How Seriously Do Thais Take Budhist Wedding Ceremo

[schmokinn]

i have known my thai girlfreind approx 12 months and lived with her for about 2 months in thailand.having decided i wished to marry her,we arranged and carried out the budhist ceremony with her family present.i am now in the process of getting her sorted to apply for a settlement visa so i can marry her here with my family present.having read many tales on here and other sites,good and bad.i would be interested in anyones veiws of how seriously they take the budhist ceremony?

cheers for any information

schmokinn

[Richard W]

15 or 20 years ago, at the reception after her marriage at a British registry office, one Thai lady told me that to her that the marriage was 'just a piece of paper'. She felt the real wedding was the one at the temple.

Richard.

[apetley]

Can only speak from my own personal experience but my own Thai wife took the whole thing very seriously. As did her family and friends.

For me it was wonderful too. I'm not religious at all but it meant so much to be married in front of her family in a traditional ceremony. Hugely enjoyable too!

[Sulaphat]

The traditional wedding is the important one as far as your Thai wife and her family are concerned.

You will probably also want or need to do an "official" one for the bit of paper which facilitates all the government related things such as immigration, tax, etc. The Buddhist ceremony does not generate the type of paperwork you will need in order to get the legal stuff done.

[markt]

My mate had a traditional buddhist wedding.

During the ceremony someone chucked a bucket of water over him.

To this day he's still not sure whether this was part of the ceremony or they just didn't like him.

[alleypanda]

Very much so for my family and friends ! We had ours at Jim Thompson's house it was wonderful.

[katyusha]

i have known my thai girlfreind approx 12 months and lived with her for about 2 months in thailand.having decided i wished to marry her,we arranged and carried out the budhist ceremony with her family present.i am now in the process of getting her sorted to apply for a settlement visa so i can marry her here with my family present.having read many tales on here and other sites,good and bad.i would be interested in anyones veiws of how seriously they take the budhist ceremony?

cheers for any information

schmokinn

Buddhists take the Buddhist ceremony very seriously. It is more important to us for our life's well being than the Western ceremony. It is not recognized as a valid marriage ceremony by many Western countries.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

i have known my thai girlfreind approx 12 months and lived with her for  about 2 months in thailand.having decided i wished to marry her,we arranged and carried out the budhist ceremony with her family present.i am now in the process of getting her sorted to apply for a settlement visa so i can marry her here with my family present.having read many tales on here and other sites,good and bad.i would be interested in anyones veiws of how seriously they take the budhist ceremony?

            cheers for any information

                                schmokinn

Buddhists take the Buddhist ceremony very seriously. It is more important to us for our life's well being than the Western ceremony. It is not recognized as a valid marriage ceremony by many Western countries.

Including the United Kingdom. It isn't recognized as a valid marriage in Thailand either.

[Tarragona]

My father-in-law said he wasn't bothered whether we registered our marriage or not. As has already been pointed out the Buddhist / traditional wedding ceremony is not officially recognised but for the family it is all that counts. That is the occasion where everyone they know gets to see the marriage and so announces to the world that the couple are now husband and wife. That is how they are then perceived whether the marriage is legally registered or not.

[SK1972]

To the Thais, the religious ceremonies carry a lot of weight .........due to the fact that some of them do not bother registering their marriages. To some of them, living together means you are already "married"

If you want to move back to your origin country, it would be best you legalise the marriage if you intend to take her back with you. Your embassy or country officials would not recognise a religious ceremony at all, not even if you had offsprings.

[schmokinn]

thanks everyone for your responses..not one bad one...sometimes you just need to boost your confidence a bit when you are 7000 miles from your wife p.s.i realise it is not a legal marriage but it means more than a peice of paper to me p.p.s.to the person with the bucket of water....i have no idea either??

[dr_Pat_Pong]

thanks everyone for your responses..not one bad one...sometimes you just need to boost your confidence a bit when you are 7000 miles from your wife p.s.i realise it is not a legal marriage but it means more than a peice of paper to me p.p.s.to the person with the bucket of water....i have no idea either??

Unless that ceremony was around mid April, the bucket of water is inexplicable.

[chatchy]

There is NO Buddhist wedding. The traditional wedding ceremony, that is the ceremony that is important to the citizens, but it is not a Buddhist wedding.

[astral]

My wife really wanted the relgious ceremony.

It gave her face (status) as my wife, and the amount I paid as the bride price

showed how much I valued her.

The fact I got the money back later in the day, was irrelevant.

We had done the legal bit a couple of months before, took 5 minutes,

once I had the paperwork.

[TRIPxCORE]

It gave her face (status) as my wife, and the amount I paid as the bride price

showed how much I valued her.

The fact I got the money back later in the day, was irrelevant.

Lucky you. I didnt have that good fortune.

As far as the water thing goes, I am with the good Doctor PP on this one. Have never seen or heard of a bucket of water being thrown on someone and I have been through my own ceremony as well as attending three others.

Wife also says its not normal.

[Superiorbeing]

They take it very seriously, especially where the money and the gold is laid out, when they are happy that this is safe the booze and the food is the next important part. Discussions later on as to where you will build the house, preferably on the family land. Also when you will return (if not staying in Thailand) as they will want to know when they can expect the handouts.

LOS Baht Land.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

They take it very seriously, especially where the money and the gold is laid out, when they are happy that this is safe the booze and the food is the next important part. Discussions later on as to where you will build the house, preferably on the family land. Also when you will return (if not staying in Thailand) as they will want to know when they can expect the handouts.

LOS Baht Land.

Another fully qualified cynic revealed.

[Dickie]

They take it very seriously, especially where the money and the gold is laid out, when they are happy that this is safe the booze and the food is the next important part.  Discussions later on as to where you will build the house, preferably on the family land.  Also when you will return (if not staying in Thailand) as they will want to know when they can expect the handouts.

LOS Baht Land.

Another fully qualified cynic revealed.

You can say with hand on heart that this is never the case?

[dr_Pat_Pong]

They take it very seriously, especially where the money and the gold is laid out, when they are happy that this is safe the booze and the food is the next important part.  Discussions later on as to where you will build the house, preferably on the family land.  Also when you will return (if not staying in Thailand) as they will want to know when they can expect the handouts.

LOS Baht Land.

Another fully qualified cynic revealed.

You can say with hand on heart that this is never the case?

Nope. But this punter is in the major league.

[BadboyBrown]

All i can say is, do it properly. Go as traditional as you can. I wanted to go to a nice hotel do it all Jazzy, but my wife insisted on doing it traditionally. So the village elders and poor folk could come celebrate and eat without feeling out of place. To do with bringing good luck to the couple for the future.

We had the ceremony in her house in Udon Thani countryside, blocked the road off with a marquee. (donated)and borrowed some land for the evening for the blessing and function. Decked with balloons seating and a stage we had issan music and dancing playing into the night with some good food and ample beer. We live in Udon Thani in the countryside.

When your sitting infront of chanting Buddhist monks,having to divide up portions of sticky rice for their food pales , leading a procession of instrument playing all singing all dancing thai folk to the home of your wife. Being joined together and blessed by each and every person that attends with a POURING OF WATER OVER THE HANDS and a kind word. Numerous bands from the morning ceremony for the wrist from what looks like a christmas tree. You realise to some this is an extreamly special religious meaningfull day.

My wedding blew me away, the whole day. My wife mine and her family also.

So many people helped out, and nobody expected nothing, we had land lent to us a marquee all the utenils, seating and tables land and for no exchange off cash.

Afterwards a few people popped their heads up and thought we owed them something but was pointed out that the 5 bottles of beer leg of cow etc overed any dues they thought they were owed.

Go Traditional it means more to a real thai han a 5 star Phuket package. Or a two second registry office bit. If you serious let the day show it!

[Dickie]

Nice! It sounds pukka. Congrats and I hope it all goes well.

[Johpa]

Sorry to be negative, but it is one of those questions that if you need to ask it then you are not ready to be contemplating marriage to a Thai national.

[BadboyBrown]

Thanks alot Dickie. Nice one!

A word of advice to anyone who's considering marriage.

If they are not willing to sign on the dotted line, they aint worth the time...........or the expense.

Dont be fobbed off.

They are either already married, or are planning to ditch you once they have declared you bankrupt. I have heard many a story from the NE. Believe me, before you can say boo another engagement ring will be on the finger and another victims head on the block.

There are a fair few girls (but not all) and their families who will happily sit through a ceremony in the eyes of Budda................. for a nice dowry and expensive jewelery.

Use your head and dont be too flash with ya cash. Your only setting yourself up for a fall.

[drummer]

Speaking of, ... i remember reading a little bit of a thread on this, but how much of a dowry should I post? I really don't have a lot of means - really just enough to meet the new visa requirements, run the AC and buy the occaisional DVD.

[wolf5370]

Drummer,

Dowry (Sin Sot): This has been talked to death here and a search will swamp you with replies - from either end of the spectrum.

If you want to go traditional, then follow the traditional rules:

If she has been married or has children, then no Sin Sot.

If she no longer lives at home, then no Sin Sot (usually).

Otherwise, talk to your girlfriend away from the future in-laws.

Remember, your Sin Sot should cover the wedding costs - which will be quite cheap by western standards. Other money will be show money. It is two fold: (1) to show that you vaklue their daughter (and believe her vaginity) and (2) that you can afford to keep her. This 'show money' should always be returned to you to help you build your lives together. Make sure this is so BEFORE parting with the dough.

Otherwise, don't give any Sin Sot (most Thai's do not anymore - unless upper echelons and then only to show off). Instead pay for the wedding and give presents to the in-laws instead - probably better in the long run as a new fridge will be welcomes much more than mum blowing it all at cards!

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Speaking of, ... i remember reading a little bit of a thread on this, but how much of a dowry should I post? I really don't have a lot of means - really just enough to meet the new visa requirements, run the AC and buy the occaisional DVD.

Whatever you do, don't jeopardise you forthcoming visa application. That financial requirement is etched in stone.

[SK1972]

If you want to go traditional, then follow the traditional rules:

If she has been married or has children, then no Sin Sot.

If she no longer lives at home, then no Sin Sot (usually).Otherwise, talk to your girlfriend away from the future in-laws.

Remember, your Sin Sot should cover the wedding costs - which will be quite cheap by western standards. Other money will be show money. It is two fold: (1) to show that you vaklue their daughter (and believe her vaginity) and (2) that you can afford to keep her. This 'show money' should always be returned to you to help you build your lives together. Make sure this is so BEFORE parting with the dough.

How would one know whether the girl has been married before if there were no "documentary proof" of it besides the religious ceremony? Or are still virgins when you met them..............Some women have been known to lie about it.....just to get the sin sot.......

I would say most of the girlfriends would not be living at home.............they would be living with their farang guys, am I not right in saying this??

Drummer, if you dont have the means for sin sot, tell her so and if she loves you for YOU, she would not insist on it....or come up with a reasonable amount which you can afford. I dont think the in-laws should have any say in this.....but that is my opinion.

As Pat Pong says...................

Whatever you do, don't jeopardise you forthcoming visa application. That financial requirement is etched in stone.

[wolf5370]

How would one know whether the girl has been married before if there were no "documentary proof" of it besides the religious ceremony? Or are still virgins when you met them..............Some women have been known to lie about it.....just to get the sin sot....... 

ID card is a good place to start. If it was nor civil, then you probably don't know. I was speaking of tradition...the 'finding out' leg work is, if you can be bothered (I wouldn't), up to you!

I would say most of the girlfriends would not be living at home.............they would be living with their farang guys, am I not right in saying this?? 

Again, by tradition - no. They would be at home with Ma and Pa. If they live with you - or another - then no Sin Sot.

Drummer, if you dont have the means for sin sot, tell her so and if she loves you for YOU, she would not insist on it....or come up with a reasonable amount which you can afford. I dont think the in-laws should have any say in this.....but that is my opinion.

Absolutely, most Thais no longer give Sin Sot, so why should you? Only to be tradition is all, and if this is your ilk, then follow the rules as to who get what.

Note also that amount to pay has to do with family social standing, class (sorry AlleyPand said it again - doh) and as a competitive edge against other suitors - this is why, traditionally, farmer's daughters attracted little or no Sin Sot and rich merchant's daughters attracted amazingly large sums. Note: The distinction is not mine, but the way it is (was?).

[a2396]

Drummer,

Dowry (Sin Sot): This has been talked to death here and a search will swamp you with replies - from either end of the spectrum.

If you want to go traditional, then follow the traditional rules:

If she has been married or has children, then no Sin Sot.

If she no longer lives at home, then no Sin Sot (usually).

Otherwise, talk to your girlfriend away from the future in-laws.

Remember, your Sin Sot should cover the wedding costs - which will be quite cheap by western standards. Other money will be show money. It is two fold: (1) to show that you vaklue their daughter (and believe her vaginity) and (2) that you can afford to keep her. This 'show money' should always be returned to you to help you build your lives together. Make sure this is so BEFORE parting with the dough.

Otherwise, don't give any Sin Sot (most Thai's do not anymore - unless upper echelons and then only to show off). Instead pay for the wedding and give presents to the in-laws instead - probably better in the long run as a new fridge will be welcomes much more than mum blowing it all at cards!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You have one of the best responses to this issue (dowrey) that I have seen. I gave 20,000 bht, which more than covered the wedding. The rest was kept by Mama and I am still paying. Normal or not??

[chonabot]

Sorry to be negative, but it  is one of those questions that if you need to ask it then you are not ready to be contemplating marriage to a Thai national.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If he doesn't ask anyone , no-one will tell him.