Separation after 9 years together

[Lolothai]

Hi, I'm married to a Thai and we have 2 girls together and she had a 6 year old son when I met her. Things were never easy but we got some love moment, then with the children we never had private moments and always struggling with money. I managed to keep her family at bay as they were ruining our family life.

 

I bought a land, a house, a car and 2 years ago as I was working hundred km away we were running out of money because of some construction in our small house, she stole the little remaining we had to give to her mother and I could not even go back to work, we had 10 000 in bank and she gave all.

 

I lost my job and she wanted to go to work as a prostitute, I cried and she stop after 2 weeks then we struggled again and she went slowly back to it through working in massage. She was not a prostitute when I met her, she was 25 and me 34. Everything were more or less ok but with still a lot of family love until a day a rich thai guy started to take all her time and made her dream.

 

I got angry and could not stay like this, she accepted that I leave with our 2 girls. I tried to take her to France with me but she wants to be free and continue her business. She get 3000 a day with many bonus from this guy but she has to be with him constantly, he is crazy about her.

 

So I lost the land, house and car but I don't want it anyway. She still took 60 000 from me by making me believe that she would come to France in few month after clearing her life here but finally she used it to buy a cow and some she keeps to come to visit her kids here in one month.

 

I'm completely depressed, lonely with my 2 girls at my father's house in a very beautiful village but small and empty.

 

I tried to get her back before to leave by spending a week with our family in very nice hotel and water park, it was magical and she was again mine for a moment but as soon as we were in the flight she was with her boyfriend and she kept lying that she broke up.

She lies about everything all the time but I feel sometimes that there is still love. Since 3 days we left she doesn't answer much of my call or to see the kids, maybe 5 minutes per day, during this time she is full of love, even with me.

 

She did provide for me during 2 years, I was paying nothing as I could not go to work. Now she agrees to come 1 month every 3 months in France. It could be a temporary situation. She is also very often sick, chocolate cyst and thyroiditis leading to hyperthyroidism so her mood swing quite often.

 

Maybe I should leave her alone for sometimes and see how she feels in our house with her family and her boyfriend, she tends to get bored fast by people. Also I wonder how long this guy will keep paying for her, he is making 600 000 bahts a month with a coconut business but I suppose he could find other than her.

 

She agreed also to stay with our kids here in France for 6 months the time I go to work abroad for a mission but I don't think she can support it, she would be very lonely. So I'm stuck with my kids but I prefer this than them staying with there mother doing prostitution and having sex in our house while my daughter are playing near. I don't trust her with the kids over there. I'm so desperate, I really want to save our family but I can see that she doesn't want family life anymore. She wants to be independent.

 

She is a bit slow and not good with business, I tried a shop few year ago but it failed. I don't think her cow business would work and I hope also that she will get fed up with her very invasive new boyfriend or maybe that she would miss us.

[HighPriority]

I’d buy her a buffalo ????????????????

[BritManToo]

Move on, it's over.

Next time rent don't buy.

[olfu]

Welcome to 21st century. 

Family in traditional sense dont exist anymore. Its business now and in this type of business you need prenuptual agreement. Watch youtube and be a man not crying baby.

[brewsterbudgen]

Is there a question? A shame for your kids, but some marriages just don't work out.  It's really quite common.

[Pravda]

This is why I don't hook up with bargirls or prostitutes. Yes, I have been dumped by some, my heart was broken, but there was never an "economic aspect" to it.

 

Building a house for a Thai family in 21st century? You gotta be joking.

 

[Iamfalang]

So now you are around 43, and just look out for signs of a mid-life crisis.   Been there, not fun, different with everyone.   Try meditation.  If you are already into meditation and it's not working anymore, that's a sign.  I'm telling you this because of your kids.  It's all about the kids.  Try not to say bad stuff about your ex-wife, your kids might remember it for the next 100 years.   I'd simply try to focus all your positive energy on your kids, and never show them the negative.   Possible?  who knows.  maybe it will take years.  it might take a decade.   

 

to me it's not about renting......it's about the kids.   once kids are part of the equation.....well, if you have them, you know.

 

also, if you need to vent, use this site.   write books.   and more books.   maybe nobody will lose sleep over your misfortune, and find it rather amusing, but it's about you getting the stress out.  

 

good luck.  

[Boyn]

Tell her to jog on, and try using paragraphs next time. Broken hearts do mend.

[Lolothai]

11 minutes ago, Iamfalang said:

So now you are around 43, and just look out for signs of a mid-life crisis.   Been there, not fun, different with everyone.   Try meditation.  If you are already into meditation and it's not working anymore, that's a sign.  I'm telling you this because of your kids.  It's all about the kids.  Try not to say bad stuff about your ex-wife, your kids might remember it for the next 100 years.   I'd simply try to focus all your positive energy on your kids, and never show them the negative.   Possible?  who knows.  maybe it will take years.  it might take a decade.   

 

to me it's not about renting......it's about the kids.   once kids are part of the equation.....well, if you have them, you know.

 

also, if you need to vent, use this site.   write books.   and more books.   maybe nobody will lose sleep over your misfortune, and find it rather amusing, but it's about you getting the stress out.  

 

good luck.  

Thank you, I'm looking for people who pass by the same problem. She was not a prostitute when I met her. I don't mind about the house if it's the price to keep my children. Still it's very fresh and I'm devastated, I try to keep smiling for them, I'm making plan to heal my heart. I need to replace her like she replaced me. I'm still sending pictures of our children but she doesn't react much. She is supposed to come to see them in one month but I don't see her motivated enought to go through the paperwork.

[farangnomore]

I'm sorry that you're in this situation which is, unfortunately, quite common - buying land, house car and then being dumped. 

 

Kids obviously make things a lot more complicated, but there isn't much you can change about it at this point.  What you can change is your attitude.  There is obviously nothing left of that relationship (would you even want to take her back after being a prostitute?). 

 

You are, relatively speaking, still a young guy.  There is so much fish in the oceans around the world.  I've been in similar situations and what I regret the most is wasting my life, time and energy on something that didn't have future.

 

Cheer up, life has so much more to offer.  The sooner you disconnect from her, the better.

 

Good luck

[Lolothai]

5 minutes ago, farangnomore said:

I'm sorry that you're in this situation which is, unfortunately, quite common - buying land, house car and then being dumped. 

 

Kids obviously make things a lot more complicated, but there isn't much you can change about it at this point.  What you can change is your attitude.  There is obviously nothing left of that relationship (would you even want to take her back after being a prostitute?). 

 

You are, relatively speaking, still a young guy.  There is so much fish in the oceans around the world.  I've been in similar situations and what I regret the most is wasting my life, time and energy on something that didn't have future.

 

Cheer up, life has so much more to offer.  The sooner you disconnect from her, the better.

 

Good luck

thank you very much, I don't mind about the land, I have enjoyed it for quite long time and it was the price to pay to get my children. I will have to becareful that she doesn't try to get them back later once she feels rich, it's only few day but she doesn't look like she care. I need to find a job get a better situation then I can meet again, most important is that my children will start to get a good education, it was a disaster.

[farangnomore]

28 minutes ago, Lolothai said:

thank you very much, I don't mind about the land, I have enjoyed it for quite long time and it was the price to pay to get my children. I will have to becareful that she doesn't try to get them back later once she feels rich, it's only few day but she doesn't look like she care. I need to find a job get a better situation then I can meet again, most important is that my children will start to get a good education, it was a disaster.

From what I know about Thais, I doubt she will ever want to take care of those children and chances of her ever feeling rich enough to take care of her own kids are minuscule. 

 

Get her out of your head your financial situation squared away.  Your kids will have a much brighter future in France.  The less they know about Thai culture, the better off they (and you) will be. 

 

Cheers

[SheikYabodyline]

1 hour ago, Lolothai said:

thank you very much, I don't mind about the land, I have enjoyed it for quite long time and it was the price to pay to get my children. I will have to becareful that she doesn't try to get them back later once she feels rich, it's only few day but she doesn't look like she care. I need to find a job get a better situation then I can meet again, most important is that my children will start to get a good education, it was a disaster.

You're on the right track, thinking practical steps for the future. Stay positive and in time things will come right. Best of luck.

[jts-khorat]

I know you are writing your pain off your soul, but by god man, paragraphs!

 

Under the circumstances you describe, I think you got off lightly: you still have your children with you. Normally this is the one item where Thai law is all on the side of the mother and you could be blackmailed without much recourse, as long as she does no egregious harm to their well-being.

 

But as this would be the next likely escalation step from her end, never leave her alone with the children, never invite her to them and on top of it all never send them to her to Thailand without you having full custody over them in France.

 

Concentrate on them and rebuild your life around them, cut off the mother, else this nightmare will never stop.

[Lolothai]

27 minutes ago, jts-khorat said:

I know you are writing your pain off your soul, but by god man, paragraphs!

 

Under the circumstances you describe, I think you got off lightly: you still have your children with you. Normally this is the one item where Thai law is all on the side of the mother and you could be blackmailed without much recourse, as long as she does no egregious harm to their well-being.

 

But as this would be the next likely escalation step from her end, never leave her alone with the children, never invite her to them and on top of it all never send them to her to Thailand without you having full custody over them in France.

 

Concentrate on them and rebuild your life around them, cut off the mother, else this nightmare will never stop.

I'm sorry, indeed it's a pain in the ass to read, I was a bit upset.

I won't ever send them to her, however she will come to stay with us for one month and I will hide the passports.

[GrandPapillon]

is this story even real?

 

if it is, it's more common than you think. Take your kids and try to be the best single dad ever. Their mom don't care. You will have to be both parents. Nothing depressing about this, you should enjoy it.

 

Take care, and France is great for raising children, you are blessed.

 

and get a job, should be easy now.

Edited March 23, 2022 by GrandPapillon

[jak2002003]

Forget that toxic selfish woman. 

 

Get on with enjoying a new chapter of your life with your lovely children and family.

 

You will end up much happier without someone like that in your life.  You will also find a new gf who you love....then your heartbreak about the old one will be over and you will look back and be shocked at how you reacted at the time. 

 

This is life and most of us have to go through similar situation to you...sometimes a few times!!! 

 

[Lolothai]

On 3/23/2022 at 5:16 PM, jts-khorat said:

if I keep the passports could she still take back her kids? I have video of her explaining that she prefers fun than family and that she indeed is a prostitute now and want to be.

[Will B Good]

I  wish someone older and wiser had grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and told me how to handle something like you are going through.

 

Move on....no regrets.....don't get angry or upset......get happy. 

 

Review what you want to do, what you need to do, have a plan and do it.

[ChrisP24]

Be glad that you have your kids with you, that alone is a blessing.  They are your family now, she has opted out.  It sounds like it might even not be good for them for her to visit one month out of three, and it's not your problem or your obligation to finance her travel - -that is up to her to figure out. 

 

Move forward and build a good life for you and your daughters, and don't let her disrupt that.

 

And, look ahead to what you want your life to be once your daughters are in university.  You are still young.  As for companionship now, if you get yourself stable in France there will likely be some single moms wanting to associate with you, but of course tread very carefully there and probably don't get married.   

[Kinnock]

Yet another long, incredible, paragraph-free first post from a new member.

[Rhys]

Just get away and restart.

[Lolothai]

On 3/23/2022 at 5:16 PM, jts-khorat said:

8 hours ago, ChrisP24 said:

Be glad that you have your kids with you, that alone is a blessing.  They are your family now, she has opted out.  It sounds like it might even not be good for them for her to visit one month out of three, and it's not your problem or your obligation to finance her travel - -that is up to her to figure out. 

 

Move forward and build a good life for you and your daughters, and don't let her disrupt that.

 

And, look ahead to what you want your life to be once your daughters are in university.  You are still young.  As for companionship now, if you get yourself stable in France there will likely be some single moms wanting to associate with you, but of course tread very carefully there and probably don't get married.   

It's only one week, I went through many feelings already and now I want to cut her out of our life but the girls still miss their mother sometimes. I'm just worried that once she get rich she wants to get them back, like cute little toys.

They will start school soon and without passport I suppose it's hard for her to kidnap them.

I have also videos of her saying that she prefer fun than family and that she is a prostitute.

[Whale]

My sympathies for your situation. The major parts of your story are not uncommon as you probably know.

Pick yourself up and move on. Be there for your kids when the appropriate time comes (probably when they are older?).

[ChrisP24]

1 hour ago, Lolothai said:

It's only one week, I went through many feelings already and now I want to cut her out of our life but the girls still miss their mother sometimes. I'm just worried that once she get rich she wants to get them back, like cute little toys.

They will start school soon and without passport I suppose it's hard for her to kidnap them.

I have also videos of her saying that she prefer fun than family and that she is a prostitute.

What is the residency requirement for getting a divorce in France?  Undoubtedly you should consult with an attorney before taking any action regardless.  I have no idea about divorce law in France, but in many U.S. jurisdictions two things are generally true; first a person can obtain a divorce if one of the parties has resided in that jurisdiction for some period of months.  And second, child custody is often impacted (negatively) toward a parent who has been voluntarily absent from the children's lives, more so the longer that parent has been voluntarily absent.   A good attorney can advise you on how to plan for a divorce, how to time it, and what steps to take/what facts to document by email, texts, videos etc. to build your case.   It will also do you some good to seize the initiative, which it sounds like you have already.

 

Best wishes for you and your daughters. 

[CrunchWrapSupreme]

On 3/23/2022 at 11:46 PM, Lolothai said:

indeed it's a pain in the ass to read

Thank you very much for sharing it. This sort of thing is mandatory reading material for all those dealing with Thailand.

 

There's a post right now on Quora about some rich guy who sold his business and everything in California for his dream with the fam in Thailand. Heaven help him.

Edited March 26, 2022 by CrunchWrapSupreme

[BritManToo]

21 minutes ago, ChrisP24 said:

What is the residency requirement for getting a divorce in France?

Why would anyone that's returned to their home country, bother with divorce?

Better not to get divorced IMHO, without her husbands signature/approval, she can't enter France.

Edited March 26, 2022 by BritManToo

[ivor bigun]

When i read sad tales like this i thank God that i married a lovely ,intelligent woman whos family were not badly off ,26 yrs later after living in the UK Where our son spent his first years in a junior school and then private school here and now has an excelent  job where he earns a very large salary for a Thai ,just wish that the baht was still 71 to the pound ,that would be the icing on the cake.

[soi3eddie]

On 3/23/2022 at 3:35 PM, farangnomore said:

From what I know about Thais, I doubt she will ever want to take care of those children and chances of her ever feeling rich enough to take care of her own kids are minuscule. 

The OP @Lolothaineeds to secure all aspects of his care rights to the children as it is very common for the mothers to try to use the children as a weapon or bargaining point. Make sure that you have all the correct paperwork, birth certificates, passports, ID cards etc. and that there is no way she can hold you to ransom over the children. Although she might not care about them now she may do in the future as leverage for something. Make sure that you get a proper divorce and that everything is in order. As you probably realise there is no future with you and this lady. Your kids are the most important thing right now. Their wellbeing, education and happiness is everything. Good luck.

 

[Lolothai]

So she can't even come here unexpectedely? She is ok to take them back but she told me that she knows French education system is better. She would live with them and her boyfriend who pay her 3000 bahts daily.

She is going to marry him the thai way, that's 1 month they are together...

I will stop to contact her, I'm very depressed and lonely but it just make things worse, now she doesn't want to speak with me at all. I went from telling her how horrible she is to how sorry I am.

I'm losing my mind but I control myself quite well with the kids so they are very happy. In one week they already learn so much, eating at the right time and at the table, much better sleep, 10 hours instead of 7 etc

I want to find love again and I really like Thai girl physically, I suppose I will have to divorce eventually if I want to bring a thai lady home. I won't fall in love the same way.

She was very happy with how the things were going, now her son left her too, she has no children except her niece whose mother left. Hopefully she replace her kids with her and forget us but I think she doesn't realize where she is heading and when she finally get rich but no family to share what she has then she could be trying to get back the children.

I suppose I have a year front of me, at 90 000 per month and the boyfriend making 500 000 a month she will quickly feel very strong.

As I'm normally working in oil and gas I can't find job with my 2 girls so I'm going to get the minimum salary restarting life, maybe 60 000 a month at best.

She also start with a house land and car that I paid through the years.

 

On 3/26/2022 at 4:35 AM, BritManToo said:

Why would anyone that's returned to their home country, bother with divorce?

Better not to get divorced IMHO, without her husbands signature/approval, she can't enter France.