How To Help My Thai Wife Explore Her Sexuality

[kat]

Well, I wouldn't call him a hero - lest this all goes to his head - but one good challenge deserves another, heh (as he's known to say).

*typo

Edited November 7, 2007 by kat

[seonai]

wish my smilies worked... i can only do the manually !!!!!

[canadiangirl]

Thanks to everyone for the positive feedback... really wasn't sure if what I wrote was going to freak people right out.

Damian

No, it was spot on. You hit on a great point which is that women are turned on by men in bed. A lot of my guy friends say that it's hard to walk the fine line between being a selfish bossy jerk in bed (no good), and the "aggressive male sexual energy" that you talk about -- but the guys that do figure it out are f*cking hot.

[Sheryl]

sorry Sheryl the "sex for fun" angle was not suggested by me .........you might have have misunderstood ......have fun i.e. become closer,do things together ect

Dee, I wasn't referring to your post at all, I was referring to the implied angle taken by the OP (and most men facing this situation). You and I are on the same page!

[richardb]

Hi all I have read the thread with some interest as I have entered into a relationship with a lovely Thai lady. Everythink in the bedroom department is fine with one exception. She cannot accept that " her daughter " as she calls it is not pretty or clean. To her its low and dirty . Whilst she is fine with heading down south to vist my " son " any attempt by me to do likewise is not appreciated. I tell her she might like it and that it is not dirty but this is a non starter for her.

She is a beautiful woman but with what I think are seriously Thai body hang ups. Swimms fully clothed and even her sisters have never ( I think ) seen her naked. I suppose I am lucky that in the privacy of our room things are good but i would like her to experience oral too.

Any thoughts

Richard

[little_muppet]

Great insight

i had forgotten she has tole me several times she is "not romantic"

yes she LOVES the teddy bears and photos from the kiosks

hmm, will try the magizines, bue since i dont read thai and dont want to shoot myself in the foot...

are there any Thai ladies here that can suggest a book or magizine?

r

Cosmopolitant magazine. i think its good enough for ur wife hahahha.

good luck

[little_muppet]

Im Thai, my opinon is maybe u didnt make her feel she can trust u enough? or something from u is scared her? the reason she shy maybe because she doesnt want it? (possible)

or i mis understood something??? hahaha

i used to be shy too but i am a little bit romantic person..my bf wasnt but he can be one at a time lol

[britmaveric]

Well needs to be comfy and has to want to try new things. If this isnt the case, whatever you do will be lost cause.

[Sheryl]

Hi all I have read the thread with some interest as I have entered into a relationship with a lovely Thai lady. Everythink in the bedroom department is fine with one exception. She cannot accept that " her daughter " as she calls it is not pretty or clean. To her its low and dirty . Whilst she is fine with heading down south to vist my " son " any attempt by me to do likewise is not appreciated. I tell her she might like it and that it is not dirty but this is a non starter for her.

She is a beautiful woman but with what I think are seriously Thai body hang ups. Swimms fully clothed and even her sisters have never ( I think ) seen her naked. I suppose I am lucky that in the privacy of our room things are good but i would like her to experience oral too.

Any thoughts

Richard

Richard,

What you describe is very typical. The strong "high/low" thing together with the idea of male superiority makes it unacceptable to a conservative Thai.

My suggestion is to leave it alone for now and concentrate on satisfying her in ways that are acceptable to her. With the passage of time she may become more open to the idea, but even if not, as long as you are both getting satisfaction, no matter. I think pushing the issue will be counter-productive and you can't reason with such deeply ingrained cultural concepts.

In the natural course of being in a relationship with a western man she will relax many of her inhibitions, but gradually and at her own pace.

[bina]

funny,

with us its also, big sister and little brother ......

underwear is then clothing for little brother, when he doesnt remember the word for underwear....

cute.....

[richardb]

Hi all I have read the thread with some interest as I have entered into a relationship with a lovely Thai lady. Everythink in the bedroom department is fine with one exception. She cannot accept that " her daughter " as she calls it is not pretty or clean. To her its low and dirty . Whilst she is fine with heading down south to vist my " son " any attempt by me to do likewise is not appreciated. I tell her she might like it and that it is not dirty but this is a non starter for her.

She is a beautiful woman but with what I think are seriously Thai body hang ups. Swimms fully clothed and even her sisters have never ( I think ) seen her naked. I suppose I am lucky that in the privacy of our room things are good but i would like her to experience oral too.

Any thoughts

Richard

Richard,

What you describe is very typical. The strong "high/low" thing together with the idea of male superiority makes it unacceptable to a conservative Thai.

My suggestion is to leave it alone for now and concentrate on satisfying her in ways that are acceptable to her. With the passage of time she may become more open to the idea, but even if not, as long as you are both getting satisfaction, no matter. I think pushing the issue will be counter-productive and you can't reason with such deeply ingrained cultural concepts.

In the natural course of being in a relationship with a western man she will relax many of her inhibitions, but gradually and at her own pace.

Thanks

Richard

[Citra]

SO, what to do?

There are plenty of farang books on the subject, but unreadable for my wife.

There's plenty Thai books on the subject as well. And magazines, like the Thai Cosmopolitan and all those.

I believe the Female body is exquisive, and to be pampered, aroused and nurtured.

This being said, with my shy Thai wife, because it is new or different, she falls back to the "ticklish" excuse

The issues that you need to work on *MAY* be one or more of the following:

1. Insecurity about her own body, thinking she's not attractive in certain places.

This is a tough one to address, basically it just takes time, and dimmer switches on all lights in the bedroom and bathroom.

2. The idea of having to appear 'virtuous'.. To show to be into sex is to show being less virtuous..

There's two ways this one can be overcome

2a : Just add time.

2b : Some women think to appear virtuous means showing (or feigning) a reluctance to have sex. Some men are encouraged by this (they SHOULD because it can very well be intended this way), but many others including presumably yourself, are put off by it. Get this: *SOME* women actually want to have sex forced upon them; they retain virtue by feigning to object. Now you may or may not have that in you, but give it a try. Not all women are turned on by romance and candles and whine and strawberries in the bathtub, many actually do want to feel over-powered if only in play, and to retain virtue and not appear 'slutty'.

3. Genuine shyness

This is the most difficult to overcome.. it may get better with time, but really this is the one reason why it's good to check for this condition *before* getting married.

[NB: If number 2b offends anyone: It's not intended to be offensive, and I absolutely don't advocate any kind of *actual* force being used. It's more on a mental level. ]

Edited January 7, 2008 by Citra

[DirkGently]

Simple! Just do what you like and if she goes for it keep doing it. If she doesn't seem 100% happy switch to something very different. Worked for us. I discovered by accident that she enjoys "normal" adult movies and fun with food.

[Jorinda]

Ok DUDE, listen to ME. Another MAN with ACTUAL experience training women to be comfortable with their sexuality (which equates to being a good lover). My friends and I have a running joke..... why do we keep hooking up with women that we have to train up over long periods of time, just to break up with down the road and some other dude gets the benefits of all our hard work. How come we NEVER get the girls pretrained?! Because so few men know how to do it thats why.

Without the orgasms... she won't fully get comfortable with her sexuality, she needs to KNOW about her sexuality and all it entails first. If you are really having trouble getting her to orgasm, try using your hand. Some girls can only cum that way, dunno why but I've seen it a few times. Hope you know how to use your hand too!

Damian

It's not only guys that complain about the lack of experince in people they start relationships with. My friends give me crap about collecting boy's virginities "like pokemon" . I've been the first longer term girlfriend of 3 different guys, it gets old. It wasn't until my current boyfriend that I was able to orgasm from sex (and he was completly inexperinced) but this is what I've figured out. I think that it's a combination of how the girl views sex, the guy's willingness to try, and their emotional bond. The OP said that his thai was laughable and her english was bad, so I'm wondering how they can create a strong emotional bond without solid communication (no offense intended, I'm just curious how that can work). She might be more comfortable with sex when they know eachother better and she ventures further from oral. She'll have an easier and easier time orgasming from things other than oral the more she tries. I think most of what you said was right on, and a lot of women can only orgasm one way because that's how they masturbate and get the bulk of their orgasms. It's about habit.

I hope the OP can figure out how to help his wife, coming from the female perspective it's hard for us sometimes to figure out how to help ourselves, I feel sorry for the guys.

[Jorinda]

Well, having limited communication on a language level does not mean there's no bond or that they don't know each other well.

Of course I agree with the rest you said, which is basically 'it may take time'.

I'm sure they have a bond (they seem happily married), I've just never had to confront a language barrier so I have no idea how a couple would work around that or if that's even an issue. For me I know that I need a lot of conversation before I'm comfortable with someone I'm involved with. But I'm completely admitting ignorance on the issue, and that's why I asked.