Don't Think Dirty!

[AltumAngel]

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use

a

surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy

father

was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,

"Well, I'm

off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby

photographer

happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good

morning,

Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've

been

expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer.

"Well, that's good. Did you

know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.

Please come in and have

a seat".

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one

on the

couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living

room

floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for

Harry

and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.

But if

we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven

angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take

his time. I'd love to be

In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd

be disappointed with

that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and

pulled out a portfolio of

his baby pictures. "This was done on the top

of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping

at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well

- when you consider

their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her

to the park to get the

job done right. People were crowding around

four and five deep to get

a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her

eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more

than three hours, too.

The mother was constantly squealing and

yelling - I could hardly

concentrate, and when darkness approached I

had to rush my shots.

Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on

my equipment, I just

had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they

actually chewed on your,

uh...equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're

ready, I'll set-up my tripod

and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest

my Canon on. It's much

too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted