Do You Tell Your Friend ?

[GuestHouse]

^ Well I have 12 years full time in Thailand (work permit, working, paying taxes) and I now fall into the 'Visit while on R&R' bracket, which I do not count as 'living in Thailand' - merely visits.

However, I agree entirely with what Maigo6 says about infidelity among Farangs to the their Thai partner and have posted on the subject myself.

I disagree with Maigo6 on his condemnation of what he calls Thai Bashers/Bashing.

The subject of the OPs questions is an example of exactly where negative views of Thailand and Thais come from - One more sucker for the list.

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If he was a friend of mine, I would tell him.

In the past I have told friends in similar circumstances, two listened, one did not, they all remain friends.

[bonobo]

Nearly every Farang I know in Thailand is unfaithful to their Partner, so what's the difference ?

mmm, perhaps you should widen (or heighten) your friendship group?

What difference would that make?

Iv'e lived in Thailand for 18 years and stick by my original statement, reason being cos in my experience its accurate, and covers all social and economic groups.

can you please define , lived in thailand for 18 years.

the reason i ask is i know people who work overseas and spend one month a year in thailand, they tell me they also live in thailand. now this sort of banter may cut it in the snack bar for those striving for some sort of kudos in a remote overseas location, however for those of us who actually live here full time or those who lived here for any length of time, it smacks of just another wannabee.

do you actually live here full time, or are you just another blow in?

20th of March 2007, one day overstay, no fee, no stamp.

i am having difficulty understanding how someone who lives here can be on an overstay, seeing as i am a bit thick, perhaps you could enlighten me.

I'll be on my R&R also within 5 - 6 weeks, looking forward to getting back home too,

so do you actually live here or is it just a place you come to for a spot of r&r?

I'm offshore at the moment and due back in 10 days.

ah, maybe the above explains it, like a lot of guys who work outside of thailand and dont live here full time its just the dream of living here that keeps them going as they cross the days off on a calendar whilst wishing their live away to actually live here.

perhaps your 18 years of living here will help you formulate a reply, or it maybe you you have lived here for so long you have gone native and cant differentiate fact from fiction, please advise, we new kids on the block are always seeking guidance from the old china hands such as yourself.

Are those actually previous posts of his, or just generic posts.

If so, wow! You are far more dedicated than most people in doing research for a mere post. I am not being sarcastic. I really mean that. I certainly would not go to that effort for a TV post.

As far as the comment about being unfaithful--people in western cultures average about an 85% rate of being unfaithful at least once, and while I have never read any research on non-western cultures, I can't think that it would be any different. So yes, I would bet that most farang men have been unfaithful to their Thai wives or g/fs. But that does not necessarily mean they regularly go out to bars and pick up professional girls. I have met a few farangs who seemingly stay monogamous. They may have slipped once or twice, but that would be the exception.

Of course, then there are those of us who don't want to fight human nature and do play around, but undertand that what is good for the goose is good for the gander, and our partner can do the same as well.

[steveromagnino]

If you add in massage parlours and the like, then I would say the infidelity of the farangs with Thai partners (farang man) would be far in excess of any other group. Almost every single case the farang guy is out working out to build up a 6 pack and getting will smith jiggy with it.

The lowest would be farang + farang relationships. I don't think I know of any shindigs going on there in the couples that i know of.

Thai + Thai something in the middle, definitely miles lower than the first group. I'd put Thai-Thai infidelity among my group (i.e. not country uneducated labourers) at something akin to farang-farang infidelity where I grew up (also city dwelling middle class typical types),.

The highest group would be the farang + thai gay relationships; those guys are c-razily into tapping that.

For your friend, OP, I would suggest that you have to tell him, but how you tell is another thing.

- get someone you know who speaks Thai but is not a friend of the OP to be there and ideally if they do not look like they speak Thai, get them to hear it, and then relay what they heard in a can you believe that ho over there, she is saying this and that kind of way

- claim you saw something, but of course it will be dismissed

- have a deep and meaningful with your mate without any dry roots or man-love as Grant Dalton might say, just explain man to man

However it works out, if you were in the reverse position, long term surely a true friend would tell you right?

You want to make sure however you do it, that it is airtight and that the partner never knows it was you; otherwise could end up in heartache (not believed) or heartache (getting shot).

[samran]

I'd tell your mate to get a paternity test for the child.

Given that it all happened 'so early in the relationship' it could mean that she shacked up with some other bloke and needed a saviour to take care of her and the littl'un. Incredibly sad that a child is involved in all of this actually.

[Jim's_a_Thai_Fox]

Personally, I would tell him. If you have no real friendship with his wife, and your sole loyalty is to your friend, then I do not see why would resist telling him... but as someone said, please make sure you are 110% sure about the facts before going ahead with it.

Maybe explain to him that you do not wish to harm his family but merely point out that he needs to be a bit 'smarter' in the relationship and that it hurts you to see him being taken advantage of so easily... Who knows, it might be that he is pretty well off financially and is not seriously affected by her p@ss taking - maybe he is under the impression that 'ignorance is bliss' and is happy being with his kid and bedding his wife every now and again??? We just don't know his side of things...

Either way, you should try and let him now how you see things.

Edited June 20, 2008 by Jim's_a_Thai_Fox

[medoraman]

If he's a long standing friend then yes.

But be prepared to lose that friend.

Absolutely!

Its just like anywhere, he will probably not listen and resent you saying that about her. But, if you are a true friend, he will be your friend again when the inevitable happens.

[ttthailand]

Have someone write a note telling him what is going on and you leave it under his door or tape it to his motor bike. He gets the message and you are out of the picture. When he asks you about it tell him that he should look into it as perhaps it is true. Don't be the one who delivers the news direct but make sure he gets it. It is part of your job to be there for the fall when he finds out the bad news is true.

[JOHN2]

Let him learn the hard way.we all have!

[telaksslave]

If he's a long standing friend then yes.

But be prepared to lose that friend.

i agree 100% been down that road and worn the t-shirt

[Heng]

Do you tell your long standing friend that his girlfriend is basically taking the p@ss.

He is somewhat wet behind the ears on Thai matters and understands no Thai.

Should he be enlightened before any expensive land purchases ?

Sorry, but what exactly do you mean by "taking the pass"? I'm not up on all versions of the latest slang.

I think he meant taking the p_iss.... which of course means holding off on urinating for whatever reason (common among those stuck in traffic, scuba diving, etc.).

The danger of course is that over time, it puts one at risk of developing gallstones.

[Shotime]

Let him learn the hard way.we all have!

..... and still are! Anyone hear from the OP? I'm still waiting for the pregnancy story.

[egg6447]

As he would if the boot was on the other foot.

hi m6. i happen to enjoy most of your posts. often a smile or even a chuckle. i accept you play devils advocate to a degree. but i would really like to know what you believe thai attitude is to honesty and integrity, as i tend to go with the thai bashers on this one. dont sell your soul in defense of the thai. hey miss you when your back to work.