I got this one from my mother a few years ago and just dug it up, very funny ladies...

Yes, I did have my mammogram

today... Why do you ask?

For years and years they told me,

Be careful of your breasts.

Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.

And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,

And protected them by law.

Guarded them very carefully,

And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,

My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,

Said I should get a Mammogram.

"O.K," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,

(She got my boob in line),

"And tell me when it hurts," she said,

"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,

I could not believe my eyes!

A plastic plate came slamming down,

My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,

From underneath my chin.

My poor boob was being squashed,

To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,

Within it's vise-like grip.

A prisoner in this vicious thing,

My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,

Who does she think she's kidding?!?

My chest is mashed in her machine,

And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,

(The room was slowly swaying.)

"Now, let's have a go at the other one."

Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,

It squeezed me from both sides.

I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,

To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,

I will request a blindfold.

I have no wish to see again,

My knockers getting steamrolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,

I surely have one now.

If there had been a cyst in there,

It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,

Of this, I have no doubt.

I'd like to stick his balls in there,

And see how THEY come out.

and that is not a word of a lie. bloody hel_l mammograms hurt! but they are well worth doing all the same.

Unfortunately my tits are too small to go through a mammogram but my doctor does a scan like for pregnant women and seems to think it is just as good and i presume very much less painfull! Perhaps a bit cold when she puts the gel on,,,,

and that is not a word of a lie. bloody hel_l mammograms hurt! but they are well worth doing all the same.

I have fibroids and had a needle biopsy. Great big long needle jammed into the side of my breast. YIKES! I can't imagine a mammogram is worse than that. (I know, I really need to get one, and plan on it later this year (where's the embarrassed red smilie face?)

Thanks for a timely reminder with a healthy slug of humour, SBK.

Who has had a mammogram/MRI/scan for breast cancer in Thailand? And can anyone recommend a particular hospital or clinic which produces clear images and explains results in English?

i had a mammogram as part of a general health screen in bumrungrad a few yrs back. guess i should go again, but the thought of that crusher squashing my boobs til they nearly pop is just too much to think about at times.

the doctor i had explained things to me very clearly, but i didnt see the results myself.

Thanks for the info, Donna. I'll try not to think too hard about the "breast vise" and other tortures....grit the teeth and think of the coffee and shopping in Bangkok after the ordeal, I guess!