33 Year Old Brit Looking For Life Advice From Elders

[Seizhin]

Start studying now, it's not too plan.

Plan for your image in the next 10 years, what do you want for her?

List out the people you know who are successful and check out whether they're superior to you in the general term.

When you start feeling disgusted with yourself, spend sometime alone and you'll see the light.

About your wife thing, best to ignore whoever who cant accept her, as she's a good one (according to you.)

[richardb]

.......however take on board one of those smaltzy homilies originating from the other side of the pond - Every day that you don't do your best, is a day wasted.

The only person who can stop you being what you want to be and going where you want to go is YOU.

Hmmm I learned something from that. I too have some choices to make. Quit my job last month and am on " gardening leave" . The world and my girl's life are just great every morning, To the OP where in the UK are you?

Richard

[MrIrrisistable]

Best advice I can offer as a mature well adjusted 45yo is to stay away from high rise buildings.

[Scott]

It's not too late to go back to school and change your life, if that's what you want.

Unfortunately geography usually doesn't cure problems, and you sound a bit depressed and confused. This may not change if you are in Thailand. However, if you feel like your life isn't going anywhere in England, then maybe some education and a return to Thailand would be in your best interest (and the wife's).

Best of luck to you.

[klikster]

Redirect your attention from those negative folks around you to your wife and your future.

[taxexile]

sounds like you have a good relationship.

look after it.

you need to make a 5 year life plan and stick to it.

if i were you i would move away from the area you live in , find new work and maybe aim for some qualifications that might be of use if you ever relocate to thailand .

list all the people that are not accepting of your relationship (including your family) and exclude them as much as possible from your life.

try not to obsess about what other people might be thinking.

try and develop a social life involving some thai/uk or other ethnically mixed couples.

[mmushr00m]

What is your profession now??

Take a class or course, upgrade, upgrade, upgrade.

Take up an apprenticeship. Do some research on what is in demand. If you want to move back to Thailand, do a research on what profession can get you back here.

example: oil and gas ----> take a weilding course and upgrade until you get full certification. Lots of jobs out there now in the oil and gas industry. Opportunities all over the world and the pay is good.

Plus like everyone have mentioned. Make a plan and stick to it, set benchmarks and timeframes. Evaluate your progress every few months.

And for the ppl that bad mouth you and your wife. You have already said that they are bitter, angry ppl, so <deleted> them. Dont get drawn into that. I have family members I havent seen or talked to in years and I dont miss them at all.

Edited May 26, 2008 by mmushr00m

[Macclad]

Yo have a very beautiful wife who obviously cares a great deal for you....if she didnt she wouldnt still be around !

Dont worry about what other people think.They are obviously ignorant and jealous that you have such a nice lady.

Just take a look at their English wives and girlfriends......bet the majority are overweight,chainsmoking bitches....right ??

My friend,it is you who should be laughing at them because their life offers them no hope.

In contrast,yours does if you do something about it.

For starters I am sure there are some Thai restaurants near to where you live.Go along there for a meal and it gives your wife a chance to meet fellow Thais.

That opens doors for you.You will get invites to meet fellow Brits married to Thais like yourself.

At least some of these guys are likely to be decent and you can make a circle of good friends....unlike your contacts,at the moment.

Also,as mentioned,in other posts there is a UK/Thai society which has regular get togethers in both the south and north of England.A friend of mine in the UK is a member and he has been to a few venues and it gives you yet more opportunities to meet Thais and Brits like yourself.

Yes,by all means,try to better yourself by getting a degree.....better prospects,better job.

I know its difficult for you but whatever you do,dont finish with your Thai wife ! If you do you will regret it for the rest of your life and there will be no going back.

Youll end up either alone for the rest of your life or married to one of those overweight,chainsmoking,English bitches !..........I'm sure thats a no no option for anybody with a bit of intelligence !

[joskydive]

Maybe you should redirect your thoughts a little so you can get away from your depression and low self esteem.

When you met and married the lady of your life, I'm sure it was because you loved her just the way she is. She must also have loved you for what you are otherwise she wouldn't have given up her life to move thousands of miles away from her home, family and friends and the only culture she knew to be with you.

Cold, wet, windy shores with nasty, narrow minded people on those shores. What a great surprise for her!

To me, she has proved herself tenfold and even now she is putting up with God knows what (I bet she doesn't tell you all that goes on) from family and friends, still, just to be with you!

Personally, I would sit down with her and between you work out a Life Plan.

Where do you both want to be in 5 - 10 years? England/Thailand

How do we get the financial stability to get to our goal?

What options are available?

Do we suffer a bit of hardship now and work together so I can go to University now and get a better job later? What will be the costs?

Do I try and get a better job now? Am I qualified?

Is our current environment acceptable to do what we want? If not, move. If ok, stay.

Are our families and friends supportive or not? If not, are they expendable? If ok, then great.

To get to your perfect world, you are going to have to wake up in the morning, hug your wife, put your socks on and tell yourself - this is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm not satisfied. I want more. - Then go out and do something about it.

Go to your local College, ask questions. I know at most colleges there is a course called 'Access to Higher Education'. This course revitalises brains that haven't been used for a few years and prepares you for University. Usually, a University is more likely to accept you when you have completed this course. There's also, Open Learning where you study at home but have a mentor and you take your Uni. exams at the Local College.

At the end of the day, only you can help yourself to achieve your goal.

Best of Luck and hope you achieve the happiness that you both deserve in the future.

By the way, this comes from one of the Fat, ugly English females who was also brought up on an evil Council Estate in the UK but I changed my life too and now live happily in Thailand with my nice Thai husband. If I can do it, so can you mate!!!

[t.s]

grow a a pair

[jayjayjayjay]

My second eldest farang sister is the worst culprit. She has always been a troublesome person. Everytime I part company with her I endure a debilitating depression which often lasts for days. I think she is an extemely disturbed, bitter, hateful woman. This is difficult for me as it is family, but over the years I have seen her in action enough times to be very weary of her being in the company of my wife. She is an inward, narrow, gossipy cow who has never even left the disadvantaged socio-economic enviorment of her birth. Every time I see her she tells me how she has fallen out with this friend, that co-worker etc. She has severe personaltiy problems and deep down I think she hates herself. She has suffered with Anarexia and has had numerous mental breakdowns. She has recently turned 40, but she has the mindset of like a 9 year old.

Growing up she gave me hel_l. She is devious and a gameplayer. She delights in putting Thailand/Culture/People down, which offends me and when I tell my wife the things she says, her too. Most of the insults are vague, indirect ,but certainly said for an effect. About a year ago I decided that enough is enough and I quit any kind of contact with her. I recently made contact again out of duty but the woman hasn't changed, in fact she has got worse. I have not met a more tortured soul in all my life, but I just can't be near her anymore. Being a sensative boy growing up, she was very damaging to me, I resent her for this.

Sounds like any association with this sister is going to affect you no matter what counciling you get! Best for you is to take the advice of one of the posters above and move. First set your priorities in life, with your wife. Establish some long term goals together. Get your study and career on track, move to the most suitable location to achieve these goals. Once all this is rolling, make new friends. Defend your wife and your relationship more than your blood family. Make yourself totally UNAVAILABLE to this older sister. It really does not matter if you don't talk to her for the next 20 years. Treat her like a stranger at family gatherings, DO NOT tell others what is going on and don't ask for any elses (except your wife) approval. ie, don't let it be known within the familiy you will actively avoid this older sister. DO NOT ask if she is going to be attending events. If you do cross paths, as I said, treat her like someone you met that day, and talk to her like someone your meeting that day. Don't be the least intereseted to discussion historical events, walk away from talk your not happy with. With a concentrated effort to do so, her gossip will not have time to wear you down. Good luck.

[grantbkk]

To the OP. There is some very good, down to earth, advise and discussion for you on this thread. I would add that stress is bad and worrying about things you cannot possibly control is unhealthy and counterproductive. Concentrate on the factors in your life on which you have control over. 33 years old sounds old to someone in there early 20's but to someone 59 it is a perfect age. It is not too late to get a degree and attempt to improve you lot it life.

Remember that your hot wife looks young but she has the mind and experiences of someone much older. Family ties and nationalism are probably pretty strong and you should make provisions to have her visit Thailand as often as you can afford.

After you have marketable skills in the trades or in business you should only move to Thailand on your terms. Selling the Mini and your appliances then moving before you have a job is usually not the way to go. You have to ask yourself if it's worth it to dump the UK because your wife misses her family.

You and the wife have been a couple long enough to be concerned what other people think. You are putting to much weight on the preconceived notions and prejudices of others. Not heathy for you or your wife.

Relax and enjoy what you do have while trying to sort this out.

[bino]

who has never even left the disadvantaged socio-economic enviorment of her birth.

You Englishmen have such a nice turn of phrase. In North America we call people like this "trailer trash", and it applies to anyone and everyone who looks down on you and your wife.

tell all who look down on your wife "GET STUFFED!"

I'm with Naam- they can all <deleted> off and die. What they think won't change my life one iota.

I ran in to a similar situation when I took Ms. Bino home on a holiday for the first time. One of the guys that I have known since I was 6 yrs old and considered to be a good friend asked me (in the presence of his wife) how much I paid for her!!

My reply, which I picked up on this forum in a thread several years ago was: "I can't remember, but if quality, appearance, intelligence and attitude are any indicaton, I obviously paid at least four times more than you paid for yours." They didn't like that too much! Never spoken to me since- which is fine (actually perfect) with me.

(I tried finding that thread because it is similar to this one, but couldn't. So- if the OP of that line is reading this, thanks! Credit where credit is due!)

have read your threads with great interest,have you tried getting in contact with some of the thai /english support groups or if you are in surrey joining one of the thai social clubs, you seem to have a great relationship with your wife so dont worry about any one else. Nignoy

Great advice from Nignoy and the post after this one by richardb- Find the Thai / English groups and forums in the UK. Get yourself away from the trailer trash and find some like-minded people. Your wife will be pleased to have more Thai friends to talk with and eat somtam!

Your wife sounds like a gem. I hope that the two of you can find all the happiness that you deserve.

Edited May 26, 2008 by bino

[awakened]

It's great the way the use of this forum and the resulting replies from my post enable me to "see myself" and my circumstances from the outside in.

I have a 27 yr old son who has the same background and the same sense of crisis. He has an intelligent mind but hasn't had the opportunity to develop it. Instead he's lapsed into a constant low grade depression where he wants to improve his circumstances and yet self-sabotages by coming up with endless reasons why he can't. It's a poverty of aspiration, along with 'I'm too stupid/broke/depressed/unlucky/etc...' The result? He does nothing. That dithering produces anxiety, depression and a sense of hopelessness as well as helplessness. Hence, you find yourself on boards talking to strangers.

Even if you don't know what to do, do SOMETHING. It's only movement that will help you find your way. And don't dump the wife. If you have a good one, hang on to her. The grass is NOT always greener even though it's part of the human condition to think it is.

I was lucky, I escaped council estate shackles by joining the Navy but I also had to escape subsequent prisons of my own making. Trying to live the life that society demands was not for me. It may also not be for you. Either you make the best of a bad lot or you try and change things.

Philosophers and spiritual masters will tell you that it doesn't matter where you go, you take yourself with you. The distractions from yourself, that a new woman or country brings, soon fade and you end up having to face yourself and your problems once again.

Happiness and contentment don't come from outside, they come from inside. The quest, for want of a better word, is to let go off all the mud that is sticking to you, to liberate the shiny, pink-cheeked mini-god that is you. Life in Britain and the perception you may hold of a dumbed-down, depressingly violent world that council estates and the media have shaped for you, aren't how the world is at all. It is a wonderful place if you can see it as such.

The optimist is right, the pessimist is also right, both are right coming from their particular standpoints. The question is, who's the happier? Worry is wasted energy. Be an optimist. Don't think about all the things you can't do. Focus on things you can.

The trick is to be happy whatever your external circumstances.

I discovered that my own years of stress, depression and anxiety and inability to settle with one woman/place was due to trying to live a life that other people wanted. There was an adventurer in me trying to break out that was strangled by conformity. My present relative peace of mind came about by recognising that and going with the current and not against it. Jumping on a motorbike one day and leaving it all behind was the best thing I ever did. I travelled the world on a shoestring, using web sites like hospitalityclub.org, globalfreeloaders and couchsurfing to get free accommodation everywhere I went. I'm not suggesting it is for you but only say this to get you thinking outside the box.

You could send your Thai wife home to spend a few months with her family, break away from your shackles and viperous relatives (why are you even letting your sister in the door?) and see what opportunities open for you. Or you can join various groups. a yoga class, the women's knitting circle, adult education. Whatever lights your fire.

If you are a debt slave, then do whatever it takes to free yourself from debt. Don't take on any more. That alone is very liberating.

If you and/or your spouse can afford the flights and want a free holiday pm me and I'll happily host you for a week or two. Buy your own noodles or chip in for food. You can then explore possibilities here or just chill out.

As for whether my son took my advice? Nope. He's still slumped on the sofa, in front of the box, stuffing his face with junk food and wondering why he's got no energy or zest for life. Every day I'm sure he tells himself that THIS will be the day he makes the effort.

The first step is the hardest. Take it.

FWIW.

[Super Hans]

example: oil and gas ----> take a weilding course and upgrade until you get full certification. Lots of jobs out there now in the oil and gas industry. Opportunities all over the world and the pay is good.

How feasible is this in reality? I wouldn't mind doing it - how long would it take to get fully certified - presumably many, many years?

Edited May 26, 2008 by Super Hans

[sgunn65]

I come from the same background as you and the friends I had in my youth are still there. I also suffered from being from "that family"! Every English town has a family that everyone knows of, and that was mine. I was brought up in care whilst my mum and stepdad were in prison. All of my family have done time and two have died of drug overdoses. But just because you are there does not mean you have to stay.

I left school at 16 with no qualifications but went back to school later through the adult learning centres that are everywhere. Try googling Ruskin College or Coleg Harlech or check with your local college about courses available. There is alot of stuff available that is free or cheap if you are prepared to work.

As for family. If your sister causes you depression everytime you see her there is a simple answer; DON'T!!!!!! Just because they are blood does not mean they are right and there is no law that says you have to be a part of it. Walk away. I stopped all contact with mine 10 years ago and have not looked back.

People in the UK like to stereotype and there will always be people who put you down if you are different. Ignorance is like that. Remember the gang of people (men and women) who attacked a pediatric doctor in Portsmouth because they were so pig ignorant they could not distinguish between pediatric and paedophile?? If you live your life according to other peoples belief systems you will never be happy.

So get out there and change your world, cause it sure enough will not change for you!

Thailand is a difficult place to make money but not an impossible one.

If you believe you can or if you believe you can't; you're right.

[boiledegg]

At 33 with a wife in tow i see going back to Uni as an extravagance you can ill afford and furthermore at Bsc/BA at the age of 36 in something like Business isnt worth the paper it is written on.

You should be looking to do a short vocational course that will lead directly to employment or possibly an HNC which is only 8 months of academic study, you dont say what you do at present, it must be an ok job as you can afford to rent in the South of England.

As everyone has had a pop at people living on council estates i would just like to say that at least young children living there can go out to play with their friends as the folk who live there look out for them, that doesnt happen in leafy suburbs where people dont even know their neighbours name and the kids have never walked alone the 400 metres to school by the age of 12.

Try giving education one last try if it doesnt work why not look at doing teaching English as a career, you have the stability of a Isaan based family, if you were making 50,000 Baht a month in a couple of years up there you would have a far better standard of life then what you have in the UK on an average wage.

Edited May 26, 2008 by boiledegg

[happylarry]

Just to put a different perspective to this OP.

You dont know how bl**dy lucky you are mate!!!!!!!!!!

I live in LOS with my Thai wife and had my twenty something son come to stay for a few months in 2005/6. While he was here he met and fell in love with a thai lady a few years older than him and married her before he had to return to the UK towards the end of 2006. My daughter-in-law is a nurse and has been studying hard to gain her international certificates in nursing allowing her to work around the world.

She now has passed everything and we are all trying to collate evidence of anything and everything to submit to the British Embassy to try and get her a visa.

Anyway to get to my point both of them are heartbroken as they havent seen each other for over 18 months. They talk for an hour every single day via the computer but this does not make up for being so far away from each other and also knowing that their fate rests in someone else's hands who may or may not have got out of bed the wrong side the morning they check her application.

You have already won the main battle and have your wife by your side, so now concentrate on some of the other posts on here as there has been some really good advice given.

be lucky mate

HL

[Dave the Dude]

Hi Soontobehappyferang

You have been given some good advice from some quality poster. Just so I can put my two bob's worth in !

A couple of thoughts :-

1) You mention negative vibes re hospitality but when your gracous wife does this, do you just sit on yr @rse and do nothing. Sorry I had to ask

2) Could there be an oportunity for you to do O.U. or nightschool. I managed to do a full days work as a Bank Manager and learn to be a Plumber/CORGI reg Gas engineer at nightschool(THAILAND FUND?)

3) "Light at the end of the tunnel" start a small savings fund for a little plot of land here in Paradise AND TELL EVERYONE especially your sad obnoxious aquintances.

4) A subject I know little about but get offered jobs in, on a weekly basis. Train to teach English. Just an Idea ??

5) Remember how LUCKY you are.

6) Remember your (& my Ex) homeland would have been exactly the same, with just the same opportunities if you were still single and probably even more miserable.

I wish you both good luck & hope you manage to make good future plans

David & Sri

Surin

Thailand

[Heng]

Going back to school would be a good start I think.

What you shouldn't do is move over here with virtually no assets or marketable skills whatsoever. Many have done it and lived happily ever after, but IMO most have not.

[happylarry]

Having already posted my thoughts earlier I just thought that reading this little story might be of use.

It did the rounds on the net a few years ago and I thought it so good that I saved it and sometimes send to people, like now.....

Tomorrow

Here is something to read and think about that puts everything into perspective.

Jim is the kind of guy you love to hate.

He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say.

When someone asked him how he was doing, he would reply, “If I were any better , I would be twins!”

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, Jim was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jim and asked him, “I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?”

Jim replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or …you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or…I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or…I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.”

“Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,” I protested.

“Yes it is,” Jim said. “Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: its your choice how you live your life.”

I reflected on what Jim said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jim was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jim was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw Jim about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied. “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Want to see my scars?”

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

“The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter” Jim replied. “Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices…I could choose to live or…I could choose to die. I chose to live.”

“Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” I asked.

Jim continued, “the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read “he’s a dead man. I knew I needed to take action.”

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Well there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me, “ said Jim. “She asked if I was allergic to anything. “Yes I replied.” The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, “Gravity.”

Over their laughter, I told them, “ I am choosing to live….Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.”

Jim lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

You have two choices now:

• Ignore this story and discount it as rubbish.
  
• Learn from it and live a better and happier life from this day onwards, and share these thoughts with your friends.
  

You know the choice I made.

sorry it was so long, hope you enjoyed it.

HL

[Bagwan]

Change your thoughts and you change your world.

[Marvo]

Ok, a couple of things to you, Mr OP. Congratulations on opening up and finding a release here for your turmoil. I'm a little upset to read your username of "unhappyfarang" though. It speaks volumes of your underlying mood that has driven you to post here but I sincerely hope that after reading some of this great advice given to you in this thread you can throw off some of the negatives that haunt you.

I would like to re-enforce the idea that it's not what happens/people do/say etc. that makes someone unhappy, it's HOW that person decides to react to what has happened that dictates the outcome of feelings. I.e. YOU have CHOICES in everything.

As a couple of people have suggested, a few sessions talking to the right professional could (and I'm sure would) do wonders for your outlook and a million other negative feelings that you talk about. The clarity that comes from the mire is that I can see you are on the edge of a breakthrough. You have identified so many issues, all on your own, you just need a faint guiding light. You have almost got your own answers in your "sensitive" "nonsensical" "contradictions". I take my hat off to you.

Take all the good sensitive heartfelt stuff you have been "given" here in this thread and run with it. The trick now is to extract what is right for YOU as an individual. I can tell that you are a smart cookie. Talk at length with someone impartial (maybe counselor) about it all. You will discover that what you feel is right for you will float to the service if you don't put yourself under pressure.

I truly appreciate your sharing of your situation as it has proved to be an inspiration to me, being a catalyst for the stimulation of my own grey matter, helping me to set out on the road to resolve many related issues.

Edited May 26, 2008 by Marvo

[unhappyfarang]

So many helpful replies, I thank you all kindly. A few posters have mentioned self-esteem/worth issues coming through in my o/p. I certainly can't deny that. I have had a serious self-confidence problem which has blighted these first 3 decades of my life. I am also a sufferer of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which gets really bad when I am stressed, as I am now. I am currently no taking any med's for the condition and I left the Mental Health system in the UK when I was about 27. However, I recenty went back to my GP for a re-referal as I am really not well at the moment. It will probably take 3-4 months before I'm offered an appointment with a M/Health Prof. I spent my twenties "out of this world" on pretty much every medication known to man for these problems and when I was about 27, I quit all med's for good. In addition to the severe anxieties that I have - I can't help but think that the pills have messed me up. Uncontrollable twitching in my eye, amongst other strange symptoms - But this is nothing in comparison to the mental/emotional afflictions that I currently endure.

The phsycaratrist will again no doubt recommend medication and probably CBT also. I am shitting myself, as I really don't want to go down the road of these pills again. Through trial and error, stopping/starting/changing dosages/types of medication, and doctors, throughout my twenties I probably had about 1/2 dozen emotional breakdowns and was constantly on/off the verge of suicide. Which brings me on to my Father. Who commited suicide when I was 23, after he'd pretty much f****** up me and my sisters with his domineering, control freak personality - He was 46 when he died, dead for 10 years, but still causing me pain and confusion to this day. I had a very complex relationship with the man and his death, especially the method - hasn't helped matters. Lot's of unfinished business. His death has effected my elder sister in a really weird way too. In turn she is causing me lots of pain.

All this B.S has left me now, at 33 with a kind of emotional hangover. It's like, where did my twenties go?? I haven't made any progress job/career wise - I am stuck in the same crappy, socio-economic area of my birth and I am working a menial callcentre job. The stress of the job is burning me out. My Thai wife - who has stood by me through thick and thin - without complaint, but probably in quiet dispair, is working in the kitchen of a local Thai resturant. We are bearly making ends meet and I have debt mounting up. I'm f***** basically and I don't know what to do - I'm scared too. I can't take the stress of the job anymore, but I can't afford to leave. I have recently invested in a set of "How to start an info publishing biz online dvd's" from a reputable online markeeter but my concentration is so bad I can't even assimilate the content. If anybody here could offer me some assistance starting up some kind of ethical internet concern ,generating just enough to keep the wolves from the door I'd be very interested in learning - I will pay you of course, as long as you're genuine.

As mentioned in my original post the remaining members of my family, here in the UK, aren't much help and at the moment I have completely distanced my self from all of them as their negativity really doesn't help. Phew - what a release. I could go on and on about my problems but this forum isn't for that! Guess I'll just have to wait for the Phsycaratrist and see what he has to say. I feel like I am being crushed under something, I'm like climbing the walls, sufficated

[teej]

Going back to school would be a good start I think.

What you shouldn't do is move over here with virtually no assets or marketable skills whatsoever. Many have done it and lived happily ever after, but IMO most have not.

I agree with this advice. Education may also help with your self-confidence problems and is an incredible way to make contacts (networks, be it social or work-related) that if used properly can take you a long way.

If you're not happy there in the UK you probably won't be happy here either.

[unhappyfarang]

If you read my last post/reply. 2 before this one then you will see the problems I have run deeper.

[Bagwan]

You Englishmen have such a nice turn of phrase. In North America we call people like this "trailer trash", and it applies to anyone and everyone who looks down on you and your wife.

Well, it is our language.

If we splendid Brits thought like the Thais we would make a charge for using (or mis-using) it by claiming intellectual property rights - and setting up an English learning hub - in Liverpool or Newcastle.

[Heng]

If you read my last post/reply. 2 before this one then you will see the problems I have run deeper.

It's all relative. Try comparing your problems to folks who have it worse off than you. I think you'll find that there are plenty out there, often making your own problems seem miniscule. You'd be surprised how your outlook can change by just looking at your life from a different angle.

Edited May 29, 2008 by Heng

[roygsd]

If you read my last post/reply. 2 before this one then you will see the problems I have run deeper.

Hi,

Sorry but you need to get a grip on yourself now, before its too late.

Looking for Life Advice from elders ( I am one of those) just about sums up how little you think of yourself and more importantly what value you put on your wifes happiness.

She is the one who has something to complain about, she has left her home and family to live with a person she obviously trusts to in what a hostile environment ( by your discription) and travelled halfway round the world to a cold country where she is clearly doing her best to make you happy and in return you appear to feel sorry for yourself.

Depession it may be, get some medical advice now and find out if that is the case, if it proves not to be that then face up to the fact that life is like a s..t sandwich ( for all of us) i.e. the more bread you have the easier it is to swallow.

As you dont like the taste of your life you have two options, get use dto it or try to do something about it... today, or tell the lady that you are unhappy with all the problems you appear to attach to her origins ( one way or another) and give her the chance to find someone who will apreciate what a good woman which (from your postings) you clearly have rather than someone who is content to sit on the fence and feel sorry for himelf and blame others for your unhappyness.

I have a sister that I shuned 23 or so years ago, 18 months ago ( xmas time) I was persuaded by my brother to contact her again, a week later and the memories of why I cut her off in the first place came back with a vengence, sad as it may seem I know that she will to live her life as she has done to date and that is why I have cut her off for at least the next 23 years and I know full well I did the right thing for me.

YOu have choices, if you mix with narrow minded people then you only have youself to blame, similarly if your "friends" snigger and make unkind "jokes" about your wife you are sending those ase holes you call friends a clear message that you consider it ok for them to disrespect your wife?

Hold that thought for a moment before geting your head around this thought, " you are also sending out a message that it is ok for them to disrespect you also".

Dont kid yourself unhappy farang, your wife has not missed one of these insulting incidents, she is making the best of them for your sake, neither has she falled to notice your current unhappyness and your apparent doubts about your future, if as appears the case you are worried dont you think she is worried too?

No-ones future is guaranteed, and life is <deleted> at times for everyone, if you dont pick up the paddle and start moving forward now at best you will remain in your present position but it is more likely that you will sink even lower depth than you

seem to think you are at now.

It really dont matter if you see the glass as half empty or as half full, the reality is no-one but yourself if going to fill it for you.

Therehas been plenty of sound advice given to you here and you should consider all of it very carefully before you act, but act you must.

Make your mind up, how important is this woman to you and what will you do if you drive her away?

In my opinion she has got the short straw, not you but it dont hav eto stay that way.

University is fine for a youngster , but you hav emissed the boat, employers are prepared to take on a bright youngster from uni with little or no practical experience as time is on their side, older graduates who dont have at least some years of practical experience in that particular field are not likley to even be considered.

Without knowing what you do for a living a present or what your skills or interests are it is impossible to offer anthing but heaps of encouragement to you, how many days and hours a week do you work? Parttime education is a possibility, as is part-time employment in your spare time which will at least help you save a bit.

Does your wife work? YOu say she is a good hostess and cook, pehaps a thai food service cooked at peoples own home might be an option to consider?

Perhaps she has other skills or interests that might increase the hosushold income?

You cannot change the past but you need to learn from it, the very next person who disrespects you or your wife put them straight there and then, you will feel better and your wife will see that you care, the offender and any others present will be in no doubt that they nee dot get with the new system or hit the road permanantly , if they do they aint friends anyway.

Sorry for the lecture but it seems clear to me that while you are busy feeling sorry for yourself and so concerned with what others have on thier plates you are missing out on what clearly is the fine dish before you, if you havent noticed lately what a fine catch you have, make no mistake your so called friends are unlikely to have failed to notice.

Dont worry , be happy as they say in the song, you already have all the ingredients for a far better life than many, she clearly is the best friend you will ever have, return the complement and start making the changes to get where you want to be today.

good luck to you both

Roy gsd

[Nampeung]

Awakened and RoyGSD, these are two of the best posts and advice I have ever seen on such a forum... thanks for your advice to the OP and also to me in your words of wisdom