Have I Ruined It For Myself

[meemiathai]

If it is true that you have dated 100s of women, nature may mend your ways for you.

Only needs one dodgy condom and the wrong promiscuous sexual partner, deadly viruses could come your way.

That's why I don't use condoms.

[meemiathai]

OP, this is my first day on the Thaivisa Forum, and I must say, your topic has been an eye opener for a "newbie" like me! There seems to be no lack of advice from both genders and I don't envy you trying to sort it all out, at least today. Hey, you didn't get to be in your position in a day, you certainly won't figure it all out in a day, a week, or perhaps ever. We all have addictions, food, sex, drugs and for some, even rock 'n roll. The only cure for any of them starts from the core of desire within us and with the help of those around us. Take a look in the mirror, if you don't like what you see, than make a positive change. If the mirror says you are the fairest, keep on truck'n, mate!

You forgot to mention holding a pair of scissors.

[MrPlum]

Nothing like a fishing expedition to draw in 'experts' with an hour to kill.

I have never found 100's of perfect women. A rare few. I guess perfection is in the eye of the beholder.

Having been there, done that... and been married 3 times, you might say I'm as qualified as the next man. I have certainly questioned why marriage or g/f has only ever brought brief happiness.

Shakespeare said 'There is no good or bad, only thinking makes it so'. What is celebrated in one culture is abhorrent in another. So, I'm not particularly condemnatory of men who are seeking some kind of 'connection', no matter how superficial, from yet another one night stand. Based on my own cultural conditioning, I think they are looking in the wrong place but that's up to them.

To be a 'fanny rat' or to settle down? In the LOS you have the luxury of both. There are times when one is appropriate and times when the other. For some, the former is never appropriate.

Many promiscuous men are just seeking a distraction from themselves. Thoreau's men who 'lead lives of quiet desperation'.

We have been conditioned to have such great expectations of love that we are inevitably going to fail. Romantic love lasts between 6 months and 30 months. After that is when the real relationship starts. When in love you think you are joined at the hip. When out of love, you wonder what you EVER saw in this... [fill in the blank]. The trouble with romantic love is what do you do when you wake up from your beautiful delusion?

The problem for many men, as I see it, is they want it both ways. They have the biological need to procreate, they have the basic need for security. They are torn through fear of commitment... and their desire for contentment. They also face the restless human condition which you might call 'the grass is always greener on the other side'. Tomorrow will always be better. The next country, wife, experience. For adventurers and womanisers perhaps it is. For the rest of us, we are failing to enjoy today. Our minds always in conflict. Elsewhere. No wonder we are troubled.

One of the great joys of sex, is that it helps us forget. Like riding a high speed motorcycle or being absorbed in a good book or science project, we become 'one-pointed'. Totally focussed. Our every cell absorbed in the act of lovemaking. Our minds, for a brief moment relax. For some, this is a 'God' moment. The highest state of consciousness in the physical realm. For others, their only remembrance... they farted as they came.

Some men are very lucky. They have it 'together'. But for most, we are doomed to fail unless we look inward for answers, rather than outward... expecting someone else to MAKE us happy. How can they do that, if their love is falling on stoney ground? The 'flowers of love' choked by our own weeds, that have yet to be acknowledged, never mind uprooted.

What kind of man are you? Do you respect the feminine sex? Do you respect yourself? Do you honour the act of love, the coming together in a spiritual, not just physical sense? What makes you happy? A soulmate or a chicken biriani?

Many men operate on a very basic level. Just switch on the TV. All you see is 'animal' sex, without love. A relief from boredom. Sex, what you do on a Saturday night when there is 'no footie on the telly'. Happiness is not to be found here. Just a superficial emptying of one's sac. Transitory pleasure and unfulfilling. They are simply the 'beasts of the field'.

And if you are seeking perfection, you are going to fail. If only perfection will do, then stay footloose. Why inflict yourself on another person? How selfish.

Every woman I loved was 'perfect' at the time. But beauty fades. The boobs sag, that great sex becomes tedious. No matter how beautiful the lady, after a year or two, she no longer stimulates. Like a nice view. Once you have seen it enough, it becomes less and less compelling. Men lose interest, especially when children are on the scene. Then it's down to shared experiences, joys, tragedies, similar interests. Every experience, a building block, creating the great house of marriage over time.

Or the marriage becomes joyless. A test of endurance. Who would wish this on anyone?

If you are comparing each new girlfriend to the others, this is no way to find a soulmate, you are doomed to fail. Stop comparing. Women are truly beautiful and wondrous creatures but not the one smoking cigarettes from her pussy. It's common sense. Get away from the bars. Get away from temptation. How can you make a marriage work if you are down the Whiskey-A-Go-Go and there's a raven-haired beauty, with her hand in your shorts, telling you how handsome you are?

To me, those who sit in the bars, badmouthing everyone else, are sad losers. Nothing else. Seeking comfort and fellowship in the presence of other losers. Each whore, another nameless notch, ratcheting them to a slow and pointless death. There is an example in the Bhagavad Ghita, where a bird is feasting on berries from a tree. It stuffs itself so much it can no longer sing, until it drops off, fat, jaded and knackered. Are we any different?

I don't make plans these days. I don't predict how long my relationship will last. I just thank God every day that I am still capable of worshipping the female form and haven't become so hard-bitten and cynical that I have lost the ability to love, resorting to doping myself with yet another beer or bird.

Drink up!

After many years in SE Asia "dating" 100's of the best looking women in the world, I know I would find it almost impossible to settle down in a relationship with just one woman for the rest of my life.

I've had truly wonderful gf's, almost perfect, well educated, good looking etc etc, but after a year or less I'm out there looking again. (in between this, there are also many, many one nighters, most paid, some not)

Is there hope for me to mend my ways and become "normal" again?

I don't mean normal in the western world sense, like grovelling after overweight, solemn women at discos, but as in sticking with one women and building a solid relationship.

[phuketrichard]

To me a beautiful women should be appriecated from afar like a piece of art.

Once you acquire it then it loses its appeal

Love finds you, you dont go ut and look for it.

[villagefarang]

MrPlum

You don't seem to post often but when you do ... well lets say you put a lot of thought and effort into it. Much of it makes sense to me, though sadly that may mean that many here will disagree.

Edited October 22, 2007 by villagefarang

[quiksilva]

Great post.

Nothing like a fishing expedition to draw in 'experts' with an hour to kill.

I have never found 100's of perfect women. A rare few. I guess perfection is in the eye of the beholder.

Having been there, done that... and been married 3 times, you might say I'm as qualified as the next man. I have certainly questioned why marriage or g/f has only ever brought brief happiness.

Shakespeare said 'There is no good or bad, only thinking makes it so'. What is celebrated in one culture is abhorrent in another. So, I'm not particularly condemnatory of men who are seeking some kind of 'connection', no matter how superficial, from yet another one night stand. Based on my own cultural conditioning, I think they are looking in the wrong place but that's up to them.

To be a 'fanny rat' or to settle down? In the LOS you have the luxury of both. There are times when one is appropriate and times when the other. For some, the former is never appropriate.

Many promiscuous men are just seeking a distraction from themselves. Thoreau's men who 'lead lives of quiet desperation'.

We have been conditioned to have such great expectations of love that we are inevitably going to fail. Romantic love lasts between 6 months and 30 months. After that is when the real relationship starts. When in love you think you are joined at the hip. When out of love, you wonder what you EVER saw in this... [fill in the blank]. The trouble with romantic love is what do you do when you wake up from your beautiful delusion?

The problem for many men, as I see it, is they want it both ways. They have the biological need to procreate, they have the basic need for security. They are torn through fear of commitment... and their desire for contentment. They also face the restless human condition which you might call 'the grass is always greener on the other side'. Tomorrow will always be better. The next country, wife, experience. For adventurers and womanisers perhaps it is. For the rest of us, we are failing to enjoy today. Our minds always in conflict. Elsewhere. No wonder we are troubled.

One of the great joys of sex, is that it helps us forget. Like riding a high speed motorcycle or being absorbed in a good book or science project, we become 'one-pointed'. Totally focussed. Our every cell absorbed in the act of lovemaking. Our minds, for a brief moment relax. For some, this is a 'God' moment. The highest state of consciousness in the physical realm. For others, their only remembrance... they farted as they came.

Some men are very lucky. They have it 'together'. But for most, we are doomed to fail unless we look inward for answers, rather than outward... expecting someone else to MAKE us happy. How can they do that, if their love is falling on stoney ground? The 'flowers of love' choked by our own weeds, that have yet to be acknowledged, never mind uprooted.

What kind of man are you? Do you respect the feminine sex? Do you respect yourself? Do you honour the act of love, the coming together in a spiritual, not just physical sense? What makes you happy? A soulmate or a chicken biriani?

Many men operate on a very basic level. Just switch on the TV. All you see is 'animal' sex, without love. A relief from boredom. Sex, what you do on a Saturday night when there is 'no footie on the telly'. Happiness is not to be found here. Just a superficial emptying of one's sac. Transitory pleasure and unfulfilling. They are simply the 'beasts of the field'.

And if you are seeking perfection, you are going to fail. If only perfection will do, then stay footloose. Why inflict yourself on another person? How selfish.

Every woman I loved was 'perfect' at the time. But beauty fades. The boobs sag, that great sex becomes tedious. No matter how beautiful the lady, after a year or two, she no longer stimulates. Like a nice view. Once you have seen it enough, it becomes less and less compelling. Men lose interest, especially when children are on the scene. Then it's down to shared experiences, joys, tragedies, similar interests. Every experience, a building block, creating the great house of marriage over time.

Or the marriage becomes joyless. A test of endurance. Who would wish this on anyone?

If you are comparing each new girlfriend to the others, this is no way to find a soulmate, you are doomed to fail. Stop comparing. Women are truly beautiful and wondrous creatures but not the one smoking cigarettes from her pussy. It's common sense. Get away from the bars. Get away from temptation. How can you make a marriage work if you are down the Whiskey-A-Go-Go and there's a raven-haired beauty, with her hand in your shorts, telling you how handsome you are?

To me, those who sit in the bars, badmouthing everyone else, are sad losers. Nothing else. Seeking comfort and fellowship in the presence of other losers. Each whore, another nameless notch, ratcheting them to a slow and pointless death. There is an example in the Bhagavad Ghita, where a bird is feasting on berries from a tree. It stuffs itself so much it can no longer sing, until it drops off, fat, jaded and knackered. Are we any different?

I don't make plans these days. I don't predict how long my relationship will last. I just thank God every day that I am still capable of worshipping the female form and haven't become so hard-bitten and cynical that I have lost the ability to love, resorting to doping myself with yet another beer or bird.

Drink up!

After many years in SE Asia "dating" 100's of the best looking women in the world, I know I would find it almost impossible to settle down in a relationship with just one woman for the rest of my life.

I've had truly wonderful gf's, almost perfect, well educated, good looking etc etc, but after a year or less I'm out there looking again. (in between this, there are also many, many one nighters, most paid, some not)

Is there hope for me to mend my ways and become "normal" again?

I don't mean normal in the western world sense, like grovelling after overweight, solemn women at discos, but as in sticking with one women and building a solid relationship.

[richard_smith237]

Mr Plum,

I doff my hat sir. What an excellent post.

I’ve read this post out of interest, however without commenting as I have not wished to fuel the ‘extremists’ who seem unable to understand the view point of another without being able to see their own limitations.

I for one understand the OP and hope he can find the ‘right one’; who for me, would be one who stops me looking at others… however, while waiting for ‘lightening to strike’ I’ll trot on gently through life trying to maintain my self respect and positive outlook.

[meemiathai]

Get away from temptation.

That will mean digging the eye-balls out or living in a Muslim country.

Whilst I agree with some points of Mr. Plum's, I will like to add a little.

Not all men who stray are comparing their women. Not all are looking for a better woman although they do fantasize. Not all do it cause they don't think their women are perfect. Not all are badmouthing others. There is a good proportion of men who visit prostitutes who treat their wives like goddess.

Why is it? I guess it is the simple fact that the very nature of men has endless desires and fantazies for sex. And bedding new women gives one the illusion that things can go further. Many married men choose to visit prostitutes instead of getting involved in a love affair only coz things are more clear and under control and not likely to ruin their marriages.

And women dressing sexily and flirtatiously around are not helping the general situation. It is just like bringing a boy into a candy shop but is not allowed to touch.

Is it really that difficult to understand why men have to cheat? Some even say it is not the sex part but the dishonesty that matters? Unbelievable ability to delude oneself!

One thing I would like to ask men here: If you learn that your wife or gf has a very strong desire to have sex with someone else she finds very attractive, just about sex and a little bit of romance, can you tolerate? Would that be allowed?

Sensitive question I know.

Edited October 22, 2007 by meemiathai

[dancemonkeydance]

To be fair to the OP, while he may be an attention whore, he does have a vaild point. Let's be honest here, when we were back in our own countries, I doubt that many people on this forum were exactly Brad Pitt. Here in Thailand, for whatever reason, farang men have the opportunity to punch way above our weight - there seems to be a constant stream of beautiful. intelligent, friendly women begging to become involved with us. I have no desire to settle down with a Thai girl - I prefer a little more communication with my cornflakes, but these days most of the Western women who aren't totally out of my league seem, well, not that attractive to me any more. So in that respect, I suppose Thailand has spoiled me a bit. I guess I'll have to carry on having meaningless sex with stunningly attractive women I totally don't deserve. Ah well...

[MrPlum]

'That will mean digging the eye-balls out or living in a Muslim country. '

Don't you have any self-control?

'Not all men who stray are comparing their women.'

Indeed. You will note that in my post I tried to stress 'many' or 'most'.

'Endless desires'.

Good point. Not everyone though feels the need to act on those desires. This is what marks us out from the beasts. We have the ability to discern when something is good for us or not, rather than just acting on our basic instincts. Wasn't the 10 Commandments designed to stop men killing each other, such as acts of revenge for infidelity?

I think the OP was 'is it possible to find love after being promiscuous?' So my post mostly addressed that question. Your q about men accepting a woman's infidelity is a great one. For me, the answer is no. My basic instinct is perhaps like gorillas, who may have several females but will repel all other male suitors.

There is a delightful book called 'Chlochemerle' based around a French village. In this story a young man falls in love and marries. His wife is an angel who pampers and spoils him and he is very happy. But it turns out she needed more sex than her husband can provide. He is devastated when he discovers she's playing the field and leaves her. After one year of misery he can no longer bear being apart from her and has her back, accepting that she will still stray. He overcame the conditioning that you must be faithful when married. For him, happiness was more important than society's morals.

Get away from temptation.

That will mean digging the eye-balls out or living in a Muslim country.

Whilst I agree with some points of Mr. Plum's, I will like to add a little.

Not all men who stray are comparing their women. Not all are looking for a better woman although they do fantasize. Not all do it cause they don't think their women are perfect. Not all are badmouthing others. There is a good proportion of men who visit prostitutes who treat their wives like goddess.

Why is it? I guess it is the simple fact that the very nature of men has endless desires and fantazies for sex. And bedding new women gives one the illusion that things can go further. Many married men choose to visit prostitutes instead of getting involved in a love affair only coz things are more clear and under control and not likely to ruin their marriages.

And women dressing sexily and flirtatiously around are not helping the general situation. It is just like bringing a boy into a candy shop but is not allowed to touch.

Is it really that difficult to understand why men have to cheat? Some even say it is not the sex part but the dishonesty that matters? Unbelievable ability to delude oneself!

One thing I would like to ask men here: If you learn that your wife or gf has a very strong desire to have sex with someone else she finds very attractive, just about sex and a little bit of romance, can you tolerate? Would that be allowed?

Sensitive question I know.

[qwertz]

This recipe for a happy relationship is all very well for fictional Clochemerle.

In practice however it's a no - brainer.

Apart from the risk of the wife bringing more home than just the groceries, I've never met, known or bedded a woman who respected a man that accepted her extracurricular antics.

Perhaps Mr. Plum has experienced something different, if so, do tell.

[MrPlum]

This recipe for a happy relationship is all very well for fictional Clochemerle.

In practice however it's a no - brainer.

Apart from the risk of the wife bringing more home than just the groceries, I've never met, known or bedded a woman who respected a man that accepted her extracurricular antics.

Perhaps Mr. Plum has experienced something different, if so, do tell.

'Your q about men accepting a woman's infidelity is a great one. For me, the answer is no.'

As to experience. Sure. I have met a couple of 'falang' men who have fallen in love with a working girl, knowing the girl is still working, even when she says she is not. 'I wait you'... She whispers in his ear... 'You only man for me'.

His head tells him she's lying. His heart yearns to believe her.

Outside the LOS? None that spring to mind.

[torrenova]

Nothing wrong if the OP wants to play the field from a P4P perspective or not. Consenting adults and all that.

If he wants a regular live in and domesticity then he may find it difficult but that is no reason to look down on him from some quasi moralistic high point. Whether a direct or indirect transaction, just how many of us are not guilty of using economic power to gain the upper hand ? Ever bought a girl a drink ? Ever paid for a taxi home ? Ever picked up the check for dinner ?

[meemiathai]

Thanks for the reply.

'That will mean digging the eye-balls out or living in a Muslim country. '

Don't you have any self-control?

Human beings are born with different weakness. Imagine a drug addict, alcoholic and a gambling addict seating together talking about self-control. Each of them can laugh at each others' so-called self-control. Try luring me with a Ferrari you will find me having a great deal of self-control.

'Not all men who stray are comparing their women.'

Indeed. You will note that in my post I tried to stress 'many' or 'most'.

I doubt if those 2 words are accurate.

'Endless desires'.

Good point. Not everyone though feels the need to act on those desires. This is what marks us out from the beasts. We have the ability to discern when something is good for us or not, rather than just acting on our basic instincts. Wasn't the 10 Commandments designed to stop men killing each other, such as acts of revenge for infidelity?

One thing I dislike about human beings is that they think they are better than or superior to beast.

We can draw a line at wherever we want but we cannot deny reality.

I think the OP was 'is it possible to find love after being promiscuous?' I think the OP does not have difficulty in finding love but rather find it difficult to get rid of his desires even after he has found love, which is deemed "not normal" in society. So my post mostly addressed that question. Your q about men accepting a woman's infidelity is a great one. For me, the answer is no. My basic instinct is perhaps like gorillas, who may have several females but will repel all other male suitors. My answer is I am not sure but I will try my best to make sure she can do whatever she wants in life.

There is a delightful book called 'Chlochemerle' based around a French village. In this story a young man falls in love and marries. His wife is an angel who pampers and spoils him and he is very happy. But it turns out she needed more sex than her husband can provide. He is devastated when he discovers she's playing the field and leaves her. After one year of misery he can no longer bear being apart from her and has her back, accepting that she will still stray. He overcame the conditioning that you must be faithful when married. For him, happiness was more important than society's morals.

Get away from temptation.

That will mean digging the eye-balls out or living in a Muslim country.

Whilst I agree with some points of Mr. Plum's, I will like to add a little.

Not all men who stray are comparing their women. Not all are looking for a better woman although they do fantasize. Not all do it cause they don't think their women are perfect. Not all are badmouthing others. There is a good proportion of men who visit prostitutes who treat their wives like goddess.

Why is it? I guess it is the simple fact that the very nature of men has endless desires and fantazies for sex. And bedding new women gives one the illusion that things can go further. Many married men choose to visit prostitutes instead of getting involved in a love affair only coz things are more clear and under control and not likely to ruin their marriages.

And women dressing sexily and flirtatiously around are not helping the general situation. It is just like bringing a boy into a candy shop but is not allowed to touch.

Is it really that difficult to understand why men have to cheat? Some even say it is not the sex part but the dishonesty that matters? Unbelievable ability to delude oneself!

One thing I would like to ask men here: If you learn that your wife or gf has a very strong desire to have sex with someone else she finds very attractive, just about sex and a little bit of romance, can you tolerate? Would that be allowed?

Sensitive question I know.

[meemiathai]

This recipe for a happy relationship is all very well for fictional Clochemerle.

In practice however it's a no - brainer.

Apart from the risk of the wife bringing more home than just the groceries, I've never met, known or bedded a woman who respected a man that accepted her extracurricular antics.

Perhaps Mr. Plum has experienced something different, if so, do tell.

'Your q about men accepting a woman's infidelity is a great one. For me, the answer is no.'

As to experience. Sure. I have met a couple of 'falang' men who have fallen in love with a working girl, knowing the girl is still working, even when she says she is not. 'I wait you'... She whispers in his ear... 'You only man for me'.

His head tells him she's lying. His heart yearns to believe her.

Outside the LOS? None that spring to mind.

The "farang" situation you mentioned is a completely different thing of what we are talking about here. It is clear that the girls cannot rely on those farang men on their living. Take away the money factor it is a completely different game.

As to "None that spring to mind", I am quite sure it must exist. But given it is such a disgrace this society made it to be, I doubt people would be bragging about it.

[cutter007]

Nothing like a fishing expedition to draw in 'experts' with an hour to kill.

I have never found 100's of perfect women. A rare few. I guess perfection is in the eye of the beholder.

Having been there, done that... and been married 3 times, you might say I'm as qualified as the next man. I have certainly questioned why marriage or g/f has only ever brought brief happiness.

Shakespeare said 'There is no good or bad, only thinking makes it so'. What is celebrated in one culture is abhorrent in another. So, I'm not particularly condemnatory of men who are seeking some kind of 'connection', no matter how superficial, from yet another one night stand. Based on my own cultural conditioning, I think they are looking in the wrong place but that's up to them.

To be a 'fanny rat' or to settle down? In the LOS you have the luxury of both. There are times when one is appropriate and times when the other. For some, the former is never appropriate.

Many promiscuous men are just seeking a distraction from themselves. Thoreau's men who 'lead lives of quiet desperation'.

We have been conditioned to have such great expectations of love that we are inevitably going to fail. Romantic love lasts between 6 months and 30 months. After that is when the real relationship starts. When in love you think you are joined at the hip. When out of love, you wonder what you EVER saw in this... [fill in the blank]. The trouble with romantic love is what do you do when you wake up from your beautiful delusion?

The problem for many men, as I see it, is they want it both ways. They have the biological need to procreate, they have the basic need for security. They are torn through fear of commitment... and their desire for contentment. They also face the restless human condition which you might call 'the grass is always greener on the other side'. Tomorrow will always be better. The next country, wife, experience. For adventurers and womanisers perhaps it is. For the rest of us, we are failing to enjoy today. Our minds always in conflict. Elsewhere. No wonder we are troubled.

One of the great joys of sex, is that it helps us forget. Like riding a high speed motorcycle or being absorbed in a good book or science project, we become 'one-pointed'. Totally focussed. Our every cell absorbed in the act of lovemaking. Our minds, for a brief moment relax. For some, this is a 'God' moment. The highest state of consciousness in the physical realm. For others, their only remembrance... they farted as they came.

Some men are very lucky. They have it 'together'. But for most, we are doomed to fail unless we look inward for answers, rather than outward... expecting someone else to MAKE us happy. How can they do that, if their love is falling on stoney ground? The 'flowers of love' choked by our own weeds, that have yet to be acknowledged, never mind uprooted.

What kind of man are you? Do you respect the feminine sex? Do you respect yourself? Do you honour the act of love, the coming together in a spiritual, not just physical sense? What makes you happy? A soulmate or a chicken biriani?

Many men operate on a very basic level. Just switch on the TV. All you see is 'animal' sex, without love. A relief from boredom. Sex, what you do on a Saturday night when there is 'no footie on the telly'. Happiness is not to be found here. Just a superficial emptying of one's sac. Transitory pleasure and unfulfilling. They are simply the 'beasts of the field'.

And if you are seeking perfection, you are going to fail. If only perfection will do, then stay footloose. Why inflict yourself on another person? How selfish.

Every woman I loved was 'perfect' at the time. But beauty fades. The boobs sag, that great sex becomes tedious. No matter how beautiful the lady, after a year or two, she no longer stimulates. Like a nice view. Once you have seen it enough, it becomes less and less compelling. Men lose interest, especially when children are on the scene. Then it's down to shared experiences, joys, tragedies, similar interests. Every experience, a building block, creating the great house of marriage over time.

Or the marriage becomes joyless. A test of endurance. Who would wish this on anyone?

If you are comparing each new girlfriend to the others, this is no way to find a soulmate, you are doomed to fail. Stop comparing. Women are truly beautiful and wondrous creatures but not the one smoking cigarettes from her pussy. It's common sense. Get away from the bars. Get away from temptation. How can you make a marriage work if you are down the Whiskey-A-Go-Go and there's a raven-haired beauty, with her hand in your shorts, telling you how handsome you are?

To me, those who sit in the bars, badmouthing everyone else, are sad losers. Nothing else. Seeking comfort and fellowship in the presence of other losers. Each whore, another nameless notch, ratcheting them to a slow and pointless death. There is an example in the Bhagavad Ghita, where a bird is feasting on berries from a tree. It stuffs itself so much it can no longer sing, until it drops off, fat, jaded and knackered. Are we any different?

I don't make plans these days. I don't predict how long my relationship will last. I just thank God every day that I am still capable of worshipping the female form and haven't become so hard-bitten and cynical that I have lost the ability to love, resorting to doping myself with yet another beer or bird.

Drink up!

After many years in SE Asia "dating" 100's of the best looking women in the world, I know I would find it almost impossible to settle down in a relationship with just one woman for the rest of my life.

I've had truly wonderful gf's, almost perfect, well educated, good looking etc etc, but after a year or less I'm out there looking again. (in between this, there are also many, many one nighters, most paid, some not)

Is there hope for me to mend my ways and become "normal" again?

I don't mean normal in the western world sense, like grovelling after overweight, solemn women at discos, but as in sticking with one women and building a solid relationship.

Wow this is one of the most intelligent posts I have ever seen on here. I am only smart enough to know

that I only grasped 70% of what was said, but I heard it all. I actually learned something on TV other

than where to get a B-Class visa.

It's funny I probably was this guy that first posted this tread, but I feel that my season has changed,

yes it is the standard cliche, I miss that person that found some satisfaction

in random sexual encounters. But I know now that they won't provide me with that feeling now.

It is sad, that I feel loss for a part of my life that is more selfish than not.

But this is life, and would be a true tragedy, if I could enjoy it in it's whole.

[stevemiddie]

Jeeeeeeeeeeez ! Its a troll !! Yes............you have NO chance of a stable loving relationship with a girl that you pay for sex. Get real.

[stevemiddie]

May i ask how old you are? And how long in SE Asia?

[JetsetBkk]

May i ask how old you are? And how long in SE Asia?

The troll went back under his bridge 5 days ago. This was his last post: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?sh...t&p=1603141

[mrbojangles]

all my friends are goodlooking....well I certainly think so anyway

you fishing for compliments again? both of you are one of them goodlooking, smart, intelligent AND "SEXY" ones amongst my friends there I said it sheesh

M1Gy you only told me i was "hansum". Is that better or worse than sexy

[CarlBkk]

Every man is different, but after someone has been tasting the fruits of the land for so long, to get settled down long-term may be a hard task. Fine for a couple of years maybe, but the memories of tasty fruit will always be there, and visual reminders by the bucketload every day.

Some might say living back home (wherever that may be) could help as there are less "distractions" and possibly temptations. Others say that it just makes you long to get back to the "land of opportunity" again.

To quote a German friend of mine: "show me the most beautiful girl in the world, then show me her boyfriend who isn't bored of sleeping with her".

[stevemiddie]

After many years in SE Asia "dating" 100's of the best looking women in the world, I know I would find it almost impossible to settle down in a relationship with just one woman for the rest of my life.

I've had truly wonderful gf's, almost perfect, well educated, good looking etc etc, but after a year or less I'm out there looking again. (in between this, there are also many, many one nighters, most paid, some not)

Is there hope for me to mend my ways and become "normal" again?

I don't mean normal in the western world sense, like grovelling after overweight, solemn women at discos, but as in sticking with one women and building a solid relationship.

Dated a bar girl? Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. right. No hope at all for you. Sexpat...........looking for a normal relationship. Good luck fella.

[MrPlum]

Thanks for the reply.

'That will mean digging the eye-balls out or living in a Muslim country. '

Don't you have any self-control?

Human beings are born with different weakness. Imagine a drug addict, alcoholic and a gambling addict seating together talking about self-control. Each of them can laugh at each others' so-called self-control. Try luring me with a Ferrari you will find me having a great deal of self-control.

I doubt if any will dig out their eyeballs or submit to externally induced controls. We want our cake and eat it, even if it makes us sick. The 10 commandments (now abandoned) recognised our weakness and sought to manage it, knowing that 'an ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure' but the western (corporate) dismantling of social glues, in order to generate profit, have encouraged us to abandon restraint and indulge those 'weaknessness', enslaving us in the process. Are we really as free as we think?

Are we so happy in our poverty, our anxiety, our fear, our divorce, our separation from our children, our alcoholism, our debt, our sense gratification, our subjection to government and corporate propaganda/mind control, our worship of the Kingdom Of Self, our lust, our over-stimulated nervous systems, our depleted mental and physical resources, our information overload, our excess, our violence, our greed?

Isn't it understandable that all this will create (dis)stress? That we need to scratch to relieve the 'itch'? Cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, food, chocolate, sex. Name your poison. We may forget the original cause and adapt to the discomfort. It is still there, though, controlling us.

We don't really need to be told we are indulging in a destructive behaviour. We are all too aware.

These wounds are not simply physical or psychological. They are also psychic, which is why reason alone cannot cure them. And for many, it's simply that we do not WANT to stop. The pain is not yet sufficient. Once we reach rock bottom, then we try. We seek help. Or we die. Where rock bottom is, is different for each of us.

Societies have always moved, from out and out abstension, to anything goes. From lawlessness to draconian punishment. From religious stricture to excess. Self-indulgent societies collapse eventually. So do fascist regimes. Always. (someone please tell Bush).

I don't care for hierarchical religion but I do accept certain spiritual truths and Biblical advice. 2 Timothy has an interesting passage...

(2 Timothy 3:1-5) But know this, that in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up [with pride], lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, having a form of godly devotion but proving false to its power; and from these turn away.

And if you prefer your wisdom less 'God-bothered'...

"This [the U.S. Constitution] is likely to be administered for a course of years and then end in despotism... when the people shall become so corrupted as to need despotic government, being incapable of any other."

Benjamin Franklin

Wouldn't you agree we have become corrupted?

There are some immutable laws. 'As you sew, so shall you reap'. So, going back to our 'fanny rat', wouldn't you say that there will be a price to pay for his 'fuc_king them as fast as he can put them under him?' What is it doing to his psychic self? How 'clean' does he feel? Do you really feel it has no effect? Of course it does and he recognises it. Hence his question... can he find fulfillment? Real love?

The problem for the OP is that instead of sewing his wild oats, he should have been sewing the seeds of love...

'Sew the seeds of love and reap the harvest.

Sew the seeds of hate and get.... weeds.'

Is there hope for our Go-Go bar romeo? Perhaps. Maybe he will meet that special woman that could cure him of his rabbit-like urges. Somehow I doubt it. For there is another immutable law. People that live in the dark, don't like the light. The question for him is, how far has his behaviour taken him away from the 'light'. Therefore, making him less attractive to his 'perfect' lady? How far from virtue, morality, decency, tolerance, joy, lightness, modesty, inner tranquility, is he now? This is not me by the way. I used to be that 'fanny rat' so I'm well aware of its effect on me. I hope you get the point?

Like attracts like. Women aren't all clueless. The good ones will sense where this dog has been and want no part of him.

One of the ways to improve our prospects, is to recognise that our souls have gathered a little bit of dust along the way and we need to get the spiritual 'duster' out. [Those that think the only spirit is 70% proof, please skip this.]

The western mind believes that reason, logic, science provide answers to all life's difficulties. Just re-write the mental hard drive and hey presto! we are whole again. This is not so. 20 psychiatrists will enrich themselves giving 20 different reasons why we are who we are and none of them can cure us.

No. There is more than one way to skin a cat. I have seen during Christian retreats and Yoga exercises, people laughing uncontrollably or screaming as some deep fear is released. I always thought these people were acting, deluded or weak and I stood back, preferring to be an observer, rather than participant.

Until one day it happened to me.

I tried a yoga deep breathing exercise, called Sudarshan Kriya. The idea is to flood the body with oxygen for about 20 mins. Then lie down and relax. 'Stuff' comes up and is released. Deep rooted hurts, 'malevolent spirits', call it what you will. Sometimes laughter, sometimes nothing at all. This can also occur to a lesser extent with massage. Some emotional pain, held in the body, gets released.

There is no effort to analyse. Just to experience. On this one occasion it was me who had the experience. I felt an incredible fear rising up and exiting. I heard someone howling in terror. It sounded primordial. It was me. I was shaking, shocked and embarrassed. Reason could not find an explanation. Was this the release of some deep-rooted childhood hurt? Some demonic possession? A Sufi priest later called it a Djinn. I have no idea. I just felt a lifting of my spirits.

'Not all men who stray are comparing their women.'

Indeed. You will note that in my post I tried to stress 'many' or 'most'.

I doubt if those 2 words are accurate.

Many or most implies inaccuracy.

'Endless desires'.

Good point. Not everyone though feels the need to act on those desires. This is what marks us out from the beasts. We have the ability to discern when something is good for us or not, rather than just acting on our basic instincts. Wasn't the 10 Commandments designed to stop men killing each other, such as acts of revenge for infidelity?

One thing I dislike about human beings is that they think they are better than or superior to beast.

We can draw a line at wherever we want but we cannot deny reality.

Then you don't understand the true nature of man. Most men have forgotten their place on this earth. Their potential.

I think the OP was 'is it possible to find love after being promiscuous?' I think the OP does not have difficulty in finding love but rather find it difficult to get rid of his desires even after he has found love, which is deemed "not normal" in society.

Desires are easy to implant. Whatever you put your mind to, grows. If you are fixated on sex, then that is your existence. Changing one's mind is easy. We do it all the time. Yet, for some behaviours we convince ourselves we cannot change. This is false.

[meemiathai]

Thanks. But a big thing for me to swallow. I will try my best.

[stateman]

it's a choice between wanting sex or care.

with paid ones you get sex, but not sincere care.

if you choose sincerity, care and love, you'd need to find someone else.

[meemiathai]

The OP is not about paid sex. He was capable of finding normal girls so lets not assume he has a problem with getting sex for free.

And this is not totally about sex. This is also about being attracted to the opposite sex! Not just sex!

[Greenman]

After many years in SE Asia "dating" 100's of the best looking women in the world, I know I would find it almost impossible to settle down in a relationship with just one woman for the rest of my life.

I've had truly wonderful gf's, almost perfect, well educated, good looking etc etc, but after a year or less I'm out there looking again. (in between this, there are also many, many one nighters, most paid, some not)

Is there hope for me to mend my ways and become "normal" again?

I don't mean normal in the western world sense, like grovelling after overweight, solemn women at discos, but as in sticking with one women and building a solid relationship.

You haven't asked a question here, you have answered it If there was any hope for you, you wouldn't need to ask..........I reckon you are doomed.

But Hey! what are friends for.........let's see if we can help you.

Rule No 1. The way to compete happiness lies right in front you all you have to do is stop looking for it.

Rule No 2. There is no number 2

She leaves you cos your messing about you are going to be one sorry boy mate.

And she's not ALMOST perfect you can cut that **** for a start...........wake up and smell the roses before it's too late.