I'm a French girl, living for about 3 years in US. I met my boyfriend 3 years ago and we are together for two years now. I met his mother the first time when I was not her son girlfriend - we were housemates at that time - and everything went very well. After, I met her again, but this time, I was the girlfriend of her son.. She was OK with me but with some funny behaviors.. She wanted me to stay with her all the time, to go out with them for shopping, she gave me some orders for taking care of the table, for cleaning the dishes (even if I was going to do it). She wanted me to go out with them even if I had classes at the time.. at the end, I didn't go to class for her and went out. I did everything she wanted. She didn't let me alone with her son anytime. But she said all the time that I should go to Thailand even without my boyfriend.. Well, when she left I thought that it was not bad and that she likes me..

But I've realized some changes.. First, everytime that my boyfriend was calling his mom before, she was asking about me, how I was doing, what I like.. After meeting her, she doesn't mention me anymore in their discussion.. She also came a second time in US to visit her son. My boyfriend got a condo before that and since we are not living anymore under the same roof. She stayed 2 weeks with my boyfriend, 15 min away in car from my place. She never asked for me, she had not tried/wanted to see me. I got pretty mad.. but the bad thing was after, when she left and I finally went to visit my boyfriend again. I saw that one photo book that I gave to my boyfriend with pictures of us had been moved. It was in exhibition in his living room, it had been moved in the bookcase and it was hidden there.. I asked my boyfriend why his mother didn't like me.. He replied that I didn't take care of her.

When my boyfriend got his condo, and even at the time he was looking for it, he wanted me to move in with him. I was not ready yet, at least not fully. But lately, I become more and more ready. I have to take a very important exam this semester and I have said that after it, I would move in with him.. Problem, he just told me that he would love that but his family will never understand it. They wouldn't understand moving in before marriage. I don't want to get married now and I am not sure if his family will accept it either.

His family (Chinese/Thai) is a rich family from Bangkok. They are very conservative. Many people work for them, at home and in factory.. Their living conditions are very high, I'm from a middle class family and there are a lot of differences between.. I guess that everything comes from that. But I really love my boyfriend (his is the oldest son) and I would like his family to accept me.

Does anybody have a similar experience? And can give me any advice? What should I do or not do?

The entire family (mother, brother, father, sister-in-law, grand-child) should come visit my boyfriend soon. I am afraid to be ignored or rejected by them again. What should I do if I meet them?

Thanks for your help!

Hi. Sorry about your problems. Can I ask a question? Is he the oldest son? You mention that the 'entire family' includes a brother and sister in law. So the family only has two sons, and no daughters? A son occupies an important position in Thai and Chinese society. The Thai version of 'social security' is that the children take care of the parents when they get older and can't take care of themselves. The financial aspect may not be so important here since you say that the parents are wealthy. But also keep in mind that if he is the oldest they may expect him to take over the family business/factory and he is screwing up their plans by being in the USA and hooking up with a farang. I do know wealthy Thai Chinese families.

The standard operating procedure is that one child, usually the oldest son, will be groomed to take over the business. The other children can do what they want. In one family I know, the oldest son is the 'heir apparent' and will take over the business. The other kids have jobs they enjoy but don't pay much (like working in an embassy). The family provides, and when the oldest son takes over it will be his job to take care of his siblings too. The question in your case is whether your BF is the "heir" or the "spare".

Keep in mind that Thai mothers are generally very protective of their sons. This 'protection' is even more so if they do not have many kids (like 2 sons), or if they are very wealthy and need someone to take over the business. Also, wealthy and conservative means they are used to having the things they want. If they are wealthy, they have wealthy friends, and have their little 'traditional' social circle, who are all conservative. It may be a little embarassing to introduce a Farang as the daughter in law. Also, if the social position isn't the problem, just think in general that the BF's mother may just want her son to be with someone that she can take in as a daughter. Like take to go shopping, talk to, and do all that other 'girl stuff' with. It appears that she has no daughters. It's going to be hard with you because she can't communicate with you as she can with a Thai girl, who knows the rules of upper class society.

My advice is just to be nice, polite, and give it time. Hopefully, she will warm up to you. I can't really think of anything proactive you can do to make it better. Just give it time and hopefully she will come around to you. Good luck.

good advice submaniac, as usual.

Thanks for your responses! My boyfriend is the oldest son of his family.

He has a brother and a sister. His brother got married two years ago and has a baby. He lives in the house of his parents with his wife. He has a good job and make a lot of money.

His sister is studying economics in England right now. She has also dated a non-thai guy (Korean) and I learned that the mother was not happy about that either. My boyfriend did his college and master studies in US and he has a job here. He really wants to stay in US, at least for the moment, with no will to go back to Thailand soon. But I guess that his mother wants him to be back now and to get married over there. I have learned that he is her favorite child... That may not help! Thanks for the advice! At least my boyfriend told me that he is trying hard to make me accepted in his family..

One funny thing to add: at the wedding of his brother, I was not yet the girlfriend. But his uncle gave a talk about the next wedding of the family.. my boyfriend and a French girl (obviously me).. His mother saw me the video...

Can I ask, did you make an effort to see her and take care of her on her second visit? If you ignored her during that visit that could very well be the source of your problems

I wanted to meet her and to go out with them during her 2nd visit. I told my boyfriend about that but I didn't get the chance to see her. Also, I did not want to go to visit them without being invited. I am not sure how his mother would have seen it.

Lili,

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament.

Submaniac's advice appears to be solid. I'd add a little more from my own experiences. I work with a lot of wealthy Bangkok Thais. We often joke that I'd never be accepted into their families. Whilst we joke about this area there is a solid point too. For whatever reasons; (Thai sympathizers call it cultural whilst I'd call it pure racism) these types of families do not want anyone who is not chinese, or rich Thai, in their family.

Yes submaniac is correct with his analysis of the family business, structure etc. A second point is that rich Thai families are many generations behind Western Europe with regard to their views on integration. You might find that your boyfriends family are progressive and will accept you in time. I hope so for your sake (and the sake of Thailand...), but I'd think this unlikely. Sorry.

Edited March 14, 200818 yr by jasreeve17

I wanted to meet her and to go out with them during her 2nd visit. I told my boyfriend about that but I didn't get the chance to see her. Also, I did not want to go to visit them without being invited. I am not sure how his mother would have seen it.

Yes. This is the correct way to do it. From what you've said in the follow ups, I think I have a better idea of what is going on.

First, they sent him to the U.S. for both undergrad and graduate work. For a Thai to come get a U.S. education it is incredibly expensive. Thai's don't get any grants/scholarships (reserved for U.S. citizens) and they most likely paid cash for it. They most likely did not send him to the U.S. so he could remain there and marry a Farang. Let me also guess: is his education business related? Like an MBA or Econ degree? And he is his mother's eldest, and favorite son? Yeah, he was probably going to take over the business. I think they think there is a possibility that he will remain in the states, and that concerns them.

Two, it is not you. They/she would not like a Thai girl if the background was not correct. For example, if you were a THAI girl whose parents' job was to sell stuff at Chatuchuk on the weekends, or if you were a THAI bargirl from Pattaya, they wouldn't like you either. As a specific example, the wealthy family I mentioned earlier, the daughter hooked up with another THAI student while she was studying in the U.S. His parents were also wealthy and had alot of property. The problem was the she was Thai/Chinese, and he was Muslim/Malay. Even though he is "Thai" they did not like it.

Let me also throw out a guess that the daughter in law comes from a respectable family, right? They may not be very wealthy (though good chance they are) but her parents have a respectable job, and she has an education. If she wasn't from a good background, I don't think they would have allowed her to live in the same house. They probably would have bought or rented another place, so they did not have to deal with her.

My advice? This is from a Thai male, who has been in your BF's shoes:

1) Let HIM handle the family. Specifically don't get pushy, and insist and force yourself around them. Your BF knows his family better than you, and he knows how to get you into their good side. It is like football, he is trying to open up a hole to get you in. Let him do it. And let him do it in the way he thinks is appropriate, because HE DOES know the situation better than you. And believe me, even if you don't see it, he is saying good stuff to the mother and family about you, even though you do not know it. Let him keep on doing that to win them over.

2) YOU do NOT insist on anything, or force yourself in anything. That means if you don't get invited, don't "invite yourself". Do not insist on going out with them on the family things, do not insist that they stay with you. Yes, I'm sorry they hurt your feelings, but this is for the best. You cannot put people who don't get along in any confined setting without getting an explosion. Out of sight out of mind. They probably will like you better if it is OK that you are not around. If you insist on joining them, they will just think "she's a really pushy girl". You don't want that.

3) Do not think or complain that he doesn't care about you or cares about his family more. There WILL be certain situations where you will feel like asking "why didn't you stick up for me?" "why didn't you insist that they invite me too", "who do you care about more". Guess what? His family is testing him to see where his loyalty is. Guess what? You ALSO are testing him to see where his loyalty is.

It may be subconscious rather than deliberate testing. And I can tell you from first hand experience IT IS NOT FUN. And it gets you no-where. It's soooo not fun to be caught between a girl you love and your family. If you care about him, then understand. Understand that this is his family, and he has obligations to them just like he has obligations to you. He is trying his best to balance it, and make both sides happy. He is also in a 'tug of war' already, so please don't make it harder from him.

4) Let things happen over time. Keep in mind, you are not his wife at this point. I quote your original post:

"They wouldn't understand moving in before marriage. I don't want to get married now and I am not sure if his family will accept it either."

You are not a wife, but still just a girlfriend. The family is probably still feeling things out, and wondering if it will last or not. I mean even in an American or French family, a girlfriend or boyfriend doesn't get much stock with the family as a bonafide spouse does. If the BF or GF sticks around for a long time, then the family realizes she is not a short term 'fling', and that they will have to deal with her eventually. Then they will start treating you properly.

So if they do not want to stay with you, or go to dinner without you. Let it roll off you like water off a ducks back. It is not an intentional slight, and it will not be permanent. They just don't want to let you into their circle until I guess you have more time under your belt, and they know that you are a "keeper".

These are my thoughts as a Thai male, undergoing similar things. The above advice is what I know your boyfriend would want you to do.

And thanks for the compliments ladies. And coming from Donna, that IS a compliment indeed.

Edited March 14, 200818 yr by submaniac

Excellent advice submaniac.

the boyfriend is already in the middle, do not force him to make a choice because, in all likelihood, given the stage your relationship is at, you won't like the choice.

Thank you very much Submaniac for your advices! You got it all right! He got a MBA (the scholarship was from his mother).. He likes football (soccer).. His family is really important for him, especially his mother.. His sister-in-law is from a good family..

I don't want him to choose between his family or me. I keep telling myself that, with time, everything will find a solution. I sometimes ask him why? but I got no answer. As you say, I will stop trying to get closer to his family if they don't want to. But it hurts feelings.. Thanks again.. And sorry to hear that you are (or have been) in the middle of the battle too!

I just wanted to know if I was missing something, if I should do something to improve the situation.. Based on what you said, I will keep asking news of his family and stop bothering him with that. Thanks again!

Sorry kiddo, I've got some bad news for you. You've got no chance...period.

Your ex, like most Thai boys are mummys boys, still being breast fed. He will never go against his mothers wishes. NEVER!. Also, unluckily for you she deemed you are not rich enough. Money rules most of these people's lives.

Lastly, lord forbid you are not Chinese (by far the most coveted race in Thailand).

She measured you up and you were found sadly lacking in all the important departments. Sorry, you have no future with this boy.

I know this story so well... on the BF end.

Get your bf to grow a backbone, seriously. None of that crap would ever fly with me.

I don't need family money, I can make my own. I'll choose who to love, and be with the rest of my life; my family doesn't have a say in that.

Fortunately for me, however, after a few years, things have come to a point where my family just accepts that I make my own decisions, and they are proud of me for being able to do it.

Good luck!

"The status quo sucks." - George Carlin

Who cares if they accept you or not. They should be worried if you accept them! As long as you are polite to them and aren't hurting anybody, don't worry about it.

P.S. Elope! Many of my Thai friends have...

Edited March 14, 200818 yr by girlx

Sorry kiddo, I've got some bad news for you. You've got no chance...period.

Your ex, like most Thai boys are mummys boys, still being breast fed. He will never go against his mothers wishes. NEVER!. Also, unluckily for you she deemed you are not rich enough. Money rules most of these people's lives.

Lastly, lord forbid you are not Chinese (by far the most coveted race in Thailand).

She measured you up and you were found sadly lacking in all the important departments. Sorry, you have no future with this boy.

Some new to forum advice for you would be not to listen to people like this

The advice from Submaniac on the other hand is balanced and well thought out

Lili,

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament.

Submaniac's advice appears to be solid. I'd add a little more from my own experiences. I work with a lot of wealthy Bangkok Thais. We often joke that I'd never be accepted into their families. Whilst we joke about this area there is a solid point too. For whatever reasons; (Thai sympathizers call it cultural whilst I'd call it pure racism) these types of families do not want anyone who is not chinese, or rich Thai, in their family.

Yes submaniac is correct with his analysis of the family business, structure etc. A second point is that rich Thai families are many generations behind Western Europe with regard to their views on integration. You might find that your boyfriends family are progressive and will accept you in time. I hope so for your sake (and the sake of Thailand...), but I'd think this unlikely. Sorry.

I agree that Sub's advice is solid, and from direct experience as a Thai-American male. Your perspective is also relevant, but not necessarily inevitable.

I wanted to meet her and to go out with them during her 2nd visit. I told my boyfriend about that but I didn't get the chance to see her. Also, I did not want to go to visit them without being invited. I am not sure how his mother would have seen it.

Yes. This is the correct way to do it. From what you've said in the follow ups, I think I have a better idea of what is going on.

First, they sent him to the U.S. for both undergrad and graduate work. For a Thai to come get a U.S. education it is incredibly expensive. Thai's don't get any grants/scholarships (reserved for U.S. citizens)

Two, it is not you. They/she would not like a Thai girl if the background was not correct. For example, if you were a THAI girl whose parents' job was to sell stuff at Chatuchuk on the weekends, or if you were a THAI bargirl from Pattaya, they wouldn't like you either. As a specific example, the wealthy family I mentioned earlier, the daughter hooked up with another THAI student while she was studying in the U.S. His parents were also wealthy and had alot of property. The problem was the she was Thai/Chinese, and he was Muslim/Malay. Even though he is "Thai" they did not like it.

Excellent and very enlightening advice, but just two things I want to add. Just for the record, international and foreign students do get scholarships to attend American schools, and that includes Thai and other Asian students that I have known personally. The scholarships have included everything in between direct grants from universities to competitive and prestigious sources such as the Fulbright ... just for the record.

Secondly, you are right about the girlfriend in question being anyone including a Thai in regards to her background. Additionally, there is a tradition in Asia that the younger, new daughter-in-law has to assume a very solicitous, and in many respects a groveling and subservient manner to the mother-in-law, because it is the part of the traditional benefit of and power of being a mother in Asia, especially in relation to her sons. In return, you would finally reap the same "power" and pay off when you have your own children, especially sons.

I know this story so well... on the BF end.

Get your bf to grow a backbone, seriously. None of that crap would ever fly with me.

I don't need family money, I can make my own. I'll choose who to love, and be with the rest of my life; my family doesn't have a say in that.

Fortunately for me, however, after a few years, things have come to a point where my family just accepts that I make my own decisions, and they are proud of me for being able to do it.

Good luck!

Hey Dissolution! Good to see another Thai male posting here (if I remember correctly).

Sorry kiddo, I've got some bad news for you. You've got no chance...period.

Your ex, like most Thai boys are mummys boys, still being breast fed. He will never go against his mothers wishes. NEVER!. Also, unluckily for you she deemed you are not rich enough. Money rules most of these people's lives.

Lastly, lord forbid you are not Chinese (by far the most coveted race in Thailand).

She measured you up and you were found sadly lacking in all the important departments. Sorry, you have no future with this boy.

Some new to forum advice for you would be not to listen to people like this

The advice from Submaniac on the other hand is balanced and well thought out

Submaniac gave very good advice. I'll call you dr. Phil.

How would you feel if the mother accept you because she loves her son so much and grant his wishes.

She would be doing for her son and not you, she didn't accept you in the first place. Thing can look fine,

but in the background are the truth. You will have to face other family members, their cousins, relatives, friends and if you don't speaks thai how awkward would you feel.

Most girl would be happy to stick with the spouse and their family members that accept her. Rich and educated can be misable.

I have a friend thai guy, school is out for the summer so he went back home couple month, with a thai girlfriend of his from USA to show mom. His aunt lived in the USA and told him not to bring her to thailand. He told his mom that she will stay with him, and mom okay. When they arrived in thailand, she only stay for a few days, the mom kick her out and there is nothing he can do about it. She was living with her cousin and friend the whole trip, only came back the last few day before coming back to the USA. His mom did not accept her and told him to stay away from her, they tried to get back together couple of times, but she couldn't handle the family stuff. Thais are ruled by society, his mom send her away, she thinks what will other family members think, neighbor, this and that. Relation can be ruin from a third party.

Just be careful also, like Submaniac said thais that are study oversea are wealthy, I know a few, and I know one personaly

that lie to girl. Some of these people know that their family back home will not accept farang girl so they have no intention

to be with a farang girl for a long time. This one his dad is a politician, told a girl he will marry and take care of her and if you don't know thai culture then you don't think of anything. Sometime it's hard to read thai people, they don't express, and keep thing to themself, they are not open as western culture, you will find out, but in a later time frame.

I have a cousin study in California, USA I know for sure his mom would no way allow farang girl in his life.

He only date pretty thai girls. He is my cousin and he is rich, he looks down on poor people, but to me his is such a looser.

Good Luck to you.

I wanted to meet her and to go out with them during her 2nd visit. I told my boyfriend about that but I didn't get the chance to see her. Also, I did not want to go to visit them without being invited. I am not sure how his mother would have seen it.

Yes. This is the correct way to do it. From what you've said in the follow ups, I think I have a better idea of what is going on.

First, they sent him to the U.S. for both undergrad and graduate work. For a Thai to come get a U.S. education it is incredibly expensive. Thai's don't get any grants/scholarships (reserved for U.S. citizens) and they most likely paid cash for it. They most likely did not send him to the U.S. so he could remain there and marry a Farang. Let me also guess: is his education business related? Like an MBA or Econ degree? And he is his mother's eldest, and favorite son? Yeah, he was probably going to take over the business. I think they think there is a possibility that he will remain in the states, and that concerns them.

Two, it is not you. They/she would not like a Thai girl if the background was not correct. For example, if you were a THAI girl whose parents' job was to sell stuff at Chatuchuk on the weekends, or if you were a THAI bargirl from Pattaya, they wouldn't like you either. As a specific example, the wealthy family I mentioned earlier, the daughter hooked up with another THAI student while she was studying in the U.S. His parents were also wealthy and had alot of property. The problem was the she was Thai/Chinese, and he was Muslim/Malay. Even though he is "Thai" they did not like it.

Let me also throw out a guess that the daughter in law comes from a respectable family, right? They may not be very wealthy (though good chance they are) but her parents have a respectable job, and she has an education. If she wasn't from a good background, I don't think they would have allowed her to live in the same house. They probably would have bought or rented another place, so they did not have to deal with her.

My advice? This is from a Thai male, who has been in your BF's shoes:

1) Let HIM handle the family. Specifically don't get pushy, and insist and force yourself around them. Your BF knows his family better than you, and he knows how to get you into their good side. It is like football, he is trying to open up a hole to get you in. Let him do it. And let him do it in the way he thinks is appropriate, because HE DOES know the situation better than you. And believe me, even if you don't see it, he is saying good stuff to the mother and family about you, even though you do not know it. Let him keep on doing that to win them over.

2) YOU do NOT insist on anything, or force yourself in anything. That means if you don't get invited, don't "invite yourself". Do not insist on going out with them on the family things, do not insist that they stay with you. Yes, I'm sorry they hurt your feelings, but this is for the best. You cannot put people who don't get along in any confined setting without getting an explosion. Out of sight out of mind. They probably will like you better if it is OK that you are not around. If you insist on joining them, they will just think "she's a really pushy girl". You don't want that.

3) Do not think or complain that he doesn't care about you or cares about his family more. There WILL be certain situations where you will feel like asking "why didn't you stick up for me?" "why didn't you insist that they invite me too", "who do you care about more". Guess what? His family is testing him to see where his loyalty is. Guess what? You ALSO are testing him to see where his loyalty is.

It may be subconscious rather than deliberate testing. And I can tell you from first hand experience IT IS NOT FUN. And it gets you no-where. It's soooo not fun to be caught between a girl you love and your family. If you care about him, then understand. Understand that this is his family, and he has obligations to them just like he has obligations to you. He is trying his best to balance it, and make both sides happy. He is also in a 'tug of war' already, so please don't make it harder from him.

4) Let things happen over time. Keep in mind, you are not his wife at this point. I quote your original post:

"They wouldn't understand moving in before marriage. I don't want to get married now and I am not sure if his family will accept it either."

You are not a wife, but still just a girlfriend. The family is probably still feeling things out, and wondering if it will last or not. I mean even in an American or French family, a girlfriend or boyfriend doesn't get much stock with the family as a bonafide spouse does. If the BF or GF sticks around for a long time, then the family realizes she is not a short term 'fling', and that they will have to deal with her eventually. Then they will start treating you properly.

So if they do not want to stay with you, or go to dinner without you. Let it roll off you like water off a ducks back. It is not an intentional slight, and it will not be permanent. They just don't want to let you into their circle until I guess you have more time under your belt, and they know that you are a "keeper".

These are my thoughts as a Thai male, undergoing similar things. The above advice is what I know your boyfriend would want you to do.

And thanks for the compliments ladies. And coming from Donna, that IS a compliment indeed.

great advice!......now for the Israel/Palestine question

Sorry kiddo, I've got some bad news for you. You've got no chance...period.

Your ex, like most Thai boys are mummys boys, still being breast fed. He will never go against his mothers wishes. NEVER!. Also, unluckily for you she deemed you are not rich enough. Money rules most of these people's lives.

Lastly, lord forbid you are not Chinese (by far the most coveted race in Thailand).

She measured you up and you were found sadly lacking in all the important departments. Sorry, you have no future with this boy.

Some new to forum advice for you would be not to listen to people like this

The advice from Submaniac on the other hand is balanced and well thought out

A wise person is prepared to listen to many points of view in order to learn. Those quick to judge others are not well placed to see many points of view, and give advice.

While Submaniac offers a way to confrom to Thai views and Thai Chinese, the French are not and never will be in this lifetime Thai. Would you compromise who you are, to so many, for so long? To compromise yourself to a single loved one, many have done with success throughout history. To compromise to many to "win" a single loved one, rarely brings that same success.

Like Santiago many have their own Personal Legend to seek. There are many paths to happiness in life, and many people to walk with you on the journey. While losing one love may be sad, sometimes we must give up something now for a happier future. As Olorin said ours is to make the most of the time that is given to us. Finding your own Personal Legend as Santiago will bring greater happiness than spending a lifetime trying to be and conform to something you are not, and being other peoples Personal Legend.

How many days, months, years, decades are you prepared to devote to the task of being accepted? How many do you and your love think it will take? Is it worth a lifetime of trying to be accepted for a single day. If you answer these perhaps the picture will be clearer.

Sorry kiddo, I've got some bad news for you. You've got no chance...period.

Your ex, like most Thai boys are mummys boys, still being breast fed. He will never go against his mothers wishes. NEVER!. Also, unluckily for you she deemed you are not rich enough. Money rules most of these people's lives.

Lastly, lord forbid you are not Chinese (by far the most coveted race in Thailand).

She measured you up and you were found sadly lacking in all the important departments. Sorry, you have no future with this boy.

Some new to forum advice for you would be not to listen to people like this

The advice from Submaniac on the other hand is balanced and well thought out

A wise person is prepared to listen to many points of view in order to learn. Those quick to judge others are not well placed to see many points of view, and give advice.

While Submaniac offers a way to confrom to Thai views and Thai Chinese, the French are not and never will be in this lifetime Thai. Would you compromise who you are, to so many, for so long? To compromise yourself to a single loved one, many have done with success throughout history. To compromise to many to "win" a single loved one, rarely brings that same success.

Like Santiago many have their own Personal Legend to seek. There are many paths to happiness in life, and many people to walk with you on the journey. While losing one love may be sad, sometimes we must give up something now for a happier future. As Olorin said ours is to make the most of the time that is given to us. Finding your own Personal Legend as Santiago will bring greater happiness than spending a lifetime trying to be and conform to something you are not, and being other peoples Personal Legend.

How many days, months, years, decades are you prepared to devote to the task of being accepted? How many do you and your love think it will take? Is it worth a lifetime of trying to be accepted for a single day. If you answer these perhaps the picture will be clearer.

well said....I would put it like this........."do ya own thing"

Sorry kiddo, I've got some bad news for you. You've got no chance...period.

Your ex, like most Thai boys are mummys boys, still being breast fed. He will never go against his mothers wishes. NEVER!. Also, unluckily for you she deemed you are not rich enough. Money rules most of these people's lives.

Lastly, lord forbid you are not Chinese (by far the most coveted race in Thailand).

She measured you up and you were found sadly lacking in all the important departments. Sorry, you have no future with this boy.

Some new to forum advice for you would be not to listen to people like this

Those quick to judge others are not well placed to see many points of view, and give advice.

Exactly... Like this person then........

Just be careful also, like Submaniac said thais that are study oversea are wealthy, I know a few, and I know one personaly

that lie to girl. Some of these people know that their family back home will not accept farang girl so they have no intention

to be with a farang girl for a long time. This one his dad is a politician, told a girl he will marry and take care of her and if you don't know thai culture then you don't think of anything. Sometime it's hard to read thai people, they don't express, and keep thing to themself, they are not open as western culture, you will find out, but in a later time frame.

I have a cousin study in California, USA I know for sure his mom would no way allow farang girl in his life.

He only date pretty thai girls. He is my cousin and he is rich, he looks down on poor people, but to me his is such a looser.

Good Luck to you.

Thanks for your honesty, Aries74. I know exactly what you are talking about because I have seen it myself at university. You have these European and American women on campus who are not aware of the subtleties, status markers and demands of international Asian students, and end up dating Asian males from conservative Asian societies such as India and Pakistan, and have no clue that they are being used and would never be considered as serious marriage material or even someone who would be introduced to their parents.

Sorry kiddo, I've got some bad news for you. You've got no chance...period.

Your ex, like most Thai boys are mummys boys, still being breast fed. He will never go against his mothers wishes. NEVER!. Also, unluckily for you she deemed you are not rich enough. Money rules most of these people's lives.

Lastly, lord forbid you are not Chinese (by far the most coveted race in Thailand).

She measured you up and you were found sadly lacking in all the important departments. Sorry, you have no future with this boy.

Some new to forum advice for you would be not to listen to people like this

The advice from Submaniac on the other hand is balanced and well thought out

A wise person is prepared to listen to many points of view in order to learn. Those quick to judge others are not well placed to see many points of view, and give advice.

While Submaniac offers a way to confrom to Thai views and Thai Chinese, the French are not and never will be in this lifetime Thai. Would you compromise who you are, to so many, for so long? To compromise yourself to a single loved one, many have done with success throughout history. To compromise to many to "win" a single loved one, rarely brings that same success.

Like Santiago many have their own Personal Legend to seek. There are many paths to happiness in life, and many people to walk with you on the journey. While losing one love may be sad, sometimes we must give up something now for a happier future. As Olorin said ours is to make the most of the time that is given to us. Finding your own Personal Legend as Santiago will bring greater happiness than spending a lifetime trying to be and conform to something you are not, and being other peoples Personal Legend.

How many days, months, years, decades are you prepared to devote to the task of being accepted? How many do you and your love think it will take? Is it worth a lifetime of trying to be accepted for a single day. If you answer these perhaps the picture will be clearer.

That was an excellent post. I agree with you here 100 percent.

Actually, there are also Thailand-based scholarship programs that send many students to western countries every year. I do not have real statistics but I personally knew of "scores" of such students through my wife... a score she went over with in the same year and also younger/older sets she met in the US. These scholarships are awarded based on student performance, so you get a broader range of economic classes than one might guess from this thread.

My wife's family heard about me for several years before I finally traveled to Thailand to meet them, and my wife had already told them of our intention to marry, so my visit included the formality of getting approval and negotiating with her parents. I do not know how much internal strife might have occurred before my visit; I was happy that they received me openly and tried to make the best of the new family adventure, rather than forcing her to decide between me or them. My first visit included staying in various extended family homes as we traveled from Bangkok to her parents'.

We've been together almost ten years, married for five, and living in Thailand for the past four. Even now, my wife struggles with being in between her Thai culture and the west. Not just because of me versus her family, but because of her education and work experiences in both countries. Some days, I have to remind myself that the cross-cultural stresses are not my fault! My mother-in-law usually lives with us in Bangkok and it's actually all her fault...

I think the most important quality for the couple to survive is whether they value their individuality and their partner enough while balancing all of these other demands of cross-cultural life. The mixed Thai/Western relationships that we've seen fall apart among this study-abroad crowd tend to be ones where one or both parties are more attached to their preexisting culture and lifestyle than they are to their relationship. Compromises have to be made daily for the rest of your lives, if you want to have a cross-cultural relationship. Nobody will be happy if they cling to preconceived notions of how their life should unfold, because neither person will fully satisfy the stereotypical role of a spouse from the opposite culture.

Just be careful also, like Submaniac said thais that are study oversea are wealthy, I know a few, and I know one personaly

that lie to girl. Some of these people know that their family back home will not accept farang girl so they have no intention

to be with a farang girl for a long time. This one his dad is a politician, told a girl he will marry and take care of her and if you don't know thai culture then you don't think of anything. Sometime it's hard to read thai people, they don't express, and keep thing to themself, they are not open as western culture, you will find out, but in a later time frame.

I have a cousin study in California, USA I know for sure his mom would no way allow farang girl in his life.

He only date pretty thai girls. He is my cousin and he is rich, he looks down on poor people, but to me his is such a looser.

Good Luck to you.

Thanks for your honesty, Aries74. I know exactly what you are talking about because I have seen it myself at university. You have these European and American women on campus who are not aware of the subtleties, status markers and demands of international Asian students, and end up dating Asian males from conservative Asian societies such as India and Pakistan, and have no clue that they are being used and would never be considered as serious marriage material or even someone who would be introduced to their parents.

Sorry kiddo, I've got some bad news for you. You've got no chance...period.

Your ex, like most Thai boys are mummys boys, still being breast fed. He will never go against his mothers wishes. NEVER!. Also, unluckily for you she deemed you are not rich enough. Money rules most of these people's lives.

Lastly, lord forbid you are not Chinese (by far the most coveted race in Thailand).

She measured you up and you were found sadly lacking in all the important departments. Sorry, you have no future with this boy.

Some new to forum advice for you would be not to listen to people like this

The advice from Submaniac on the other hand is balanced and well thought out

A wise person is prepared to listen to many points of view in order to learn. Those quick to judge others are not well placed to see many points of view, and give advice.

While Submaniac offers a way to confrom to Thai views and Thai Chinese, the French are not and never will be in this lifetime Thai. Would you compromise who you are, to so many, for so long? To compromise yourself to a single loved one, many have done with success throughout history. To compromise to many to "win" a single loved one, rarely brings that same success.

Like Santiago many have their own Personal Legend to seek. There are many paths to happiness in life, and many people to walk with you on the journey. While losing one love may be sad, sometimes we must give up something now for a happier future. As Olorin said ours is to make the most of the time that is given to us. Finding your own Personal Legend as Santiago will bring greater happiness than spending a lifetime trying to be and conform to something you are not, and being other peoples Personal Legend.

How many days, months, years, decades are you prepared to devote to the task of being accepted? How many do you and your love think it will take? Is it worth a lifetime of trying to be accepted for a single day. If you answer these perhaps the picture will be clearer.

That was an excellent post. I agree with you here 100 percent.

Have to agree that submaniac's advice in this thread is amongst the best I've seen on TV. If it can work out at all it will be by approaching it as submaniac says.

However, I must also agree with Barky's post that the odds of it working out, even following submaniac's advice, are still not good. A middle class foreigner will simply not measure up to the standards the parents will set for their son. Chances are there is already an acceptable girl, or several, already lined up waiting for the son's return to Thailand.

I thought it a bit unfair to jump on Barky's post just for telling it like it is.

I know this story so well... on the BF end.

Get your bf to grow a backbone, seriously. None of that crap would ever fly with me.

I don't need family money, I can make my own. I'll choose who to love, and be with the rest of my life; my family doesn't have a say in that.

Fortunately for me, however, after a few years, things have come to a point where my family just accepts that I make my own decisions, and they are proud of me for being able to do it.

Good luck!

Sound advice. Unless you want to be little more than a family pet in their eyes, get your boyfriend to tell his mother to go get lost if she cannot handle her son picking his own bride. If he chooses the safety of the family money then he is no man and you are better off without him. If he is a man, even his own mother will come round and see that he is a worthy heir to his father and if not, then she is the one in the wrong.