VOTED THE BEST JOKE IN UK IN 2006

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Tesco with her

two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through

the entrance.

The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco, nice

children you've got there. Are they twins?"

The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl: "Of course

they bloody aren't! The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the

hel_l would you think they're twins?..... Do you really think they look

alike, you d*ckhead?"

"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone

w

ould shag you twice!"

well that explains the pommies sense of humour

I like this Spike Milligan joke (updated obviously)

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

From the BBC online

Professor Richard Wiseman carried out an internet experiment five years ago to find the world's best gag.

A joke about two US hunters who go into the woods topped the poll after more than 100,000 people around the world cast their vote on 40,000 jokes.

Professor Wiseman said the gag almost certainly originated from a 1951 Goons sketch written by Milligan.

well that explains the pommies sense of humour

yep weve got one!!

I like this Spike Milligan joke (updated obviously)

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

From the BBC online

Professor Richard Wiseman carried out an internet experiment five years ago to find the world's best gag.

A joke about two US hunters who go into the woods topped the poll after more than 100,000 people around the world cast their vote on 40,000 jokes.

Professor Wiseman said the gag almost certainly originated from a 1951 Goons sketch written by Milligan.

not heard that one for years ,still brought a smile to my face

VOTED THE BEST JOKE IN UK IN 2006

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Tesco with her

two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through

the entrance.

The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco, nice

children you've got there. Are they twins?"

The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl: "Of course

they bloody aren't! The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the

hel_l would you think they're twins?..... Do you really think they look

alike, you d*ckhead?"

"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone

w

ould shag you twice!"

According to whom? This joke is as old as the hills!!!