Your Worst Thai Messups

[realthaideal]

Ok. So this seems the natural cousin to the other thread I started. I have totally blown it with my Thai waaaay too many times to remember. Sometimes it's a matter of grammar, or others it's the wrong verb, and then there's those darn tones.

One that always comes to mind right off the bat happened when new to Thailand and Chiang Mai. There's a street named after a very well respected family in town called Nimmanhaemind. Of course it's such a mouthful and has irregular vowel patterns for most Farang, that they butcher the heck out of this name. It's quite easy to get right, really with some practice, or if you study the spelling in Thai, but most don't. In any case, I once asked a police officer which way was Thanon Nee- man- hee - men ?

Should have ended in 'hae-min', but I think there are lots of words in Eng like 'vehement' which have a a long e, short e rhythm to them and this is what I imitated. Needless to mention the cop was stunned by the Falang who was half speaking intelligently, and half rudely - accidentally. He didn't know what to make of it. As I repeated it more slowly, emphasizing just the street, more loudly as well 'Neeee- mahn - heeeee - men' he got more and more distracted by the 'hee men' and eventually started laughing and shaking his head no at me. He explained to me 'Hee men,' pud mai dai', and corrected me. This of course has gone on to be one of my favorite Thai screw ups.

And if you don't know, it means 'smelly fashina'.... wooops!

This seems a simple one to make too. Another friend of mine from Colorado was trying to explain during the cold season that during that time in her country there is alot of snow. Mii hima! yoe. But then, if you don't use the short salaa a you get 'hee- mah'. Very bad. And compared to Thailand, I'm not sure that Colorado would win anyway, who has more 'dog fashina' or not, what with all the soi dogs running around. Needless to say she thereafter learned the differences between ะ and า.

[wileycoyote]

Rumour is that I once inadvertently called a Thai hotelier a dog !

Fortunately,he could see the funny side of it and dismissed it as being a quaint farang.

Needless,to say ,he moved to another hotel in the South.

But you should always check what you say ,before you say it

Wiley Coyote

[Naam]

my first visit to Thailand was in 1973 and among the first words i was taught were "nam som" and (shocks!) "hua nom". when the waiter served breakfast i asked him to change the pineapple juice and get me some "hua nom" (which i thought was orange juice)

[midasthailand]

When I was learning Thai, we were discussing an old Thai lady who was hard of hearing and still being a novice and not knowing the Thai love of twisting words around I said "Hoo® mai(f) dii(m)". Needless to say, my teacher cracked up laughing and it took some time before he was able to explain to me that Thais would not say this, as it could be twisted to "Hii® Mai(f) Doo(m)", meaning don't look at the fajina. Of course since then I have always been careful in my word selection and ensured that my statements cannot be twisted to some impolite meaning.

[cali4995]

A few years ago, on my first trip here I went to rent one of those little

honda scooters to put-put around on. I was trying to explain to the rather

nice young man that I wanted to find somewhere to go for breakfast? Well,

I think I was trying to say "ahaan chao" but I kept having brain fade and

it was coming out like "ahee-a". Not exactly, but close enough so that I could

see the rental operator was on the point of seething. Of course I had no idea

what I was saying and it didn't come to blows but pretty funny, nonetheless.

[mr_hippo]

Out cycling and needing something cold to drink, I still had some lukewarm water in my bidons, I fancied a drink of ice cold milk. I stopped at the next 7-11, spoke to the young lady at the counter and said in Thai "Do you have a large bottle of milk?" but it came out as "Do you have large breasts?" She looked at me, then at her chest and said "No, small ones!" with a twinkle in her eye.

[N47HAN]

Out cycling and needing something cold to drink, I still had some lukewarm water in my bidons, I fancied a drink of ice cold milk. I stopped at the next 7-11, spoke to the young lady at the counter and said in Thai "Do you have a large bottle of milk?" but it came out as "Do you have large breasts?" She looked at me, then at her chest and said "No, small ones!" with a twinkle in her eye.

[toptuan]

I asked for noodles with pork, but don't like liver ("tahb") in it.

But I blew it, by saying to the young waitress: "Mai sai tahd." ("Don't put a vagina in it!")

[paulsmithson]

Took a generals daughter out for dinner in 78, I was so proud of my mewly acquired thai vocabulary and in a top restaurant I asked her if she was ready to leave, I said "pie ow cahn mi?" the entire place went suddenly silent untill she laughed and explained what I had said! Thank god she forgave my ignorance and later married me.

The bars are a very dangerous place to learn to speak Thai.

[ajarnmark]

Out cycling and needing something cold to drink, I still had some lukewarm water in my bidons, I fancied a drink of ice cold milk. I stopped at the next 7-11, spoke to the young lady at the counter and said in Thai "Do you have a large bottle of milk?" but it came out as "Do you have large breasts?" She looked at me, then at her chest and said "No, small ones!" with a twinkle in her eye.

Can you write Thai or Roman Thai for this please?

[Grover]

When I was beginning in Thai language I met two female Thai uni students, their names were Moi and Maam.

A month or two later I met them again, and I wanted to say "Hi, I havent seen you around for a while" in Thai, so I said "mai dai hen Moi Maam dung naarn laeow krup". The key word here is Moi, which means pubic hair if said in the wrong tone.

They all had a good old laugh at my expense.

[meadish_sweetball]

Leaving out the classifier could create that kind of ambiguity since the same word is used for 'breast' and 'milk'.

mii nom yai mai (khrap/kha)?

Using the classifier 'khuad' (bottle) would remove any ambiguity.

mii nom khuad yai mai (khrap/kha)?

[Grover]

Out cycling and needing something cold to drink, I still had some lukewarm water in my bidons, I fancied a drink of ice cold milk. I stopped at the next 7-11, spoke to the young lady at the counter and said in Thai "Do you have a large bottle of milk?" but it came out as "Do you have large breasts?" She looked at me, then at her chest and said "No, small ones!" with a twinkle in her eye.

Can you write Thai or Roman Thai for this please?

probably said "mee nom yai mai krup"

should of said"mee nom, kuat yai mai krup"

[Tim207]

This seems a simple one to make too. Another friend of mine from Colorado was trying to explain during the cold season that during that time in her country there is alot of snow. Mii hima! yoe. But then, if you don't use the short salaa a you get 'hee- mah'. Very bad. And compared to Thailand, I'm not sure that Colorado would win anyway, who has more 'dog fashina' or not, what with all the soi dogs running around. Needless to say she thereafter learned the differences between ะ and า.

LOL

Long ago, I was asked why I spend the winters in Thailand. In Thai, I explained how it is very cold where I live and I don't like snow. My mistake was only explained after the fits of laughter subsided.

[mrt273nva]

I once borrowed a hammer from a neighbor to build a ladder at the dock where i keep my boat. as luck would have it i dropped the hammer into the sea never to be recovered again. i went out and replaced the hammer. upon returning their now new hammer they were confused about what happened to the old one. i didn't know the word for "sank" in thai so i just told them that their hammer went swimming. they eventually got what i was trying to explain but thought it was pretty a funny image.

[Grover]

I once borrowed a hammer from a neighbor to build a ladder at the dock where i keep my boat. as luck would have it i dropped the hammer into the sea never to be recovered again. i went out and replaced the hammer. upon returning their now new hammer they were confused about what happened to the old one. i didn't know the word for "sank" in thai so i just told them that their hammer went swimming. they eventually got what i was trying to explain but thought it was pretty a funny image.

hammer wai nam mai geng

[Shah Jahan]

my first night ever in Bangkok - I went home with a falang-first timer (no english) and during our intercourse she started moaning 'jepp...jepp' my first day in thailand, i didnt know any of the language and I assumed that 'jepp' meant something like good-or harder -

So i kept at it and went a little hard to which she kept saying 'jepp...jepp'

so naturally i was sure I was doing a good job and kept at it long and deep - after a while she quieted down, so I slowed down as well

----

it was some time later that I found out what jepp really meant - - - - -

I

----

another problem is I always get the words for 'Virgin' and 'Business' mixed up which makes for a pretty good laugh with my colleugues

[soundman]

A common mistake that I made for years without getting corrected & was rather embarrassed when I found out the meaning.

สวย - sooay - beautiful

ซวย - sooay - unlucky

Needless to say I was going around calling girls un-lucky rather beautiful....

[simon43]

My wife was recently walking across a narrow, wooden bridge and I wanted to warn her to be careful not to fall. So I wanted to say 'rawang khun ja dok' (be careful - you will fall). Unfortunately, it came out as 'rawang khun ja dot' (be careful - you will fart')

My wife almost fell off the bridge laughing...

Simon

[realthaideal]

Careful you don't fall.......

Finally one that isn't sex or bad word related. However those are some of the most common mistakes you make and are sure to remember.

I have one innocent one I do all the time. I forget which is which - though really I know all too well - and say scissors when I want pants. Or am asking for a pair of scissors and ask someone to loan me their pants instead. Good laughs all around.

And I will add scissors: กรรไกร gan-grai, and pants กางเกง gang-gaeng

I'm usually lazy to type Thai as I'm a bad speller but it's time I do it. As for others who say they confuse the words for business and virgin...... not sure what that could be. Please, at the very least write a transliteration of the word if not the actual Thai word - which you can cut n paste from dicts so you don't have to type it yourself btw.

Borigan - service and Borisut - pure, innoncent ? = business and virgin ? Want to know what words get you, please.

Edited October 2, 2007 by realthaideal

[mangkorn]

บริษัท (borisat) - company, firm, corporation

บริสุทธิ์ (borisut) - virgin, pure, innocent

(Edited to correct text encoding)

Edited October 2, 2007 by mangkorn

[sutnyod]

Had a great laugh! Some of those mistakes either me or my children have done as well (i.e. the 'fall-off' and 'fart' part).

I am not a great friend of big bulky cardboard bags some of the departments stores tend to give you after a purchase to take your things home in. When I got a VERY big one at Robinsons waaaaayyyyyyy back I asked the staff to please give me a 'thoong yang'. Her eyeballs almost popped out of her head. I thought she had not understood and said very loud and clear: she should please give me a thoong yang. When she still did not show any signs of recovering I lifted my shoppings in that bulky bag and pointed with the other hand to a stack of plastic bags. She moved my shoppings.

.

.

.

.

.

Then I left the shop and in the door it came to me what I have said. I could have kicked myself..... Since then I always use the correct 'thoong palastic'

[painai2]

Having made plans to have someone come visit me at at หกโมงเช้า, thinking I had said 6pm, of course my friend shows up promptly at 6am, but you said หกโมงเช้า! I don't make that mistake again.

[BKKGuitar]

Hmmm, first day of first time in Thailand, I wanted to order "khao pad muu" ข้าวผัคหมู(fried rice with pork), but said "khao pad nuu" ข้าวผัคหนู(fried rice with rat) instead, and the server headed for the kitchen with a twinkle in her eye... I still wonder what I had for breakfast that day!!

[NaiGreg]

Once, my wife invited me to come into the house to have a meal and I told her I was going to fry my shoes first!

tawt rawng-tao gawn! (tawt with a falling tone instead of a low tone)

[Suszzy]

i love it..

its nice to read something that can make you smile

keep them coming..

[JRinger]

When I first came here I had a habit of saying, "Yes Mam" .....got me in trouble more than once.

[realthaideal]

Sometimes there's a flow to a word that can mess me up - I reverse a part of it or something. Best example is one where I was trying to say I'm comparing ways to do something, and am having to experiment with how to do it first. More than a couple of times, I have really wanted to say experiment ทดลอง, but instead got it backwards and also changed the ท to a ต and got ลองตด - something like cut one/ pass gas. Not sure of fart spelling as no dict will give it to me, but assuming I'm close with my...er, uh... experimenting.

[percy2]

misunderstandings with the word "pour" can have devastating effects.

Especially when drinking

Cheers

[realthaideal]

"Misunderstandings with the word "pour" can have devastating effects.

Especially when drinking

Don't know what this means. Please type a transliteration of the good word and the funny/bad word so I can catch on. Might have made the same mistake myself.