Reflections On The Single State Of Gay Men

[dukkha]

For what it is worth I thought I might pen some words which may or may not have some resonance with gay men

living here in Thailand or elsewhere...they are not my words but taken from an Australian Gay Publication some years ago..

1. Put it this way, if someone has failed to grasp the concept that life and love can exist beyond the hallowed relationship, its unllikielky we'll be bonding in a deeper level.

2. Busy looking after my inner boyfriend, a full time occupation, and a rewarding one at that.

3.Life partnership is presented, not as a choice, but an imperative.

3. Even if born into a miserable partnership, the fact that it persists despite the pain, is a powerful trip to lay on a child.

4. We grow up witnessing dysfunctional relationships and society calls it love.

5. Then we learn to hate ourselves because we dont see anyone loving homosexuals.

6. Once recovered from the horror of realising queerness dose not fit the approved framework, its understandable

that we should try building one of our own. But I would argue that not everyone is suited working within such a frame.

7. I'm happy with my inner boyfriend that people rightly assume I'm with someone, and yes, I am, that someone

is myself.

8. Single is ugly, unwanted, lonely..Nobody tells you that single can be beautiful and empowering, you have to learn that the hard way.

8. Single life is regarded as a painful transitional period between relationships and rarely as a self destination in itself.

9. The problem isnt that you attract destructive men, its that you give them your phone number.

10. Single people shouldn't have to defend themselves, as though we've committed a social crime and must now hang our heads in shame for our resolutely singular stance.

Not the ten commandments at any stretch but food for thought.

A friend of mine, constantly being told, but you are such an eligible gay man why are you alone.

His reply:

I dont want to have sex with the people I like

I dont need to like the people I have sex with...

Dukkha

[ProThaiExpat]

Excellent points. Was single many times in my life and loved it. Many books on "love" speak of the concept that when one thinks of another before himself, he reaches a higher plateau of existence.

If each partner in a relationship takes on the responsibility of making themselves happy first, then from this state of happiness (the same state of happiness one has as a single) one can reach out and give to another for added meaning and joy. Yes, as a single you can do likewise to non-relationship people as well, (then they become a relationship) however the mutual caring in a relationship is a plus. Yes, you could have the same with a friend you don't live with or have sex with.

I do believe that by loving another you are empowering them to hurt you and a single life without such a love is far less painful.

Would be interested in views on why so many "couple".