Setting Your Thai Inlaws Up To Self Sustain

[Bagwan]

Hey mate .. i haven't worked for anyone,since i was 20 y.o. ! So let me give you advice on business ! You are asking in the WRONG place !! To run any business, one should KNOW, what they are doing ! Otherwise it is a disaster (or just money lost).

So all you can do is: go back to your inlaws & have a word with them please ... Cause NOONE here can advise you anything at all .. Now i know i can do this & that,, but i know ANY business, can make money.. But i CAN'T do any business, due to lack of skill/experience etc.. So the ONLY folks, you Should ask this question IF you're serious, IS your inlaws .. The most you can do with here , is a success/failure story few months down the road .

IMO the most sensible post for a while.

You need, with help from your in laws, to identify their skills, talents and experience. It is only within the parameters of these can they move forward. You can hardly finance their excursion into brain surgery or rocket science can you? I know it is hard but make them think and then decide how best they may improve their lot. Is there a tailor or seamstress in the village? If not then purchase a sewing machine. Get the idea?

On their part they must be made to realise that the present situation cannot be maintained. It is pointless feeding the poor since you are only maintaining the status quo. A lasting and effective way forward is providing them with the tools to do the job that will provide the wherewithal to alleviate their position. This is what the major charities are now doing. The adage give a man a rod and teach him how to fish and he can feed himself and his family holds good. You get a lot more bang for your buck that way.

[siamamerican]

Hey mate .. i haven't worked for anyone,since i was 20 y.o. ! So let me give you advice on business ! You are asking in the WRONG place !! To run any business, one should KNOW, what they are doing ! Otherwise it is a disaster (or just money lost).

So all you can do is: go back to your inlaws & have a word with them please ... Cause NOONE here can advise you anything at all .. Now i know i can do this & that,, but i know ANY business, can make money.. But i CAN'T do any business, due to lack of skill/experience etc.. So the ONLY folks, you Should ask this question IF you're serious, IS your inlaws .. The most you can do with here , is a success/failure story few months down the road .

IMO the most sensible post for a while.

You need, with help from your in laws, to identify their skills, talents and experience. It is only within the parameters of these can they move forward. You can hardly finance their excursion into brain surgery or rocket science can you? I know it is hard but make them think and then decide how best they may improve their lot. Is there a tailor or seamstress in the village? If not then purchase a sewing machine. Get the idea?

On their part they must be made to realise that the present situation cannot be maintained. It is pointless feeding the poor since you are only maintaining the status quo. A lasting and effective way forward is providing them with the tools to do the job that will provide the wherewithal to alleviate their position. This is what the major charities are now doing. The adage give a man a rod and teach him how to fish and he can feed himself and his family holds good. You get a lot more bang for your buck that way.

Great advice. OK asking TV members for advice, but your in-laws need to think on their own. They probably have a better understanding of their skill sets and village economics. Making a few thousand baht sewing is preferable to losing 150k investment. If they are successful then invest in other ventures.

My wife's friend used all her savings earned while working in Sweden and bought a 3 mil bt tractor for her poor family. There was a large demand for the tractor, but they only did enough work to cover their basic needs. The family is better off, but her friend now pays 100k bt per month to the bank. The family has no understanding of the economics of the situation.

Edited December 6, 2007 by siamamerican

[blizzard]

actually having in laws thinkig on their own is questionab;e. look at where thinking on their own has gotten them.

lady still pays for tractor she bought to help her own blood. yet fmily seems doesnt reallly care. another ex of where just giving handouts just doesnt work. im starting ti think unless you willing to edukate these villagers there is no hope. best just to accept family is part of yr monthly budget, like cable or internet service.

ps . handouts dont work in america either! and the people giving out the handouts arent loved and respected anymore becoz of their generosity.

Edited December 6, 2007 by blizzard

[siamamerican]

actually having in laws thinkig on their own is questionab;e. look at where thinking on their own has gotten them.

lady still pays for tractor she bought to help her own blood. yet fmily seems doesnt reallly care. another ex of where just giving handouts just doesnt work. im starting ti think unless you willing to edukate these villagers there is no hope. best just to accept family is part of yr monthly budget, like cable or internet service.

ps . handouts dont work in america either! and the people giving out the handouts arent loved and respected anymore becoz of their generosity.

This is the point I was making. Handouts don't work. With education they have a better chance of success. If improving their education isn't an option then investing wisely is even more important. Hard to argue that helping with necessities like running water and a sturdy roof over their head improves their lives. Once basic needs are taken care of, some villagers might overcome poverty. It has worked with my wifes family. Her kids are good students and most likely will be the first in the families long history to go to college.

[blizzard]

just to clarify.

im not knocking poor enedukated village people, giving handout to well edukated city folk dont work either,, americans included.......lol.

[ozzydom]

The OP,s story to date has more twists and turns than a maze, there are so many discrepancies it appears to me to be getting made up as the story enfolds, a real riches to rags melodrama .

A lot of TROLLop...

[macleod101]

Hey mate .. i haven't worked for anyone,since i was 20 y.o. ! So let me give you advice on business ! You are asking in the WRONG place !! To run any business, one should KNOW, what they are doing ! Otherwise it is a disaster (or just money lost).

So all you can do is: go back to your inlaws & have a word with them please ... Cause NOONE here can advise you anything at all .. Now i know i can do this & that,, but i know ANY business, can make money.. But i CAN'T do any business, due to lack of skill/experience etc.. So the ONLY folks, you Should ask this question IF you're serious, IS your inlaws .. The most you can do with here , is a success/failure story few months down the road .

IMO the most sensible post for a while.

You need, with help from your in laws, to identify their skills, talents and experience. It is only within the parameters of these can they move forward. You can hardly finance their excursion into brain surgery or rocket science can you? I know it is hard but make them think and then decide how best they may improve their lot. Is there a tailor or seamstress in the village? If not then purchase a sewing machine. Get the idea?

On their part they must be made to realise that the present situation cannot be maintained. It is pointless feeding the poor since you are only maintaining the status quo. A lasting and effective way forward is providing them with the tools to do the job that will provide the wherewithal to alleviate their position. This is what the major charities are now doing. The adage give a man a rod and teach him how to fish and he can feed himself and his family holds good. You get a lot more bang for your buck that way.

your absolutebly right... my first thought is top open a website and produce something, but they can't use the pc too well and barely speak ankriet! but i have to think what they can do, which is very little given the poor climate they live in... i don't know why ppl are slating me for helping someone?!

[blizzard]

wot r u trying to say ozzy?

seems op should close this thread and start over . a whole new bunch of people cant then attempt to help..............lol.

for some reason op backers seem to be awfully silent.

Edited December 6, 2007 by blizzard

[ClaytonSeymour]

With respect to setting uneducated Thai villagers up in business, the saying that you can't teach old dogs new tricks stands very true. My Wife's Aunt, married and lives in Singapore, has wasted no end of money financing the other side of the family's various business ventures - all gone the same way.

The point is that unless you're going to be around to oversee things - forget it. As other posters have suggested, it'll be cheaper in the long run just to allow for a reasonable monthly remittance from your budget.

Edited December 6, 2007 by ClaytonSeymour

[Andrew Hicks]

I am married to a Thai lady, we lived in Bangkok for 11months, and have been in the UK for 3 years in total. my wife has constantly sent money to her parents and I figured that if we got them to invest some of our money they could perhaps almost self sustain, and not need my wife to constantly poor money into them.

My wife's mum has 6 adopted children to look after and her father earns 220baht a day. they own a plot of 8rai of land in the province of Petchabun and live in a wodden house which needs knocking down and replacing with a better structure. the village they live in has a population of about 1000ppl, its very poor and off the beacon tourist track.

they suggested selling stuff out of a pick up truck or even recycling using a pick up truck, but to do this my father in law would need too give up his job, which is a risk too high to take.

I don't know what really to suggest for them too do. perhaps a specialist shop, a buffett food bar on the local highway 30 km away. A family member makes profit on selling pc's, perhaps they could open the first ever pc shop in the village of one-pee-kune, near bang sam phan..

we have about 150,000 baht for them to invest, I just want to make sure they invest in a good well though out idea..

Maybe a warren buffett food bar would be a good idea, but let me spin you a yarn.

A nice farang once offered to set up his Thai wife's family in pig farming. He was anxious that it should be profitable and asked them for figures on buying the pigs, feed, sale prices and so on.

They assured him there was big money to be made so he went ahead and bought them some land, huts and pigs, plus some cash to cover the other costs.

He later asked them what was their profitability to be told it was a hundred percent. They'd sold the pigs and probably not recovered even the cost of the feed but that way they'd made a personal profit of a hundred percent. They were right... there was big money to be made.

You could call it farang farming!

[siamamerican]

Maybe a warren buffett food bar would be a good idea, but let me spin you a yarn.

A nice farang once offered to set up his Thai wife's family in pig farming. He was anxious that it should be profitable and asked them for figures on buying the pigs, feed, sale prices and so on.

They assured him there was big money to be made so he went ahead and bought them some land, huts and pigs, plus some cash to cover the other costs.

He later asked them what was their profitability to be told it was a hundred percent. They'd sold the pigs and probably not recovered even the cost of the feed but that way they'd made a personal profit of a hundred percent. They were right... there was big money to be made.

You could call it farang farming!

This is sadly a common occurrence. A farang's good intentions are wasted because the family has little understanding of the opportunity, nor earned it. After a few failed attempts financing business ventures, my focus is education. Like many farangs, I was the person that determined it would be a good idea to start a business. Most villager are unable to run a business and it is doomed to fail.

It's extremely inexpensive to finance children's education and provide the basic necessities. My wife's sister and brother have three children and the monthly cost for books, school lunches,... come to about 2k bt per month. If they go to college, the costs will increase, but I'll gladly pay it.

My wifes village has changed drastically over the last 10 years. I remember the shacks that were at every corner. Now, there are numerous extravagant homes built by farangs for the in-laws. The villagers though are still uneducated and really aren't too much better off. I hope those farangs spent a fraction of the cost of building those homes to educate the in-laws children.

[blizzard]

i dont know if true. but do some thais see gross incum as profit. as the farang paid for the buznit, not them.

what money cums in goes all to the thais bottom line. if something needs repair or replacement the farang will pay for it.

[Bagwan]

i dont know if true. but do some thais see gross incum as profit. as the farang paid for the buznit, not them.

what money cums in goes all to the thais bottom line. if something needs repair or replacement the farang will pay for it.

I fear that all too often that this is the case. Unless you change the mindset of your Thai family you will always be an ATM.

[bina]

i think there is a combination of minipulation and lack of knowlege (business knowlege)...

my husband has decided to do a 'washing machine ' business here. that is, buy up or find used washing machines that are repairable and rent them out to all the thai workers whom for the most part hand wash their clothes. most work places do not provide machines for their workers. in the winter here it is cold, and the guys dont want to hand wash disgusting dirty work clothes. he, with my help, found machines (ads in paper, people throwing out machines by the garbage bins etc) and was able to repair most of them. BUT, he didnt keep account of the money he put in for buying a few spare parts here and there, the cost of the car in the amount of kilometers (kibbutz cars cost by the kilometer), and the cost of the travel to the two/three hour away villages to repair machines that funked out on us (probably due to the guys not knowing how to run the things properly). i had to take days of work to travel, explain how to use a washing machine for their purposes, fix the things and go back home.

well, we made some cash in hand for the 'rent from the first five months, but he didnt understand that it wasnt profit. it was'nt even money to cover costs. it was just cash in hand. while i'm no business ed major, i do understand that running a business has to be worth it unless its a hobby. so we sat down, and i showed him how to keep simple ledger of expenses. we invested in two machines that work better than the other, free , broken down things he fixed. (he fixed them but isnt around to repair every few weeks as that costs us money in car fees). in the beginning he complained why i spent larger sums of money to 'SHOCK' buy two decent used machines. now he sees that is was worth the investment. this is a small small business, for extra cash in a pinch. but it shows that he had an idea, went with it, and with help, managed to make it into something worth while even on a small scale. not big bucks. just extras. its his expertise (he took apart lots of garbage machines til he got the mechanics of it correct, the wiring, etc) and his desire to get ahead.

the same problems are mentioned a zillion times here. the country thai havent a clue about money, expenditure, cost effieciency etc etc etc.

KISS (keep it simple stupid) is the best way to help people help themselves. start small, with what they know, and with something that gives small fast results as an incentive. people are not born knowing things that we do know.

we sent 300 dollars once as a present to his mother and father for 'fixing the tractor' (which does exist, broken down, under the shack). my husband called to find out about the tractor and found out the money was actually given to the older brother for 'expenses'. we dont send money anymore. they had a one time chance. now, if they need something, we send care packages. clothing, school supplies, lotions and potions.

u want them to start a business, u can give tools. let them find as much of the money as they can. teach them the proper ways of keeping books. deal with one person who has their head screwed on properly. if u have little control over what happens then forget it. remote control doesnt work in running business with managers that dont know how to manage.

bin

israel

beware of 'quick profit' prospects like raising cows etc. they may make cash in hand, but the amount of work, medicine food needed is costly if u have a problem.

[Arkady]

The OP's story seems rather muddled and one suspects that he doesn't really know the true story of his wife's family background and tries to convince himself it is somehow more glamorous than it is. While that is as it may be, I think the thread has probably been useful for the many TV members with Thai wives of girlfriends from not very well off families who are confronting similar issues. While most people are reluctant to "marry down" in their own society, socio-economic divisions are often much less glaringly obvious once one goes into different cultures, specially those that are as different from one's own as Thai culture is from the West. In Thailand the real Thai girls from the countryside are a lot more appealing to the Western eye than their middle class counterparts from Bangkok, unless you happen to like Chinese looks and the money grubbing religion that goes with it. (If this is the case, I would recommend going to look for real Chinese girls in China, Taiwan or Singapore.) Many, like myself, prefer the Thai Thais which means in most cases you will have a poor family to deal with and your wife will feel under massive pressure to share the miraculous bounty she has found by marrying a farang. After all it was her parents who her gave her the good looks that you find attractive and raised her to the point that she was ripe for the plucking.

Rules of thumb to those in this position in my humble opinion are:

1. Accept your wife's socio-economic background for what it is. Don't try to convince yourself it is something different.

2. Accept that you will probably have to provide her family with some kind of monthly income. Otherwise she will under constant pressure to send money by herself.

3. Don't imagine her family will be able to run any business successfully without a proven track record.

4. Don't give any lump sums unless you really intend these as presents given without recourse or any expectations as they will be used.

5. Don't buy any land in your wife's name, unless you consider this as a gift and expect it in the event of a divorce to be the sole property of your wife and her future husband (or maybe even her secret Thai husband waiting for years for her to come back - yes, there are many cases like this). Also be prepared that, in the event of your wife predeceasing you, her family may grab this land and sell it immediately, even if this means evicting you from your house.

6. Never put money in a joint bank account with your wife in Thailand, unless you are prepared for her to clean this out to pay medical bills for her family or some similar emergency. As in point 5 above, be prepared for her family to grab funds in a Thai joint account, in the event that she predeceases you.

7. Give generously to provide education for any younger siblings. This will help them support themselves later on as well as help out with your in laws.

8. Understand that there is no welfare system in Thailand and your wife is under an absolute, non-negotiable obligation to support her parents in their old age. Villagers are old at 45.

9. If you don't like or can't accept these rules of thumb, just play the field when you come to Thailand without entering into any long term commitments.

[Ozziepaul]

I agree with a heck of a lot that has been posted her. Some people with genuine experience and knowledge to back up their advice.

My wife is also a village girl and from VERY poor beginnings, I am happily paying for her education in various areas, including English and she attacks the opportunities with a voraciousness which is dam_ned near scary, though rewarding to see.

I entered into the relationship with both eyes as widely opened as possible. Absolutely ANY demand for money, had to be thoroughly explained to me and justified before I would even consider parting with baht.

If 'some' baht went 'missing' and the explanation was peesweek, then it hit the fan in a big way, until all concerned realised that a repaet would invite the wrath of God again.

Additionally, I made it crystal clear that I would NOT accept ANY B_S from anyone, especially her family. Basically I laid down the law, whilst to some this may appear 'rough', my previous experiece with a money hungry, thieving farang beeatch taught me a strong lesson.

Now, we are a happy little family unit. The wife's parent's are happily settled in their own hous on 2 Rai, which they subdivided and handed 1 rai back to the missus as a wedding present.

Their 20 rai of farm land is farmed by their son and in return he 'pays' them about 2 tonne of rice/year.

The old girl holds onto the rice until the end of the season, when prices go up and gets about 10-12 baht/kg. This gives them a little extra.

Both parents are elderly, the Mother is 73, but a non stop work horse and the father is 76 and just a lazy b_usterd, in the words of the missus. So he just lies around smoking himslef into a fast grave.

Our 2 beautiful daughters are with the parents, for the moment, as we are waiting on a visa for the missus.

I sat down with the Mother in law and the missus and told her I'm far from rich and won't be suckered by anyone. If one of my wife's 'cows' gets sick then I expect to be told instantly, if it dies, I want to see a carcass. One was 'sick' the other week and she was shared between about 12 families.

I've agreed to set up a MAXIMUM of 60K a year for absolutely everything. This is 5k a month and the old girl has done remarkably well. So far she is taking care of everything on only about 3,800/month. This includes all food, education for the kids, you name it.

They already know, cause I've told them that any excess savings will go toward the family having a holiday, or the budget will get cut back again by 1000/month.

So 150K/year is sheetloads, anything further in the hope of self sufficiency may be just adding to self-indulgence.

Each to their own of course.

Good luck.

Big Paulee.

[junkofdavid2]

unless you happen to like Chinese looks and the money grubbing religion that goes with it.

I agree with almost everything that Arkady said in his last post except I have to comment on this phrase above regarding the 'money grubbing' chinese thing.

Do you seriously believe that the countryside girls and families are any different?

I think they're worse... but simply just not as successful nor skillful in acquiring such money on their own as compared to the chinese;

...which is why they result to the 'easy way' by just looking for farang ATMs instead.

Moreover, in my experience with the rich Thai chinese girls' families...

They're not so much money grubbing as they are 'status' conscious.

Being very concerned about their potential son-in-law's money can be very intertwined and inter-related with his status; yet these are still DIFFERENT things which merely overlap... although it would be very hard for westerners to understand this.

[dreamtime]

I have to say that you men out there marrying someone from another culture are the few, the proud, THE BRAVE!

S

Edited December 9, 2007 by dreamtime

[blizzard]

is ozzie one of those who say he doesnt but in reality does, kinda hard reading.

[gregb]

they suggested selling stuff out of a pick up truck or even recycling using a pick up truck,

It just amazes me how every story is the same. We're very poor...we need a CAR! Spare me. I just went through this with my wife's family. Dialog:

Family: "We want to buy rice and sell it later when the price goes up."

Me: "Sounds reasonable. What's your plan?"

Family: "First, we need 200k baht for truck."

Me: "How about we modify that old ox cart instead and you can pull it using the 125cc motorcycle. Here let me show you a picture of how they do this in Cambodia."

Family: "Never mind."

Please. Any poor family asking for a car/truck is just doing this because it will make them look/feel important. If you want to help them DO NOT BUY THEM A CAR OR A PICKUP TRUCK. EVER.

Once they have an established income and can afford one, let them buy it themselves through a dealer at interest. They'll probably default on the payments the first time it breaks down and they can't afford to fix it. At least you'll know they don't need it to get by.

we have about 150,000 baht for them to invest, I just want to make sure they invest in a good well though out idea..

As someone else said, forget it. Invest it yourself and send them the money every month. A gold ETF is likely to hold up very well during inflationary periods, and on the off chance a deflationary cycle ensues, gold will probably lose less value than other investments (except for cash). Put your 150k there, and send the family 2000 baht every month. Problem solved.

You think a poor Thai family can use cash better than a professionally managed fund? What have you been smoking, and can I have some? Seriously, if poor Thai families could actually make money on anything, you'd have bankers lining up in dirt village streets to give it to them. Any money you give them is lost. Period.

BTW, I've bought both for the inlaws. Farmland and gold. The return on gold is MUCH higher.

[Arkady]

unless you happen to like Chinese looks and the money grubbing religion that goes with it.

I agree with almost everything that Arkady said in his last post except I have to comment on this phrase above regarding the 'money grubbing' chinese thing.

Do you seriously believe that the countryside girls and families are any different?

I think they're worse... but simply just not as successful nor skillful in acquiring such money on their own as compared to the chinese;

...which is why they result to the 'easy way' by just looking for farang ATMs instead.

Moreover, in my experience with the rich Thai chinese girls' families...

They're not so much money grubbing as they are 'status' conscious.

Being very concerned about their potential son-in-law's money can be very intertwined and inter-related with his status; yet these are still DIFFERENT things which merely overlap... although it would be very hard for westerners to understand this.

Of course you are right about Sino Thais being a lot more efficient at making money than Thai Thais. Most are willing to work extremely hard at their own SME businesses and put the money into educating their children. Once they are successful they or rather their children do become very preoccupied with keeping up with the Joneses. Whether we like it or not they are the ones that make Thailand tick economically. Otherwise it might be like Burma which expelled its Chinese in the 60s. Having said all that I worked with Thai Chinese for many years and never found their culture or insularity particularly appealing, even though they are generally well educated and efficient workers. Fortunately living in Thailand has softened them a lot, so their Chineseness is less harsh that the most extreme version that you can see in Hong Kong. For a life partner I still prefer the real Thainess of my current gf. After all Thai culture is the reason I came to Thailand, missing out on business opportunities in East Asia, as Thailand has drifted off the map economically. Real Thais at best have a great sense of community (one manifestation is the "phi-nong" system) and "nam jai" Village culture doesn't condone bad behaviour and cheating other Thais, even if it may often be powerless to prevent it. The difference in Chinese culture is that your have an obligation only to your clan and it is quite OK to cheat others, if it is to the benefit of your clan. A Chinese colleague in Hong Kong once explained to me that Hong Kong Chinese feel that with 5 million people there it doesn't matter if you lose a customer through sharp practice because there are plenty more fish in the ocean. They blend in fairly well here and most affect Buddhism which is a very tolerant religion that doesn't have a problem with their main ancestor worship religion. Since they control the advertising, marketing and media businesses, they have been very successful in recent years in advancing the stereotype of Chinese looks which are now well up there with "look krung" looks as fashionable today. If you look at Thai movies from the 70s, you can see that the stars had to have very Thai looks to appeal to the mass market upcountry audience. Now they have all been brain washed into believing that Chinese looking stars are lovely and they are ugly. Even aggressively Chinese looking and thinking characters like Thaksin can become hugely popular politicians, whereas Chinese tokays in the past could not participate directly in Thai politics or had to tone down their Chineseness.

[LivinLOS]

9. If you don't like or can't accept these rules of thumb, just play the field when you come to Thailand without entering into any long term commitments.

Do what I do.. Date orphans.

[WongKarWai]

unless you happen to like Chinese looks and the money grubbing religion that goes with it.

I agree with almost everything that Arkady said in his last post except I have to comment on this phrase above regarding the 'money grubbing' chinese thing.

Do you seriously believe that the countryside girls and families are any different?

I think they're worse... but simply just not as successful nor skillful in acquiring such money on their own as compared to the chinese;

...which is why they result to the 'easy way' by just looking for farang ATMs instead.

Moreover, in my experience with the rich Thai chinese girls' families...

They're not so much money grubbing as they are 'status' conscious.

Being very concerned about their potential son-in-law's money can be very intertwined and inter-related with his status; yet these are still DIFFERENT things which merely overlap... although it would be very hard for westerners to understand this.

Of course you are right about Sino Thais being a lot more efficient at making money than Thai Thais. Most are willing to work extremely hard at their own SME businesses and put the money into educating their children. Once they are successful they or rather their children do become very preoccupied with keeping up with the Joneses. Whether we like it or not they are the ones that make Thailand tick economically. Otherwise it might be like Burma which expelled its Chinese in the 60s. Having said all that I worked with Thai Chinese for many years and never found their culture or insularity particularly appealing, even though they are generally well educated and efficient workers. Fortunately living in Thailand has softened them a lot, so their Chineseness is less harsh that the most extreme version that you can see in Hong Kong. For a life partner I still prefer the real Thainess of my current gf. After all Thai culture is the reason I came to Thailand, missing out on business opportunities in East Asia, as Thailand has drifted off the map economically. Real Thais at best have a great sense of community (one manifestation is the "phi-nong" system) and "nam jai" Village culture doesn't condone bad behaviour and cheating other Thais, even if it may often be powerless to prevent it. The difference in Chinese culture is that your have an obligation only to your clan and it is quite OK to cheat others, if it is to the benefit of your clan. A Chinese colleague in Hong Kong once explained to me that Hong Kong Chinese feel that with 5 million people there it doesn't matter if you lose a customer through sharp practice because there are plenty more fish in the ocean. They blend in fairly well here and most affect Buddhism which is a very tolerant religion that doesn't have a problem with their main ancestor worship religion. Since they control the advertising, marketing and media businesses, they have been very successful in recent years in advancing the stereotype of Chinese looks which are now well up there with "look krung" looks as fashionable today. If you look at Thai movies from the 70s, you can see that the stars had to have very Thai looks to appeal to the mass market upcountry audience. Now they have all been brain washed into believing that Chinese looking stars are lovely and they are ugly. Even aggressively Chinese looking and thinking characters like Thaksin can become hugely popular politicians, whereas Chinese tokays in the past could not participate directly in Thai politics or had to tone down their Chineseness.

I agree 100% I would rather marry a poor village girl with a 2nd grade education whose family will endlessly demand that I give them money than marry some educated chinese thai who familes worked hard to educate her.

oh wait, i must have missed where in your analysis you explained why the former is better than the later....

[blizzard]

so many well edukated rural thai guls out there with no demands of money from farang husband. dont settle for one with 2nd grade edukation if only t o prove a point...........lol.

Edited December 10, 2007 by blizzard

[YangYaiEric]

so many well edukated rural thai guls out there with no demands of money from farang husband. dont settle for one with 2nd grade edukation if only t o prove a point...........lol.

Pray tell me, Blizzard, what is wrong with your spelling? It really is an affront to an educated person's senses to try to decipher the 'code' that you post on this forum. Are you really that bad at writing English?

[blizzard]

hey, my post makes more cents than wongkai wais.

[macleod101]

i think i would rather marry a real thai, that said though my first girlfreind ever was a chin/thai. I think the chin/thai is too driven for my liking, the wrong things are important to them for me, however a thai/thai seems to have my issues at heart first...

i would rather a girl looked at me for qual, not a piece of paper first..

[macleod101]

The OP's story seems rather muddled and one suspects that he doesn't really know the true story of his wife's family background and tries to convince himself it is somehow more glamorous than it is. While that is as it may be, I think the thread has probably been useful for the many TV members with Thai wives of girlfriends from not very well off families who are confronting similar issues. While most people are reluctant to "marry down" in their own society, socio-economic divisions are often much less glaringly obvious once one goes into different cultures, specially those that are as different from one's own as Thai culture is from the West. In Thailand the real Thai girls from the countryside are a lot more appealing to the Western eye than their middle class counterparts from Bangkok, unless you happen to like Chinese looks and the money grubbing religion that goes with it. (If this is the case, I would recommend going to look for real Chinese girls in China, Taiwan or Singapore.) Many, like myself, prefer the Thai Thais which means in most cases you will have a poor family to deal with and your wife will feel under massive pressure to share the miraculous bounty she has found by marrying a farang. After all it was her parents who her gave her the good looks that you find attractive and raised her to the point that she was ripe for the plucking.

Rules of thumb to those in this position in my humble opinion are:

1. Accept your wife's socio-economic background for what it is. Don't try to convince yourself it is something different.

2. Accept that you will probably have to provide her family with some kind of monthly income. Otherwise she will under constant pressure to send money by herself.

3. Don't imagine her family will be able to run any business successfully without a proven track record.

4. Don't give any lump sums unless you really intend these as presents given without recourse or any expectations as they will be used.

5. Don't buy any land in your wife's name, unless you consider this as a gift and expect it in the event of a divorce to be the sole property of your wife and her future husband (or maybe even her secret Thai husband waiting for years for her to come back - yes, there are many cases like this). Also be prepared that, in the event of your wife predeceasing you, her family may grab this land and sell it immediately, even if this means evicting you from your house.

6. Never put money in a joint bank account with your wife in Thailand, unless you are prepared for her to clean this out to pay medical bills for her family or some similar emergency. As in point 5 above, be prepared for her family to grab funds in a Thai joint account, in the event that she predeceases you.

7. Give generously to provide education for any younger siblings. This will help them support themselves later on as well as help out with your in laws.

8. Understand that there is no welfare system in Thailand and your wife is under an absolute, non-negotiable obligation to support her parents in their old age. Villagers are old at 45.

9. If you don't like or can't accept these rules of thumb, just play the field when you come to Thailand without entering into any long term commitments.

i agree you hve madesome good points, i still believe they can honestly do this....

[blizzard]

and people say they dont understand me..........lol.