2 Jokes

A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon

that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were loose and

flapping.

Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be

kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she

found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.

Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I

thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for

confidentiality and that the first rose was from him.

"I felt sad because you went through this all by

yourself.The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery

and empathized, because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs in the burn unit.

He wanted to thank you for his new ears.

The Power of Beer

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!"

The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.

The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another drink!!" The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.

The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly The bar falls silent.

The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,

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(Wait for it)

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(It's coming)

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(Ya ready?)

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(Don't hate me)

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(Ya gonna hate me)

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(Take a deep breath)

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"He should've quit while he was a head !"