Any Advice For A Conned Ex-husband?

[Bianco]

Hi. I've been advised by the StickmanBangkok forum to come here for advice regarding ways of preventing my Thai psycho ex-wife from remaining in England.

The full story of how we met, how she behaved while we waited for a visa and how she rapidly altered her behaviour once she got the visa is located here: www.stickmanbangkok.com/Reader2007/reader3806.htm"]http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/Reader2007/reader3806.htm

Any advice would be appreciated as she is a terrible role model for our son and I don't want her warping him the same way that her mother warped her into what she is today.

Matt (25, English)

Edited August 7, 2007 by the scouser
hotlink removed

[solo siam]

Speak to a lawyer, it's important enough to warrant a bit more than simply asking some people on the internet. Secure the childs safety/custody first.

[BAKABAS]

Hi. I've been advised by the StickmanBangkok forum to come here for advice regarding ways of preventing my Thai psycho ex-wife from remaining in England.

The full story of how we met, how she behaved while we waited for a visa and how she rapidly altered her behaviour once she got the visa is located here: http: //www.stickmanbangkok.com/Reader2007/reader3806.htm

Any advice would be appreciated as she is a terrible role model for our son and I don't want her warping him the same way that her mother warped her into what she is today.

Matt (25, English)

As hard as it is mate, you need to think about the future also. I have not read your other thread cause i have been there and don't want to rehash memories.

Your son will grow up sooner than later and for his future he must remain in contact with his mother. You need to do what is safe for him firstly, secondly think about 10 years time. Every child deserves the right to have some type of relationship with both of thier natural parents. If that relationship needs to be supervised , then get a court order to say so. forget about her and do what is right for him. Even if that means putting up with her as set down in your court order. It is still doing what is right by him for future sake.

Think things through patiently before acting. I should of in the past.

[Eff1n2ret]

Bianco,

You haven't said how long your wife has been in the UK (since arriving with the spouse visa), but it looks as if you have got divorced within the 2 years.

You can write to the Home Office and make it clear that your marriage no longer subsists, and that you will not sponsor any application for Further Leave to Remain. She then will have no basis on which to make a credible application, and if she doesn't leave will become an overstayer. But don't hold your breath about any quick action being taken to enforce her removal.

Apart from that there's nothing else you can or should do. She might make some allegations of domestic violence to try and apply on those grounds, but if nothing like that emerged during your divorce and if she never made any such complaints to the police, she shouldn't succeed.

Looks like the ECO whose decision you went to great lengths to overturn had her properly sussed out in the first place....

[gburns57au]

please dont feed Trolls......

The fact that this story comes from Stickmans site gives it no credence whatsoever....it is not the first time I have read the same story from there. The story has as many holes as fishnet stockings.

Does a UK wedding need to be finalised in Thailand to make it legal ? There are many inconsistancies with the story.

Sorry but my first impression was that this is a troll story....re reading it didnt shake my opinion.

[cdnvic]

It's not even a very good troll story. Poorly written even as a piece of fiction.

[Bianco]

Ben: I have spoken to a lawyer during the divorce proceedings, but the main theme that came up time and time again was evidence, and how difficult it was to prove anything. I suppose that I could consult an immigration lawyer now that the divorce is over (not just announced, but all related matters have been dealt with).

Bakabas: I have thought about the future. I often think long term and that is why I am so keen to get her kicked out of this country. This is not about revenge. This is about my son's future upbringing. If his mother is kicked out I will encourage them to keep in touch by phone, e-mail, writing etc. and when he is old enough to look after himself he can go to her in person, but as things stand now she will teach him to be like her because a parent is a strong role model for behaviour. If she stays around him he will pick up her characteristics and mindset. He will be more likely to become: violent, alcoholic, passive-aggressive, manipulative, deceitful, scheming, selfish, greedy, materialistic, and ruthless, as well as having a contempt for the law and a tendency to bully others. She's spending more than a quarter of a week with him. That's more than enough time to damage him in such a way that he will think that it is part of him and won't want to undo the damage. I also know that she is only his mother in the biological sense, as she has blanked him his whole life and not done anything since he was born apart from compliment him on his appearance. When I've left her in charge of him when I went out to work at night I noticed that virtually nothing had changed from when I left for work til when I arrived about 6 hours later. She never budged an inch and the only things that had moved a bit were the toys. I never came home to find the two playing, or her interacting with him in any way shape or form, or even to see him in bed like he was supposed to be by the time I got back from work. As soon as I got back she would nearly always want to go out partying, and on the occasions that she came back I would still be looking after our son until work. Sometimes she wouldn't even come back for days, preferring the company of friends and her boyfriend to seeing her son. She's only his mother in the biological sense. I intend to teach him how normal women behave and think by trying to restrict his main contact with women to decent role models, like nursery staff, family and friends during the remainder of his formative years.

Is there any specific lesson I could learn from your past? It doesn't have to be in any detail, it's just that I think that you might have an important point to make and I'd like to hear it.

Eff: I've already written to the home office, and she is now an overstayer twice over. I told them that I had divorced her and was no longer her sponsor then they said that it would take too long to get their act together even though they had months to deport her. It's now been about a week since her visa would have expired naturally so it's expired on the count of being divorced and of being out of date and I've made a phone call to the relevant people at the home office to ask them to look into it. I don't know how long it will take and the fact that they don't contact you back doesn't help, but rest assured I will contact them weekly until she's gone.

She didn't make any allegations of domestic violence (although she did admit to a tiny amount of the violence caused by herself), so thankfully there's no danger of that.

You're right about the ECO being correct. I've been thinking about raising that point myself in my next letter, as well as swallowing a large slice of humble pie and admitting a mistake was made on my part (to put it absurdly mildly).

gburns: You tell me where you think the holes are, and I shall enlighten you regarding the details. I don't know where this notion comes from that I'm making this up. I got the same reaction on the stickman forums too. Is there a culture of people who go around making lengthy stories up for sympathy/attention/profit?

The UK wedding doesn't have to be finalised in Thailand. We held the wedding ceremony (more like a reception with cake-slicing and string-tying thrown in) in England shortly before we left for Thailand where the official paperwork was signed and the official marriage happened, which was just signing some paperwork. The gathering in England was what we referred to as the wedding because that's when our respective friends and family (mostly hers but a fair few of mine) turned up and mingled and generally had a reasonably good time despite the mega-low budget (what with being a student at the time). I'm not even sure what the date was when we signed the marriage certificate.

Do you have any further questions regarding my past?

gburns & cdnvic: If the piece comes across as poorly written, it's because I'm not a professional writer and I just wanted to meet or break the 800 word limit and to go into enough detail so that people could help me. I really really don't understand why anyone would make this stuff up. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I just can't see why someone would go to so much effort for no gain.

[expatwannabe]

I'll preface this by saying I don't know UK law.

Personally, I hope you don't succeed in getting your ex-wife kicked out of the UK. Whatever personality ticks she has - or you think she has - you married her and had a child. That has consequences. And I find it repugnant that an adult can say to a child, "I'm sending Mommy away until you're 18 because I don't get along with her anymore."

That's just selfish. If your child were to make the request not to see his mother, that would be something. But that's not what's happening. You're pissed off at how your ex-wife pushes your buttons, and so you're trying to punish her by sending her away. And you obviously don't care what effect this has on your child.

Allowing your child to visit his mother a couple days a week is not going to kill you. It may be uncomfortable, but it's better for the child in the long run. And that should be your concern. Grow up.

EW

Edited August 7, 2007 by expatwannabe

[mrbojangles]

Nobody wins in circumstances like this, especially the children. She has 2 kids, one here and lets not forget the one in Thailand.

[expatwannabe]

Nobody wins in circumstances like this, especially the children.

Yes, nobody wins. But it is the parents' responsibility to mitigate the risk to the child - not engage in stupid games and politics.

Even if the mother is a horrible, irresponsible person, the father has a fiduciary responsibility to make sure the child grows up in a stable home. He isn't 'released' just because the mother is crazy, hard to deal with, or whatever. The child's needs should take precedence. If the father is preoccupied with punishing the mother, he's acting selfishly.

[Bianco]

expat: I was conned into marrying her as part of a deliberate scheme on her part so that she could get a visa, and as a result of that scheme she got pregnant. I can appreciate that marriages and parenthood have consequences, but so does deliberately faking love so that you can get married and deliberately trying to get yourself pregnant. If she is allowed to do this and get away with it others will copy and of course she will continue to use marriage and pregnancy as means to wealth and power just like she did with me and the father of her firstborn, regardless of how many families get destroyed in the process. I don't want another family to be created and destroyed by her just so that she can feel secure in this country.

I won't be sending her away because we don't get along any more, I want her out of the country because she has threatened to kill me and herself and our son on many occasions and I can't live with that threat to my son hanging over my head every time my son isn't with me. If she ever feels that her visa or whatever is threatened then she is crazy, violent and desperate enough to potentially carry out that threat or at least harm my son as a way of getting me to do what she wants. Besides I will still get them to keep in touch by phone, e-mail and letters, and when he's old enough to fend for himself he can visit her in person, although I would advise against it what with her being insanely violent and unpredictable.

It's the effect of having a mother who doesn't care about her son in the slightest that's one of the main reasons why he's better off without her being around. If he's raised thinking that it is acceptable for women to behave as she does and that this is normal then the consequences could be disastrous. He will have very low self-esteem due to being ignored, he'll be more likely to copy her selfishness, deceitfulness and greed as well as pick up her random outbursts of violence and bullying nature. Basically he'll be on the road to a life of crime that will waste his potential to make the most of his abilities. He's a very fast learner and very smart now, but who knows how that will be corroded when he starts to understand what grown ups are saying and begins to copy her behaviour and attitude?

If he grows up being passed between parents all of the time then from personal experience I know that this will make you feel like you don't really belong to either of them. I'd rather avoid this risk.

EDIT: In response to the 2nd expat post: I provide a stable home already. If it comes down to the risk to the child and the child's needs then I think his survival comes first. She has threatened to kill him. That is reason enough to keep her away from him even before you start throwing in the disastrous effects of her behaviour on his developing mind. If I was acting selfishly I'd leave things as they are and just enjoy the days off when he's not around, but I can't rest knowing that if she feels that she is about to be deported or if she wants to manipulate me or she just goes violent at random like she's done in the past that she will attack my 2-year-old son.

mrb: True. If she stays here her 1st son loses out, if she leaves her 2nd son loses out, so either way 1 wins and 1 loses. However, seeing as how the 2nd son has grown up for longer with his mum and misses her a lot, whereas there hasn't been any attachment from his mum to my son and she has threatened to kill him, overall it would be best if she went to her other son.

Edited August 7, 2007 by Bianco

[expatwannabe]

The answers are not always simple. But this is a common situation. If you need to get a restraining order or have her arrested for threats, then you should do that. But your motivation for sending her out of the country is different. You already said you just didn't want your son to grow up like her. Therefore, you're just trying to exact revenge. You're trying to keep her away from him. And in so doing, you're not just punishing her - you're punishing him.

If she lied to you and never really loved you, then applaud her remarkable performance and move on. This kind of thing has happened before. Having "white" children and getting a visa to the UK are powerful motivators in Thailand. Other men have been taken for a ride. But you can't become engaged in 'her' style of warfare. Your son needs to see you're an adult who's in control of himself and not playing petty games.

Who's your priority?

[mrbojangles]

If she lied to you and never really loved you, then applaud her remarkable performance and move on. This kind of thing has happened before. Having "white" children and getting a visa to the UK are powerful motivators in Thailand. Other men have been taken for a ride.

Although i agree with the majority of your sentiments.

On a seperate note (parent issues and what is best for the child aside). These are the type of people i would prefer to be kicked out of the UK. It is their kind and the tricks they get upto, that have made it so hard for those people with honest and loving relationship's, to get visa's.

[expatwannabe]

These are the type of people i would prefer to be kicked out of the UK. It is their kind and the tricks they get upto, that have made it so hard for those people with honest and loving relationship's, to get visa's.

Point taken. And I'd agree to do anything possible to kick her out - if children weren't involved.

[Bianco]

expat: I can't get a restraining order on her for making threats because a) it's my word against hers as she didn't write them down or record them or make them in public and she threatened to harm me if I divorced her, and after I divorced her she didn't carry out the threats, but what the policeman couldn't understand is that it wasn't the act of divorce that threatened her, it was being deported. No harm has happened because she doesn't think she's in danger of being kicked out at the moment, but if she fails to get her renewal then she may decide to strike, the same applies if she behaves in a manner that the home office is displeased about even if she gets a new visa. I can't live with the constant threat of her going nuts and attacking me and/or my son if she thinks that she's about to be kicked out. Far better to have one solid determined effort to do so stealthily so that she doesn't see it coming and arrange proper procedures to prevent her from attacking anyone while she's being kicked out than to live under a constant threat. If I control when it happens and make it happen soon and time it so that me and my son can hide so that she can't harm us then I don't have a sword of damocles hanging over the head of me and my son for the rest of our lives, as she often gets into trouble and she's going to continue to use and abuse people while she's here so there'll always be a risk that she could be deported at any time and then she could attack and blame me.

This is not about revenge. My ex was warped by her mum into becoming what she is now. I don't want my ex copying her mum and warping my son, who warps his kids etc. The psychological damage that her family inflicts on its children is very much like a disease, and the best way to deal with a disease like that is quarantine until his mum stops trying to warp him, like when he's grown up enough to make his own decisions. It won't be afull quarantine in the sense that she'll never communicate with him, but the damage done will be limited and repairable while he decides who he is, free of the sick mindset that his mum and gran have.

To be fair she's not cared in the slightest about him, in fact she's the same with both of her sons. During the whole year we were in Thailand together she must have seen him for about 2 weeks. She could have seen him at any time for the whole 12 months. There were times that she would claim that she wanted to go to the part of Thailand to see her 1st son, but when we got there she never bothered. She's got no connection with her kids. As for our son, she tried to breastfeed him a few times, and after that all she did was compliment him on his appearance and on no more than 5 occasions said he was clever. That's her entire interaction with him for the first 2 years of his life until she was divorced and realised that she needs to look like a mother in order to stay in this country then she put her 'mask' on pretends to care about him when she's never done so before and will stop as soon as she gets what she wants.

I'm not engaging in her style of warfare. She lies for selfish gain, I tell the truth for the sake of my son and to play my part in resisting this despicable practice. I fight for my son, who has never really had a mother and has a stronger bond with nursery staff and family and friends than he does with my ex, because she shows no affection towards him apart from briefly holding him when I hand him over to her, at which point she immediately puts him in the pram like it was painful to touch him. Perhaps if she has her plans foiled she will buck her ideas up and stop using people, but it's unlikely to happen even then and only after a fair amount of time, but it's the best chance she's got of becoming mature, if her partying ways were brought to an abrupt halt and she was forced to work for a living once more by being in Thailand.

My son is my priority. If I just wanted revenge I could have done it in a hundred different ways by now, and I would have also been very restrictive over how much time they spent together using the death threats to justify it, but instead I felt sorry for my son so I wanted him to spend some time with her before she was kicked out, even though she hadn't been a mother by that point and still shows no signs of being one now.

expat & mrb: I agree that it is a terrible shame that these people make it so hard for genuine farang-thai couples to settle down and live normal lives.

I know that she is technically his mother and that it is important for a child to have both parents, but look at it from the point of view of the genders being reversed. A man conceives a child with a woman so that she has a moral obligation to stick by him and try to keep the family together, even when the man stops acting perfect over time and shows no interest in the child. The man has now taken everything he wanted from the relationship, spent the savings on drinks, drugs, partying and sleeping around, threatens to kill his wife and child if she tries to stop him from doing what he wants (actually gets a knife out on a few occasions and waves it in her face) as well as having unprovoked random outbursts of domestic violence, still shown no interest in the wife or the child and eventually leaves with another woman who has a bit of cash where he will probably start the process all over again. Now in this scenario the mother could be said to be protecting her child from following such a terrible role model and would be right to avoid the ex-husband as he has shown no interest in the child and no qualities of a father figure. Contact with the child could only be to the child's detriment while he/she is in the formative years where they decide who they are and who they want to be. However, should the child want to find out more about the father when old enough to know who they are and what they want in life then that's the child's decision. In that scenario this sounds like a reasonable response doesn't it?

[bangkoksingapore]

expat: how is he supposed to raise the kid in a stable home if the mother is unstable? sometimes, its better to be in a one parent home then to be in an unstable two parent home.

[the scouser]

I don't write the following lightly, but if you want her out then it'll take the Borders and Immigration Agency a long time to get their act together.

In immigration matters both immigration officers and police have the power to arrest, so rather than wait for the Immigration Service to turn up, simply report her to a passing police officer as being an overstayer and subject to arrest. She should be taken to the nick whereupon she'll probably be served with a removal notice as an overstayer, but in all probability she will be released whilst further consideration is given to her case.

Scouse.

[expatwannabe]

Bianco

IMHO..

For what it's worth, you haven't convinced me of anything. My opinion probably doesn't matter to you, and that's ok. But I'm not going to pretend to agree. You talk about threats, but they're conveniently unsubstantiated. If you don't have proof, then get some. But somehow I don't think that'll happen. If your wife were really a threat, you would have gone to the police rather than trying some underhanded way to get her deported. Your actions are more akin to a snake than a concerned father.

A responsible person would go to the authorities or an attorney for help - not online to find a loophole to get their ex deported.

Edited August 8, 2007 by expatwannabe

[Eff1n2ret]

Bianco,

Presumably your ex acquired a National Insurance Number. It could be worth informing the DWP of her status, in case she attempts to or has already succeeded in accessing the benefit system. At the very least they would stop any benefit, and if they smelled any fraud they would have her arrested and then immigration would be more likely to become involved.

There's no point in "going to an attorney for help", unless you can show grounds for seeking an injunction against her approaching you or your child. If you haven't got sufficient proof, then forget it. You've done your duty by reporting her to the authorities, and that's the end of it as far as you're concerned. Although you are the unwitting dupe who brought her here, you have no right to dictate what action they should take, or even to be informed about it.

If you don't see her again it should be a matter of indifference to you whether she's in this country or elsewhere. Get on with your own life and forget about hers. If she does come calling, and you feel threatened, then call the police. As Scouse says, if you point out her immigration status to them they will be bound to make some checks and if things don't look right they would probably arrest her. Bear in mind that if she did make an application, even an unfounded one, before her visa expired, she would have the right to remain here until a decision was made, and might also have a right of appeal if she was refused, so she may still be legally in this country.

[Bianco]

bangkokS: Thanks for your support. I wish I knew of some sort of case study of some impressive body like a psychological council or something that I could use to back up my argument that a good single parent family is better than being passed between a dire parent and a good parent. All I've got to back up my case is that in both cases my son's spending half a week with me, so it's a choice between being left with a parent who doens't care about him or interact with him and will be a terrible role model versus time with a good parent.

scouser: I hear your something of a legend on this forum, so I'm glad to see you contribute to this thread. I recently had a call with the immigration advisory service who said that she could try to stay here using the joint custody of a british citizen as an excuse, and I've also been told that they can't kick her out while she's applying, so it won't be easy, so it's a good thing that I'm asking the advice of people who know a fair bit about Thailand and by extension sometimes about visas too to ensure that I've thought of and done everything I can to stop her staying. I'll send a long letter (covering everything while being as concise as possible) to both the home office and the Thai embassy to make sure that they know the situation and that I've said everything that can be said, and then if after about a week I get no response at all from anyone I'll begin constantly asking about why she's still here. I'd prefer it if I could be told if she can stay or not first and then have her swiftly removed while I have custody in such a way that minimises revenge attacks, but that sounds increasingly unlikely given the grand slowness of the home office et al.

expat: You may be surprised to hear that it is skeptical opinions such as yours that I value most of all, as they form the basis of how I will word my next letter. I will use the reaction of the skeptics on this forum and stickman forum to see how the home office et all will react in a worse case scenario, i.e. if they're uncooperative and extremely negative towards me.

You probably don't have much experience with domestic violence, but one of the major flaws in prosecuting this is that there is no physical evidence until an attack is launched. She didn't write down her threats or make them in front of others, so ultimately it is my word against hers, but that doesn't mean that it can't be taken into account by the authorities, as they do show some understanding and experience of the situation. I did manage to record her admitting to threatening to kill me, but because I didn't tell her I was recording her it is unusable, even though the phone call is recorded from the beginning and unedited. It's absurdly hard to prove anything in this case.

I did go to the police about this, but because I have no admissible evidence and it's only my word against hers they can only log it, they can't take any action. She did admit to breaking stuff during the divorce statements, but she didn't admit anything further than that (her statement to the court was more than half lies anyway). I've tried every normal method of trying to protect me and my son from her, but they have been ineffectual, so now I'm trying for another, still legal, method, which is for the overall good of my son anyway.

Eff: I'm not sure what her DWP no. is but I suppose I could try it. It might come across as a bit desperate to sling mud though and she could be forewarned of my intentions if the DWP let her know what they're doing during their investigations. I'll keep it in mind though, and I'll probably give them a call just to enquire about how covert their methods are.

Even if I never saw her again she's still a threat to both me and my son, even if she doesn't attack during one of her violent 'turns' then she's still harming my son, mildly for now due to shoddy parenting, but the real damage will be done when he starts to copy the beliefs and attitudes of his mother, including her appalling behaviour and random irrational outbursts of violence. I've seen many people who had bright futures as children turn into nightmares because one parent is a terribly bad influence or who has used the child as a pawn to attack and provoke the other parent. There's a real danger of that happening too, and all of these problems will only happen if she is successful in staying in this country with joint custody of my son. If she left him alone for the vast bulk of the time like the deadbeat mum that she is then that would be manageable, as I could undo the damage that she does, but she's having to claim to want to be near him in order to stay in England, so it has to be this way.

[expatwannabe]

You probably don't have much experience with domestic violence...

On the contrary. But abusive husbands are far more common than abusive wives, and they are often quite lucid and calm when trying to convince others they've done nothing wrong.

If your wife is really making threats against you, then find a way to piss her off, hang up, and then let her call you back (but don't answer). The laws against being recorded against your will do not apply when someone leaves messages on your answering machine. In those cases, it's implied that they're giving their consent. So get her to document the threats for you. That, or make sure you have witnesses around whenever you talk to her.

Edited August 9, 2007 by expatwannabe

[Bianco]

You probably don't have much experience with domestic violence...

On the contrary. But abusive husbands are far more common than abusive wives, and they are often quite lucid and calm when trying to convince others they've done nothing wrong.

Okay, so as far as anyone can tell I could be making his up and just reversing who did what to who, but just because it's possible I don't think it's fair to assume that that is how things are. Or did you mean that she could just reverse the story and claim that I am the abusive one? It's possible I suppose, but the immigration staff and embassy staff should have enough experience to know that I am more likely to be telling the truth, plus she has admitted in one of the court statements to some small amount of violence (presumably so that it is easier to deny the major claims by pretending that she's coming clean and there isn't any more to the story) while not claiming that I was violent, plus I initiated the divorce, plus I have the recording of her threatening to kill me even though I can't use it in court.

If your wife is really making threats against you, then find a way to piss her off, hang up, and then let her call you back (but don't answer). The laws against being recorded against your will do not apply when someone leaves messages on your answering machine. In those cases, it's implied that they're giving their consent. So get her to document the threats for you. That, or make sure you have witnesses around whenever you talk to her.

Unfortunately she never leaves messages, otherwise I could do that. She has sent texts, but never anything incriminating, just rude and occasionally gloating. It's nigh impossible to prove that a certain person sent a text as typing style could be copied or the defendant can claim that he/she was dictating while someone else altered what was being said, or whatever.

The only witnesses around when she talks where others can hear me are her mum, and she has always made her threats in private.

[gregchambers]

These women define totally insane, just feel lucky you r not in Thailand when all the shit goes down, at least there is little chance of the Thai husband popping up with a loaded gun (thank god for strict UK immigration though one of the new kicks for these women is to divorce once they get their Brit passport and then marry their Thai Mr Nasty and bring him on over).

Problem is that because some husbands abuse their wives ALL wives on long stay visas have elaborate laws protecting them - I would like to see it made impossible for anyone to get UK permanent residency unless they have been in the country for ten years!

[Bianco]

Problem is that because some husbands abuse their wives ALL wives on long stay visas have elaborate laws protecting them - I would like to see it made impossible for anyone to get UK permanent residency unless they have been in the country for ten years!

I've heard that people granted visas can be kicked out if they act like an undesirable. If this is true then there is no such thing as permanent residency, although this rule might just apply to American immigration not UK immigration.

Maybe because there are elaborate laws protecting women from domestic violence that that means that UK immigration are more aware of it and how difficult it is to prove? One can but hope.

[Mahout Angrit]

Not wishing to get involved in the rights and wrongs of splitting your family. If you want to get her out, or at least set her on her way, I follow on from Scousers recommendation.

Where do you live? If you live near a port, that port will have an Immigration team who at least one day a week do day/night work raiding restaurants/ factories etc targetting people who look 'unBritish'. (They recently picked up African car washers in a Sainsburys car park near here).These people are mean and efficient not like the HO office staff who you would be writing too.

Get yourself down to the port, try to introduce yourself and tip them off with the address.

Just a thought. Good luck.

EDIT: ...and it was noble of you you say that the ECO could see through her plan better than yourself. Of course they can as they face it daily, they will have saved a few from the same fate as yourself but no doubt taken plenty of abuse in the doing.(and, of course, got it wrong a few times but it's hard to be perfect!)

Edited August 11, 2007 by Mahout Angrit

[Bianco]

No ports nearby to where I live, but it's not that far from the coast (which describes pretty much all of England tbh) so I'll certainly investigate as to whether or not there are any teams such as the ones that you describe.

Yes I feel greatly humbled by my opinions of both my ex and the UK embassy in Thailand being turned on their heads by the whole experience. A slice of humble pie does one a world of good so that I no longer approach matters as certain that I know as much as I used to, although this could also be said to be the same as suffering from a drop in confidence.

[the scouser]

Every part of the UK is covered by an Immigration Enforcement Office, so you just need to establish which one is responsible for your area.

Scouse.

[Eff1n2ret]

Every part of the UK is covered by an Immigration Enforcement Office, so you just need to establish which one is responsible for your area.

Scouse.

Quite so, but the Elephant Man's notion that they career around the place arresting people who "look unBritish" is bizarre.

[Mahout Angrit]

Quite so, but the Elephant Man's notion that they career around the place arresting people who "look unBritish" is bizarre.

Bizarre it may seem but are there any other reasons why they raid (as an example I witnessed) a legitimit Thai food take away business staffed entirely by British people (albiet born in Thailand with Thai features). They physically prevented the staff from leaving or operating the business until they could have their passports delivered to the shop. I guess they wouldn't have done that had the staff had the appearance of being British born.

They wouldn't even believe that there were only two working in the shop and were paranoid that others had escaped out the rear door as they arrived.

Edited August 12, 2007 by Mahout Angrit

[Carmine6]

snip.

... I did manage to record her admitting to threatening to kill me, but because I didn't tell her I was recording her it is unusable, even though the phone call is recorded from the beginning and unedited. It's absurdly hard to prove anything in this case.

snip

I'm ignorant of UK law, but why would recordings be unusable? Illegal to make such a recording I can understand, but that doesn't mean such recordings are not usable. Is there some law that says that government agencies have to ignore illegaly obtained recordings? You're not trying to take down the mob, you're trying to prove she's a danger to your son.

And does that also apply to recordings in a room? For example if you set up a hidden video recorder in a room and then have a chat would that fall under the same laws that supposedly restrict use of phone recordings?

Frankly, I'd get all the video and audio evidence I could, pick the best stuff out and use it.