Advice Re Thai Gf Honesty

[maccado]

"Lets start at the beginning. You have a girlfriend as you call her but it sounds like you did not meet her in Thailand or in the UK, perhaps online ? You have been to see her twice in 6 months. She works but has lied to you about money. How many other people is she doing the same to ? Sorry but no matter how much you think you love her you hardly know her, you live in different countries and if you really did meet her online then you are probably not the only one being hoodwinked. Cut her loose. "

I met her in thailand whilst i was travelling (not online). I agree we do not know each other as well as we would like hence the reason i am planning to go to live in thailand with her for 6 months so that we can get to know each other better. Is that really so unreasonable

[Maigo6]

i just did a search of your posts

Freaky the Bore, you can't possibly be that bored, can you ?

[frikkiedeboer]

i just did a search of your posts

Freaky the Bore, you can't possibly be that bored, can you ?

mogwai6

yaaawn! got anything of interest to post yet? - thought not! no wonder i am bored.

freaky

[qwertz]

Frikkie, you could start a hangman/tic tac toe thread.

[frikkiedeboer]

Frikkie, you could start a hangman/tic tac toe thread.

good idea, quertz. know who i am going to hang first?

frikkie

[bendix]

I met her in thailand whilst i was travelling (not online). I agree we do not know each other as well as we would like hence the reason i am planning to go to live in thailand with her for 6 months so that we can get to know each other better. Is that really so unreasonable

How old are you maccado?

[maccado]

i am 35, gf is 29

[qwertz]

Frikkie, you could start a hangman/tic tac toe thread.

good idea, quertz. know who i am going to hang first?

frikkie

Hmmm. Let me guess.

Is it a board member or someone I might know?

[OxfordWill]

Maccado- well done for weathering the idiots. We get a lot of guys doing stupid things and telling this forum about it, but in your case you seem to be a reasonable guy doing your best to understand some unfamiliar situations. Your girlfriend doesnt sound like a bad person. Approach your 6 month stay as a holiday if you can and assume nothing, so if you get anything out of it it will be a pleasant surprise.

[harrymand]

You may be able to forgive her for lying, but you will never be able to forget. And it will be in the back of your mind everyday of your relationship, especially if she ever does anything that seems suspicious, your mind will go back to the first lie. And it will not matter whether or not at the moment she is telling you the truth, because you know she used to be a liar and simply is not worthy of your total trust anymore.

Most often when a person lies once and gets caught, the next time she will lie harder not to get caught.

SO WATCH OUT!

You right! I have stayed together with a Tgf. for 8 mounths. She is from a Isaan farmer famely. Working hard, taking care of her younger sisters and brother. While I was working abroad 3 months ago, she was staying together with her "ex" boyfrend for 3 weeks! I was not happy about that!!! To bee even more "honest" she told me the other day that they go together to visit her parents as well! And that is even befor I met them, and I am the man she want to marry! At this moment I sitting in my office on an oilrig and waithing for the moment to call her and tell her by-by!

H.M.

[t.s]

You might like "Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness" by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana

or private dancer, a must read.

[qwertz]

You may be able to forgive her for lying, but you will never be able to forget. And it will be in the back of your mind everyday of your relationship, especially if she ever does anything that seems suspicious, your mind will go back to the first lie. And it will not matter whether or not at the moment she is telling you the truth, because you know she used to be a liar and simply is not worthy of your total trust anymore.

Most often when a person lies once and gets caught, the next time she will lie harder not to get caught.

SO WATCH OUT!

You right! I have stayed together with a Tgf. for 8 mounths. She is from a Isaan farmer famely. Working hard, taking care of her younger sisters and brother. While I was working abroad 3 months ago, she was staying together with her "ex" boyfrend for 3 weeks! I was not happy about that!!! To bee even more "honest" she told me the other day that they go together to visit her parents as well! And that is even befor I met them, and I am the man she want to marry! At this moment I sitting in my office on an oilrig and waithing for the moment to call her and tell her by-by!

H.M.

This is not just Thai, my friend.

A former German girl friend of mine not only kept up with her boyfriend but also her ex husband.

When I found her out she suggested I accept the arrangement as she couldn't find all the qualities she wanted in one man.

So I figured since none of her lovers was a plumber,electrician or carpenter this girl would develop quite a retinue in the course of time.

I travel light - it takes me less than hour to pack my bags.

[harleyrogue2001]

To update this situation, i have decided to send 3000 baht to my gf so she can study. Obviously this has thrown me a warning and i am much more cautious about this relationship than i was previously.

However this has also made us talk more openly about money which has so far been a subject we have not really talked about at any real depth in this relationship.

I do believe she is sorry for what she did and did so because of mitigating circumstances. I say this because on the 2 occasions i have visited her in thailand i have offered to give her a little money when i have left but she would never accept it.

I am sure there will be people reading this thinking what a sucker, as i know that that would be my reaction if i read this, but i have decided to proceed all be it at a much slower and cautious pace.

I would not even look in the rear view mirror, as an avalanche starts with a few tumbles of snow, you will likely be buried with regret. Family needs help now, it will not likely improve. Be prepared for the sacrifice/investment with only emotional dividends. Good luck.

[papaya9]

Don't make any excuses for yourself. There are tons of Thai girls out there...Don't waste one more moment on this girl unless you have a severe self-esteem issue. Chokdee

[a2396]

Don't make any excuses for yourself. There are tons of Thai girls out there...Don't waste one more moment on this girl unless you have a severe self-esteem issue. Chokdee

I wouldn't say there are tons of them waiting to get involved with a farang, who are not employed in "the trade". Where I live, normal girls stick to their Thai B/F's & most of them speak little or no English. The odds go up if she (the girl) or her family happen to need money. Unfortunately then, he will likely be back to square one.

[bkkmadness]

I wouldn't say there are tons of them waiting to get involved with a farang, who are not employed in "the trade". Where I live, normal girls stick to their Thai B/F's & most of them speak little or no English.

There are LOADS of Thai girls not in the 'trade' who want a farang bf. Where do you people live?

[britmaveric]

I wouldn't say there are tons of them waiting to get involved with a farang, who are not employed in "the trade". Where I live, normal girls stick to their Thai B/F's & most of them speak little or no English.

There are LOADS of Thai girls not in the 'trade' who want a farang bf. Where do you people live?

Bkk....Thought as much myself and its not very hard either!!!

[wileycoyote]

I wouldn't say there are tons of them waiting to get involved with a farang, who are not employed in "the trade". Where I live, normal girls stick to their Thai B/F's & most of them speak little or no English.

There are LOADS of Thai girls not in the 'trade' who want a farang bf.

I believe that it is now a fashion statement !

Wiley Coyote

[bkkmadness]

Actually most I know don't care either way, farang or Thai. They don't see much difference.

[a2396]

Actually most I know don't care either way, farang or Thai. They don't see much difference.

I have lived in Khon Kaen for three years and see nothing to resemble what you are talking about. Most attractive ladies, who are students or working, have Thai BF's and show little interest in a Farang. Most of the Farangs I see here are with 35 to 40+ age ladies, who may have children and are likely from poor rural backgrounds. They are not the runners-up to Miss Thailand.

[ding]

maccado, you have humility, patience, tollerance, and intelligence -as near as I can tell from your few posts. You do well to ask old Thai hands for their views. And I think we both enjoy the cynics like bendix amd maigo6.

But I'd give weighted consideration to what OxfordWill advises.

You MUST READ the book "Thailand Fever" in your 6 months together. It's written in Thai and English, and on facing pages. It is designed to be read by a Falang man and a Thai lady at the same time.

It is in line with the book, "Thailand, Culture Shock" -and my limitted experiences as well.

You have a good lady it seems. And she is very lucky as well I bet.

I'd be willing to PM you my story if you like, but I envy your dillema as it is normal behaviour to come across there. And she even admitted the lie and resolved not to do it.

Ladies are, in fact, accountable and responsible for exploitative behaviour. And Thais are culpable when they deceive for pleasure or gain. We are humans and adults, period. But there are definitely cultural differences you both need to understand, and make arrangements to cope.

She'll probably lie again. She WILL need to have you help her family, they take care of mom first, you second. Come to terms with that and feel happy to help her look good to mom and give her self-esteem.

Or just stay home, and beg the lumpy birds back home to throw a crumb from time to time.

You'll be fine. Relax and enjoy the show. Do what she needs and set limits.

Another Sinsot thread anyone????

[chiang mai]

Hi all i am new to this forum allthough i have been reading it for a while

Anyway the reason i have got around to posting is that basically i have a thai gf she is currently living in thailand and i am living in the uk, i have known her for about 6 months during which time i have been to thailand twice to see her and when i am not in thailand we are in regular contact. Anyway she is not a bargirl she has a full time job in an office and has never asked me for anything. I am planning on going to thailand to live with her for 6 months later in the year to see how we get on and see if anything serious becomes of it. Her english is not brilliant and she is keen to learn so i suggested she have lessons which i would pay for, she was very happy with this. Yesterday she got back to me to ask for 15,000 baht for english lessons at aua. Well i checked on the aua website and the real cost is actually about 2000 baht. I confronted her with this and she told me she needed money for her mum ......

Anyway i believe she is genuinely sorry for what she has done and she has promised she would never lie to me again .....

What do people think is there any chance of a future in this relationship could i learn to trust her again. Is she being genuine or should i get out of this now.

I am open to any suggestions, ridicule or advice and i am not a troll

I will reply here without reading any of the posts other than the OP: My short answer is there's little chance of success with the relationship. Reasons for this are (1) you live in the UK and are several months if not years away from understanding Thai culture and the differences between the way she behaves and the things that you think are acceptable. (2) she just tried to rip you off for 13,000 baht and she'll do it again. (3) she lives here and you live there. It doesn't matter that she works in an office and is not a bar girl, that;s really not a factor. Do yourself and all of us a favor and get out of it now. If in the future you bound and determined to have a relationship with a Thai girl, save lots of money, spend a year here understanding the culture and if and when you meet Ms Right, stay here with her - that approach has a chance of success. Oh yes, and always have a secure fully thought through Plan B at all times.

[Westerner]

BENDIX, do you ever let your hair down? You seem so austere! Especially when sneering at other posters when they lack the ability to see what you can see.

I like BENDIX. He isn't wearing rose-colored specs, and sees things as they are!

[track61]

It must be a great comfort to be as knowledgable as many people in threads likes this. There are posters here that know/understand/predict/ etc., feelings/objectives/shortcomings/intentions/etc, of entire races/cultures/genders/etc. I am happy I have found a site where so many amazingly intelligent/intuititive/insightful/etc., people congregate.

As for the lady and her lie, seems to me that the only person that can make a determination if its a deal breaker or not is the OP, and if he had to ask us.......... Welll......??????

[zzdocxx]

We all must honor our personal requirements regarding risk aversion on one hand and a quest for adventure and fulfillment of our karmic destiny on the other.

Nice, thanks.

[roietjimmy]

Is there anything - ANYTHING - so sad as a farang guy desperately trying to convince himself that what is obviously black is, in fact, white?

Sad. Very sad.

Love is a serious mental disease. Plato, 360 BC

[ding]

"I feel for Adam and Eve now, for I know how it was with them....The Garden of Eden I now know was an unendurable solitude. I know that the advent of the serpent was a welcome change--anything for society."

-Mark Twain, a Biography

"After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her."

- Adam's Diary

[chiang mai]

It must be a great comfort to be as knowledgable as many people in threads likes this. There are posters here that know/understand/predict/ etc., feelings/objectives/shortcomings/intentions/etc, of entire races/cultures/genders/etc. I am happy I have found a site where so many amazingly intelligent/intuititive/insightful/etc., people congregate.

As for the lady and her lie, seems to me that the only person that can make a determination if its a deal breaker or not is the OP, and if he had to ask us.......... Welll......??????