Would You Do It All Again

[khunandy]

Having been in a long term relationship, marriage and building a house etc, I was sitting on my back verandah this evening as my wife was doing her seemingly ever ending rounds at the end of the day and I found myself wondering if I would do it all again.

Just to clarify the position, I really do love the missus and I am happy with the house we built and the friends we have and our individual relationships with our respective in-laws but......would I do it all again? I don't know! It was a hel_l of a battle convincing everyone that the relationship was legitimate, it was also a hel_l of a battle convincing my three teenage daughters that the relationship was "genuine". It was also a hel_l of a job convincing my workmates that we met in a restaurant/travel agency/hotel/resort instead of the bar we actually met in.

I couldnt ask my wife to look after me any better than what she does, I couldnt ask for a kinder more lovelier person and I certainly couldnt ask for a more beautiful looking girl if I had a direct order to heaven... but why, after three years, do I feel kind of empty?

My wife can (and does) fill her day so easily and yet I find myself more and more reliant on her to help me with everyday village life. I thought it would get easier but the more people that I want to converse with the more I need my wife. I find myself getting more and more lonely each day because I encourage the wife to continue her life and I am left wandering around a big new house by myself wondering...."would I do it all again". Now that I have adopted a more casual and understanding approach to life ....make up sex has gone, now that I have a "good heart" normal sex is something that is planned or hinted at with the hope of the message transending the Thai "fog". Showers and clean attitude being an absolute necessity, i am starting to miss skanky sex!!!!

Maybe I am feeling a bit morose but is a farang/ thai relationship a bit more than its worth???

Khun Andy

Edited for spelling (of course)

Edited November 12, 2007 by khunandy

[true blue]

Having been in a long term relationship, marriage and building a house etc, I was sitting on my back verandah this evening as my wife was doing her seemingly ever ending rounds at the end of the day and I found myself wondering if I would do it all again.

Just to clarify the position, I really do love the missus and I am happy with the house we built and the friends we have and our individual relationships with our respective in-laws but......would I do it all again? I don't know! It was a hel_l of a battle convincing everyone that the relationship was legitimate, it was also a hel_l of a battle convincing my three teenage daughters that the relationship was "genuine". It was also a hel_l of a job convincing my workmates that we met in a restaurant/travel agency/hotel/resort instead of the bar we actually met in.

I couldnt ask my wife to look after me any better than what she does, I couldnt ask for a kinder more lovelier person and I certainly couldnt ask for a more beautiful looking girl if I had a direct order to heaven... but why, after three years, do I feel kind of empty?

My wife can (and does) fill her day so easily and yet I find myself more and more reliant on her to help me with everyday village life. I thought it would get easier but the more people that I want to converse with the more I need my wife. I find myself getting more and more lonely each day because I encourage the wife to continue her life and I am left wandering around a big new house by myself wondering...."would I do it all again". Now that I have adopted a more casual and understanding approach to life ....make up sex has gone, now that I have a "good heart" normal sex is something that is planned or hinted at with the hope of the message transending the Thai "fog". Showers and clean attitude being an absolute necessity, i am starting to miss skanky sex!!!!

Maybe I am feeling a bit morose but is a farang/ thai relationship a bit more than its worth???

Khun Andy

Edited for spelling (of course)

nice honest post, for a change.

[Boo]

I agree, lets see if the op can get a flame free, troll free dialogue without the usual thai women bashing or "go home if you don't like it" comments

[khunandy]

I agree, lets see if the op can get a flame free, troll free dialogue without the usual thai women bashing or "go home if you don't like it" comments

Thanks Boo,

The first flame thrower or troll can bite my arse because I have been knocking around this corner of the woods for quite a long time and have no time for pretend "experts" on how to live in Thailand. I am after honest and bonefide comments.

Khunandy

[Briggsy]

Haven't even done it once, never mind do it again.

[khunandy]

Haven't even done it once, never mind do it again.

Hey Briggsy,

What is it mate, have you got itchy fingers that need to type...try scratchin' yer bum. Thanks for the input, didn't help much and really didnt add to the topic but glad to help an idle moment in your life.

Khun andy

[mrtoad]

Having been in a long term relationship, marriage and building a house etc, I was sitting on my back verandah this evening as my wife was doing her seemingly ever ending rounds at the end of the day and I found myself wondering if I would do it all again.

Just to clarify the position, I really do love the missus and I am happy with the house we built and the friends we have and our individual relationships with our respective in-laws but......would I do it all again? I don't know! It was a hel_l of a battle convincing everyone that the relationship was legitimate, it was also a hel_l of a battle convincing my three teenage daughters that the relationship was "genuine". It was also a hel_l of a job convincing my workmates that we met in a restaurant/travel agency/hotel/resort instead of the bar we actually met in.

I couldnt ask my wife to look after me any better than what she does, I couldnt ask for a kinder more lovelier person and I certainly couldnt ask for a more beautiful looking girl if I had a direct order to heaven... but why, after three years, do I feel kind of empty?

My wife can (and does) fill her day so easily and yet I find myself more and more reliant on her to help me with everyday village life. I thought it would get easier but the more people that I want to converse with the more I need my wife. I find myself getting more and more lonely each day because I encourage the wife to continue her life and I am left wandering around a big new house by myself wondering...."would I do it all again". Now that I have adopted a more casual and understanding approach to life ....make up sex has gone, now that I have a "good heart" normal sex is something that is planned or hinted at with the hope of the message transending the Thai "fog". Showers and clean attitude being an absolute necessity, i am starting to miss skanky sex!!!!

Maybe I am feeling a bit morose but is a farang/ thai relationship a bit more than its worth???

Khun Andy

Edited for spelling (of course)

Andy, I am certainly not going to try and be an expert on relationship dynamics. It seems that you have found a comfortable life, and that your wife also feels comfortable. As you know, in the beginnings of relationships they are always more intense, spontaneous and exciting, but as we become more used to one another we once again start to seek our quiet times and independence.

Of course, living out in a village, where you are probably more isolated from the day to day things that you have been used to in the past will make it more difficult and make you feel lonely. You are surrounded by your wifes friends and family who you probably have little in common with.

I'd maybe suggest that you are at that stage where you have become used to that old routine that creeps into the majority of long term relationships.

I think maybe a holiday somewhere is what you need.

Anyway best of luck to you.

[xyborg]

Well I feel like this at times too, best dont dwell on it and find something to fill your own days.

[LaoPo]

Having been in a long term relationship, marriage and building a house etc, I was sitting on my back verandah this evening as my wife was doing her seemingly ever ending rounds at the end of the day and I found myself wondering if I would do it all again.

Just to clarify the position, I really do love the missus and I am happy with the house we built and the friends we have and our individual relationships with our respective in-laws but......would I do it all again? I don't know! It was a hel_l of a battle convincing everyone that the relationship was legitimate, it was also a hel_l of a battle convincing my three teenage daughters that the relationship was "genuine". It was also a hel_l of a job convincing my workmates that we met in a restaurant/travel agency/hotel/resort instead of the bar we actually met in.

I couldnt ask my wife to look after me any better than what she does, I couldnt ask for a kinder more lovelier person and I certainly couldnt ask for a more beautiful looking girl if I had a direct order to heaven... but why, after three years, do I feel kind of empty?

My wife can (and does) fill her day so easily and yet I find myself more and more reliant on her to help me with everyday village life. I thought it would get easier but the more people that I want to converse with the more I need my wife. I find myself getting more and more lonely each day because I encourage the wife to continue her life and I am left wandering around a big new house by myself wondering...."would I do it all again". Now that I have adopted a more casual and understanding approach to life ....make up sex has gone, now that I have a "good heart" normal sex is something that is planned or hinted at with the hope of the message transending the Thai "fog". Showers and clean attitude being an absolute necessity, i am starting to miss skanky sex!!!!

Maybe I am feeling a bit morose but is a farang/ thai relationship a bit more than its worth???

Khun Andy

Edited for spelling (of course)

1. Communication

2. Communication, and

3. Communication

It's quite 'normal' for Western people, married into an -other than local language- partner to 'miss' the day-to-day local conversation after they've settled down.

About politics, local news, sports, family feelings, I could go on.

No matter how good a relationship is, no matter how well anybody speaks another language, you will sometimes miss conversations with your fellow, local countrymen/women.

It's something that belongs to 'our' foreign relationships.

The solution: communicate, more and more about EVERYTHING, no matter how sensitive.

The problem is that we, too often, forget about it and don't take enough time to:

communicate with our partner

LaoPo

[A_Traveller]

You note that your wife has 'full' days. Are you not able to be part of those?

Regards

[meom]

I assume you're retired so why not go back to work, somewhere offshore like the picture in your avatar. Once your leave comes up after x number of weeks of work for sure you and the missus will be horny and can have skanky sex a plenty.

[xyborg]

<br />I assume you're retired so why not go back to work, somewhere offshore like the picture in your avatar. Once your leave comes up after x number of weeks of work for sure you and the missus will be horny and can have skanky sex a plenty.<br />

<br /><br /><br />

Works for me see the wife every 4 months for 2 months, after 6 weeks I'm usually thinking of being back in the UK??

[Neeranam]

I suggest learning to read and speak Thai. I couldn't imagine living in a village without it. Actually, I couldn't imagine living in a village. Why not move to a city? As someone else said - communication is vital - good luck. Have a few kids - you'll be screaming for time alone.

[ThaidleHands]

Andy, are you asking yourself the right question? When you wonder "would I do it all again" are you really looking to ask yourself "is this what I want to keep doing"?

[khunandy]

I suggest learning to read and speak Thai. I couldn't imagine living in a village without it. Actually, I couldn't imagine living in a village. Why not move to a city? As someone else said - communication is vital - good luck. Have a few kids - you'll be screaming for time alone.

Well, I can almost get by on Thai and that isnt the root problem...the village speaks a different language which has its roots in China...I have absolutely no idea of a "gossip' conversation. if I want to speak Thai there is no problem but to sit around and have an input into the local lingo is ne'er impossible.

As for city dwelling, well, its too late for that but I may have considered this if I had stayed for a year and then weighed up the options. Thanks for the replies so far

Khun andy

[khunandy]

Andy, are you asking yourself the right question? When you wonder "would I do it all again" are you really looking to ask yourself "is this what I want to keep doing"?

ThaidleHands,

I appreciate your input and I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say I do want to keep on doing this thing. I love the girl and I love my life ..maybe I need a break, I have been here for 8 weeks and I am recovering from a broken leg...maybe thats why I am down in the dumps..lack of independence etc.

I still however, wonder how many guys and gals have second (unvoiced) thoughts about getting a spouse in Thailand. Is it what you thought...is it a huge battle? Are you happy with the decision you made?

Khun Andy

[khunandy]

I assume you're retired so why not go back to work, somewhere offshore like the picture in your avatar. Once your leave comes up after x number of weeks of work for sure you and the missus will be horny and can have skanky sex a plenty.

No mate,

Not retired for another 20 years, pretty stupid assumption really.

Yeah, I know all about the x number of weeks away , x number of sex etc ...keep dreamin' cowboy.

Good luck to you mate and hope your 6 weeks stretches into 7 ...and then 8....

[meom]

Is it what you thought...is it a huge battle?

Khun Andy

The biggest battle is keeping faithful (or not getting caught ) to the Mrs with the abundance of beatiful women around that all say I'm so hansum.

[meom]

I assume you're retired so why not go back to work, somewhere offshore like the picture in your avatar. Once your leave comes up after x number of weeks of work for sure you and the missus will be horny and can have skanky sex a plenty.

No mate,

Not retired for another 20 years, pretty stupid assumption really.

Yeah, I know all about the x number of weeks away , x number of sex etc ...keep dreamin' cowboy.

Good luck to you mate and hope your 6 weeks stretches into 7 ...and then 8....

I'm doing 7 on 2 off at the moment which is fine by me

[ThaidleHands]

Andy, are you asking yourself the right question? When you wonder "would I do it all again" are you really looking to ask yourself "is this what I want to keep doing"?

ThaidleHands,

I appreciate your input and I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say I do want to keep on doing this thing. I love the girl and I love my life ..maybe I need a break, I have been here for 8 weeks and I am recovering from a broken leg...maybe thats why I am down in the dumps..lack of independence etc.

I still however, wonder how many guys and gals have second (unvoiced) thoughts about getting a spouse in Thailand. Is it what you thought...is it a huge battle? Are you happy with the decision you made?

Khun Andy

Injured and laid-up up-country and in a funk; could we call it the Somchai Infirmary Blues?

All jokes aside, that would make a world of difference if you're used to being really active. Call it Kabinburi fever.

No, really, all jokes aside, wait until you're on your feet again before looking at these issues again. When you've got your full mobility again things will probably look a lot better. If you're used to being highly independent and self-sufficient, having to rely on others can make you want to chew off a limb to get out of the trap.

[khunandy]

I'm doing 7 on 2 off at the moment which is fine by me

I have been 6 on and 4 off for the last 6 years...that is the absolute best combination for wages to time off that I can remember...good luck to you...

[meom]

6 on 4 off is really good. I'll probably turn into an alcoholic with 4 off

Anyway take care, I'm sure you can manage.

[khunandy]

No, really, all jokes aside, wait until you're on your feet again before looking at these issues again. When you've got your full mobility again things will probably look a lot better. If you're used to being highly independent and self-sufficient, having to rely on others can make you want to chew off a limb to get out of the trap.

Good advice mate,

I will indeed wait for mobility before making any rash decisions, it really is f**cking up my perspective and I want to thank you for bringing it to my attention

Physiotherapy here I come ( if I can find it)

Khunandy

Edited November 12, 2007 by khunandy

[torrenova]

Just got what I was looking for, your shift rotation. What about your ages, what about kids etc. ?

I live here with mine but not in the village. Her mother lives with her western husband in Non Suwan in Buriram and I could not live there. There is nothing to do but watch TV or get drunk. I can handle it for about 3 days. Whether I could live in either Korat or Buriram itself I don't know but I realise I need some "city" near me.

Knowing some guys who work shift rotations as varied as 8 on 8 off down to 6 and 2, it seems there is a need to adjust at arrival and departure. You're on 6 and 4 so she has to do without you for 6 weeks at a time which must be hard and I guess she's built a life around that time and you come along every so often and its you who has to fit in. You arrive and expect everything to change and you to be together but for her it is just a break from the norm and in a few weeks you're off again and her normal life resumes.

Maybe you need more out of the time off than you can get in the village ? Could she not meet you for a break somewhere and just take off for a week or two ? I look at my future options and know that I would not be satisfied with completely rural life. I'm not ready to just sit down and wait to die so some mental stimulation is necessary. How we each get that I think depends upon the individual makeup.

[tiger50]

Sounds like you are just reflecting, on where you are and how you got there...all normal, plus as you say you had to go through many hurdles to achieve, what you now have, which sounds good to me. Sounds like you got your dream, but with all wonderfull things, there are some losses, someone else mentioned not being able to communicate with your country men, is one type.

Its just different stages, try not to worry, you had the bottle to get where you are, the same strengh will see you through.

[chicowoodduck]

Well I feel like this at times too, best dont dwell on it and find something to fill your own days.

I think everyone goes through those "ebb and flows" of could have, should have moments of self doubt or regret, probably has been happening since the caveman times.

[khunandy]

OK, thanks for all the input so far and most of it is relevent and taken onboard. Just to maybe side track here a little bit and it seems that most of the posters are Thai experienced. ...What about sex, I mean when my wife and I have sex it is really good..just not consistant.

Don't get me wrong, I am not an addict and I am not trying to fulfill all my lifes fantasies but, something has gone, Probably the challenge of the the initial hook up or maybe the "burley" to keep this one active. I am probably exposing myself to all sorts of ridicule but ..c'mon guys.. does it all just fade away? I am not really all that sexed up, so to speak, but I still wonder what happened to the vixon I married. By the way, there is only 10 years between us and I am honestly more interested in the connection rather than the conception.

Khun andy

[tiger50]

OK, thanks for all the input so far and most of it is relevent and taken onboard. Just to maybe side track here a little bit and it seems that most of the posters are Thai experienced. ...What about sex, I mean when my wife and I have sex it is really good..just not consistant.

Don't get me wrong, I am not an addict and I am not trying to fulfill all my lifes fantasies but, something has gone, Probably the challenge of the the initial hook up or maybe the "burley" to keep this one active. I am probably exposing myself to all sorts of ridicule but ..c'mon guys.. does it all just fade away? I am not really all that sexed up, so to speak, but I still wonder what happened to the vixon I married. By the way, there is only 10 years between us and I am honestly more interested in the connection rather than the conception.

Khun andy

I would like a pound for everytime i have heard this one, if i have heard this story as long as i can remember, again proves you are not experiencing anything different then the rest of the male population in the world...to answer your question its normal. CHILL!

[khunandy]

Sounds like you are just reflecting, on where you are and how you got there...all normal, plus as you say you had to go through many hurdles to achieve, what you now have, which sounds good to me. Sounds like you got your dream, but with all wonderfull things, there are some losses, someone else mentioned not being able to communicate with your country men, is one type.

Its just different stages, try not to worry, you had the bottle to get where you are, the same strengh will see you through.

What you wrote makes the most sense to me, thanks for your input and than also thanks for your advice. I did have the bottle and I did have the love ....so from here on I will also have the foresight to recognise the partner I have.

Cheers Tiger

[JUDAS]

We all question our situation from time to time, human nature. Sounds to me like you met the girl, fell in love and did what every other couple does, made plans about the future together. Now you're in the situation were you actually have everything you want ( me too ) but something feels like it's missing.

I recently retired at the age of 41. My wife takes care of daily running of business etc. Three months of doing nothing and I was feeling exactly the same. In the last few days my wife and I have begun making plans for the future again ( you could call them dreams ) and, suddenly I feel much more positive about things. What I'm taking a long time to say is, set new goals for yourselves as a couple. Worked for me.

Know what you mean about the language though! I understand Thai quite well but in my wife's village they speak Khmer, totally impossible!!

Life without a dream? May as well be asleep