I don't question your existence - GOD

Next time you think you're perfect...

...try walking on water

Lord help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.

Come the rapture can I have your car?

It's okay, I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.

If God didn't want us to eat animals why did he make them out of meat?

Jesus. Don't leave earth without him. Eve was framed.

Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

We're staying together for the sake of our website.

I brake for email.

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

Not all men are annoying, some are dead.

No trees were destroyed to make this website.

No animals were harmed in the production of this website.

I used to have a life, now I have a computer.

Peter

This is the latest T-shirt I saw - but it could be on a sticker too (maybe).

Peter

I never thought I'd miss Nixon.

Churches only worship the prophet margin.

Don't believe everything you think.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

Stable relationships are for horses.

I thought I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.

When life hands you gators, make Gatorade.

I feel better after I wine a little.

I would rather hunt with Dick Cheney than drive with Ted Kennedy.

When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.

Custer wore an Arrow shirt.

I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE!

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life, either!

Excess is never too much in moderation.

Help your local Search & Rescue. Get lost!

Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk.

Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.

Procrastinate now.

Rehab is for quitters.