Have You Found........friendship In Thailand?

[ThaiPauly]

I live in CM and have made many good freinds here, especially through this forum.

I have never had bad experiences with other Foreigners being aloof.

Life is what you make it

[t.s]

I live in CM and have made many good freinds here, especially through this forum.

I have never had bad experiences with other Foreigners being aloof.

Life is what you make it

all my frends in thailand have found me.

I have relative few friends (that is people who could walk into my house without knocking and be welcome) and many acquaintances, but the friends i do have are solid and have been for a very long time. thai and farang

[a2396]

Just before I came to live in Thailand 5 years ago, I was quite excited thinking about the many ways how my life would change once I am a resident in Chiang Mai and all the new friendly people I was going to meet, a complete restart to my life.

Well, 99% of my dream came true, except the part of meeting new friendly people.

My Thai neighbours and other Thai people I have met on my travels are wonderful people. But my Thai language capabilities are very limited and this does put a barrier between myself and my Thai friends when meeting on social occasions.

As for other English speaking Farangs I have met here, I found them inhospitable bordering on the plain ole nasty. I have actually attempted to say good morning or good afternoon to other Englishmen I have passed in the street only to receive the traditional Farang greeting of the flared left nostril and tight lipped stare.

I did once join the Ex pats club here in Chiang Mai. The whole meeting was an endurance of some loud mouthed American speaker rattling on for one and a half hours, then after the rant, had to withstand for the next 30 minutes a woman speaker trying to sell condos and when finished stood around being bombarded by some other members trying to sell me stuff for the next 10 minutes before everyone drifted off to wherever they were going. I was not impressed and after giving it one more try at a following meeting, I gave it up.

Now, before the wind up merchants start posting comments about seeking a new best friend, lonely hearts and all that crap, I am very happy living in Chiang Mai with my family, have many good acquaintances here that I have known for years, Thai and Farangs, plus my bar mates and out regular socializing.

My point is that for Farangs considering living long term in Thailand will not find any Farang support, advisories or communities here as these are not community minded people, plus new settlers to realize that if they are not into the bar scene, or don't have families here, could find themselves living in isolation without persons to converse with in their native language.

I would agree with you about the rather anti-social Farangs. Most of them I encounter have no interest in speaking to me. I only have three foreign freinds after living here 4 years. Many of them seem to be only interested in soppinp up booze & consorting with bar girls. In contrast I quite a few Thai friends, who have made my life much more rewarding here.

[h90]

Just my good friends Jack Daniels and Jim Beam.

And my pets are Leo and Chang

[BFD]

I've been in Thailand for a year and seven months now. While I love many many aspects of living here, I must say that making friends has not come exactly easily. I should note that this in large part due to my own circumstances.

I came here with my Canadian girlfriend and started working at the International school where my older brother works. We hadn't really been friends up to this point in our lives, since he left Canada when I was about 13. Consequently, I spent a lot of time catching up with him (read: drinking and singing Neil Young songs). I didn't really go out to make friends as I was pretty happy just hanging out with him, his friends, and my girlfriend.

After a short while, my girlfriend and I started having problems and she eventually went back to Canada. I got a new job at a new International school and was ready to get back on the social scene and mingle.

I went back to Canada over last summer and, during that time, my mother died. It wasn't exactly a shock, but we all thought that there were a few more years left in her. Regardless, I came back to Thailand in a less-than-sociable state of mind. With all the opportunities around me (staff get-togethers, drinking excursions, boys' nights out, etc) I simply went home after work, drank Leo and watched TV. Of course, I made a few friends during this time, but I was still distant.

This is all foreign to me; I used to be 'the guy' that ran amok at the parties and, at least if you didn't think I was funny, you definitely noticed I was present. Now, I seem to have faded into some sort of background and it's getting awfully boring...

Hahah, sorry about that; quite the long-winded dirge there! I think I could have just answered the OP with 'Nope'.

BFD!

[greenmember]

After reading BFD's post, maybe I should post mine.

When we were in school, the neighbor girl shared the bicycle with me. She didn't have one. One day I was not ready yet to off to school and we were almost late. She waited and waited and was upset with me. She bought a bicycle later so we didn't go together.

Then I thought to myself why bother to go with anyone? If I go alone, I don't need to wait. If I'm late, my problem, not needing someone to blame me.

When I worked, I smiled and talked with everybody in the company even the cleaners, the drivers..... but after work, strictly I don't want anybody to visit me. Eating time in canteen was a torture if the person I sat with started "how many bro & sis do you have, how old are they, what do they do, how old are your parents, what do they do...." I just can't handle these boring questions. I prefer talking about any subject other than asking nonsense when we're not close enough.

[BFD]

I'd have to say that I have lived my life as a 'sociable loner', much like Greenmember seems to be describing. I have a few friends back in Canada that I would lay down in traffic for and a myriad of acquaintances that I'd kindly smile and nod to while we exchanged trivialities.

The problem is that I miss those in-depth conversations that I could have with the close friends. I just wish there was a way to bypass all the banal and boring conversation that is involved in making new friends.

I suppose I'd better bury my antisocial existentialist ways and join a candlestick-making club, or something...

BFD!

[greenmember]

I still have some lady friends in my previous country I share my feelings with via emails but when they say "If you go back here, let's have a drink", I will never let that happen. I'm scared of a face to face conversation when you have to find something to talk to keep it interesting. With emails, you take days or weeks to reply. No pressure.

My brother & husband say I'm ab-normal. I can be but I can't change it.

[Kan Win]

Just my good friends Jack Daniels and Jim Beam.

And my pets are Leo and Chang

Kan Win

[AlexLah]

Yo Greenmember,

I recognise parts of you in me, funny as I thought I was the only one with a bit weird thinking and social behaviour.

No worry it is cool to be a bit: (Read openminded).

[mikethevigoman]

We all know that Thailand is a great place to find love, sex, cheap living, good food, sun, sea, in fact many of things that are needed for the good life, but how about that often neglected requirement, friendship?

What's been your experience?

I had many when i was womanising,drinking and spending about 500 pounds a night, now im not i dont see them , odd

[BFD]

Yo Greenmember,

I recognise parts of you in me, funny as I thought I was the only one with a bit weird thinking and social behaviour.

No worry it is cool to be a bit: (Read openminded).

I think that makes at least three of us. Maybe we ought to start an Antisocial Club...

BFD!

[mrtoad]

I think when I arrived here initially it was quite difficult, but after being here nearly three years, I have built up a good circle of friends both Farang and Thai. I am lucky in that were I live and work, I have made some good friendships, along with a few others that I have met through sport a.

I've always been a pretty sociable person (some on here know me), so never really had a problem making friends, but as I have got older I have become much more selective about who I choose to socialise with. Back in boring old blighty, I'd say I've still got a couple of really good friends, and the rest are people that I keep in touch with from time to time. The fairweather frieds have now long gone, and aren't welcome back.

[klikster]

I just went through an interesting time with one Thai friend. We've known each other for almost 20 years, and have become closer over the last 5. I've stayed at his home on any number of visits to BKK. I know the entire family, wife, brother, kids, inlaws, etc. His son proxied for me on a house purchase .. down payment, son gets a loan, etc. When we sold, we all made a fair share and it was divided exactly as decided at the beginning. We have had other financial dealings which have always been 100% fair.

I'm from the US. I respect the Thai peole who, IMO, deserve respect. But I'm not Thai and don't try to be Thai. Some things I have to do in my own way.

Recently, our relationship became strained. Money had nothing to do with it. We're both getting older and each want things "our way". Since the situation was about me, I made sure things got done "my way" .. which involved a different Thai friend. Things were a bit icy for a couple of months.

Last evening my friend called .. as if nothing had ever happened. That made me extremely happy. One very subtle reference made me realize that his wife had "intervened". The next time I see them, I will concoct some oblique apology and convey it privately to my friend .. then treat them to dinner at his wife's favorite restaurant.

[greenmember]

Yo Greenmember,

I recognise parts of you in me, funny as I thought I was the only one with a bit weird thinking and social behaviour.

No worry it is cool to be a bit: (Read openminded).

I think that makes at least three of us. Maybe we ought to start an Antisocial Club...

BFD!

Glad to hear from Alex and BlueFeelingDude

Forming a club? It requires meetings and that's what I'm scared

The funny side of me is my colleagues still think that I'm an outgoing girl and am ready for any party in hot clothes. Back then when I was single and went to work, I had to be a fun girl. You know that you need to know a lot of people in a lot of groups, so one of them will like you and marry you.

When I met the man who is my husband now, we as the group of 7 went to have drinks in a nice coffee shop in Ho Chi Minh City (Vietnam). My husband told his friend "My hometown no have this. Can she live there?"

I in fact hate sitting in coffee shops, have the over priced drinks and talk nonsense. But no where was more appropriate for a meeting with friends.

We cannot do as we want. We have to follow the majority.

[warfie]

BFD, GreenMember, an 'Antisocial Club'? maybe a precursor to the 'Anarchist Society' Meetings every Thursday, attendance discouraged...

I've made a few friends here but no close friends yet... I was a loner back home too, only a few people I called friends. I've found here though that it's easier to join in with Thais, I bought a door late in the day just as the timber yard family were sitting down to eat (outside on the ground) and invited me to join and share the meal and whiskey... can't imagine that happening in Oz...

[Briggsy]

11 years, no close Thai friends, sorry.

[balo]

When I move to Thailand within the next few years you can all be friends with me ok ?

Im easy to socialize with , I think...

[BFD]

BFD, GreenMember, an 'Antisocial Club'? maybe a precursor to the 'Anarchist Society' Meetings every Thursday, attendance discouraged...

Believe me, the irony of an 'Antisocial Club' is not lost on me... I could just picture us all sitting around a table, not talking. When one of us would attempt to introduce a topic, the others would glower at him or her and sullenly mutter under their breaths.

hel_l, if there's beer there, I'm in.

I've never been one for 'clubs'; they always seem like forced situations. I suppose that's my own viewpoint, and I don't intend to discourage anyone from joining clubs if doing so would fulfill some sort of need or want. I just am at a strange crossroads, where I am still annoyed by smalltalk, but crave it at the same time. Weird.

BFD!

[WeekendWarrior]

I have not made any real friends here.

I dont know why, I try but never seem to become good frineds with anyone for any long periods.

[sayitaintso]

I have not made any real friends here.

I dont know why, I try but never seem to become good frineds with anyone for any long periods.

have you tried putting the gun down for a minute and having a drink with someone?

[warfie]

sayitaintso: I wonder if I'm the only "member" that lingers longer on a thread that you've posted in? please change you avatar... no no don't no do, no don't....

I had the same thought... the gun is not a friendly gesture... neither is the name WeekendWarrior (just joking man... honest!)

BFD: sounds good, meetings at Tuskers? why not just call it the "anyexcuseforabeer club"?

Back on topic, after half a lifetime of getting shafted by so called friends, I have difficulty trusting people, and just because they're Thai does not change a thing. (actually it did at first... I was more prepared to trust a Thai than my own countrymen when I first arrived, then I started reading TV...)

So far it seems to me that if a Thai really likes you s/he'll do almost anything for you, but if they're just trying to fleece you it's hard to tell the difference... I have made one acquaintance who is coming close. But it's early days yet. I don't count life long buddies of my wife, who are very very pleasant to me but if push came to shove would undoubtedly side with her if they needed to choose, and fair enough too.

[qwertz]

I've made lots of good friends in Thailand over the years - all of them farangs.

[BFD]

Sayitaintso: I would join a candlestick-making club if the fine lady in your avatar were a member.

Warfie: Sadly, I'm only in Chiangmai about 3 times a year, so we'll have to make these meetings really count!

I think it all stems from the fact that my really really good friends have been with me for the majority of my life. I actually have a friend that I've known for 22 years (I'm 27 years old), so the prospect of trying to recreate those kinds of bonds seems pretty daunting to me.

Maybe that's the problem right there; I'm trying to re-create things when I should just be trying to 'create'. Ah well, maybe I shouldn't be trying at all. After all, I have a tendency to find what I need when I'm not looking for it at all...

Sorry, more rambling, but I find this topic very interesting.

BFD!

[chavy]

After 7 yrs here I can say I have 2 close Thai freinds that I can trust & not want a farang freindship as a source to money. 1 male 1 female. As for expat freinds I have made many which surprisingly to me have been older than me from all walks of life. I suppose that's what makes livin in LOS a great adventure meeting so many differentpeople I wouldn't normally associate with back in blighty. UK freinds, I have 2 left which I contact & still regard as close.

[micksterbs]

Sayitaintso, that's one heck of an avatar. Where did you get it? Find it hard to drag my eyes away from it...

[micksterbs]

I have not made any real friends here.

I dont know why, I try but never seem to become good frineds with anyone for any long periods.

Er, perhaps you'd care to read your own profile someday and then compare it with four or five other posters'. That might get you pointed in the right direction.

[WeekendWarrior]

really what makes them so special then

[micksterbs]

Oh dear, I think you missed the point. Leaving aside, for a moment, that we're all special, I think you'll find that the vast majority of people on TV are relatively normal.

[sayitaintso]

Sayitaintso, that's one heck of an avatar. Where did you get it? Find it hard to drag my eyes away from it...

ya it's mesmerizing. i only post now to watch my avatar lol.