Frappuccino Foodcourt Fiasco: How I Ended Up Covered In Someone Else’s Breakup...

[Lewie London]

So there I am, early afternoon, mindin’ me own bizz as usual, sat up in that food court at Terminal 21, the one with the tightly spaced tables and chairs built for K-pop fans. Just fancied me a quiet little plate of chicken and rice, nothin’ posh, just keepin’ it light after a weekend of poor diet decisions. Got me bottle of orange juice, phone on silent, not a care in the world. Life’s not too shabby at times, yeah?

 

Then it starts. Next table over, some Arab geezer’s havin’ a full-on domestic blow-up with his Thai girlfriend. Proper handbags at dawn stuff. Can’t hear every word but I’m catchin’ bits, sounds like she’s caught him textin’ some other bird and that he told her she’s not gettin’ that Louis Vuitton bag after all. That's what I reckon. All I know is the volume’s going up like someone’s leanin’ on the remote.

 

Next thing I know, bang, she’s up, screamin’ in Thai, grabs her overpriced frappuccino thing, one of those blended iced jobs with about eight different brown colored syrups, and launches it at him like she’s tryin’ out for the Olympic shot put. The thing explodes midair, half on him, half on me. His face is drippin’ caramel drizzle, I’m sat there with all sorts of sticky brown liquids on me shirt like I’ve just lost a fight with dessert.

 

She clocks me straight away, gasps like she’s just seen a ghost, and comes over apologisin’ like mad. Hands together, little wai, proper sorry. Offers to buy me a new shirt, bless her, but I tell her don’t worry about it, love. I’m already thinkin’, this is why you don’t wear white in Pattaya. You wear dark colours, expect sauce stains and street chaos. Rookie mistake.

 

Then, and here’s where it gets interestin’, she scribbles her LINE ID on a napkin and slips it over to me. “I want to say sorry, you message me, okay na?” Big eyes. Sweet smile. But behind that smile? Chaos, mate. You can see it. She's got a hot temper and a short fuse. The kind of girl where one drink turns into five drinks, next minute you’re sat at the police station wonderin’ how your wallet ended up in someone else’s pocket and why she’s throwin’ your passport in a canal.

 

Polite nod, smile, napkin in the bin. Not my first rodeo. I finish me chicken and rice, wipe the coffee goo off me with what’s left of me self-respect, and stroll off toward the escalators like Bond after a car chase.

 

Terminal 21. Where you come for cheap food and leave covered in someone else’s relationship problems. Pattaya, never changin’, never disappointin’, nice one mates. 

 

 

[save the frogs]

you're prolific, man

[Celsius]

What emoticon would you like for this post?

[hotsun]

4 minutes ago, Celsius said:

What emoticon would you like for this post?

Middle finger

[save the frogs]

11 hours ago, Celsius said:

What emoticon would you like for this post?

 

They should add a Led Zeppelin "dazed and confused" emoji

 

[mogandave]

wind up

[Harrisfan]

Who reads this crap?

[mogandave]

6 minutes ago, Harrisfan said:

Who reads this crap?

I got as far as: “So there I am…”

[short-Timer]

1 hour ago, Harrisfan said:

Who reads this crap?

I know Susan, absolutely terrible, but at least they’re not as mind-numbing as some of the absolute gems I’ve seen recently like:

Do you watch Muay Thai?

Who loves Bangkok?

Things you like about Thailand

Why are retirees so grumpy?

Nothing much to do in regular Thailand

 

Oh wait…

[Harrisfan]

15 minutes ago, short-Timer said:

I know Susan, absolutely terrible, but at least they’re not as mind-numbing as some of the absolute gems I’ve seen recently like:

Do you watch Muay Thai?

Who loves Bangkok?

Things you like about Thailand

Why are retirees so grumpy?

Nothing much to do in regular Thailand

 

Oh wait…

You are a loser. 

[Harrisfan]

1 hour ago, mogandave said:

I got as far as: “So there I am…”

Why does he bother? One wonders.

[short-Timer]

39 minutes ago, Harrisfan said:

You are a loser. 

Nah bro, always winning. Cause that's how I roll. Nice to see you still project so well though.

[Harrisfan]

6 minutes ago, short-Timer said:

Nah bro, always winning. Cause that's how I roll. Nice to see you still project so well though.

Yes bro. You are a sad troll. Nobody likes you.

[short-Timer]

38 minutes ago, Harrisfan said:

Yes bro. You are a sad troll. Nobody likes you.

Bro, you are still weird, deranged and desperate. Wear it with honor!