Getting Old

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

Not sure where I got this but thought I should share it with you all. If it has been posted before my apologies

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.

____

[lazeeboy]

you are only as old as you feel ,and from this thread you feel young ,good on yer...........

[Old Croc]

Great post Beenthere. Given me food for thought.

[PeaceBlondie]

Thanks, OP. I needed that. Now if I can just lose ten kilos. I CAN! I could get the face wrinkles fixed if I had several spare san baht, but I'll get by with my wrinkles.

One reason we forget things, is that we have so many memories!

[mbkudu]

One reason we forget things, is that we have so many memories!

Now that is a good one.

[vrsushi]

The trouble is that nearly everything in the OP's post one can feel when they are 40, 30 or even 20.

As I approach 40 in the next couple of months there is one truth that I find hard to deny. Life is (all things being equal) far better when you are young.

Bobby Fisher, Muhammed Ali, Alex Higgins, Peter Cook, Maradona, the names go on and on and on. I would exchange 10 years of my 70's for 5 years of being in the 30's

Being 60 is far better than being dead, but the Op is almost trying to kid herself that it is better than being 30.

[PeaceBlondie]

Hey, we are living in a gerontocracy. What if Tina Turner and Cher stopped singing when they were 25? Look up the accomplishments in old age of a Milwaukee school teacher named Golda Mier, or of Gandhi, or Churchill after age 40...Ronald Reagan; Jimmy Carter after the White House; the list goes on and on.

The fat lady has not sung.

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

No it is not better to be old but you can enjoy life or you can be an old grouch wishing for things you can't have. I prefer to enjoy life. You can go the next 20 or 30 years dreading old age but it won't change anything, but will give you a lot of worry lines. Youth is wasted on the young.

[tijnebijn]

The trouble is that nearly everything in the OP's post one can feel when they are 40, 30 or even 20.

As I approach 40 in the next couple of months there is one truth that I find hard to deny. Life is (all things being equal) far better when you are young.

Bobby Fisher, Muhammed Ali, Alex Higgins, Peter Cook, Maradona, the names go on and on and on. I would exchange 10 years of my 70's for 5 years of being in the 30's

Being 60 is far better than being dead, but the Op is almost trying to kid herself that it is better than being 30.

I disagree with you . I think the OP shows signs of wisdom , I respect elder people

who have done something with all their experiences .

Although I am still young myself , I enjoy getting older , it has something to do with

how much better you get hold on things and letting go .

Disagreeing with this , indicates to me there is still much to learn for that individual ,

there is more in life then physical benefits and materialism .

Compassion , wisdom and being balanced is much more a treasure , not that many

will ever understand this , but it brings true happiness .

I think the OP came to a point feeling his completeness and can be proud of it .

Not that one necessarily have to be old to feel this way , but it is more likely taking

in consideration most people learn slow ......

[Ruperts]

Coming from the UK, I often find it depressing how old people, those who are supposed to be wise and experienced, still seem to become bitter, sinicle and even angry about some incredibly trivial matters. Surely by now, old man, you should have learned that whingeing and moaning will get you nowhere.

This post is refreshing.

[vrsushi]

Coming from the UK, I often find it depressing how old people, those who are supposed to be wise and experienced, still seem to become bitter, sinicle and even angry about some incredibly trivial matters. Surely by now, old man, you should have learned that whingeing and moaning will get you nowhere.

This post is refreshing.

I think a positive attitude is great in life. I have one myself.

I wonder though why so many old men are so bloody miserable. If being aged is so wonderful why is it that on the train I catch to my university half of the train is full of happy, chatting students who smile non stop while the other half are middle aged and up commuters who look literally as if life is a constant session of pain and humilation?

Life is wonderful, but people do seem to enjoy it less as they get older. If the OP is right then why is this so?

50% of 50 year olds have piles so I am told. Maybe this could be it.

[moldy]

Coming from the UK, I often find it depressing how old people, those who are supposed to be wise and experienced, still seem to become bitter, sinicle and even angry about some incredibly trivial matters. Surely by now, old man, you should have learned that whingeing and moaning will get you nowhere.

This post is refreshing.

I think a positive attitude is great in life. I have one myself.

I wonder though why so many old men are so bloody miserable. If being aged is so wonderful why is it that on the train I catch to my university half of the train is full of happy, chatting students who smile non stop while the other half are middle aged and up commuters who look literally as if life is a constant session of pain and humilation?

Life is wonderful, but people do seem to enjoy it less as they get older. If the OP is right then why is this so?

50% of 50 year olds have piles so I am told. Maybe this could be it.

I'm not sure whether age is the main concern, so much as being healthy, the 2 are connected of course.

Regarding 'grumpy old man syndrome'. It does seem to be a male trait that is in some ways inescapable. I think as guys get older we like to see things done right, possible value sincerity and integrity more. Unfortunately, we don't live in an age that caters for that. The other side is that we do become like irritable toddlers also and it's this that we need to control for everybody's sake.

Unfortunately as life progresses it does involved increased exposure to pain and humiliation. It could be there demeanour is reflecting this and the commuters are not in any way exagerrating the problem.

Actually I''m only 46, but I think I had a lot of the grumpy old man in me from birth. It's a dynamic in all our souls. So it doesn't do to align yourself with just one side, ie, that is good, this is bad.

[mogoso]

As I write this listening to music thats older than me on projectplaylist my big bands list, I realize I just hit the big 60 mark yet feel not that way in many aspects. I sure feel it day after I have to pick up a few hundred pound containers of chlorine, but still have no problem picking them up.

I listen to others my age or younger and feel bad for them. they talk about once or twice in their lifetime of trips they taken to somewhere as to what will be the pinacle of their traveling lives. Their lives seem to consist of work family and television and sometimes a hobby. Some have a strong church ethic. They speak knowledgeably of world affairs of what their country should do yet know not the difference between Taiwan and Thailand, see nothing different between Islam and Buddhism and cannot find their butt on a map.

I cannot age that way, as many on this board can't either. Most of us have a wanderlust within, a desire to know whats over the hill. Some have only been a few places with Thailand the most exotic and desire to bring their home countrys values and impose it on the Thais, but a good many want Thailand to remain uniquely Thai and not EU South.

In a couple years I'll retire to Thailand, but not to retire really, but to restart a life thats been restarted before. Even though I'll be in my early sixties I look forward to continue keeping on keeping on, with my life with travel to those places yet unseen or to visit in greater depth those I liked and want to return to.

So bring on the coming years. I look with anticipation upon the next third of my life, the new challenges .

[abdulrahman]

Coming from the UK, I often find it depressing how old people, those who are supposed to be wise and experienced, still seem to become bitter, sinicle and even angry about some incredibly trivial matters. Surely by now, old man, you should have learned that whingeing and moaning will get you nowhere.

This post is refreshing.

I think a positive attitude is great in life. I have one myself.

I wonder though why so many old men are so bloody miserable. If being aged is so wonderful why is it that on the train I catch to my university half of the train is full of happy, chatting students who smile non stop while the other half are middle aged and up commuters who look literally as if life is a constant session of pain and humilation?

Life is wonderful, but people do seem to enjoy it less as they get older. If the OP is right then why is this so?

50% of 50 year olds have piles so I am told. Maybe this could be it.

The young students you refer to have not experienced life,yet,they're full of hope about their future:and rightly so.

The middle-age commuters are learning that life isn't what they dreamed of in their youth;had they bin successful,would not need to commute.

BEINGTHERE is past all that and can look back at the previous life without bitterness,remembering the good and and not so good times,enjoying his/her late years.Easier to do it in Thailand,maybe?

I hope so,and old but not wise,envy him/her.

[targaman]

For me aging is not an issue but "age bias" surely is. It is one of the least desirable conditioning facts of life. As I deconstruct much of the negative conditioning I have absorbed in my life I find this construct (age bias) well entrenched in society, both Western and Thai.

My answer is to not divulge my chronological age to anyone who I don't class as a friend; close family or for legal reasons (Passport). I prefer to remain ageless. Age after all is a human construct and in my belief system is illusory. What is more important is wisdom & happiness.

If I am asked my chronological age I simply say in a friendly tone "Why do you ask?"

Love & peace,

Geoff

[yorkman]

As I write this listening to music thats older than me on projectplaylist my big bands list, I realize I just hit the big 60 mark yet feel not that way in many aspects. I sure feel it day after I have to pick up a few hundred pound containers of chlorine, but still have no problem picking them up.

I listen to others my age or younger and feel bad for them. they talk about once or twice in their lifetime of trips they taken to somewhere as to what will be the pinacle of their traveling lives. Their lives seem to consist of work family and television and sometimes a hobby. Some have a strong church ethic. They speak knowledgeably of world affairs of what their country should do yet know not the difference between Taiwan and Thailand, see nothing different between Islam and Buddhism and cannot find their butt on a map.

I cannot age that way, as many on this board can't either. Most of us have a wanderlust within, a desire to know whats over the hill. Some have only been a few places with Thailand the most exotic and desire to bring their home countrys values and impose it on the Thais, but a good many want Thailand to remain uniquely Thai and not EU South.

In a couple years I'll retire to Thailand, but not to retire really, but to restart a life thats been restarted before. Even though I'll be in my early sixties I look forward to continue keeping on keeping on, with my life with travel to those places yet unseen or to visit in greater depth those I liked and want to return to.

So bring on the coming years. I look with anticipation upon the next third of my life, the new challenges .

I struggled through it with the paragraphing, but that is a good post

[tutsiwarrior]

I have to admit that is a bit difficult being middle aged...my eyes are fcked up from too much reading of stuff that pisses me off and now I find that if I don't watch my step down the local market I can fall into a drainage trench and hurt myself...I offer to carry home our purchases and the nieces remove the parcels from my grasp...'hey! I gotta a backpack over heah...'

however, I can be grumpy and rude and insult people and know that some young guy with something to prove ain't gonna swing onna old guy with a limp...

I was just in Brighton, just off the plane from Dubai and the ex-wife said without looking at me 'you know...track suit bottoms with trainers make you look like a homeless old man...'

whaaa???

Akira Kurosawa has a film 'Ikiru' ('To Live') that features the great Takashi Shimura as an elderly Tokyo civil servant facing imminent death of stomach cancer...I watch his moves carefully (a scarred and threatening yakuza shouts 'you obstruct our plans for a new bar!...are you not afraid of death???' he just looks him in the face with triumph...the punk backs down in confusion...RIGHT ON!!!)

this the way out...not particularly better or worse than I expected...

Edited January 20, 2008 by tutsiwarrior

[yorkman]

I have to admit that is a bit difficult being middle aged...my eyes are fcked up from too much reading of stuff that pisses me off and now I find that if I don't watch my step down the local market I can fall into a drainage trench and hurt myself...I offer to carry home our purchases and the nieces remove the parcels from my grasp...'hey! I gotta a backpack over heah...'

however, I can be grumpy and rude and insult people and know that some young guy with something to prove ain't gonna swing onna old guy with a limp...

I was just in Brighton, just off the plane from Dubai and the ex-wife said without looking at me 'you know...track suit bottoms with trainers make you look like a homeless old man...'

whaaa???

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

I get the impression that some people feel when you get older you can't be happy. Not getting older is something to be unhappy about. I've been retired for 24 years this month, I'm 74 and retired on my 50th birthday. Life is great, I have the worlds best wife, adequate funds to do pretty much whatever we want. Live on the beach and have truly great friends. Don't have any serious health problems and don't feel old unless I look in the mirror. Some people say they would give anything to be 35 again. Sure who wouldn't like to, but I would not give up what I have now to be 35. Every day is fun, I do what I want when I want and very rarely have time to be bored.

[Rinrada]

I had a mate a long time ago who was going with a young gel from the south side who when I met her insisted that I was older than she was...usual ....teen age banter and all that ......

now I know she was in fact older than me cause she is gonna hit the 3 score first...this year..........so ....yahoo....

Gotta admit she was always a rare wee chanter.........and still looks GREAT............gotta shout....Lindella Club ..Happy Days...

wonder where me old mate is now....Rock On...MPR

[tutsiwarrior]

I have to admit that is a bit difficult being middle aged...my eyes are fcked up from too much reading of stuff that pisses me off and now I find that if I don't watch my step down the local market I can fall into a drainage trench and hurt myself...I offer to carry home our purchases and the nieces remove the parcels from my grasp...'hey! I gotta a backpack over heah...'

however, I can be grumpy and rude and insult people and know that some young guy with something to prove ain't gonna swing onna old guy with a limp...

I was just in Brighton, just off the plane from Dubai and the ex-wife said without looking at me 'you know...track suit bottoms with trainers make you look like a homeless old man...'

whaaa???

what's that about? you trying to get yer post count up?

(tutsi's feeble attempt to be a crotchety old bastid...)

Edited January 20, 2008 by tutsiwarrior

[yorkman]

I have to admit that is a bit difficult being middle aged...my eyes are fcked up from too much reading of stuff that pisses me off and now I find that if I don't watch my step down the local market I can fall into a drainage trench and hurt myself...I offer to carry home our purchases and the nieces remove the parcels from my grasp...'hey! I gotta a backpack over heah...'

however, I can be grumpy and rude and insult people and know that some young guy with something to prove ain't gonna swing onna old guy with a limp...

I was just in Brighton, just off the plane from Dubai and the ex-wife said without looking at me 'you know...track suit bottoms with trainers make you look like a homeless old man...'

whaaa???

what's that about? you trying to get yer post count up?

(tutsi's feeble attempt to be a crotchety old bastid...)

no, just agreeing with your wife

[happylarry]

Hi BTDT

Nice post mate. It was after reading this that made me think about posting "tomorrow", which you just replied to yourself. Thanks for that.

I agree wholeheartedly with what you said earlier...."of course I would like to be 35 again but I would'nt swap what I have now to do it."

Its a matter of choosing to enjoy every day that we have left to the best of our ability. and it sounds like you and I are doing just that.

[Naam]

Coming from the UK, I often find it depressing how old people, those who are supposed to be wise and experienced, still seem to become bitter, sinicle and even angry about some incredibly trivial matters. Surely by now, old man, you should have learned that whingeing and moaning will get you nowhere.

sinicling comes with old age. there's no way to circumvent it. i sinicle when i get up in the morning, sinicle over my coffee, then i sinicle very long over my breakfast eggs and the maid tells her husband "the old man is sinicling again... perhaps not enough chillies in the eggs". later i sinicle at lunch and especially watching TV before my afternoon nap makes me sinicling like anything. the truth is that i'm driving my wife raving mad with my sinicling and she threatened already that she might start sinicling too

[tutsiwarrior]

Coming from the UK, I often find it depressing how old people, those who are supposed to be wise and experienced, still seem to become bitter, sinicle and even angry about some incredibly trivial matters. Surely by now, old man, you should have learned that whingeing and moaning will get you nowhere.

sinicling comes with old age. there's no way to circumvent it. i sinicle when i get up in the morning, sinicle over my coffee, then i sinicle very long over my breakfast eggs and the maid tells her husband "the old man is sinicling again... perhaps not enough chillies in the eggs". later i sinicle at lunch and especially watching TV before my afternoon nap makes me sinicling like anything. the truth is that i'm driving my wife raving mad with my sinicling and she threatened already that she might start sinicling too

someone should bend over ol' Naam and sinicle him where the sun don't shine...

[moldy]

Coming from the UK, I often find it depressing how old people, those who are supposed to be wise and experienced, still seem to become bitter, sinicle and even angry about some incredibly trivial matters. Surely by now, old man, you should have learned that whingeing and moaning will get you nowhere.

This post is refreshing.

Wisdom, experience, and knowledge are on one side of the coin, moaning, anger, and cynicism on the other.

Moaning is usually connected to pain. Older guys (and women too) have to bear the brunt of a lot of the world's agro as they try to uphold good standards. Make no mistake it will come your way too.

[trawler]

Not the most ancient but feeling my age(especially after a heavy night.....)enjoy riding a big bike and know it will hurt if I come off but what the hel_l its my life.Travelled all over the world,met lots of lovely people and some a/holes,still up for a surprise,shorter of temper and od not suffer fools so easily as earlier.

THE IMPORTANT BIT IS TO ENJOY EVERY DAY AS ITS COMES,who cares what the rest of the world thinks.

Ok back in my box.cheers

[Naam]

someone should bend over ol' Naam and sinicle him where the sun don't shine...

best of the day Warrior!

[moldy]

Not the most ancient but feeling my age(especially after a heavy night.....)enjoy riding a big bike and know it will hurt if I come off but what the hel_l its my life.Travelled all over the world,met lots of lovely people and some a/holes,still up for a surprise,shorter of temper and od not suffer fools so easily as earlier.

THE IMPORTANT BIT IS TO ENJOY EVERY DAY AS ITS COMES,who cares what the rest of the world thinks.

Ok back in my box.cheers

I don't know sounds nice, but even though I'm only 46 I kind of enjoy being an old git - I'm a bit worried about the excessive moaning though. Ageing just dam_n hurts sometimes. Even now, I can't hear what youngsters are saying (possibly a blessing), have an aversion to noise, and am for the most part a killjoy but can't help smiling benevolently at toddlers, and am far more accepting of emotional pain and the struggles of people who don't fit in with my beliefs and sexual preferences. Deep down I'm a much nicer guy in my attitude to people in general which is a bit of a paradox I suppose.

[girlx]

aw this is a nice thread... i turn 32 in a couple days and i am feeling a bit down about it... nice to hear something positive.