Single Mothers

[marquess]

In my time here I have observed with uncommon regularity, that women seem to be more willing to leave or abandon their children. When compared to what I have seen back in the UK. Has anyone go any observations on the matter

[siam]

Back here in the UK they are given a council flat or house,and about £70-80 to feed clothe and pay the bills,and that's for one child,

In Los if you are a BG and get pregnant there are not too many options for them,as their only lifeline will dry up,

I knew a Thai BG once had 4 kids and she was 19 years old,Things are so tough for some Thais.

[marquess]

Yes I agree with you on that point. But I have come across a instances where the woman is married, and after the divorce they just walk away and leave the children. I had a girlfriend who did this, and know a friend who is married to a woman with a grown up daughter who did the same. When questioned, she just said that she wanted to "have fun, fun, fun!"

[kitty]

Do you not notice that its acceptable for a man to leave his children,visit them occasionally when he wants to have fun or be with another woman,however if a woman does this she's evil?

Its like this all over the world,look at the UK:

Dad's leave there children all the time and no one thinks much of it nowadays

Mum leaves children everyone dislikes her,how unhuman,how cruel.

One rule for one another for another

[Spee]

In my time here I have observed with uncommon regularity, that women seem to be more willing to leave or abandon their children.

Can only speak from my individual experiences, which are related but not exactly the same.

My fiance' works in another country, while her daughter remains behind in Thailand. Her daughter lives with one grandmother so that she can attend a better school than is available near her home village.

My fiance' left the country to find better work for several reasons. Her father died leaving the family in debt. My fiance's first husband also died right after her daughter was born, leaving her as the primary means for satisfying the dead father's debt, as well as supporting her daughter, mother and school-age brother.

(As an aside note, I wasn't too sure when we first met, if her father and first husband actually died or just "died" {meaning left them hanging}. But after talking a lot more with her, and meeting and talking with all of the members of her immediately family and immediate friends, I believe what she has told me.)

She did all of this out of obligation to support them and to clear her family name by taking care of the father's debt. This all took place in the years before she and I met. It's a brutally tough and touching story and I think perhaps not uncommon with single Thai women.

She and I have talked about these situations many times, to the point to where I believe that virtually 100% of it is true. How she chose to handle the circumstances reflects a lot about her, in that she made tough choices and did so while keeping her self-interests below those of everyone else close to her. It is one of the reasons that I am so attracted to her.

Since she talks with her daughter on the phone nearly every day, I wouldn't necessarily call her situation abandonment. But she did chose to leave the daughter behind for a lengthy period, so that things will be better in the long term. (She and I of course look forward to the day when all three of us can live under the same roof as a family.)

Her case can hardly be compared to someone who gets pregnant and then refuses to care for the child for whatever reason. On the other hand, I think it may be considered as another example of why some Thai ladies make the choices that they make.

Just another falang's own wrong opinion ...

[bina]

i know many many thai women and filapina women who have 'abandoned' their childeren to be raised by grandparents, sisters, etc...

they are all working overseas and all the money goes back home to support the family; they all tell me they miss their children terribly but they are comfortable with the fact that financially their children are o.k. meaning, food, shelter, clothes and school.... some of these women have not seen their children for 6-7 years; they all miss them, BUT for them, a mother's love is not 'quality time' or 'quantity time' but money for living and life.... most of these women are divorced or single mothers;

a thai woman friend here in israel whom was married to an israeli and divorced and has citizenship here, recently sent her 13 yr old daughter to bangkok to a brother; she is divorced and the guy evades the patrimony (no alimony in israel)payments, she was unable to work and support her daughter here w/o help at home (whose at home for her daughter if she works 12 hr shifts?);

there are even couples here working for years and havent seen their children for 4 or 5 years or even more; these folks always show me the one or two photos of the kids, they are not as involved in the kids daily activities, they seem to forget even the age of the kids, but they all 'kit tung mak mak' and i've seen many men and women cry when speaking of their children left at home.... often the kids are with sisters in law and are treated less well then own kids, etc....

the answer fun, fun fun may be a cover for what they really feel, it may be a real answer because a very young woman w/kids and alone is a difficult thing to be and are a handicap for doing many things but abortion at the tme might not have been a viable possibility....

[loong]

The "extended family" exists in Thailand, so the women would not feel that they are abandoning their children.

However, I have known more than a few girls, receiving 15 or 20,000 Baht every month from their Farang boyfriend(s) and sending 3000 home, blowing the rest. These girls, I'm afraid can only be described as abandoning their offspring. With 20,000 coming in every month, they are going to be relatively well off intheir home village, but prefer to continue to work the bar.

And then there are others, that as soon as they secure a reasonable income, hightail it straight back home, over the moon to be able to spend time with their family again and live a comparatively decent lifestyle.

For the most part, at least when they first leave their villages, they are just leaving the kids in the care of a sister/ parent etc as a babysitter, same as we do in the west. We can collect out children every evening but they obviously cannot as they are working so far away.

[sbk]

The woman who works for us lives here while her son goes to a private school in her hometown. He lives with her aunt. Her husband ran off with another woman and provides almost no child support (the odd 500 baht here or there). She sends about 90% of her money home to support her son so he can go to a good school and have a better life than she. She is not an exBG, she is just a single mother trying to provide a better life for her son.

[marquess]

I like your new Avatar SKB

[sbk]

I like your new Avatar SKB

Thanks, I couldn't resist that twitching tail!

[edd]

Do you not notice that its acceptable for a man to leave his children,visit them occasionally when he wants to have fun or be with another woman,however if a woman does this she's evil?

Its like this all over the world,look at the UK:

Dad's leave there children all the time and no one thinks much of it nowadays

Mum leaves children everyone dislikes her,how unhuman,how cruel.

One rule for one another for another

TIPICAL STERIOTYPE ATTITUDE BY A FEMAIL

I had an alcoholic wife for 18 years she walked out of a good home and a husband who loved her to be with another drunk.

She left our son and has never contacted him, not even birthdays or Christmases for the last17 years.

Next time HAVE EXPERIANCE BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

[kitty]

BUT im not refering to your case

How many men walk out on there children and wife???

a lot more then the amount of woman that leave.

I do feel for you and im sorry that happened but im saying why is it acceptable in a way for men to leave but not woman?

I personally dont think its acceptable for either parent to cut off responsability of their children. i was mearly saying it seems its ok for one and not the other.

Oh and i do have experience.

[sas_cars]

Usually girls in BKK and modern provinces prefer to abort unwanted pregnancies in order to avoid the difficulties(as thai guys usually run away when facing such thing).Since they are very young(usually they start having bf's since the age of 14,15 ) resulting unwanted pregnancies.I suspect there is 6 out of every 10 thai girls who have ever done an abortion.But usually if they decide to keep baby,they will take care of them very well.and usually don't leave them.It's the Thai man,who usually run away and don't accept any responsibility.

[Tornado]

Do you not notice that its acceptable for a man to leave his children,visit them occasionally when he wants to have fun or be with another woman,however if a woman does this she's evil?

Its like this all over the world,look at the UK:

Dad's leave there children all the time and no one thinks much of it nowadays

Mum leaves children everyone dislikes her,how unhuman,how cruel.

One rule for one another for another

why dont you start your own thread

[kitty]

Do you not notice that its acceptable for a man to leave his children,visit them occasionally when he wants to have fun or be with another woman,however if a woman does this she's evil?

Its like this all over the world,look at the UK:

Dad's leave there children all the time and no one thinks much of it nowadays

Mum leaves children everyone dislikes her,how unhuman,how cruel.

One rule for one another for another

why dont you start your own thread

why?im just saying....

i love the way some people on here get so agitated over other people opinions.

[Nam Kao]

People drop off babies in the middle of the night to falangs in my area

[daizeez]

i know of one situation where the mother and father divorced, and the mother has now married another man and has a new family. the daughter from the first marriage is being raised by her grandmother, and gets the occasional visit by the parents.

another situation is where the son from a broken marriage is being raised by the father's mother.

seems to me, though, that thai people are onto something. maybe grandparents are in a better position(mentally, financially, and maturity-wise) to raise the children.

[tuky]

Another side of the coin.

40+ years ago my wife's grandmother was walking down a soi in Udon Thani when she heard a baby crying, she went to investigate and found a little baby in a garbage can, she took the baby home and treated this little girl as her own. This lady has since grown up and had a family of her own. She has never been eligable for an ID card and hence has not had much of a life, but compared the life the garbage can held for her it has an improvement. Recently she begged my wife and I to take her in as our maid asking for 4k baht a month pay.

I have had the pleasure of spending time with this remarkable lady and I have fallen in love with her, she is wonderful and has overcome a terrible childhood/stigma. The stigma being that since she was never a blood relation she was never fully accepted (remembering this took place 40+ years ago). She is now a beautiful, happy lady and I love my wife's family all the more for doing what they did even though they didn't have the money to take care of their own kids.

It is a fact of life in Thailand, and appears to have always been. All I can say is that if we were as giving and showed as much unconditional love as my wife's family did the whole world would perhaps be a better place.

[Spee]

Another side of the coin.

Great story Leith!

I feel the same way. My fiance's first husband was killed in a car crash while he was out with a mia noi. My fiance's daughter now lives with the dead husband's grandmother, who has some family and friends nearby, but has no husband and no son anymore.

She has been caring for her daughter for about a year, while my fiance' is working out of the country. I've seen them twice in that time. They have obviously become very attached in that time.

Obviously, when my fiance' and I marry, we will want to have her daughter come live with us. This will be very hard on the grandmother when the time comes, but she is being so good by telling her daughter that I will be her "papa."

With this kind of caring and giving, there is no way that I could ever treat the grandmother as anything less than part of our family. I don't think anyone in their right mind could do otherwise.

Anyway, your story is very heartwarming and inspirational.

[snoophound]

Very strange phenomenon

I know a couple of bargirls who got pregant who would not consider an abortion as buddha would not approve.

They would happily give the baby away to anyone who expressed interest though.

Generaly its a mother,grandmother or aunty who gets the child.

That said I know one very attractive freelancer with a three year old she sees once a month or so which has been looked after by a friend with kids ever since it was born.

I went and had lunch with them one day,the kid did not even want to know the mother.

Well I suppose its a better alternative to abortion.

Govts should make it easier for the many childless falang couples to take in these orphans.