Living With The Thai Mother-in-law

[RueFang]

Is there anyone else in the entire world that lives with their mother-in-law? I have been living with my Thai MIL for 3 years (due to lack of finances to build). I think I have reached my limit...my insides clench up when I look at her. I can't smile or even talk to her any more. In 3 years I have seen her smile about twice and that's only when her daugher visits. She never cleans anything... dishes, kitchen after cooking (which is only about once a week), bathroom, whatever. She critisises everything and everyone. I no longer cook because if I have to hear her complain about what I did wrong one more time I'm going to crack.

All of my father-in-law's family can't stand her, they have never visited in the whole time I've lived here and since we live in a rural village where all the rellies from both sides are within a kilometre of us, this is quite amazing. Renting is not an option because our business is run from the house and in the village, no one rents. I've recently applied for a job in Bangkok so hopefully I can escape soon, but if that falls through I think I have to leave the country just to get away from her .

I used to be such a nice, smiley, friendly person, but lately I feel like I've morphed into a horrible frowning, grouch..it's unbearable. Anyone else tortured by their Thai in-laws? Perhaps give me tips on how to avoid going off my nut at her and her nasty self.

Just needed to rant. Thank you.

[garro]

I got on well with my mother-in-law until my son was born and she came to stay with us for a few weeks. She almost drove me demented but she was a help to the wife. We live in the same village but I've been offered a job almost 400KM away and she is a very bad traveler - gets too sick.

To be fair, she is a nice old thing and she does try to help, and I know the wife will miss her. I will probably miss her a bit too.

Your MIL sounds like a nightmare though.

[RueFang]

Beyond a nightmare! How can someone never smile?! It's just unnatural. I can't imagine a day will ever come where I will miss her. FIL yes, her..no! So, are you taking the job and moving the fam Garro?

[sbk]

My MIL is a gem in comparison. But then, we moved out of their house within 6 months of meeting. She lives about 2k down the road and can't drive

No, honestly, she isn't that bad. I had to let her know that I had boundaries and she was willing to make allowances for my differences but we actually get along ok. I can't understand half of what she says, so that doesn't hurt (funny, even after all these years, she is just too fast for me sometimes). It does help that we don't live in the same house, I can't imagine living with her, but even if we did she certainly would not leave me to do all the household chores. she is not that kind of woman.

Can't give you any advice except to not play her games and don't let her get to you. Act like she is just some lady next door and you don't have anything invested in the relationship. Realize of course, that she is your husband's mother and it is probably best to keep your opinions to yourself. He is well aware of what his mother is like but won't like to hear it from you.

Good luck with the job! If you can get it then it will be much better for you to have your own place far and separate from her.

[Andiamo]

Hi Ruefang,

That sounds absolutely awful! Fingers crossed you get the job in Bangkok! At least then you can escape and enjoy life. Sounds like you are merely existing at the mo and life is way too short for that!

If not, can you not find anywhere to rent???

Even if it means you and your partner need to 'commute' to the MIL's house to work, at least you can get away and have your own space... Seems to me you are gonna go mad otherwise and may cause friction between you and your other half.

I feel for you and I KNOW I could not have done what you have done for 3 years.....

Fingers crossed re: BKK!

Edited February 28, 2008 by Andiamo

[nidge]

I lived with my mother in law for 1 year. She was great and still is. But 3 years, i think i would have gone mental!

[RueFang]

Thanks guys, appreciate all the crossed fingers

I can't imagine living with her, but even if we did she certainly would not leave me to do all the household chores. she is not that kind of woman.

I actually stopped cleaning a while back to see if it would motivate her to do any. After about a week or so the house was disgusting and making me physically ill as she didn't do a thing (except sweep out the back once or twice). Hubby needs a boot up the bum most of the time regarding housework which I wish I didn't need to verbalise but you get that. Thing that drives me nuts is when her daughter (who I love) visits, she cooks, she cleans, she smiles... I can't stand watching her because it's like a big act but then I pull my head in and know that she's just happy cos her baby is back home..but still, she can't clean and smile for me once in a while?!

If not, can you not find anywhere to rent??? Even if it means you and your partner need to 'commute' to the MIL's house to work, at least you can get away and have your own space... Seems to me you are gonna go mad otherwise and may cause friction between you and your other half.

If I had to commute here, I would never come back here! Probably wouldn't go down too well with the other half! Town is about half an hour away too, and we don't close up til 8pm so it would be a hassle getting back into town at that time without a car...just wouldn't work.

I lived with my mother in law for 1 year. She was great and still is. But 3 years, i think i would have gone mental!

Yes, I'm going mental. I think I've actually fallen into the insanity bin this very week with the unbearability of it all!

[Boo]

LOL I'm not commenting cause you know my opinion on the whole thing & know how amazed I am that you have lasted this long but just had to say something on this thread. So have a kiss

[lazeeboy]

my mother in law came for a visit and stayed 7 years ,then woke up 1 day after a nightmare and went home ,she was okay though ,apart from the face mask after the shower

[sbk]

I've got it! Start having terrible screaming nightmares, tell everyone you see faces in the windows peering in. Convince them the house is haunted.

That should get her moving out

[RueFang]

You know it's funny actually because she sleeps in the lounge (yes, right underneath our bedroom ) and she actually has screaming nightmares about once a week/fortnight. It's really very bizarre and sounds like she's possessed. My hub has to scream out to her to wake up but it takes a few goes. We think it's karmic because she's so horrible so her dreams haunt her

Thanks Boo

[sbk]

Rats, well that won't work then. Tell your husband that because of her screaming nightmares you think the house is haunted and YOU want to move out

[pop3]

I know mil's are usually a nightmare to live with for any length of time but I think that goes for anyone,

Having spent time living with best friends and other family members after a while tempers get hot.

Most of us love our mother's but just imagine living with her !

[RueFang]

Rats, well that won't work then. Tell your husband that because of her screaming nightmares you think the house is haunted and YOU want to move out

No, it won't work, but it did make me laugh . Unfortunately, where to move? Since telling the folks I applied for the job the house has been a little tense and both the parents have told us not to tell anyone I applied for the job!! Apart from just being insane, I think it's a 'face' thing, because then everyone will know that they are impossible to live with. Needless to say, we've been telling everyone!

[micksterbs]

No, it won't work, but it did make me laugh . Unfortunately, where to move? Since telling the folks I applied for the job the house has been a little tense and both the parents have told us not to tell anyone I applied for the job!! Apart from just being insane, I think it's a 'face' thing, because then everyone will know that they are impossible to live with. Needless to say, we've been telling everyone!

Yessss...

[Thaddeus]

I'm on my third MIL, so I should know the meaning of pain

The first one was a total darling, a real English laughy smiley puff pastry of a woman, her daughter on the other hand..... no, I ain't going there.

The second was a timid individual, I never got to know her properly, she never interfered and just stayed in the shadows.

The third ( I just winced ) is another matter, after three months living with her I started to sharpen blunt objects, when we moved out it only improved slightly, but she was always there, it was driving both myself and the wife mental.

I finally sorted it one day, out of the window I spied the cloud of dust kicked up by her cloven hooves, quickly stripped down to my socks, opened a can of beer, lit a cigarette, sat on the sofa, put sports (any sport) on the TV and belched loudly as she walked in the room.

The number of visits dropped dramatically after that, plus she knocks on the front door now

That was easy as we don't share the same living quarters any more, if we had for three years, I wouldn't like to be held accountable for my actions, apart from one ...... leaving.

[Pepe']

I miss my exml, she spoiled me rotten. Personally massaged me almost everyday. Gave some beautiful gold and gems as gifts also gave some incredible family heirloom buddhas to keep with me in the states.

Too bad her daughter wasn't a little more like her...

[RueFang]

I finally sorted it one day, out of the window I spied the cloud of dust kicked up by her cloven hooves, quickly stripped down to my socks, opened a can of beer, lit a cigarette, sat on the sofa, put sports (any sport) on the TV and belched loudly as she walked in the room.

That's got my mind ticking over about what I could possibly do to just get her to go away! Unfortunately it's her house and not mine though

Great thing about if we move to Bangkok, MIL doesn't travel outside the village. Ever. Oh, wait, she went to Bangkok once for daughter's graduation and came back after one day because she "mai chawp tio" (hates travelling anywhere!). Incredibly small world she lives in. I think that people who enjoy life confuse her as it's so foreign to her.

[RueFang]

Gave some beautiful gold and gems as gifts also gave some incredible family heirloom buddhas to keep with me in the states.

That reminds me.. for our wedding, she gave me a lovely gold ring that was apparently her mothers. I was overwhelmed at the gesture and started to think that maybe she wasn't rotten to core. A few weeks later one of the stones fell out of the ring so she said she would get it repaired. A few weeks went by, no ring so I asked her about it...'oh it's getting repaired'. Never saw it again til about 3 months ago when she was going out somewhere (local) and she had the f00king ring on her finger!!! This is not an isolated incident. She has previously given me a sarong and taken it back within 5 minutes of giving it to me. Unbelievable!

[Andiamo]

Do you speak with your hubby about her? Or do you keep it all to yourself? Can your hubby not intervene? Especially if it's causing you such hassle?

[RueFang]

My poor husband! If I had to keep it all to myself I would have either exploded or done some damage by now! He's really stuck in the middle because he feels it's incredibly disrespectful to confront your parents or speak to them badly. The whole face issue again. He's said things when it gets really bad and she just goes too far, but it is so rare it's barely worth a mention. He's so jai yen yen it's ridiculous! I have only raised my voice to her once and she didn't come near me for over a week and hub told me that she was too scared to say anything to me now (should have done it sooner ) !! If we were from the same culture I'm sure we would have had a huge blow up by now, but since we're not, nothing is said to her face. We are just really hoping this job works out because he's had enough of the whole situation as well..her interfering all the time and the whole vibe of the house.

[Tony Clifton]

My MIL is a saint. Can't read or write but managed to have her 6 daughters graduate from universities.

She came over for a while after our son was born. She drove me nuts within a few days. She'd clean and move stuff around all day long until 9-10-11 pm. We have a perfectly fine kitchen but I'd find garlic and onion peels in the washroom and shower every day:blink: One night she slept on the floor next to our bed, next to me actually and totally forgot she was there, I had my back to her and I let out a record breaking fart. She twitched.

I still lover her very much.

[Pepe']

Gave some beautiful gold and gems as gifts also gave some incredible family heirloom buddhas to keep with me in the states.

That reminds me.. for our wedding, she gave me a lovely gold ring that was apparently her mothers. I was overwhelmed at the gesture and started to think that maybe she wasn't rotten to core. A few weeks later one of the stones fell out of the ring so she said she would get it repaired. A few weeks went by, no ring so I asked her about it...'oh it's getting repaired'. Never saw it again til about 3 months ago when she was going out somewhere (local) and she had the f00king ring on her finger!!! This is not an isolated incident. She has previously given me a sarong and taken it back within 5 minutes of giving it to me. Unbelievable!

-------------------------

It is unbelievable. My ex ml had a ring made foe me with dragons carved into each side, sign, with a huge sapphire set in it. Had it appraised when I got back to the states, aprx $25,000.

I wear it rarely, it's usually in the safe deposit box at the bank. Maybe I should have married my ml...

[typhoon]

My MIL is just great and FIL, we have all been living in the same house for the last 6 years, would not change it. being fluent in Thai helps I think.

Regards.

[Robski]

It's her house! She's obviously pissed off that you are still there.

How can you complain? She let's you live there. If you don't like it get your own house.

Edited February 28, 2008 by Robski

[TheDon]

I love my mother inlaw, we lived there for a few months and she cooked, cleaned stayed up waiting for us to come home while at the pub.

Its like when we are waking up there is food being cooked like she knows were about to wake up.

Always kind and likes to give me gold, but I dont like wearing jewellery.

[seonai]

Hi Rue, What work do you and hubby do then that keeps you there if you don't mind me asking? I do feel sorry for you. I love my MIL and FIL but couldn't possibly live with them

[roamer]

A major factor in my daughters decision to move to Oz from the UK was the MIL who living only 30 miles away had my son in law at beck and call, (one of these guys who finds it hard to say no to Mummy). Unfortunately the strategy failed, MIL took advantage of inflated uk property prices, sold up and is now buying a house less than 300 yards away from my daughter to be near her beloved son and grandkids. The dream has become a nightmare..........

[blizzard]

there are just unpleasnt people in the world. too bad you have to live with one.........lol.

theres one at the place i work at, she is just horrible............most just avoid her. from a buznit viewpoint she brings down moral.

[BigSnake]

Guess I am luck get along well my mother-in-law, it the men in family (our) that is the pain in the backside.