I got angry today, as always "thai people know it better, your way might work in farangland, but this is Thailand" ...

[Tropposurfer]

14 hours ago, it is what it is said:

 

thankfully, i only date educated, professional thai women, many of whom have traveled extensively, and so have never had to deal with such parochial views on life.

 

 

 

Same same ????

[FritsSikkink]

1 hour ago, sqwakvfr said:

After 7 years of living here and 20 years of visiting I have learned one very important thing:  Do not give advice to or disagree with a Thai person if you are a foreigner.  

Nonsense, i am a manager here with Thai staff. The people i work with are always happy with advice. Only idiots (from any country) don't listen.

[Jack Cook]

Too hard. Sounds like you chose the wrong wife.

[Bert got kinky]

7 minutes ago, FritsSikkink said:

Nonsense, i am a manager here with Thai staff. The people i work with are always happy with advice. Only idiots (from any country) don't listen.

Well said, I have been a manager in a Thai office for just over 21 years and my assistants include my boss' son and niece.

I very often give them advice and disagree with them.

They are educated enough to know that it is part of what I do and is not personal.

At the same time, I also listen to them.

 

I work in a company with over 400 staff and I am the only farang here.

I would not be able to 'effectively' do my job if I had to kowtow and grovel to Thai staff, simply because I am a foreigner.

 

Allowing people to walk all over you is not a good way to live your life.

 

 

 

 

[Seeall]

1 hour ago, curtklay said:

Reminds me of when I had a/c units installed at my house. I noticed they didn't run ground wires. When I asked why, they said "No need. Electricity different in Thailand". I insisted they ground the units. With the amount of rainfall and lightning they get here, I was astounded at their ignorance.

 

No point grounging as most houses dont have ...  I installed 6 ft one myself.....

[LukKrueng]

I must admit I stopped reading after the tiger story as I came to the sad conclusion you simply have marital problems. Just find a new wife, one that thinks like you. Problem solved.

[Sparktrader]

22 minutes ago, Bert got kinky said:

Allowing people to walk all over you is not a good way to live your life.

Good for massage though.

[Sparktrader]

1 hour ago, Maybole said:

Sister-in-Law bought 4 new tyres for her car because the shop where she got the car serviced, ( offered to change the oil and filters for her but was told not to), told her that they were already 2 years old and no longer safe. They had only done 28000km. I tried to tell her that it was a scam but, no, "you falang don't know about Thai cars". The car is Japanese.

 

r

She sounds smart. Good tyres do 60,000km.

[Sparktrader]

1 hour ago, nickmondo said:

clearly she wears the trousers

either man up and put her in her place, or get rid of her.

personally, i would get rid.

Smile, nod, agree, then go do whatever the f you wanted to do in the first place.

 

I would go kayaking alone

[Gilligan In Drag]

I think its more of case of human nature, most people going through life with this adamant attitude of "I know! You don't know!" Its basic ego and it afflicts everyone Thai or Farang. The only difference is that your being a farang and their being Thai enters their mind and your mind ad tha colors this rather common dynamic of I'm always right and you're an idiot.

 

When it comes to things like building a roof, I would ignore them and let it ride. In the end, if you've done good work, you're wife will see that, and if she ignores it or denies it, thats more of a problem perhaps, unless you can find some way to work that out.

 

I'm not any good at construction or building stuff, but its clear even to me the skills are very lacking in just about every person I hire to do stuff, the work is sloppy and they can't handle things that are complicated like good electrical work. These guys put in a new room here with r;rtrical outlets and I just wanted to know if we could run a lot electrical items could the circuit handle it, they acte like they had never heard such a strange question in their livs and they didn't know how to answer the question. Its basic to elictrical work and I got the answer myself on internet. Another room they put in had completely collapsed within 4 years. And these guys go to Bangkok and other cities to work on building and do construction. I'm thankfull they are around and not expensive, I couldn't do better work, so I really have nothing to say to them.

 

But if I was accomplished like you, and  seeing what I have seen of the workmanship around here I would jst dismiss that guy without a second thought. I would just say to the guy, "No thanks, I got this." Its just his delusional ego telling him you can't do the job. Its the same in the US, you always have your Mr. Grumpy lalways scrutinizing everything declaring how to do everything, who listens? His mind's a turntable that is just stuck on that record groove, perhaps because it is to do with his job, he has to make sure everything is going right all the tie and he can't switch off.

 

But if you weren't farang it would be something else with a Thai doing the same job. The guy might just want something to do and it would just be a friendly thing with another Thai, lets work on a project together. But, yes, because you are farang many Thais start think about what they can get out of you. I have a good intuition about people, I just have to look at someone to see if they are going to scummy or not about what it is they propose.  In my case i would be wary of anyone trying to wiggle their way into my business, I would have a polite but assertive no-more-nonsense attitude of "I know the score jack, and you better not even think about trying to get involved with anything in my house."  In my experience you are asking for trouble allowing random Thais around, you are right not to like him telling you to get off the ladder and let him do it. <deleted>? I would be getting a bit cross, and say, "I'm already finshed man! What are you talking about?! Why do you care? Its my roof and its my problem. Good day!" But you don't want drama, too many Thais are very fast to take grave offense over nothing and don't contribute at all, they are too selfish most of them to truly interested in being truly helpful. Its the way this society rolls generally speaking, the potential for drama isn't worth it. I know that so my attitude is like a brick wall and they get the idea and leave me and my family alone generally.

[4MyEgo]

Best thing I ever did when I met my wife, was come back and take her to my country for 9 years, away from the bubble she grew up in.

 

It was an adventure for her and she saw first hand how foreigners work and how expensive the cost of living was, and that not all farangs are rich ATM machines, like most Thai's think.

 

Did she learn anything in those 9 years, yes she did, why, because she has an open mind, she became a citizen with ease, not like me, her husband has to report every 90 days and do annual extensions, gee, she didn't even work or have to speak fluent English, just sit for a test and answer some questions about the history of the country that even I didn't know. She even received free health care while not a citizen.

 

She despises how Thai governments control her people and how corrupt they are, and how their departments function, and how Temples are not what they were supposed to be.

 

Does she put her family first or ours, does she put her husband 1st or Thai's 1st, does she agree with the builder when he says the opposite of what I have requested, or does she tell him that as Mr Farang is paying you to do the job the way he wants you to do the job, you should do the job the way he wants you to do it, or he will find someone who will, up to you, keep it simple, keep it sweet.

 

Does she agree with what others think, or does she correct them or does she just keep to herself and say, it's not worth the effort or has she enlightened those who she believes have open minds and told them that there is actually land on the other side of the ocean and how things actually are.

 

Oddly enough, when she goes to the local markets, the grocers selling there produce ask her why she is the only Thai married to a farang that doesn't dress up and have a designer brand bag, with her reply being, because I am not a madam.....LOL

 

Sounds like you didn't look into the product before you purchased it, and you have too options, explain to her that it's your way or the highway.

 

Don't get me wrong, I argue/disagree with my wife on occasion, only natural, and she can be stubborn, and so can I, but as she learned very early in the piece that I have certain boundaries, e.g. when we were building the house and the father-in-law kept coming over everyday acting like the supervisor, he said something to her and she relayed it to me, I still remember it clearly to this day, she knew she had to relay it gently because I could raise my voice in front of her father and she didn't want any problems.

 

It was in the 40'sso it was hot which didn't help and I was pushing the wheel barrow with heavy loads up and down, and she said, Tiruk, Papa said you cannot put toilet in the house, I said, really, why, and she said because Thai don't want house to smell, to which I replied, that is why we put a stink pipe outside, oh, she said (I have knowledge in building), so I explained it to her and she relayed it to her dad, the builder and workers were all close by and listening to the conversation, and all of a sudden the old man started to raise his voice, wife tuned into a little mouse from her father's reply, and then he started talking to the builder, I then asked the wife what was going on, she said, he is old darling, and I don't want to upset him, I said well if you don't want to upset me, then you better tell me what is going on. She said he said no, you cannot put the toilet in the house, and he is telling the builder not to put the toilet in the house.

 

That is when the father-in-law learned to respect me, I said Pau, he turned, and I beat my chest like an ape and pointed to the front gate, I think the look on my face told him that if he didn't get the F out of here, he would see my wraith, he left in a huff, I then turned and looked at all the workers who were dumbfounded and I said to my wife, to tell the builder to do as I ask of him, however if he or anyone else isn't happy with things, they can follow my father-in-law, they smiled, gave me the thumbs up and carried on.

 

Wife went to the family house that evening and thought the father would be livered, he was quiet and while they were eating he said to her, I like your husband, he has balls, he will protect you, good man.....LOL, respect can come at a price, he has never tried to show me who's boss ever again, we smile at each other and put the chin up when we see each other, he knows I am not a Thai son in law, so he can't get away with it. 

 

Happily married 15 years, my advice would be to ignore her and perhaps fade away, do your own thing and when she asks what's wrong, tell her your taking to a farang fortune teller who says this and that, make it up as you go, and when she starts to question the logic, then explain to her  that that is exactly how you feel when she talk about Thai's knowing better, in other words, what's good for the Goose is good for the Gander, or is it.

[Pungdo]

I've been here nearly 16 years now and quite a few years back I was asked if I would be interested in teaching in a Thai technical college, my simple answer was, NO, because you can't teach a Thai anything, especially if you are a Falang.

I did some renovations here a few years ago that required a sloping fence top to be cut off and a new top put on it, I told the guys doing it I want a 10mm slope put across the top of it, they argued with me that it wasn't the way "They" do it, I simply told them I was paying and I wanted it done my way.

When the same guys came back and saw why I had asked them to do that, they said, Oh mister you very smart, we would never have done that. It was there, so I could fit a flashing on top of the fence so the rain would drain off it.

[sqwakvfr]

1 hour ago, FritsSikkink said:

Nonsense, i am a manager here with Thai staff. The people i work with are always happy with advice. Only idiots (from any country) don't listen.

Maybe it’s because you are the manager?  

[1FinickyOne]

16 hours ago, it is what it is said:

 

thankfully, i only date educated, professional thai women, many of whom have traveled extensively, and so have never had to deal with such parochial views on life.

 

 

 

I took a poor girl from a wonderful family, and brought her around the world... we have learned together where to search for the most auspicious lottery numbers. 

[1FinickyOne]

1 hour ago, Sparktrader said:

 

1 hour ago, Bert got kinky said:

Allowing people to walk all over you is not a good way to live your life.

Good for massage though.

 

And in the end, what is more important... much better to be happy than to be right... 

[Sparktrader]

44 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

Best thing I ever did when I met my wife, was come back and take her to my country for 9 years, away from the bubble she grew up in.

 

It was an adventure for her and she saw first hand how foreigners work and how expensive the cost of living was, and that not all farangs are rich ATM machines, like most Thai's think.

 

Did she learn anything in those 9 years, yes she did, why, because she has an open mind, she became a citizen with ease, not like me, her husband has to report every 90 days and do annual extensions, gee, she didn't even work or have to speak fluent English, just sit for a test and answer some questions about the history of the country that even I didn't know. She even received free health care while not a citizen.

 

She despises how Thai governments control her people and how corrupt they are, and how their departments function, and how Temples are not what they were supposed to be.

 

Does she put her family first or ours, does she put her husband 1st or Thai's 1st, does she agree with the builder when he says the opposite of what I have requested, or does she tell him that as Mr Farang is paying you to do the job the way he wants you to do the job, you should do the job the way he wants you to do it, or he will find someone who will, up to you, keep it simple, keep it sweet.

 

Does she agree with what others think, or does she correct them or does she just keep to herself and say, it's not worth the effort or has she enlightened those who she believes have open minds and told them that there is actually land on the other side of the ocean and how things actually are.

 

Oddly enough, when she goes to the local markets, the grocers selling there produce ask her why she is the only Thai married to a farang that doesn't dress up and have a designer brand bag, with her reply being, because I am not a madam.....LOL

 

Sounds like you didn't look into the product before you purchased it, and you have too options, explain to her that it's your way or the highway.

 

Don't get me wrong, I argue/disagree with my wife on occasion, only natural, and she can be stubborn, and so can I, but as she learned very early in the piece that I have certain boundaries, e.g. when we were building the house and the father-in-law kept coming over everyday acting like the supervisor, he said something to her and she relayed it to me, I still remember it clearly to this day, she knew she had to relay it gently because I could raise my voice in front of her father and she didn't want any problems.

 

It was in the 40'sso it was hot which didn't help and I was pushing the wheel barrow with heavy loads up and down, and she said, Tiruk, Papa said you cannot put toilet in the house, I said, really, why, and she said because Thai don't want house to smell, to which I replied, that is why we put a stink pipe outside, oh, she said (I have knowledge in building), so I explained it to her and she relayed it to her dad, the builder and workers were all close by and listening to the conversation, and all of a sudden the old man started to raise his voice, wife tuned into a little mouse from her father's reply, and then he started talking to the builder, I then asked the wife what was going on, she said, he is old darling, and I don't want to upset him, I said well if you don't want to upset me, then you better tell me what is going on. She said he said no, you cannot put the toilet in the house, and he is telling the builder not to put the toilet in the house.

 

That is when the father-in-law learned to respect me, I said Pau, he turned, and I beat my chest like an ape and pointed to the front gate, I think the look on my face told him that if he didn't get the F out of here, he would see my wraith, he left in a huff, I then turned and looked at all the workers who were dumbfounded and I said to my wife, to tell the builder to do as I ask of him, however if he or anyone else isn't happy with things, they can follow my father-in-law, they smiled, gave me the thumbs up and carried on.

 

Wife went to the family house that evening and thought the father would be livered, he was quiet and while they were eating he said to her, I like your husband, he has balls, he will protect you, good man.....LOL, respect can come at a price, he has never tried to show me who's boss ever again, we smile at each other and put the chin up when we see each other, he knows I am not a Thai son in law, so he can't get away with it. 

 

Happily married 15 years, my advice would be to ignore her and perhaps fade away, do your own thing and when she asks what's wrong, tell her your taking to a farang fortune teller who says this and that, make it up as you go, and when she starts to question the logic, then explain to her  that that is exactly how you feel when she talk about Thai's knowing better, in other words, what's good for the Goose is good for the Gander, or is it.

Write a book.

[ed strong]

Haha can quite believe the OP, good luck with that one!

 

I took a taxi as had to cut some grass on a house i thought i owned, asked driver to wait whilst i strimmed the grass, after 2 minutes he was out of the car and taking the strimmer from me, despite myself having experience in gardening and power tools, he presumed he should take on the job for me, he then proceeds to wreck the turf and wouldn't return the strimmer to let me finish. Thinking he could do a better job yet i assumed he had never used a strimmer before!

 

Also on the same house, they had plug sockets outside that were just normal plug sockets that you would install inside a house..... I told the women selling the house that it was totally illegal and dangerous, yet she wouldn't change or accept the fact untill about a month later when a Thai person told her that it was not acceptable and needed to be changed.

[Foghorn]

My friends wife asked him if there are dinosaurs in England ( alive ) also asked do you have a moon in England  

[Lacessit]

17 hours ago, Lemsta69 said:

I was sweet on a coyote dancer at my nearest chrome pole palace. no intention of taking things further for obvious reasons but I did enjoy spending time with her. until ... I was admiring her new fake YSL handbag and found out she doesn't know who Yves Saint Laurent was! ????

 

 

I am very amused by Thais wearing T-shirts which, to put it politely, have phrases which are extremely raunchy, with all kinds of sexual allusions. Do they know what the texts in English mean? I doubt it.

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, Sparktrader said:

Good for massage though.

Agree if the girl/woman is 40 kg. 60 kg, no way Jose.

[Bangkok Barry]

7 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

I would assume that by marrying a Thai woman you got a younger and more attractive woman than you would have done back home?  And she does stuff for you that a Western woman hopped up on feminism wouldn't do (cooking, cleaning, being supportive, etc.)?  Swings and roundabouts.

 

The problem is that a lot of Thai people don't really get a very good education, and the extent of that education is really simply indoctrination into Thailand being the best country in the world, Thai people being the best people in the world, believing in Buddhism, never questioning anything, and so on, to make them easy to control.  It's also one of the reasons Thai people often seem so happy and content and get on so well with each other.  Swings and roundabouts again.

 

Obviously not all are like this, but your one is.  For her to think otherwise might cause her some sort of psychological harm, so you're looking at quite the challenge if you wanted to break her programming, especially while she will be regularly getting "software updates" from friends, family, and the media.

 

With the roof thing, the guy is trying to swindle you and your wife is willing to allow it, simply because she believes what the guy says because he is Thai and you are not.  She believes that and also that because you are foreign, the work will automatically be bad.  A pretty bad situation.

 

It's probably up to you to try and find a way to balance things and cope with the situation.  If she thinks that the laws of science that apply in the rest of the world, don't apply in Thailand, or that a foreigner will do an inferior job to a Thai, simply by the nature of them being foreign, you may never be able to make her see sense.  At her core she must be deeply racist and prejudiced against foreigners.

 

Perhaps just do what you want and try to ignore her?  It doesn't sound like a very positive situation, having your wife continually undermine you and defer to Thai men/people over everything, especially when it has a detrimental effect.

 

Is leaving an option?

This is probably the Post Of the Month, and correct from first word to last.

And it does make me wonder why the OP married someone with such a warped view of life, Thais and we 'aliens'. As you write, there is a reason for her views, but why would anyone marry someone who is so obviously ignorant? Very strange.

[tandor]

Personally I'd go Option 3...go it alone. You are obviously a sensible level headed Westerner...ignore the lot of them mate.

[KhaoYai]

You actually have a third option - and one that I took back in June. Get yourself single.

[proton]

3 hours ago, Maybole said:

Sister-in-Law bought 4 new tyres for her car because the shop where she got the car serviced, ( offered to change the oil and filters for her but was told not to), told her that they were already 2 years old and no longer safe. They had only done 28000km. I tried to tell her that it was a scam but, no, "you falang don't know about Thai cars". The car is Japanese.

 

r

Almost running out of petrol thought the car would be stopping any moment when a filling station, appeared, than the lord. She drives right past it- the explanation that shell petrol no good, her brother told her to put E20 in and they don't have it so have to go PTT station. Try to explain petrol is all the same and any will do but not diesel, nope us car need E20 don't want to damage it. 

[KhaoYai]

46 minutes ago, Foghorn said:

My friends wife asked him if there are dinosaurs in England ( alive ) also asked do you have a moon in England  

You can't actually blame them - have you taken a look at the stuff they are brainwashed with at school.  Parents too - presumably because they were brainwashed with the same stuff.

 

I tried to teach my ex about the industrial revolution - how, when and where the modern world began.  I don't think it sank in - everything came from Japan and China of course. UK?? They just copy everything - and copy it badly.

 

My ex ex would not believe that Myanmar has a coast - even when I showed her a map.  You ain't ever going to win this one - not when the whole education system is Thailand is great, Thailand is No.1, Thailand is best, Buddhism is the only way................etc. etc.

 

And that's before we get on to what they are taught about royalty.

 

I took a look at me ex's son's school timetable - the amount of time spent actually learning what we would regard as core subjects is bloody unbelievable.  And of course, nobody is allowed to fail their exams so nobody realises that they are actually lacking and need to improve.

[Andre0720]

The local minus one standard deviation on the bell curve certainly does not help...

[peter zwart]

Do the words "shut up and make some food" works?

[Sparktrader]

40 minutes ago, KhaoYai said:

You actually have a third option - and one that I took back in June. Get yourself single.

Is you arm getting more exercise?

[seajae]

after about 40 years in the building industry and having done an apprenticeship I have been told by  uneducated thais with no technical training they know more about anything then me or my wife sees something a thai put on the internet and tells me how to do it properly. When I painted our unit's shop I had thais watching me and they wanted to know why I was using drop sheets on the tiled floors and removing the power point covers as well as the door furniture before painting as well as not putting a heap of water in the paint to make it go further. Makes it hard when these people that have never done apprenticeships or any technical study think they know better when in most cases they are people that never finished schooling(thats if they even went to school) plus are just unskilled labourers at best yet think they know better than people that have the technical knowledge and education to go with it because this is Thailand, you have to expect thai people know more than anyone else because Thailand is the best country in the world, just ask them

 

[riclag]

Let him finish the roof come next rain season you and her can compare the falang vs Thai workmanship!

Cost a few beers but in my opinion you’re goin to see the difference!