Dentist

A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to her place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says "Yes... how did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they have sex. After they are done the gal says, "You must be a really good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Well yes, I am a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"

She says, "I didn't feel a thing!"

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

Coroner tells the Inspector: "First body: A Frenchman, 72, died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."

"Second body: "Irishman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Danny Earl, the Redneck from West Virginia, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"Thought he was having his picture taken."

There was this guy named John that went to heaven. He looked around and saw millions of clocks, some were slow and some were fast. He went to God to ask a question.

''What's the deal with all these clocks?'' John asked.

''Well,'' said God, ''these clocks tell how much a person masturbates.''

''Well, where's my clock?'' asked John.

''It's in the office,'' replied God. ''We use it as a fan.''