Elder care at home

[JimTripper]

19 minutes ago, youreavinalaff said:

No need for me to "watch out". 

 

23 years now. Still part of the extended family. Still " giving and taking".

That works if you don’t have dementia or memory issues can can still remember what your doing!

[youreavinalaff]

4 minutes ago, JimTripper said:

That works if you don’t have dementia or memory issues can can still remember what your doing!

My wife will take care if things. All money in joint account, just as it always has been. 

 

One good thing about living in Thailand, assuming one will die first, is the fact everything is in wife's name. Saves all the legal stuff when one dies.

[JimTripper]

12 minutes ago, youreavinalaff said:

My wife will take care if things. All money in joint account, just as it always has been. 

 

One good thing about living in Thailand, assuming one will die first, is the fact everything is in wife's name. Saves all the legal stuff when one dies.

That’s what everyone thinks. Not necessarily. My family had a trust set up in advance with a designated person (a family member). Extended family stepped in and managed to have money disbursed early when one passed away, going against the trust instructions. Multiple people had access to the bank account, changed passwords on each other, etc. Bad scene.

 

The only way I would do it is with a lawyer, but then you need to get a lawyer you trust ????.

 

Even better, don’t let people know what you have or bring it up. Don’t have “family dinners” where you discuss dying and who gets what, etc.

Edited August 21, 2023 by JimTripper

[youreavinalaff]

12 minutes ago, JimTripper said:

Even better, don’t let people know what you have or bring it up. Don’t have “family dinners” where you discuss dying and who gets what, etc.

I agree. I've never suggested one should.

 

My wife and I  know what we have as it's all in joint accounts. She, nor I, discuss our financials with anyone. 

[2ndhomepattaya]

lgking, I think you are kidding yourself. Your high/weight ratio is seriously abnormal never mind your push-ups never mind your blood pressure. I would see a specialist pronto and not deluding yourself how healthy you think you are. A healthy BMI is between 18.5 and 24.9 and you are way off.

[youreavinalaff]

22 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

I can only say that I find the idea that an elderly foreigner's extended Thai family would be on ever-ready stand-by to pitch in on elder care duties to be absolutely laughable

A sad state of affairs for you. It's a shame your own family have given you that outlook.

 

I sympathise.

[ChaiyaTH]

15 hours ago, youreavinalaff said:

If you are 6 foot 1 and 68kgs, be careful. You are undernourished, under weight and prone to your own health issues.

I don't know what you are talking about but 6 foot 1 is like 181cm or something. With 68kg is around 21 BMI score, entirely normal. Between 18.5-24.9 it is normal.

 

That many people nowadays are always near the 24.9 or even above it, is another thing, and those people in fact are (likely) unhealthier. Not the ones who keep it on the skinnier side of the scale.

 

I yet have to meet skinnier people who have low energy, medical issues and so on and on, they are always energised and rarely sick. Compared to the ones who are heavier, 60/40 have something.

Edited August 22, 2023 by ChaiyaTH

[youreavinalaff]

26 minutes ago, ChaiyaTH said:

I don't know what you are talking about but 6 foot 1 is like 181cm or something. With 68kg is around 21 BMI score, entirely normal. Between 18.5-24.9 it is normal.

 

That many people nowadays are always near the 24.9 or even above it, is another thing, and those people in fact are (likely) unhealthier. Not the ones who keep it on the skinnier side of the scale.

 

I yet have to meet skinnier people who have low energy, medical issues and so on and on, they are always energised and rarely sick. Compared to the ones who are heavier, 60/40 have something.

BMI is generally flawed. 

 

As an example, almost all of the current 33 man England squad for the upcoming world cup are deemed obese because of their BMI readings. These are elite athletes, some of whom play a full 80 minutes of a full contact sport some using pace in the region equivalent to 100m in under 12 seconds. Obese? Really?

 

Under BMI guidelines, current Pole Vault world record holder, Olympic Champion, World Champion and European champion Mondo Duplantis is warned of being watchful of being overweight as he is only 1kg below limit. It's laughable.

 

I am 175cms and have been told by Doctors my weight should be in the region of 82kgs, ignoring BMI and using medical experience.

 

BMI is usually extremely vague 

 

 

Edited August 22, 2023 by youreavinalaff

[Gecko123]

1 hour ago, youreavinalaff said:

A sad state of affairs for you. It's a shame your own family have given you that outlook.

 

I sympathise.

Nice try, tiger.  I don't think I'm the only one who's suspicious that your 'Andy of Mayberry' portrait of bonding with your extended family isn't as rosy as you are trying to make it out to be. Untethered to reality and delusional is what I suspect.

 

As I said in my earlier post, my observations about the general level of at-home elder care available and afforded to both Thais and foreigners and the general extent to which older foreign men bond with the extended families of their Thai wives is based on 20 years of observations, and I stand by these observations.

 

You can make 'sorry for you' comments to your heart's content. I have never observed any older foreign men bonding with their extended Thai families to the point where they realistically can count on the extended family playing a significant role in the elder care for the foreigner. The obstacles to them playing such a role, which you ignored in your post, were clearly spelled out in my earlier post.

 

You sound like you have been showering your extended Thai family with your generosity, and to a large degree given your wife financial incentives to stay in the relationship not just from your past and current generosity but by providing her with financial incentives through a potentially hefty inheritance when you kick the bucket. More power to you, and I'm happy that's working out for you, but allow me to share one more observation with you.

 

In any negotiated agreement, both parties have to perform their part of the agreement. The question is WHEN does the other party have to perform their part of the agreement. If you have been showering the family with lavish gifts thinking that there is an implicit agreement that when you are elderly, and no longer able to take care of yourself, they will reciprocate this generosity by taking care of you, then you have already performed your side of the agreement and have to take it on faith that they will fulfill their side of the bargain at some point in the future, if necessary. It should also be noted that if you are holding out the promise that your wife will receive a generous inheritance upon your demise, she has a big incentive to assure you that you will be lovingly cared for in your dotage, even if her capacity or true volition to fulfill these responsibilities have not been fully thought through or aren't fully heart-felt.

 

In a word: talk is cheap. You want to posture as 'Mr-super-confident-happy-as-a-pig-in-mud' on this thread, be my guest. My cautionary advice about the risks of going the home care route was to the OP and to others who might be considering this option. Feel free to ignore these considerations if you don't think they apply to you. If you discover after it's too late that they do, well, that'll be on you. 

Edited August 22, 2023 by Gecko123

[youreavinalaff]

13 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

Nice try, tiger.

You are suggesting I'm lying. That's defamation right there. You are also defaming my wife and family.

 

Without knowing me, knowing my wife, knowing my in laws, knowing my relationship with them....you have no case.

 

As an example, I am not an older foreign man. I met my wife, whilst teaching in Isaan,  when I was 30. We've been married for 23 years. I'll let you do the maths.

 

I had 8000 (eight thousand) baht in the bank when we met. What we have now we have accrued by both working hard for our future.

 

By all means have opinions. However, don't accuse me of lying to satisfy your own agenda.

 

 

Edited August 22, 2023 by youreavinalaff

[billd766]

14 minutes ago, youreavinalaff said:

You are suggesting I'm lying. That's defamation right there. You are also defaming my wife and family.

 

Without knowing me, knowing my wife, knowing my in laws, knowing my relationship with them....you have no case.

 

As an example, I am not an older foreign man. I met my wife, whilst teaching in Isaan,  when I was 30. We've been married for 23 years. I'll let you do the maths.

 

I had 8000 (eight thousand) baht in the bank when we met. What we have now we have accrued by both working hard for our future.

 

By all means have opinions. However, don't accuse me of lying to satisfy your own agenda.

 

 

Like you, my wife and I have been married 23 years.

 

Even before we were married I helped support my wife's family down in Bangkok and carried on after we were married.

 

Her younger brother, his wife and son lived with us for a few months until they got back on their feet financially, and went back to Bangkok.

 

Her Mum lived in a small house we built for her for a few years before she died.

 

Skip forward a few years, and when I was in hospital with a blackout, her younger brother paid the hospital bill for me.

 

Now as I am recovering from a second black out my wife is taking care of me.

 

Not all Thai families are the same and it seems that you, I and a few other posters are the really lucky ones.

 

Let us hope that it stays that way until death us do part, as the saying goes.

 

 

[youreavinalaff]

8 minutes ago, billd766 said:

Like you, my wife and I have been married 23 years.

 

Even before we were married I helped support my wife's family down in Bangkok and carried on after we were married.

 

Her younger brother, his wife and son lived with us for a few months until they got back on their feet financially, and went back to Bangkok.

 

Her Mum lived in a small house we built for her for a few years before she died.

 

Skip forward a few years, and when I was in hospital with a blackout, her younger brother paid the hospital bill for me.

 

Now as I am recovering from a second black out my wife is taking care of me.

 

Not all Thai families are the same and it seems that you, I and a few other posters are the really lucky ones.

 

Let us hope that it stays that way until death us do part, as the saying goes.

 

 

I wouldn't say " lucky" per se.

[billd766]

26 minutes ago, youreavinalaff said:

I wouldn't say " lucky" per se.

Count the number of successful marriages and the number of Thai families, and then compare that with the number of unsuccessful marriages and the number of Thai families.

[youreavinalaff]

12 minutes ago, billd766 said:

Count the number of successful marriages and the number of Thai families, and then compare that with the number of unsuccessful marriages and the number of Thai families.

When I say not " lucky" I mean the difference between getting to know your potential wife very well before making commitments and not.

 

Many times I've seen expats come to Thailand, especially Isaan, and within a year they are married, brand new car, big house built or being built, wife wearing gold, etc, etc. Surprise surprise when they get asked to leave with only the shirt on their back. Or surprise surprise when it turns out wife is already with someone and it was all a plan. 

 

My, now, wife and I were together for 3 years before any commitments were made, both by her and me. We'd both met each other's family and got to know each other.

 

That's not "luck". It's common sense.

Edited August 22, 2023 by youreavinalaff

[billd766]

21 minutes ago, youreavinalaff said:

When I say not " lucky" I mean the difference between getting to know your potential wife very well before making commitments and not.

 

Many times I've seen expats come to Thailand, especially Isaan, and within a year they are married, brand new car, big house built or being built, wife wearing gold, etc, etc. Surprise surprise when they get asked to leave with only the shirt on their back. Or surprise surprise when it turns out wife is already with someone and it was all a plan. 

 

My, now, wife and I were together for 3 years before any commitments were made, both by her and me. We'd both met each other's family and got to know each other.

 

That's not "luck". It's common sense.

I met my wife when I first got to Thailand to work with AIS in 1993, 7 years before we married. She and her mate ran the kitchen i the bar I used to drink in. I was here for 3 months and went off to work elsewhere. I came back in 1994 working with DTAC.

 

I met her family and she met with my first wife and son in 1997. I went off elsewhere and I divorced my UK wife.

 

We married in the UK in 2000 when I was working in France, then I went to Germany and back to Thailand in 2001 to 2004.

 

I bought the Ford Ranger in 2001 and she owned some land in Kamphaeng Phet and I had bought the plot next door. I sent her off to build the house in 2003.

 

Strangely enough she never asked me to marry her,  buy her the other piece of land in 1996 or build the house.

[nglodnig]

On 8/21/2023 at 2:46 PM, lgking said:

If you are too lazy to take care of yourself, you only have yourself to blame

I am always pleasantly surprised to read the compassionate messages full of care from one member to another.

 

Re-affirms my faith in human nature. ????