Thai Partner Living In Farang Land

[RueFang]

For those who have moved back to your homelands or other farang populated lands with your partner, how have they adjusted?

1. Do they have complete culture shock, stand open mouthed looking in wonder at farang doing roadwork and working hard (yes, this happened to me several times while visiting Oz )

2. Do they suffer unbearable lonliness of being so far from family and having almost no one to talk to in Thai?

3. Did they find work and if so, how long did it take and what type of work?

4. After living in Thailand for so long did YOU have a heart attack at how expensive life back in farang land is?

5. Overall, do they love it or hate it or somewhere in between?

6. Did you move back permanently or just for a few years to save money or whatever, with the long term plan of moving back to Thailand?

A never ending stream of questions is bubbling over as we are just embarking on the whole visa process to move back to Australia for 3-5 years. Would really appreciate hearing from those who have been there, done that. Cheers

[rick75]

I am looking at bringing my TGF to Australia at the moment and have the same questions, my main fear is isolation on her behalf, however i will say that the Thai community in Australia seems to be reasonably tight, I am just outside Brisbane and there is a Thai Wat 40 minutes from where I am so I guess she can get her dose of culture every weekend when she goes to temple, I have a mate that is over in North West Western Australia and there seems to be a lot of guys in this small town with Thai wives, so i guess it depends on where you are going, Where abouts are you planning on moving to?

Edited April 26, 2008 by rick75

[sbk]

For those who have moved back to your homelands or other farang populated lands with your partner, how have they adjusted?

1. Do they have complete culture shock, stand open mouthed looking in wonder at farang doing roadwork and working hard (yes, this happened to me several times while visiting Oz

Nope

2. Do they suffer unbearable lonliness of being so far from family and having almost no one to talk to in Thai?

Lonely, a bit, but I made sure he wasn't feeling neglected and he found friends after he started working. However, coming from a small island he did find the relative isolation of western life a bit difficult to handle at times. He didn't miss speaking Thai (as his Bangkok Thai is not that great anyway) and didn't really care about meeting with other Thai people that much. He did attend a conversational English as a second language class for a while --his english was fine, but he thought it might help, and he met some really nice people there, all in the same boat. They would go out together after classes and I know he enjoyed that bond.

3. Did they find work and if so, how long did it take and what type of work?

He worked at a fast food place at first, then a restaurant, and also worked at a place that made custom windows--didn't take long to find work since he was willing to do crap jobs to get started.

4. After living in Thailand for so long did YOU have a heart attack at how expensive life back in farang land is?

Nope, I just look at things differently, keep the two separate.

5. Overall, do they love it or hate it or somewhere in between?

He loved it, still does, doesn't want to live there as he finds it too prohibitively expensive but he loves to visit and enjoyed his time there

6. Did you move back permanently or just for a few years to save money or whatever, with the long term plan of moving back to Thailand?

Only a few years when we first got married

A never ending stream of questions is bubbling over as we are just embarking on the whole visa process to move back to Australia for 3-5 years. Would really appreciate hearing from those who have been there, done that. Cheers

Mind, Rue, this was years and years ago when we were quite young, but I suspect my husband and yours have many things in common.

First and foremost was his understanding that I was always there for him. That I wasn't going to get sick of him and kick him out. That we were in it together and that I wasn't going to abandon him in the middle of a foreign country filled with strangers.

Secondly was his ability to adapt and take things as they came. His willingness to accept my home as it was, not try to make it into something more acceptable to him. His willingness to eat western foods (and enjoy them) was a huge plus. Although he still ate plenty of rice, there was no whinging about food.

Also, make sure he learns to drive (if he can't already) and gets a license, he will need to feel he has freedom and mobility

Sounds like you are really serious about going then? Good luck!

[chiangmaibruce]

Hi. Am married to great Thai lady for several years and until Sept 07 we lived 50/50 Thai and farangland. Now in Thai for the time being. We are both happy to live in either place but certainly we appreciate the cheaper living costs here as we have limited funds. This is my experience: ... plus we also have many friends with Thai partners ...

1. Culture shock? None detected. I think if they sat down and really observed and analysed things then there might be culture shock. But they don't do that o/s anymore than they do that here in Thailand. We (farang) get more of a shock in Thailand coz we do study and analyse and compare. They just get on with their lives in either place.

2. Loneliness? The miss their family a bit (be sure to get cheapo calling cards and have internet webcam) but there are plenty of Thais most places in Oz. Get into the local Thai network asap via Thai/English newspapers, temple, thai restaurant and sunday market etc). They generally don't like to live in quiet places like the suburbs or bush - they like folks around and background noise.

3. Work is not so hard to get, but you will need to help and encourage. Get their qualifications recognised in Oz - there are special processes to follow to do this via govt depts. Obviously academic qualifications and english skills are important. You will also need to coach them on relevant farang/thai cultural differences in the workplace. BIG adjustments to be made there like being criticised, no watching TV during work time, etc etc. Again, the ease of adjustment depends on the individual lady but I would suspect that the more education they have (before leaving Thailand) would be a plus here.

4. It is MUCH cheaper here. My wife could not believe how expensive food is in Oz combined with the limited range, quality, availability etc

5. She (like me) can appreciate each country has strengths and weaknesses and she was happy to live in either. No pressure on me either way. For eg. she was happy to study there are as o/s quals a big plus when/if back in Thailand later. She also appreciated that salaries far higher in Oz enabling savings to be made. With study tho', be aware that your lady will be charged as an o/s student (MUCH more $) until such time as her residency is approved (spouse visa not good enough to get locals rates!)

6. Our plan changes every other day so lets not go there. As before, we are happy campers in both places

- CB

[barky]

For those who have moved back to your homelands or other farang populated lands with your partner, how have they adjusted?

1. Do they have complete culture shock, stand open mouthed looking in wonder at farang doing roadwork and working hard (yes, this happened to me several times while visiting Oz )

2. Do they suffer unbearable lonliness of being so far from family and having almost no one to talk to in Thai?

3. Did they find work and if so, how long did it take and what type of work?

4. After living in Thailand for so long did YOU have a heart attack at how expensive life back in farang land is?

5. Overall, do they love it or hate it or somewhere in between?

6. Did you move back permanently or just for a few years to save money or whatever, with the long term plan of moving back to Thailand?

A never ending stream of questions is bubbling over as we are just embarking on the whole visa process to move back to Australia for 3-5 years. Would really appreciate hearing from those who have been there, done that. Cheers

Hmmm good question. To a large extent it will be down to how well she can adjust and how well you can assist her through the learning curve. If she is well travelled she will have less problem, however, if she has spent little time outside of Thailand or has not a lot of contact with westeners she will be like a fish out of water, lost. If her English is so so she will have difficulty finding a good well paid job in an international business (depending on her position).

It is my experience that unless they are in close contact with like minded countryfolk they'll be counting the days untill they get on the home bound flight.

[GuestHouse]

1. Do they have complete culture shock, stand open mouthed looking in wonder at farang doing roadwork and working hard (yes, this happened to me several times while visiting Oz )

My wife never suffered 'culture shock' when we moved to the UK, though she did have trouble adjusting at first when we moved to Italy. But on the whole she found living in the west to be a possitive experience.

2. Do they suffer unbearable lonliness of being so far from family and having almost no one to talk to in Thai?

I think my wife was obviously lonely to start with, but getting into work, college and contact with my family took care of that. Mixing with people speaking Thai is not always a good thing, we've found most Thais overseas are surrounded with problems they are only happy to bring to any door that opens for them.

3. Did they find work and if so, how long did it take and what type of work?

My wife initially did Thai restaurant work, then moved into Charity work, a post at the Thai embassy and eventually with the UN WFP. As I have mentioned before - Charity work opened doors for my wife - we put this down to that fact that charities are staffed with with people who, for the most part, have an outlook of wanting to help other people and who are generally pretty well up the social ladder in terms of their contacts.

4. After living in Thailand for so long did YOU have a heart attack at how expensive life back in farang land is?

Not at all - I was pleasently surprised that things were not as expensive as I feared and definately pleased with the level of service outside of Thailand.

5. Overall, do they love it or hate it or somewhere in between?

I think my wife loves living overseas.

6. Did you move back permanently or just for a few years to save money or whatever, with the long term plan of moving back to Thailand?

We move around with my work - We have a home in Thailand but it remains 'one of our long term plans' not the only plan.

[bina]

we arent in australia so a bit different since australia has a thai community thats not foreign labour only... well, u all know anon and his adjustments:

the yelling and aggressive israeli behavior at work gets to him, the dealing with specific time frames also gets him (coming from working in agriculture with thais to working in asian food restaraunt with young israeli guys and chinese was a big time shock); that he cant drive is a pain for him and me (he never got his official liscense in thailand, just drove w/o, so couldnt get one here cause of the language problem); has thai only male friends from the workers here, but that is enough for him (phone calls and visits to nearby friends); he loves the internet, and dvds etc ease the thai music vs. our music problem; we do thai food at home; he has his own hobbies which keeps him busy if im not around ; when i tried to 'matchmake' with thai workers that were closer to our home, he wasnt interested; he's a home body person, he also loves our dogs and keeps busy when not at work with them, the garden and his washing machine fixing hobby (his 'take apart any broken machine' hobby ) ; he's not particularly interested in adapting himself to here, but he is, slowly but surely. he dresses more to our codes of dress now when going out to town (neat and clean, not 'bannork' mismatch, not that i care but when dealing with stores and officials, neat and clean is best if you are 'foreign' in this country;

really hes in a different boat than your husband rue, cause anon was here for five years but in thai labourer areas only with minimal contact with foreign culture (like mini issans on every moshav or kibbutz); but since he lives with me, and works in tel aviv, he has adapted. the work environment was and still is the most difficult for him: clocking in, responsibilities on the job , telling people what to do and being told what to do, even getting used to our holiday schedule, that took some doing... we had lots of ups and downs with employers due to cultural and language misunderstandings but things work out.

since we are an ethnocentric society, and express our selves verbally constantly, people expected anon to do the same; he would just do the thai 'silent and simmer' type thing, or get up and walk out. in agriculture, the employers have a thai 'puu yai' that runs interference, in tel aviv, no such thing.! so he has learned to talk back, and speak up, even in bad hebrew instead of being shy to speak.

he has learned to deal with atm's (no he never had one) and the budget issue we discussed on an other thread about thai husbands and money.

his two thai buddies from his village are due to go back home in an other year, then i dont know what will be as far as friends/brothers for him. although there is always someone from 'back home' comeing to work here, they arent always in accessible areas, and they dont come to visit us since they really havent a clue, and/or dont have the time.

men in general seem to deal better; less dependant on their partners for entertainment, getting around, etc...

good luck,

bina

as a side note, the thai had a holiday for a day for songran so we went and picked up his two 'brothers' from two ends of the country, and brought them to our house for the weekend (they had never left their work area before in all the years they were here, so it was like a military endeavor with buss schedules, meeting up etc ) so he had visitors to our house, and it was really nice. i'm sure that everyone in the village back home got a detailed report of anon and his farang wifes' house, kids, dogs, garden, computer, dvd, etc.... )

Edited April 27, 2008 by bina

[ade100]

There was a thread a little while back on a similar topic (http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=183708).

Most of the Westerners were saying that their Thai partners were very happy in other countries, thank you very much, and did not want to return to Thailand.

I found this very encouraging as my Thai finance plans to come and live with me in Singapore. I am hoping it will be a good compromise: It’s still Asia and close enough for her to pop home for weekends. For me it’s a first world country, I feel very comfortable there and can get on with my career. We will see…

[Jockstar]

I brought my wife to Sydney in October 2006 and she loved it from day one. She had a job within 2 days(dental assistant) Where she worked for a couple of months but hated it. Cant blame her really. The next job she got/has is working with the elderly. Good money and close to home(5 mins). Sydney has many nationalities and quite a few Thais. There is a street in the city they call Thai town(Campbell Street) Great Thai shops for Thais(dvd,s vcds, green papaya etc etc) Everything to make REAL Thai food, you can get there. There is also a real Thai taste restaurant there. Fantastic(we were there today) There are also many other asian shops scattered all over Sydney. So food is not a problem. My wife drives(though her international licence has expired) . My friend who worked with in Bangkok, brought her husband here also, it did take a few weeks to get a decent job. But now he works in a bistro bar at Souths. He also enjoys it here. Also as someone else mentioned. Make sure you have a PC that way they can talk to there friends and call home via Skype. Hope this helps. If you need anymore info then feel free to PM me. If you come to Sydney i'd be willing to catch up with you for a beer or 10(Aussie culture)

[hanibal7]

I have been living in thailand for nearly 5 years and have no intention to go back to the uk and live there with my long term gf and the 7 yo lad.All i can say is think very hard before making that decision as when i did live in england,in our community(will not say in case i upset somebody),the thai girsl were all out at night drinking heavy and acting like english slappers.Every weekend some of them went off with other guys( all young) and then meet up with their hubbies at about 4.00am.

Not a nice thing to see a thai girl in a very short skirt,pissed as a fart and on the floor.

UP to you folks

[Boo]

the thai girsl were all out at night drinking heavy and acting like english slappers.

I think you'll find they were acting like thai slappers, it's not an english only trait, shockingly some thai women act like slags & slappers & they are not influenced by any english culture to behave that way either.

[astral]

My wife came to visit me in Cyprus.

It was spring time but she was always complaining that it was "cold as ice".

Heaven knows how she would cope with the UK climate.

[YoungFarang13]

if you are an older man taking your younger thai wife to the West, I think you are making a BIG mistake. young men are going to do everything they can to get into her pants the moment they see you and her together, and well, I cant tell you what I think she will do without insulting you.

[hanibal7]

what if she was young but not pretty,maybe a little bit ungly and plump.Also i would imagine the older guy would do everything to stop them too lol.

[YoungFarang13]

it does not matter, imho, there will always be a guy whose standards she meets.

the bottom line is that if they see her with an older gentlemen, its like a bullseye that says "hit on her. he is old. you are young." if she went alone, then she would just be another girl, but when they see him and her together, I just think that is the way many young guys minds work, that is, to spot easy marks.

Edited April 27, 2008 by YoungFarang13

[sbk]

Not every person taking their spouse to the West is a man with a Thai woman, guys. Rue is an Australian female with a Thai husband so the reactions she will receive will be quite different than the ones a Western man with a Thai wife will receive.

[YoungFarang13]

Not every person taking their spouse to the West is a man with a Thai woman, guys. Rue is an Australian female with a Thai husband so the reactions she will receive will be quite different than the ones a Western man with a Thai wife will receive.

yeah there must be tons of farang women married to Thai men.

[burman]

the thai girsl were all out at night drinking heavy and acting like english slappers.Every weekend some of them went off with other guys( all young) and then meet up with their hubbies at about 4.00am.

Sounds like Bangkok.

Edited April 27, 2008 by burman

[hanibal7]

Very true sbk.

mr young farang,you think that all thai girls with older men,will be waiting for a young ripe guy,ugly or not,to sweep them off their feet.you think also,that young guys will try to chat up a thai lady with their spouse in a bar/restaraunt/cinema,and what is,IF that is the case then there will be many young farang with a smashed beer bottle in their little young face.

to spot easy marks?????

[RueFang]

Thank you all for your genuine responses. It has been a really difficult decision to go back, but after weighing up all the pros and cons, oz seemed to win at this point in our lives. We are both reasonably young and should be able to find work relatively easily (here's hoping!) and don't have kids or other responsibilities to be worried about right now.

My wife initially did Thai restaurant work, then moved into Charity work, a post at the Thai embassy and eventually with the UN WFP. As I have mentioned before - Charity work opened doors for my wife - we put this down to that fact that charities are staffed with with people who, for the most part, have an outlook of wanting to help other people and who are generally pretty well up the social ladder in terms of their contacts.

This is a great suggestion and definitely one my husband is interested in doing charity work....thanks.

My friend who worked with in Bangkok, brought her husband here also, it did take a few weeks to get a decent job. But now he works in a bistro bar at Souths. He also enjoys it here....If you need anymore info then feel free to PM me. If you come to Sydney i'd be willing to catch up with you for a beer or 10(Aussie culture)

That makes me feel a whole lot better Jockstar...only a few weeks to find work is pretty impressive! We'll be moving to Brisbane but if we end up in Sydney I'll take you up on that offer!

Thanks again folks

[YoungFarang13]

Very true sbk.

mr young farang,you think that all thai girls with older men,will be waiting for a young ripe guy,ugly or not,to sweep them off their feet.you think also,that young guys will try to chat up a thai lady with their spouse in a bar/restaraunt/cinema,and what is,IF that is the case then there will be many young farang with a smashed beer bottle in their little young face.

to spot easy marks?????

it will become very obvious to her that there are many men in this country her own age who would be interested in her romantically. it has been mentioned on this forum many times that men hit on guys Thai wives in Europe (assuming they are a Pro/Ex-Pro) with great frequency.

i guess if you never let her leave the house without you, and then never let her out of your sight, which I am sure plenty of these blokes are doing, then youll reduce the odds that she decides to sleep with a guy her own age.

or maybe i am totally wrong and she prefers 55-60 year old men, well in that case I guess you have to hope a 55-60 year old man does not hit on her, but in general MOST women prefer men their own age, and when all those guys who "look like Brad Pitt" start winking at her, asking for her phone number... living in another country is as much of an adventure for her as living in Thailand is for you...

In Thailand you have the power because Thai men are not interested in her and there are not enough farang to go around. Once you leave Thailand and she sees that you are no longer rich but just like everyone else, I am guessing she will be thinking about using some of her new found power and trading up.

of course, naturally, self delusion is the greatest paradise on earth, so carry on.

Edited April 27, 2008 by YoungFarang13

[hanibal7]

I bow to your many years of life and wisdom and i am very sure you wouldnt try to pinch a guys missus.

UNLESS SHE WAS YOUNG AND FIT,which many are not.

Stitches are not too painful if its a very clean cut,but the scars remain for ever.never never forget that..

[GuestHouse]

I'm wondering what kind of insecurity beats in a man's heart that he is worried that guys back home might 'hit on his wife/girlfriend' should he take her there.... and to what excess has this reached that the response might be violence?

If you are worried about these things, then stay away from Italy.

[siamamerican]

We moved to the US 6 years ago. My wife loved the states from almost the moment she got off the plane. The most challenging thing we experienced was being poor for a year. I had got in a biking accident in Thailand before leaving and it wasn't cheap.

Below are things that improved her life in the US. The first being the most important.

1. Get her Drivers license. Do what ever you have to get this done. The sooner she has a license, the sooner she wil become independant.

2. Enroll in local English classes, regardless if her English is good. My wife has more friends than I do, and she met them all, I think, through school.

3. Purchase an international calling card, so she can keep in touch.

Once your spouse has the tools to live independantly she/he can take advantage of all the west has to offer: education, high paying job, beautiful parks....

Edited April 27, 2008 by siamamerican

[siamamerican]

it will become very obvious to her that there are many men in this country her own age who would be interested in her romantically. it has been mentioned on this forum many times that men hit on guys Thai wives in Europe (assuming they are a Pro/Ex-Pro) with great frequency.

i guess if you never let her leave the house without you, and then never let her out of your sight, which I am sure plenty of these blokes are doing, then youll reduce the odds that she decides to sleep with a guy her own age.

or maybe i am totally wrong and she prefers 55-60 year old men, well in that case I guess you have to hope a 55-60 year old man does not hit on her, but in general MOST women prefer men their own age, and when all those guys who "look like Brad Pitt" start winking at her, asking for her phone number... living in another country is as much of an adventure for her as living in Thailand is for you...

In Thailand you have the power because Thai men are not interested in her and there are not enough farang to go around. Once you leave Thailand and she sees that you are no longer rich but just like everyone else, I am guessing she will be thinking about using some of her new found power and trading up.

of course, naturally, self delusion is the greatest paradise on earth, so carry on.

Funny post. You are hitting below the belt, but your comments, a little harsh, accurately describe many Thai/farang relationships. Not all farangs are married to Thais that are substantially younger, but many are with younger partners.

I have no issue with those that do marry women that are younger than their daughters, but there might be consequences. You just have to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are married to this young Thai. Sexuality is powerful and somewhat uncontrollable; Thai women possess these same desires.

[YoungFarang13]

I bow to your many years of life and wisdom and i am very sure you wouldnt try to pinch a guys missus.

UNLESS SHE WAS YOUNG AND FIT,which many are not.

Stitches are not too painful if its a very clean cut,but the scars remain for ever.never never forget that..

i already told you the first time, EVERY 25 year old girl on this planet is "fit" to some 25 year old man.

i am speaking bluntly here, but it is honest. you should examine the fundamentals of your relationship in Thailand and how they will change when you move to the West...

[YoungFarang13]

i will echo guesthouse's comment and say that the Thais I know have often said that they avoid other Thais like the plague while traveling abroad because they tend to be very nosy and latch on. These Thais are sort of un-Thai in their social habits, fwiw.

[hanibal7]

Well i dont fancy any 25 yo thai lady.some are very fat and some are ugly,so i would imagine a younger than me 25 yo guy wouldnt fancy every thai lady who is 25.

by the way i have no intention of going back to the uk so not a problem for me.my life is here in thailand,with or without a lady,just happen to be very lucky i have a tremendous lady,and a very nice inlaw side to.Also if somebody hit on my lady anywhere in the wotrld i would have a gentle word and see if that worked and then hel_l will break out,and thats not got anything to do with young old,or middle age.hope you would be man enough to step in too if your bird was getting hassle.

[TheDon]

Well i dont fancy any 25 yo thai lady.some are very fat and some are ugly,so i would imagine a younger than me 25 yo guy wouldnt fancy every thai lady who is 25.

by the way i have no intention of going back to the uk so not a problem for me.my life is here in thailand,with or without a lady,just happen to be very lucky i have a tremendous lady,and a very nice inlaw side to.Also if somebody hit on my lady anywhere in the wotrld i would have a gentle word and see if that worked and then hel_l will break out,and thats not got anything to do with young old,or middle age.hope you would be man enough to step in too if your bird was getting hassle.

Your first sentence is weird. What do you mean? You dont like Thai females just because some are fat and some are ugly? there is some fat and ugly in all countries. So that means you dont like females at all?

[Mighty Mouse]

A Thai guy with an Aussie wife, a nice twist from the usual.

There will be no culture shock. Australia has a very large Asian community that has settled in nicely and are accepted by the general population. Depending on which part of Australia you intend to settle in, you will find plenty of fruit and vegetable markets, Asian style supermarkets, China towns where Thai videos are available for hire, Buddhist temples and a Thai community that organizes many large outdoor functions to celebrate special days on the Thai calendar.

Unless you have your own house in Oz, you may face a rental shock, particularly if you intend to live in or near a capital city. If you don't have a place of your own, I suggest that you do a search of the various locations on-line. Click here for a good place to start your search. Rental properties are very scarce right now and rents are rising rapidly.

As for work, does your hubby have any particular skills? If he can cook, he could get a job almost anywhere. Thai restaurants are in abundance and they are always looking for cooks. Housekeeping jobs are available in many large hotels. Thai men perform this work and English speaking is not all that important as there are many Thais working these jobs who can interpret if necessary. The pay rates aren't great but at least it will give him some independence.

Jockstar mentioned the importance of having on-line contact with the family back in Thailand. I echo his suggestion. If no computer, there are very cheap phone cards available.

If he is coming to Oz on a Spouse Visa, he will be given a Medicare Card that will take care of some of any medical expenses and he will be given 500 hours of free English lessons.

Good luck.