US ....... and there is a bonus...... if your business idea fails in the US, you still have your husband's income to fall back on.

Appart from the idea of a business that is not yet started, and hence has no known income (or even known success) how are you going to live in Thailand?

You need to discuss this business/retirement plan with your husband - It almost certainl depends on how soon and with what income your husband can retire.

When can it happen?

What income would you have from savings, pensions, investments when your husband retires (Note here there is almost certainly going to be a trade off, retire early versus the amount of retirement income - So I doubt very much hat this is going to be an easy choice, it is absolutely one you need to discuss).

What do you understand about the costs of living in Thailand with children? Government school was good for you. But is it acceptable for your and your husband's child?

Let me remind you - Your parents made sacrifices to get you the best education that they could afford.

The subject of schooling for children in Thailand comes up often here in TV. Government schools are universally condemned as not good enough, or at least the very last resort. Private schools in Thailand are expensive: views range from ‘you get what you pay for’ to my own view that if you can afford the best in Thailand you can afford a lot better in Farangland.

What that boils down to is are you not willing to honor the sacrifice your parents made by doing the best for your child's education?

And finally, if your husband has been previously married. Does he have any commitments to his previous marriage/family and if so how is he going to meet those obligations from Thailand?

If you do not know the answers to these questions then you need to talk to your husband.

It is not a negative judgment on Thailand or your dream of moving back to make the comment that if you don’t address the above, your dream will end in disaster, for all of you.

Sometimes the best advice is the advice you don’t want to hear. And I should add, the advice that some would rather you did not hear.