2 Jokes

[Jamesyboi]

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother,

"My hands are freezing cold."

The mother replied,

"Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did - and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,

"My hands are freezing cold."

The girl replied,

"Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up."

He did and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.

He said,

"My nose is cold."

The girl replied,

"Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up."

He did and warmed his nose.

The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said,

"My penis is frozen solid."

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother,

"Have you ever heard of a penis?"

Slightly concerned the mother said,

"Why, yes. Why do you ask?"

The daughter replies,

"They make one hel_l of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"

Good ol Aussie thinkin...... Two Aussies, Davo and Johnno, had been adrift in a lifeboat for 5 days . While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Davo stumbled across an old lamp.

He rubbed the lamp vigorously and a genie came forth.

This genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter, Davo blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that Crown Larger!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the sea turned into the hard-earned thirst quencher.

The genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

Johnno looked disgustedly at Davo whose wish had been granted.

After a long, tension-filled moment Johnno said, "Nice goin' Davo! - Now we're gunna have to piss in the boat."