A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner. "Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don't want an ordinary pet - no cats, dogs, budgies, I want something really different."

The owner tells him that he has a talking centipede.

"Seriously?"

"Absolutely. You can bring it back if it doesn't talk"

"How much is it?"

"£200"

"OK, but it had better talk or I'll be back!"

And off the man goes with his centipede in a little box. On getting home he opens the box on the table, and says "Hello

Mr Centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"

The centipede says nothing. Thinking it might be tired from the journey, he decides to leave it for an hour and try again later.

An hour later he opens the match box and says "Hello Mr Centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"

The centipede again says nothing.

Now very suspicious, the man decides he will give it one more hour. If the centipede doesn't talk, he'll take it back to the shop for a refund.

An hour later the man opens the match box and says "Hello Mr Centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"

The centipede gives him a withering look and says "I heard you the first time! I'm just putting my shoes on!"

Now that is a funny one! ! !

(Good for telling at work too because it is clean! !)

Thanks!