Mysterious Bird Deaths In Scotland

[GuestHouse]

Seagulls in Aberdeen Scotland (just North of England) have been

mysteriously dying while still in their Seagull prime.

A spokesman for the Sc-RSPB stated early results from an ionvestigation into this

phenomena reveals that Scottish Seagulls are dying in alarming numbers from what seem to be heart attacks.

Further research is being undertaken to confirm the actual cause of these

premature avian deaths, but initial findings suggest that the appalling

diet these birds live on is causing their demise. It would seem that

misplaced affection is causing the Scotts to kill their native seagulls by

overfeeding them with the very best of the Scottish fair. Local Scottish

newspapers are carrying news of this on their front pages under the heading

"Scotsmen Loving Seagulls To Death".

Apparently, autopsies conducted on Scottish seagulls have examined the

stomach contents of these luckless birds, the findings are shocking.

It would seem that almost everything they eat is deep-fried, not just chips

but batter covered Mars bars, pork pies, pizzas and smoked sausages. One

gull's crop was found to contain almost a Kilogram of deep fried salad. One

can only assume this was fed to the gull by a Scotsman with pretensions of healthy eating.

The best guess of the boffins in white is that this high cholesterol diet

is blocking the bird's arteries and causing hypertension leading to heart

attacks.

However, a second theory has arisen since the discovery last month on he Isle of Skye of dozens of dead Seagulls, each with a massively enlarged anal passage. On looking into this Scottish veterinary experts changed their view and are now claiming that the poor diet is leading, not to hypertension but to severe constipation, which in turn is leading to the birds gaining weight and that the weight is giving rise to excessive strain on the birds cardio-vascular system. It

would seem, said 'Angus McTuppit' of the Scottish School of Veterinary

Science, that the birds are faced with a stark and scary choice – The difficult

passing of a huge stool or certain death from a heart attack.

A spokesman for the real RSPB in London, who wished to remain anonymous,

had another view "Their may be other causes, these birds found on Skye are

very likely the victim of fowl play, something our Scottish neighbours are

at odds to conceal".

We have since learned that a similar case was reported in Wales, but we are

unable give any more details. Prosecutions are underway and our legal

council advises us that to publish details would be Sub-Judicy.

We feel, however, that we can tell you those headlines across the Scottish

newspapers are not far off the mark!

[medicinebox]

5555555555

Seems it is true. The further North you go the more friendly the people.

A wee bit too friendly mind ye!

och aye the noo!!!

[RDN]

And how are the sheep doing in Wales?

[medicinebox]

And how are the sheep doing in Wales? 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh why so sad?

They miss you too.......

[Dickie]

Gull-shaggers?!?

I've heard everything now!

[RDN]

And how are the sheep doing in Wales? 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh why so sad?

They miss you too.......

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

B*****d!

Gull-shaggers?!?

I've heard everything now!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh no you haven't!!:

Chicken shagger story: http://www.phuketgazette.net/queernews/index.asp?id=3695

(See paragraph 8 )

[GuestHouse]

RDN,

That was a terrible story, nothing short of sordid. The young man's attraction to Fowl was obviously rooted in base pervertion.

Not so our Gaelic and Celtic cousins who, it would seem, are driven to deep desires by finer feelings.

[axl]

I thought the Scottish were meant to be avaricious.

[RDN]

I thought the Scottish were meant to be avaricious. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ho, ho, ho! Ha, ha, ha! Ouch, there goes another rib! Actually very clever - avaricious, aviaricious. Excellent

[Neeranam]

Good post Guesthouse

You had me worrying for a second! I went to Aberdeen Universty, and worked there.

I have many relatives and friends in the Granite City.

I was there earlier this year, and the seagulls seem to multipied since my days there. I saw them at 6 am raiding the bin bags outside the city's chippers. SO really they probably do have a very unhealthy diet, like many of the people.

I had a chat with a taxi driver form Roi Et recently who knew about Aberdeen. He knew that the football team beat Real Madrid in the European Cup-Winner's Cup Final in 83. I was amazed he knew, probably as Sir A. Ferguson, who is well known here was the man in charge.

I thought the Scottish were meant to be avaricious.

Nice one!

[Simbo]

I know the Scots are a canny lot, but anal sex with a seagull to save money? mmm.

[Dickie]

Oh no you haven't!!:

Chicken shagger story: http://www.phuketgazette.net/queernews/index.asp?id=3695

(See paragraph 8 )

   

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Beat you to it by about 30 years, a decidedly dodgy character at my school wrang a chickens neck and ######ed it afterwards. Talk of the school it was.