Being A Relationship W/ Someone Who Makes Much Less Than You

[FarangNoi21]

For all you guys who are married to or dating a thai girl who makes 1/100 or whatever fraction of what you make, what happens to her and this new found lifestyle if you break up? Does it ever bother you not knowing to what extent she really likes you versus the lifestyle you can provide her? Even the poorest farang who teach english make much more than the majority of Thais. Also, does anyone else get these uncomfortable feelings when they go to heavily touristed places like MBK, its like 90% of the women in there are fishing for a rich farang boyfriend. I am pretty confident that I could marry many of them within a week if I wanted to. I am not saying this brag, I am saying this because it is offputting and depressing. I get the same weird feelings whenever I see a farang and his gf eating a meal with her friends and the bill comes and Ive never seen anyone but him pay. I understand that many Thai people have hard lives and with all the farang wandering around Thailand its like a lottery ticket that doesn't take much effort to catch, but it still makes me feel uneasy. I don't see many of these relationships lasting a long time, and these circumstances provide ample opportunities for both parties to exploit the other: gold digging Thais and unscrupulous farangs looking for a fast shag w/o considering the girls intentions.

While many bangkok thai's are snobs, I think this plays a part of it. Thais from the poorer regions are less likely to be educated. We all have dealt with less intelligent people and it can sometimes get to you. You want to ask what is wrong with them, but it is simply that they are uneducated and ignorant because of their life circumstances. So when people ask, why do chinese-thais hate isaan thai's i think this atleast plays some role in it.

Edited October 3, 2007 by FarangNoi21

[wileycoyote]

I'm getting saddened that lots of writers are equating money to love.

At the end of the day,you will have to judge yourself and your own values.

Sorry,

Wiley Coyote

[kiakaha]

Ask Donald Trump..he's got lots of practice

[intumult]

You do (or at least I do) get the feeling of being a goldfish in a bowl surrounded by Thais with them looking at me as if to ask how much gold does this little 'goldfish' have. That makes me uncomfortable at times.

After 3 relationships going down the pan due to pressures and financial requests and lies relating to the latter, I am more aware than ever that Farangs do seem to be viewed as walking ATMs in many cases. Add to that many of the postings on here about gold diggers, it can make you very paranoid and as such makes it difficult to know who is genuine and who is not.

The first demanded money on the third date - for a mobile phone, saying it was my fault she broke it?? - and handed me the receipt for a new one she had bought. She did not last long LOL

The second was ok at the start then suddenly expected me to pay for everything. She would buy stuff in the supermarket and other places that I suspected (and later discovered) were not for her. She would then walk off, leaving me to pay. So she was ditched too.

The third was a lot more subtle. I was with her for 10 months before I found out she had lied constantly about certain things and finances too. Money for land that she never paid off her land. I discovered that she'd actually bought the newer car simply because she had a Farang she was told he would pay the monthly instalments on. (took me a long time to learn all this). Then I find out she lied about where she had previously worked - not that she had worked as a B/G.

Six months after asking for 20,000 Baht to pay the yearly capital on her land bill she asked me for the same again and that is when the penny dropped and I started investigating all she had told me. I had the books checked and she had not paid the previous 20k off the land!! LOL. I still do not know what she did with the 20k. Now she has gone the same way as the others.

Yes, I was expected to pay at restaurants, buy the beers for the family, pay for holidays and this and that and heaven knows what else, but in a longer term relationship you do these things, often without thinking about it.

Why? Because I had money and I knew they did not and it was no real hardship to pay restaurant bill, buy beers, pay water and electric bills etc. I never felt superior in doing so. I have always done the same in a Farang/Farang relationship also.

Yet, when I left the 3rd one I still gave her a good pay off because I knew she would now have to find a new job and pay for the car, the gas, pay her own bills etc. while she got and then settled into a new job. I think many would simply walk out but I find I am too soft hearted to leave anyone in the sh*t

Since getting my own place I now feel more confident that I have more control over who I see and who gets in. Yes there are plenty of opportunities to use your 'wealth' to get a quick shag. I have had a few Thai women who have not had a husband for years and they are more than happy to jump into bed and relieve their 'tensions' after taking them for a meal and a drink. They would like to take it further and have a long relationship / get married etc. So both of us have ulterior motives and take advantage of each other. No shame in that.

As to my next relationship? I have been working on a woman now for 3 months who is playing hard to get. Maybe that is a good sign

All in all I agree with how you see life in Thailand but it is still fun!!!!

[dogleg]

I think the types of Falang and Gold Diggers that you describe kind of deserve each other!

I dont think I have any special skills at judging people's characters, but, jeez, some people just can't seem to see past the end of their dick.

Or am I being like the snobby Thais you mention?

It isnt just pure luck that I found a girlfriend that, through sheer hard work, makes about 1/4 of my income, and feels very uncomfortable straying above her own means.

(Bless her, if take her out to Nang Nual, say, I have to make up (down) for it with 2 or 3 meals of mama noodles!)

It is more by finding someone with, despite the cultural differences, pretty much the same values as me.

It can be done, but you can't buy it.

[richard_smith237]

the relationship started on a financial basis. However what about secretaries etc who also make themselves ‘more available’ ?

The question raised here is about financial differences and the potential for financial influence on the heart of the less well off females…

Someone else said – you can only make your own mind up, as everyone different, I don’t think its too difficult to see that if its too good to be true then generally it is… (flip side of this, is that too good to be true is great fun up to the point that the ‘to be true’ part comes along).

I have met a number of ‘Occupational Farang hunters’ when out and about and I can only think that any potential relationships can only be spawned from an initial ‘career choice’….

I’m sure I’ve missed out because of this, but I’ve been very happy with the great ladies I have a pleasure of a past with in both the UK and over here.

The culture here is in a sense very similar to the west in the 50’s and 60’s (I’m guessing, I too young to know !).. men pay for things, its chivalry even if the door is forgotten ! Those not used to that will always see money as an issue, although, there are limits !

Isn’t this subject so wide that no rules can be applied? only good instinct and common sense can apply surely?.

And in that last sentence the answer may lie after all, where does good instinct and common sense go after x amount of Chang’s, Singha’s or what ever the poison is ?

[FarangNoi21]

As my Thai lady friend puts it "many Thai people think farang are God". I go and meet friends of hers and they want to know if I can introduce them to a friend. Why? Sometimes they barely speak english and have some fantasy of being whisked away to the USA where the streets are made of gold and no one works for a living.

Sometimes I just want to have a conversation with a Thai girl without her getting these looks in her eyes like I'm a Thanksgiving Turkey. Yesterday, the lady who works in the food court on one of the stands asked me if I had a gf and if I wanted to see her daughters photo... I have seen some articles on Thai Visa talking about this issue in Isaan, but I have not spent any time up there so I don't know how true it is.

[Grover]

Also, does anyone else get these uncomfortable feelings when they go to heavily touristed places like MBK, its like 90% of the women in there are fishing for a rich farang boyfriend. I am pretty confident that I could marry many of them within a week if I wanted to.

illusions of grandeur.........

and where did you pull that 90% stat from ?

[Cobalt60]

Here we go again, guess which way this thread will go more slating and stereotyping anyone ?

Dont bother telling me not to look if I dont like it, I am out of here

[paulsmithson]

It is great here. I am the rich and foolish (they think) farang. I get lotsa free sex from silly Thai women who want me for my good looks (hahahahahaha). play them at thrir own game and have loads of fun!

[TEFLMike]

Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Slow down a little please.

Not all, if ANY, end up in a bars ior gogo bars in Pattaya, or anywhere.

Where I live, I am unable to afford a bottle of beer, as it transacts at 130 Baht for a Singha bo.ttle, a small bottle.

Thais are quite affluent, in my neck of the wood.

No, lady bars, no gogo bars. Nothing

[britmaveric]

Doesnt matter where you go someone in a relationship is going to have more dosh, better job, or better credentials than the other. It's how you treat the other person which really counts.

[CarlBkk]

Some people are glutten for punishment. For all the money-hungry girls out there, there is a good proportion of honest ones looking for a normal relationship regardless of spending power. At the first sign of a girl wanting to rely on me for every meal, shop, possession I'd realise that the relationship would have no future for me.

However, I have had relationships with girls who've been students, officeworkers on 20K, women on more money than me and also had friends (both male and female) who ALWAYS pay their share at the pub, restaurant or wherever. If you're going to act like the rich man to those in a lower income/younger bracket expect to treated like the rich man. If you choose to socialise with people with slightly higher opinions of themselves and manners, even if on a lower income, they will at least offer their share.

[kiakaha]

My father earns way more than my mother

[ajarnmark]

For all you guys who are married to or dating a thai girl who makes 1/100 or whatever fraction of what you make (in general yes, but not in all cases), what happens to her and this new found lifestyle if you break up? Does it ever bother you not knowing to what extent she really likes you versus the lifestyle you can provide her? Even the poorest farang who teach english make much more than the majority of Thais (in general yes, but not in all cases). Also, does anyone else get these uncomfortable feelings when they go to heavily touristed places like MBK, its like 90% of the women in there are fishing for a rich farang boyfriend. I am pretty confident that I could marry many of them within a week if I wanted to (just try this n u know who u r, i m not against u, but have u ever heard the word "DAYDREAMING" ). I am not saying this brag, I am saying this because it is offputting and depressing. I get the same weird feelings whenever I see a farang and his gf eating a meal with her friends and the bill comes and Ive never seen anyone but him pay (I dont know where or with whom u hang around, but this is true generally, however, all my friends who have thai gf/wife, have the experience otherwise). I understand that many Thai people have hard lives and with all the farang wandering around Thailand its like a lottery ticket that doesn't take much effort to catch, but it still makes me feel uneasy. I don't see many of these relationships lasting a long time, and these circumstances provide ample opportunities for both parties to exploit the other: gold digging Thais and unscrupulous farangs looking for a fast shag w/o considering the girls intentions.

While many bangkok thai's are snobs (maybe the case, i had only one gf outside bkk), I think this plays a part of it. Thais from the poorer regions are less likely to be educated (agreed, however, the only gf of mine who was from Nakhorn si Thammarat, was white, Chinese, young and educated with perfect English and from a rich family, now she is in USA studying MBA, and she is just 22 now). We all have dealt with less intelligent people (I found them both Thais and non-Thais alike) and it can sometimes get to you. You want to ask what is wrong with them, but it is simply that they are uneducated and ignorant because of their life circumstances. So when people ask, why do chinese-thais hate isaan thai's i think this atleast plays some role in it.

[ajarnmark]

As my Thai lady friend puts it "many Thai people think farang are God". I go and meet friends of hers and they want to know if I can introduce them to a friend. Why? Sometimes they barely speak english and have some fantasy of being whisked away to the USA where the streets are made of gold and no one works for a living.

Sometimes I just want to have a conversation with a Thai girl without her getting these looks in her eyes like I'm a Thanksgiving Turkey. Yesterday, the lady who works in the food court on one of the stands asked me if I had a gf and if I wanted to see her daughters photo... (look at the place and situation, what else you could expect from a desperate person. Have you had this experience from any rich person? I was shown pics of daughters by same class of people, not because they want me to be the bf, but they were proud to have a daughter who is studying in university, IMO ) I have seen some articles on Thai Visa talking about this issue in Isaan, but I have not spent any time up there so I don't know how true it is.

Well, seems like you are too noi, just 21, when you hit the age of reason, i.e. 30+ or even 80+ (in some cases) you would realise that life is not what it looks like. I am also very young not 21 but a little bit more.

BTW, can I call you troll based on your current and previous postings? Or you are simply just curious, like me.

[nidge]

For all you guys who are married to or dating a thai girl who makes 1/100 or whatever fraction of what you make, what happens to her and this new found lifestyle if you break up?

If any of you guys are long term dating or married to a thai girl, (or any girl in that matter), and you leave her with nothing after you seperate then you should feel ashamed of yourself.

Too many guys here think the girl is only after money and so they keep their wallets padlocked. If the girl is earning 1/100th of your salary you would only have to give her 10% of your income to enable her to save 10 times her normal wage. If you care for her as much as you should if you were in a permanent relationship then even 10% is a pathetic amount.

I am 100% open about how much i earn and my wife has access to all of my savings yet she spends less than 5,000 baht per month when i am at work. Maybe i am lucky or maybe because my wife knows i am not hiding anything from her she has no reason to rip me off.

[wileycoyote]

For all you guys who are married to or dating a thai girl who makes 1/100 or whatever fraction of what you make, what happens to her and this new found lifestyle if you break up?

I am 100% open about how much i earn and my wife has access to all of my savings yet she spends less than 5,000 baht per month when i am at work. Maybe i am lucky or maybe because my wife knows i am not hiding anything from her she has no reason to rip me off.

Good posting,honest and straightforward.

I agree

Wiley Coyote

[popshirt]

If any of you guys are long term dating or married to a thai girl, (or any girl in that matter), and you leave her with nothing after you seperate then you should feel ashamed of yourself.

Too many guys here think the girl is only after money and so they keep their wallets padlocked. If the girl is earning 1/100th of your salary you would only have to give her 10% of your income to enable her to save 10 times her normal wage. If you care for her as much as you should if you were in a permanent relationship then even 10% is a pathetic amount.

I am 100% open about how much i earn and my wife has access to all of my savings yet she spends less than 5,000 baht per month when i am at work. Maybe i am lucky or maybe because my wife knows i am not hiding anything from her she has no reason to rip me off.

I am in 100% agreement with you nidge. In my case it's not a wife but a male partner and he has saved me more money than I can tell you in so many ways over the years, from the smallest purchase/expense to dealing with the Land Office, Customs, travel and so forth. I trust him absolutely, and his parents too who are what I would call the epitome of "upright" people. Father has had an excellent job--long term--and mother works the farm with her brother, all is paid for including a house in Bangkok and they started with nothing. So their son has those inherited values. Plus no drinking or gambling in that family.

I am in farangland right now dealing with some unavoidable business and my partner has my debit card and pin and free rein to deal with expenses as they come up. Our incomes are significantly different but he pays what he can (after, of course, sending a substantial amount to his mother each month even though they don't really need it). But this is the Thai way.

In the first year or so I was cautious, but I know him now and trust his ethics as well as his judgment. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. But I didn't meet him in a bar either!

[WilliamCave]

For all you guys who are married to or dating a thai girl who makes 1/100 or whatever fraction of what you make, what happens to her and this new found lifestyle if you break up? Does it ever bother you not knowing to what extent she really likes you versus the lifestyle you can provide her? Even the poorest farang who teach english make much more than the majority of Thais. Also, does anyone else get these uncomfortable feelings when they go to heavily touristed places like MBK, its like 90% of the women in there are fishing for a rich farang boyfriend. I am pretty confident that I could marry many of them within a week if I wanted to. I am not saying this brag, I am saying this because it is offputting and depressing. I get the same weird feelings whenever I see a farang and his gf eating a meal with her friends and the bill comes and Ive never seen anyone but him pay. I understand that many Thai people have hard lives and with all the farang wandering around Thailand its like a lottery ticket that doesn't take much effort to catch, but it still makes me feel uneasy. I don't see many of these relationships lasting a long time, and these circumstances provide ample opportunities for both parties to exploit the other: gold digging Thais and unscrupulous farangs looking for a fast shag w/o considering the girls intentions.

While many bangkok thai's are snobs, I think this plays a part of it. Thais from the poorer regions are less likely to be educated. We all have dealt with less intelligent people and it can sometimes get to you. You want to ask what is wrong with them, but it is simply that they are uneducated and ignorant because of their life circumstances. So when people ask, why do chinese-thais hate isaan thai's i think this atleast plays some role in it.

I have to disagree with u on most of there points. My wife does not like the over priced malls down town, Her family pays 90% of the time when we go out in there area..When theey visit me they bring enough food to feed an army of people and buy the beer also (Very good family)

To sum it up it is like any other culture,,,ther are some takers and some givers,,,,in mine it is equal or actually they pay more than me ....They even payed for my weding

This is a very good family and many are ,,,looking in MBK and any other mall you are getting what u are looking for

Looking in the wrong places

[Heng]

You can't live on love alone... here or anywhere else in the world. That said, IMO you can better focus on the love aspect of a relationship when both parties have no monetary concerns (or at least are on equal footing in terms of their finances). Just look at how many couples argue/fight over mundane things like bills, choice of school for the kids, budgets, etc.

Edited October 3, 2007 by Heng

[Valjean]

When I met my fiancé she was making 5000 THB a month working as an asst. manager at a guest house upcountry + some extra cash here and there taking people out on tours. Working 5 days a week and school on the weekends. And a single mom. There was a huge difference in our incomes. But what I did see in her was a work ethic.

I agree with the posts that transparency is important. Even if I make 100 times her I have a limit to what I can spend. If she doesn’t see the pay stub and understand my US responsibilities then she may as well think it’s 1000 times. When she knows and everything is open then you have an adult relationship and conversation. I never liked the allowance approach. We have a joint checking account, based on what I can afford I put X in each month and she manages the money. I’ll say she’s not a star saver like some poster’s partners but she’s reasonably responsible and 100% honest. At first she liked the idea that she could head down to Central and drop a few thousand baht on clothes but that got old and now she’s happy to show me a dress she got for a few hundred baht.

We have had our challenges, mostly in getting her to internalize that even though our household budget might be 20 times what hers was before it is none the less a finite amount and we need to live within our means and I’m not going to just transfer over money every time we’re a little short. If we’re short at the end of the month then we don’t spend. I am fortunate that the pull from the family isn’t bad. So I’d say in total there isn’t any reason it can’t work fine – be open and honest, expect the same in return, in almost every relationship money is an issue that a couple needs to work on and it’s no different in this case.

[mellow1]

It has been my unfortunate experience in life,of never having had a girlfriend, or wife who makes, or has more money than I, Be it in Farangland or Thailand.

Since I am not a government entity,therefore any individual who is not happy, or has become a severe pain in the ass, will not be entitled to severance pay, unemployment,or any type of retirement benefits.

A persons educational background, perceived social standing,or income is of no concern to me.The character of the individual is much more of a important.

It has been my experience, that women in the west are also very interested in money,they are just much smarter and refined in their techniques.

[blizzard]

money does matter.

do you tink thai girls would give farangs the time of day if they knew said farang was just as poor as them.

i mean whats so appealing about a down and out farang...............lol.

[dsys]

The last farang female i dated earned 3 times as much as me in the city of london. When we split she didnt pay me off - should she have?

"I don't see many of these relationships lasting a long time, and these circumstances provide ample opportunities for both parties to exploit the other: gold digging Thais and unscrupulous farangs looking for a fast shag w/o considering the girls intentions."

I dont understand this comment if they are both expoiting each other and the girls intention is to get money, then surely both of their needs are met and its none of my business if they detroy their OWN lives. The fact the relationships don't last long tell should you something about relationships based on sex or money - eventually one or the other dries up.

"these uncomfortable feelings when they go to heavily touristed places like MBK, its like 90% of the women in there are fishing for a rich farang boyfriend."

No I tend not to project my insecurities on others around me.

"all the farang wandering around Thailand its like a lottery ticket that doesn't take much effort to catch, but it still makes me feel uneasy."

What this says to me is that Farang have control over neither their emotions nor their wallets. Perhaps this may be true in the red light districts but I doubt its true anywhere else.

"While many bangkok thai's are snobs, I think this plays a part of it."

Plays a part of what - which theme from the previous paragraph are you taliking about?

"We all have dealt with less intelligent people and it can sometimes get to you. "

Yes starting to feel that way now

"Does it ever bother you not knowing to what extent she really likes you versus the lifestyle you can provide her?"

This is proably the most shocking comment I have read on this post. To what extent does paranoia have to set in to think this about your partner? If you are thinking this then get out before there are kids involved or at least go and talk to somebody professional - and I don't mean another bar girl.

You know after taking the time to reply to this post I have just realised this was probably a troll anyway.

[Heng]

money does matter.

do you tink thai girls would give farangs the time of day if they knew said farang was just as poor as them.

i mean whats so appealing about a down and out farang...............lol.

It's all relative. There are plenty of men and women out there who are more than ready to attach themselves to other folks with the only prerequisite that they are still breathing. If they are still breathing, they can still earn 150 a day sweeping the streets or 250 an hour teaching (insert whatever foreign language here).

Edited October 4, 2007 by Heng

[wasabi]

I'm surprised to see anyone denying the truth of what the OP wrote and claiming it is a false stereotype or that they are a troll. However I think it can be dealt with by how you present yourself and managing expectations towards what you can and will deliver. I think anyone who denies a financial motivation is inherent and quickly becomes explicit in many Thai farang relationships due to the bank account discrepancies must be living in a dream? I'm not saying some Thai partners aren't frugal but you don't have to be hanging out in the red light district to find a girl who thinks we have a bottomless piggy bank and how much we pour out if it is just dependent on our mood that day.

[pgs]

First Thai interest was definitely for the $$$$ & nothing more. Amongst the first questions was how much do you make. Short lived.

TW & family - no real problem. The neices / nephews are more of a problem, but have learnt they won't get everything they ask for (sometimes anything). The oldest sister isn't any good at keeping money, but keeps herself alive OK. One other needs some budgeting / spending restaint lessons, but generally isn't too bad.

TW - won't normally spend more than is necessary & tells the others not to ask for $.

I was also quite cautious the first year or so, not so much now.

[kiakaha]

The irony with money and the yearning for it, is that once you've got it, had it for a while, indulged in all the materialisms and so called comforts it can bring, the familiarity breeds contempt, and you start to look for the simple things again to fulfill yourself(health, friendships, true love etc...), back to square one so to speak...this is what poor people or those stuck in the race for riches just don't get, until they learn by experience that is.Funny old world ain't it. But try telling that to your average gold digger

[nonthaburial]

A very good friend of mine, who I knew both in Manila and Bangkok had a theory that he vowed was fail safe. Take the time to meet a woman who was in a unhappy marriage, show her warmth and affection and bingo both parties got what they were looking for. It was discretion at its highest, no expensive meals/drinks in restaurants, but quiet secluded eveni ngs alone somewhere.

It certainly worked for him