Lady Boy In The Bedroom

[a2396]

I thought I would relay this story for the opinions of the wise “sages” on this forum & compare their advice to my own reactions to this. My current “darling” of some 6 months acquaintance is a 3rd year student nurse at a college about a 1.5 hr bus ride from where I live. Normally, she has come to visit me on the weekends & things had been progressing along rather well. Recently, she was assigned to work/study in another rural area further away. She live in a sort of dormitory close to the clinic, with several other nurses to a room. Two weeks ago, I had to go to BKK to renew my visa & was gone during the week. She was due to visit me on the weekend upon my return. However, on Friday evening we got in an argument on the phone & she hung up unexpectedly & shut off her phone. I was not able to reconnect to her until Saturday afternoon after I had to call one of her girlfriends to contact her via her Mother. The reason for all this was some confusion as to which phone I had taken to BKK, as she had SMS’d me to another number that I did not have with me. (A long story). When I finally talked to her Saturday evening, she was “up to her ears” in schoolwork (she said) and we only talked for a few minutes. There did not seem to be anything further amiss at that time. During this weekend, by the way, most of the students had gone home as they normally due every weekend. She stayed on to do homework, she says. I called her again about 1:30 PM Sunday and after a few seconds conversation heard a male’s voice say “hello” in the background. I recognized this voice as that of a Lady Boy, fellow student. She was in her room at this time. I also heard her briefly cover the phone mouthpiece, as if to tell him to be quiet. I asked her who was there and she said nobody, which I knew was a lie. A couple of days later, when I asked about this again, she admitted that in fact he was in her room, but they were just working on a homework assignment & eating lunch. She said I should not worry, because he is a Lady Boy. He is just a “friend”. I am not stupid enough to believe that some would not jump at the chance to bang some Farang's girlfriend, to serve their ego, if nothing else.

Since that incident, she has pretty much swept it under the carpet and acted like nothing unusual ever happened. My attitude is that I no longer trust her and anything she says is subject to suspicion. I hate to sound so paranoid, but similar incidents have happened with other women, with the final proof being they were basically being dishonest about their activities. Sorry to ramble on so long, but I have been “fuming” about this for some time now. Fire Away - ladies & gents.

[sibeymai]

Seems you have summed up the situation already and come to what most on TV would consider to be a fair conclusion. Time to move on, unless you like the idea of sharing the bedroom and your girlfriend with a lady boy.

[Maigo6]

If you had heard a girl in the background, would you assume she's a lesbian ?

Wishful thinking maybe......

Edited April 12, 2008 by Maigo6

[a2396]

If you had heard a girl in the background, would you assume she's a lesbian ?

Wishful thinking maybe......

I already knew he was a Lady Boy, since she had told me such before.

[Maigo6]

If you had heard a girl in the background, would you assume she's a lesbian ?

Wishful thinking maybe......

I already knew he was a Lady Boy, since she had told me such before.

So you assume she and the ladyboy are having a fling ?

lol.

[sylviex]

I already knew he was a Lady Boy, since she had told me such before.

Have you met him ?

If he said "hello", it would seem that was addressed to you ??

[johna]

But she lied when first asked who was in the room with her.

That's not good for any relationship.

There's is no smoke without fire.

[sriracha john]

I would say that, quite similar to your other post... not much gets past you....

<snipped>

.....then I noticed the box on the secretary's desk.....ECCO BRAND PAPER CLIPS!!

<snipped>

So, don't keep us in suspense. What's an ECCO paper clip? A brand name I suppose. Can you really tell the difference?

[khunandy]

Sounds like your imagination is your worse enemy here.

Thai chicks find your common, domestic variety Lady Boys amusing and funny and in some cicumstances very good company.

Take a chill pill and give the girl a break, your suspicions and conveyance of your negative feelings will drive your GF away. She can choose her own friends, male, female and in between. IMHO

She probably lied because she knows what your assumption would be.

Edited April 12, 2008 by khunandy

[a2396]

But she lied when first asked who was in the room with her.

That's not good for any relationship.

There's is no smoke without fire.

Thank you. My feelings exactly. There were also a few incidents with her, in the three weeks before this, which I have not mentioned, that were "disquieting".

[a2396]

Sounds like your imagination is your worse enemy here.

Thai chicks find your common, domestic variety Lady Boys amusing and funny and in some cicumstances very good company.

Take a chill pill and give the girl a break, your suspicions and conveyance of your negative feelings will drive your GF away. She can choose her own friends, male, female and in between. IMHO

She probably lied because she knows what your assumption would be.

Maybe so, but they are not eunuchs. I know of some women who have them for boyfriends & one who got married to one. There are likely some genuine trans-sexuals or wanna-be trans-sexuals out there, but many of them are basically men dressed in women's clothes, who see this as a means od "disarming" women's natural suspicion and wariness around men. When I hear some woman describe some man as a "friend", the red light goes on.

[joskydive]

If she lied to you when you asked her who was in the room why do you believe her when she told you that the guy is a Lady Boy? Maybe he isn't! Have you met him?

As Johna says 'Lying is no good for any relationship'. How will you know when she is telling you the truth now?

[Kerryd]

A "pre-op" ladyboy is still a boy (in most ways).

I've seen similar situations (i.e. I went to see a female friend, not a g/f, and when I knocked on the door I heard a scramble inside her room. A minute later she opens the door still trying to cover up from having been in bed wearing nothing more than a smile. I joked about her boyfriend hiding in the toilet and she tried to tell me that there was no one there. I laughed a little harder when he suddenly started coughing in the toilet. She had been telling me for weeks that she didn't have a boyfriend, and went to great lengths to avoid being seen with him, yet everyone in the building knew they were shacked up together). I knew that I probably wouldn't be able to trust her and never made any attempt to take the relationship any further.

That is just one of (4 or 5) similar stories I have witnessed personally over the years.

Of course, there are also all the stories of guys showing up (unexpectedly) at a g/f's room, only to find her "brother" there (in various states of undress). So many stories that it's becoming something of an urban legend.

Went out to supper with another friend on time, on the ocassion of a visit by her "uncle". At supper I joked with her that this guy was actually her husband. They laughed and she said "no-no, not husband, uncle me. Can look ID card, have same family name".

I then explained to her that if they were married, they would have the same family name as well. When they realised this, they started laughing. Turns out he really was her uncle, who had come to town to see his sister (my friend's mother).

Point is, if she's lying to you about a simple thing like a fellow student studying with her in her room, what else is she not telling you ?

[2long]

Thais lie for what they think is a good reason and you need to get over it. A lie in thier culture is far less serious than ours. It's usually about saving face or avoiding lengthy explanations.

If you don't trust her, leave her, but I very much doubt she's sh*gging a 'cheezer.' It's more likely that the thought of having to face all your questions caused her to tell a wee white lie.

[a2396]

A "pre-op" ladyboy is still a boy (in most ways).

I've seen similar situations (i.e. I went to see a female friend, not a g/f, and when I knocked on the door I heard a scramble inside her room. A minute later she opens the door still trying to cover up from having been in bed wearing nothing more than a smile. I joked about her boyfriend hiding in the toilet and she tried to tell me that there was no one there. I laughed a little harder when he suddenly started coughing in the toilet. She had been telling me for weeks that she didn't have a boyfriend, and went to great lengths to avoid being seen with him, yet everyone in the building knew they were shacked up together). I knew that I probably wouldn't be able to trust her and never made any attempt to take the relationship any further.

That is just one of (4 or 5) similar stories I have witnessed personally over the years.

Of course, there are also all the stories of guys showing up (unexpectedly) at a g/f's room, only to find her "brother" there (in various states of undress). So many stories that it's becoming something of an urban legend.

Went out to supper with another friend on time, on the ocassion of a visit by her "uncle". At supper I joked with her that this guy was actually her husband. They laughed and she said "no-no, not husband, uncle me. Can look ID card, have same family name".

I then explained to her that if they were married, they would have the same family name as well. When they realised this, they started laughing. Turns out he really was her uncle, who had come to town to see his sister (my friend's mother).

Point is, if she's lying to you about a simple thing like a fellow student studying with her in her room, what else is she not telling you ?

I have had two similar incidents in the past couple of years. One with the "friend" in her bed at 2 AM, on another occasion hiding under her bed. Another GF I caught in various undress with a girlfriend (probably her lesbian lover). That one would have been OK if they included me in a trio, but they had no such intention. As for the present one, I would say her credibility is shot.This was all a bit of a surprise to me, since I thought she was different from "the others". The jury will be out for awhile with her until we have a serious talk face to face. Prospects of a future are not good.

[CarlBkk]

I've just been enlightened - I thought ladyboys were only interested in men (they're gay hence why they became a ladyboy). Never heard of a lesbian ladyboy, but plenty of "tom and dees" around town to be suspicious about.

[dave111223]

Thais lie for what they think is a good reason and you need to get over it. A lie in thier culture is far less serious than ours. It's usually about saving face or avoiding lengthy explanations.

If you don't trust her, leave her, but I very much doubt she's sh*gging a 'cheezer.' It's more likely that the thought of having to face all your questions caused her to tell a wee white lie.

Agreed.

To the OP; look on the bright side, even if she is being unfaithful, at least she's doing it with a lady boy and not some bloke (which in my book puts all the shame on her not you).

Stick with her and even if it blows up in your face its a great story for down the pub "the time i caught my X shagging a shemale..."

[Guest Bellini]

Perhaps the ladyboy was gathering first hand information about what he will look like in the nether region after the operation

[jdinasia]

I thought I would relay this story for the opinions of the wise “sages” on this forum & compare their advice to my own reactions to this. My current “darling” of some 6 months acquaintance is a 3rd year student nurse at a college about a 1.5 hr bus ride from where I live. Normally, she has come to visit me on the weekends & things had been progressing along rather well. Recently, she was assigned to work/study in another rural area further away. She live in a sort of dormitory close to the clinic, with several other nurses to a room. Two weeks ago, I had to go to BKK to renew my visa & was gone during the week. She was due to visit me on the weekend upon my return. However, on Friday evening we got in an argument on the phone & she hung up unexpectedly & shut off her phone. I was not able to reconnect to her until Saturday afternoon after I had to call one of her girlfriends to contact her via her Mother. The reason for all this was some confusion as to which phone I had taken to BKK, as she had SMS’d me to another number that I did not have with me. (A long story). When I finally talked to her Saturday evening, she was “up to her ears” in schoolwork (she said) and we only talked for a few minutes. There did not seem to be anything further amiss at that time. During this weekend, by the way, most of the students had gone home as they normally due every weekend. She stayed on to do homework, she says. I called her again about 1:30 PM Sunday and after a few seconds conversation heard a male’s voice say “hello” in the background. I recognized this voice as that of a Lady Boy, fellow student. She was in her room at this time. I also heard her briefly cover the phone mouthpiece, as if to tell him to be quiet. I asked her who was there and she said nobody, which I knew was a lie. A couple of days later, when I asked about this again, she admitted that in fact he was in her room, but they were just working on a homework assignment & eating lunch. She said I should not worry, because he is a Lady Boy. He is just a “friend”. I am not stupid enough to believe that some would not jump at the chance to bang some Farang's girlfriend, to serve their ego, if nothing else.

Since that incident, she has pretty much swept it under the carpet and acted like nothing unusual ever happened. My attitude is that I no longer trust her and anything she says is subject to suspicion. I hate to sound so paranoid, but similar incidents have happened with other women, with the final proof being they were basically being dishonest about their activities. Sorry to ramble on so long, but I have been “fuming” about this for some time now. Fire Away - ladies & gents.

Are you really so insecure that a ladyboy (that you identified as a ladyboy on your own) friend of your GF scares you off?

You are looking for a way out, an excuse. Be a man and just say 'bye'.

[a2396]

Thais lie for what they think is a good reason and you need to get over it. A lie in thier culture is far less serious than ours. It's usually about saving face or avoiding lengthy explanations.

If you don't trust her, leave her, but I very much doubt she's sh*gging a 'cheezer.' It's more likely that the thought of having to face all your questions caused her to tell a wee white lie.

Agreed.

To the OP; look on the bright side, even if she is being unfaithful, at least she's doing it with a lady boy and not some bloke (which in my book puts all the shame on her not you).

Stick with her and even if it blows up in your face its a great story for down the pub "the time i caught my X shagging a shemale..."

It doesn't matter who it was: LadyBoy, lesbian or straight. I the issue is her truthfulness. If she gets more "jollies" from someone other than me, then the why's & wherefores should be discussed. Sweeping sexual desires & preferences under the carpet is not conducive to a dynamic relationship. I could never say she was "shagging" a she-male, because I don't know that for a fact.

[LivinLOS]

If you had heard a girl in the background, would you assume she's a lesbian ?

Wishful thinking maybe......

I already knew he was a Lady Boy, since she had told me such before.

1) have you met the Katoey in question

2) do you have any way of knowing the male(ish) voice you heard belonged to the Katoey, if you have in fact met them.

If the answers to either of these are not 100% yes I would hazard there may be far more there to deal with.

[a2396]

I thought I would relay this story for the opinions of the wise “sages” on this forum & compare their advice to my own reactions to this. My current “darling” of some 6 months acquaintance is a 3rd year student nurse at a college about a 1.5 hr bus ride from where I live. Normally, she has come to visit me on the weekends & things had been progressing along rather well. Recently, she was assigned to work/study in another rural area further away. She live in a sort of dormitory close to the clinic, with several other nurses to a room. Two weeks ago, I had to go to BKK to renew my visa & was gone during the week. She was due to visit me on the weekend upon my return. However, on Friday evening we got in an argument on the phone & she hung up unexpectedly & shut off her phone. I was not able to reconnect to her until Saturday afternoon after I had to call one of her girlfriends to contact her via her Mother. The reason for all this was some confusion as to which phone I had taken to BKK, as she had SMS’d me to another number that I did not have with me. (A long story). When I finally talked to her Saturday evening, she was “up to her ears” in schoolwork (she said) and we only talked for a few minutes. There did not seem to be anything further amiss at that time. During this weekend, by the way, most of the students had gone home as they normally due every weekend. She stayed on to do homework, she says. I called her again about 1:30 PM Sunday and after a few seconds conversation heard a male’s voice say “hello” in the background. I recognized this voice as that of a Lady Boy, fellow student. She was in her room at this time. I also heard her briefly cover the phone mouthpiece, as if to tell him to be quiet. I asked her who was there and she said nobody, which I knew was a lie. A couple of days later, when I asked about this again, she admitted that in fact he was in her room, but they were just working on a homework assignment & eating lunch. She said I should not worry, because he is a Lady Boy. He is just a “friend”. I am not stupid enough to believe that some would not jump at the chance to bang some Farang's girlfriend, to serve their ego, if nothing else.

Since that incident, she has pretty much swept it under the carpet and acted like nothing unusual ever happened. My attitude is that I no longer trust her and anything she says is subject to suspicion. I hate to sound so paranoid, but similar incidents have happened with other women, with the final proof being they were basically being dishonest about their activities. Sorry to ramble on so long, but I have been “fuming” about this for some time now. Fire Away - ladies & gents.

Are you really so insecure that a ladyboy (that you identified as a ladyboy on your own) friend of your GF scares you off?

You are looking for a way out, an excuse. Be a man and just say 'bye'.

The issue is not about the LadyBoy per se. It is about her honesty or lack thereof. I only brought up the LadyBoy ID because she tried to make me believe that such a person would have no interest in a woman, obviously not the case. Looking for a way out? I will know the way out when I get ready.

[uptou]

Ive only read the title of the thread & not the actual post,but i think your sexual preferences are your own business a2396,& as they say-"a change is as good as a rest".

[a2396]

Ive only read the title of the thread & not the actual post,but i think your sexual preferences are your own business a2396,& as they say-"a change is as good as a rest".

Read the rest of the story. It's nothing to do with sexual preference. It's about honesty.

[geriatrickid]

Simply put, she lied. Sure, we can all explain it away to this face crap, but what it boils down to is a resistance to taking responsibility for one's actions and behaviour. While we have to all make accomodations to the Thai culture if we are to have a successful relationship with a Thai, but Thais also have to understand that for many westerners, truth and sincerity are as important to a westerner as looking after the family is to a Thai.

You have to decide now whether she;

1. Is intimidated by you and doesn't want to lose this relationship and therefore lied?

2. Is her mentality capable of advancing to the stage where the concept of responsibility is understood and where she has enough respect for you to be honest?

3. Is your typical run of the mill Thai lady that has sunk her claws into a farang?

4. Screwed up, like we all do and just dug herself a bigger hole to climb out of?

A year ago I would have been sympathetic to her plight but now, it's save yourself some heartache and consider moving on. There are Thais that know what honesty and integrity is.

[joskydive]

Frankly, I think you made your decision already when you started this post and good for you.

You are the only one who knows what is acceptable behaviour for you. If honesty and integrity is important to you, then you know this Lady is not for you.

There are some really lovely Thai people out there and one day you will find that special one.

[Andrew Hicks]

I thought I would relay this story for the opinions of the wise “sages” on this forum & compare their advice to my own reactions to this. My current “darling” of some 6 months acquaintance is a 3rd year student nurse at a college about a 1.5 hr bus ride from where I live. Normally, she has come to visit me on the weekends & things had been progressing along rather well. Recently, she was assigned to work/study in another rural area further away. She live in a sort of dormitory close to the clinic, with several other nurses to a room. Two weeks ago, I had to go to BKK to renew my visa & was gone during the week. She was due to visit me on the weekend upon my return. However, on Friday evening we got in an argument on the phone & she hung up unexpectedly & shut off her phone. I was not able to reconnect to her until Saturday afternoon after I had to call one of her girlfriends to contact her via her Mother. The reason for all this was some confusion as to which phone I had taken to BKK, as she had SMS’d me to another number that I did not have with me. (A long story). When I finally talked to her Saturday evening, she was “up to her ears” in schoolwork (she said) and we only talked for a few minutes. There did not seem to be anything further amiss at that time. During this weekend, by the way, most of the students had gone home as they normally due every weekend. She stayed on to do homework, she says. I called her again about 1:30 PM Sunday and after a few seconds conversation heard a male’s voice say “hello” in the background. I recognized this voice as that of a Lady Boy, fellow student. She was in her room at this time. I also heard her briefly cover the phone mouthpiece, as if to tell him to be quiet. I asked her who was there and she said nobody, which I knew was a lie. A couple of days later, when I asked about this again, she admitted that in fact he was in her room, but they were just working on a homework assignment & eating lunch. She said I should not worry, because he is a Lady Boy. He is just a “friend”. I am not stupid enough to believe that some would not jump at the chance to bang some Farang's girlfriend, to serve their ego, if nothing else.

Since that incident, she has pretty much swept it under the carpet and acted like nothing unusual ever happened. My attitude is that I no longer trust her and anything she says is subject to suspicion. I hate to sound so paranoid, but similar incidents have happened with other women, with the final proof being they were basically being dishonest about their activities. Sorry to ramble on so long, but I have been “fuming” about this for some time now. Fire Away - ladies & gents.

If as seems likely that your girl is getting off with a lady boy, the likelihood is that she is a post-op lady boy too. Nothing here is ever what it seems. Your best revenge is now to get off with the said rival lady boy.

But then posting all this on here, you didn't really expect to get any sensible advice did you?

Take your own counsel instead.

[bendix]

I hope your books are better than your advice Andrew.

Back to the OP . . what on earth are you hoping to get from this forum by posting this? It's a personal situation - only you know the ins and outs. Make the decision yourself, rather than taking advice from people who, if they are anything like me, find other people's personal lives a subject of great boredom.

[gregchambers]

Guys, think you will find that the main interest of ladyboys is MONEY; a lot of them have families on the side whilst working the scene; being a mangda to some girl who has a farang boyfriend is a classic use of their time.

Why would girls be interested in ladyboys as a boyfriend? Haven't got a clue but they are - one friend married a Wichian Buri girl who then refused to have sex with him again; turned out she was smitten by a ladyboy (pre-op) who later, when they had got all the money out of my friend, transformed himself into a muscular chap with a crewcut! Some ten years later my friend is still a basketcase as far as women go, he was completely unsettled by the experience.

Whilst some will find such criminal activity (fraud in my view) hilarious it should also be pointed out that katoeys make most of their money from being sodomites and don't much give a toss about condoms... HIV rates quite frightening! So just a hint of a katoey on the scene would be an excuse for bye-bye.

[torrenova]

But she lied when first asked who was in the room with her.

That's not good for any relationship.

There's is no smoke without fire.

I would love to say &lt;deleted&gt; to your post but I totally agree with it.

Thais are not good liars for whatever reason but one insight I have is that if they lie to another Thai and are found out, then the other Thai will not make a big song and dance about it, thus preserving "face" at the expanse of honesty. Westerners don't take that crap and we will want to have the truth out and that is when their limited capacity in this area is left woefully exposed because they cannot lie quick enough without being able to remember what lies they have already told and thus contradict themselves.

In the end, they attempt to get out of it by saying that we can believe what we want and they will say that is the truth. Thus, you never know what is &lt;deleted&gt; and what is the truth. Game over as far as any relationship is possible. They cannot just put their hand up and say "I lied" as it would cause them to lose face but they will chuck a relationship away and perhaps their whole lives.