Old Jokes

[AltumAngel]

Teacher : History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.

Student : Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.

Teacher : Why?

Student : There is no future in it.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?

Ted : $10.

Teacher : You don't know maths.

Ted : You don't know my father!

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........

Mother : David, come here.

David : Yes, mum?

Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.

David : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.

Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........

Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?

Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8

Father : So?

Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were

watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of

breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter : It's mummy!

Father : How do you know?

Daughter : She didn't say anything.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes Dear

Girl: Would you die for me?

Boy: No, mine is undying love

Man: How old is your father?

Boy: As old as me

Man: How can that be?

Boy: He became a father only when I was born

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.

Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

Teacher : Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?

Simon : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!

Son : That's why I say she's no good!

Teacher: 'Where were u born?'

Student: ' Singapore , Sir.'

Teacher: 'Which part?'

Student: 'All of me, Sir.'

A teacher was asking her class: 'What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?' Only one hand shot up. 'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher. ''unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle.'

- ---

Teacher: 'How come you do not comb your hair?'

Ah Kow: 'No comb, Sir.'

Teacher: 'Use your dad's then.'

Ah Kow: 'No hair, Sir.

A boy came home from school with his exam results.

'What did u get?' asked his father.

'My marks are under water,' said the boy.

'What do u mean 'under water'?'

'They are all below 'C' (sea) level'