Suggestion To Revive The Tourism Authority Of Thailand

[grantbkk]

An open letter to the failure that is the Tourism Authority of Thailand (TAT):

This week I have been reflecting on the TAT’s total lack of credibility, the scandals, the mismanagement, falling tourist numbers and junkets to who knows where or for what reason. The lack of any marketing skills whatsoever on TAT’s part is legend. Billions of Baht have been spent (wasted) recently on failed programs with no oversight or accountability. With the astronomical amounts of money being shoved down a black hole can the TAT explain why they cannot even come up with a two or three word slogan to market Thailand as a tourist destination? “Amazing Thailand” was so last century. One may think that this is just another one to the thousands of complaint letters that TAT must receive every month from tourists, vendors, tour operators, hotels and hostels but I’m here to offer a program guaranteed to make money for the government and entrepreneurs as well. I am offering this custom tailored program to the TAT free of all charges except maybe a plaque of recognition when this takes off like a rocket.

I can sum it up in two words: Extreme Tourism. I want you to conjure up a vision of rolling down a dirt road in the one of the three southern most provinces in a military vehicle with an armed military escort. This for many would be a thrill but we haven’t even started our adventure. As you recall, this area is plagued by what many call an insurgency and what some call a civil war where as many as 4,000 people have been killed over the past four years. The South Thailand insurgency is a separatist campaign which is taking place in the predominantly Malay Pattani region, made up of the three southernmost provinces of Thailand, with violence increasingly spilling over into other provinces. Although separatist violence has occurred for decades in the region, the campaign escalated in 2004. This backdrop sets the scene for an ambitious Extreme Tourism program that will finally put Thailand on the map.

The Royal Thai Army has ordered 96 brand new armored personnel carriers (APC’s) from Kharkiv Morozov Machine Building Design Bureau in the Ukraine. The16.4 ton monsters called the BTR-3 is becoming quite popular. Burma has ordered 1000 and Iraq has ordered 336. They are not cheap at about $1.25 million each but if Thailand is trying again to pay for military equipment with frozen chicken who really cares about price. I mention this because a frozen chicken deal for Swedish Gripen fighter jets thawed recently. These APC’s are fitted out with things like the one-person KBA-105 "Shkval" unified fighting module which can accommodate 30mm gun, 7.62mm coaxial machine gun, 30mm automatic grenade launcher and anti-tank guided weapons. To me this sounds very sexy and can be used in promotional material with impunity. Another handy feature of this APC is that it’s fully amphibious. Believe it or not the BTR-3 even has power steering, automatic transmission and air-conditioning! What can be better than that? This thing holds three crew and six infantry soldiers.

Here is a synopsis of the business plan. Take three or four of these new APC’s and under the Army’s watchful eye, convert them for use as tour vehicles. Rip out the utilitarian bench seats for the six infantry soldiers and replace them with VIP seats the likes of which can be found on their aging Bell 212 helicopter reserved for special flights. Really the only other major modification would be windows. You need lots of windows. Only the finest bulletproof glass will do. As a safety precaution I would not award this contract to just any general’s brother who owns an automobile repair shop. We’re talking national pride here and a showcase for Thai ingenuity.

Now back to that dirt road in the war zone. You now have a APC crammed with six high-end tourists on the adventure of a lifetime. The are on an expensive tour of an active war zone. The onboard communication equipment is crackling with news of new murder victims, improvised explosive devices, roadside bombings, police and army raids, snipers, and even the random beheading. This is all being passed on to your intrepid extreme tourists. If the APC Extreme Tourism Vehicle (APCETV) is close enough to the action they respond to the scene of the carnage. The best think that can happen on the tour is coming under small arms fire. Four hours of true life and death experience is over as quickly as it started. The photograph of the tourist wearing that war surplus helmet with the crew and their APCETV, “Priceless”!

Marketing this program will seem magical. News agencies from around the world will be scrambling to put their perspective to a true international news story. The story will spread like bird flu throughout the internet community of well heeled extreme tourists. Word of mouth will have all the seats filled for years to come. The TAT will finally have the successful program that has eluded them so far in the 21st century.

My research leads me to believe that every single seat will be filled on every APCETV on each four hour “War Safari”. USD1,000 for each seat will be the cost of a regular tour. TAT and the Army may decide to offer group rates but that will cut into profits and is totally unnecessary given the potential popularity of the program. Hats, tee shirts and models of the APCETV will add millions to the program’s bottom line. No one, unless they are killed during to tour, will be able to resist the memorabilia from the “War Safari”. The imagination runs wild when you think of the product and branding opportunities just waiting to be capitalized upon.

To the TAT: Please don’t thank me now. Let’s wait until we have this unique Thai Extreme Tourism Experience up and running. May I suggest you and your legal team develop a waiver for your customers to protect your organization and the country from those pesky, frivolous law suits some people tend to file nowadays. Remember it is important that the waiver be in the language most often used by the participant. This is gong the bring back tourism to the Kingdom like nothing you at the TAT could ever conceive.

Good luck!

[johna]

What planet do you come from ???

[HowardJohnson]

What planet do you come from ???

One with a very wicked sense of humour.

Good idea but I don't think they'll go for it. Too much hard work...

[webtv]

"My research leads me to believe that every single seat will be filled on every APCETV on each four hour “War Safari”. USD1,000 for each seat will be the cost of a regular tour"

ok (;

[lomatopo]

...The imagination runs wild...

'Nuff said.

[JetsetBkk]

An open letter to the failure that is the Tourism Authority of Thailand (TAT)...

I just checked your other 18 topics, they seem relatively sane. So what happened?

[Insight]

If you kissed their arse in the first paragraph they may of even gone for it!

Because of the tone I doubt they would of got past the first few sentences, regardless of (senile) subject matter. Not many Thais like to read about their own failures.

[boiledegg]

An open letter to the failure that is the Tourism Authority of Thailand (TAT):

Tourism has risen dramatically in the last 10 years, havent you seen all the building/infrastructure that has gone on, surely if they are to blame them for everything negative they must be responsible for this rise.

[grantbkk]

An open letter to the failure that is the Tourism Authority of Thailand (TAT)...

I just checked your other 18 topics, they seem relatively sane. So what happened?

Just kidding. My satirical plan to boost the profits from high-end tourists showcased some of TAT's and the government's past problems and other crazy ideas like mine. I would showcase my recognition plaque at home though.

[samran]

just think though, if you were a senior phuu yai sitting at the cabinet table, barking out un-though out policies to the TAT people, you'd be taken very seriously and we'd have massive investment in all of this. The army would be happy as well.

I just think you need to expand your war safari idea.

"Night war safari" is a much better extension of your original thought. Patrols on the burmese border, smuggling logs and opium across into Thailand. That is what I call eco-tourism.

[mijan24]

Samran the danger is, "as we sit" someone somewhere here in Thailand will be reconfiguring this into a proposal to solve all of Thailands Problems - inflation,coups,gaffs,farmers, garlic growers - the list goes on - oh oh there it is now TAT proposes Thailand as the hub of "SAFARIS" The OP has a lot to answer for.

[bratpack]

This would never work as the baht bus mafia would muscle in and take over.

[grantbkk]

just think though, if you were a senior phuu yai sitting at the cabinet table, barking out un-though out policies to the TAT people, you'd be taken very seriously and we'd have massive investment in all of this. The army would be happy as well.

I just think you need to expand your war safari idea.

"Night war safari" is a much better extension of your original thought. Patrols on the Burmese border, smuggling logs and opium across into Thailand. That is what I call Eco-tourism.

I considered the "Night War Safari" but rejected it for the initial roll out for two reasons. First, if the plan is too complex it will die a natural death. If and when the governing members of TAT are in country long enough to attend a board meeting I don't think they could get their heads around a night component. The members would instantly draw parallels with the Chiang Mai Night Safari. Secondly, night vision goggles are very expensive unless you buy the ones from the vendors on lower Sukhumvit Road. They are delicate and require maintenance and batteries. Once the first set of batteries go dead, no more night vision and the "Night War Safari" would fail, dragging the who program down with it.

[tamsin]

just think though, if you were a senior phuu yai sitting at the cabinet table, barking out un-though out policies to the TAT people, you'd be taken very seriously and we'd have massive investment in all of this. The army would be happy as well.

I just think you need to expand your war safari idea.

"Night war safari" is a much better extension of your original thought. Patrols on the burmese border, smuggling logs and opium across into Thailand. That is what I call eco-tourism.

and women and children and looted antiques, endangered species, wow the list goes on and on!

[samran]

just think though, if you were a senior phuu yai sitting at the cabinet table, barking out un-though out policies to the TAT people, you'd be taken very seriously and we'd have massive investment in all of this. The army would be happy as well.

I just think you need to expand your war safari idea.

"Night war safari" is a much better extension of your original thought. Patrols on the Burmese border, smuggling logs and opium across into Thailand. That is what I call Eco-tourism.

I considered the "Night War Safari" but rejected it for the initial roll out for two reasons. First, if the plan is too complex it will die a natural death. If and when the governing members of TAT are in country long enough to attend a board meeting I don't think they could get their heads around a night component. The members would instantly draw parallels with the Chiang Mai Night Safari. Secondly, night vision goggles are very expensive unless you buy the ones from the vendors on lower Sukhumvit Road. They are delicate and require maintenance and batteries. Once the first set of batteries go dead, no more night vision and the "Night War Safari" would fail, dragging the who program down with it.

don't worry, as the person in charge of government procurement, I'm sure there is a dodgy American, Chinese, Russian or Israeli outfit willing to sell me copious amounts of useless replacement batteries at over inflated prices. We can split the kickbacks 50-50. I only need one ferarri this month.

[samran]

just think though, if you were a senior phuu yai sitting at the cabinet table, barking out un-though out policies to the TAT people, you'd be taken very seriously and we'd have massive investment in all of this. The army would be happy as well.

I just think you need to expand your war safari idea.

"Night war safari" is a much better extension of your original thought. Patrols on the burmese border, smuggling logs and opium across into Thailand. That is what I call eco-tourism.

and women and children and looted antiques, endangered species, wow the list goes on and on!

great suggestions. Taking that on board....

[JetsetBkk]

An open letter to the failure that is the Tourism Authority of Thailand (TAT)...

I just checked your other 18 topics, they seem relatively sane. So what happened?

Just kidding. My satirical plan to boost the profits from high-end tourists showcased some of TAT's and the government's past problems and other crazy ideas like mine. I would showcase my recognition plaque at home though.

I just re-read your OP. I guess sometimes I don't notice the whooshing noise above my head.

[lannarebirth]

Maybe they could arrange First Class seating for some high emd tourists in the Caravan Of The Poor buses. It would be kind of a reverse trek originating in the countryside destined for the big city.

[grantbkk]

An open letter to the failure that is the Tourism Authority of Thailand (TAT)...

I just checked your other 18 topics, they seem relatively sane. So what happened?

Just kidding. My satirical plan to boost the profits from high-end tourists showcased some of TAT's and the government's past problems and other crazy ideas like mine. I would showcase my recognition plaque at home though.

I just re-read your OP. I guess sometimes I don't notice the whooshing noise above my head.

That whooshing noise you heard was the rescue helicopter coming in to take the high-end extreme tourist who was injured in a firefight to Bumrungrad for treatment of his/her wounds. Rescue is built into the price of the ticket.

[tuky]

Perhaps the TAT could roster weekly government takeovers, Thailand could become the Ecoup tourism hub of the world.

[kmart]

Seems like a perfectly good idea to me. Everything seems to have to be "X-Treme" these days, to sell it. "Xtreme" sports, body modifications, even natural history progs on telly are now attention-grabbing sensationalist crap! "When Worms Attack!" etc.

Here's a good one

[Patsycat]

Seems like a perfectly good idea to me. Everything seems to have to be "X-Treme" these days, to sell it. "Xtreme" sports, body modifications, even natural history progs on telly are now attention-grabbing sensationalist crap! "When Worms Attack!" etc.

Here's a good one

It's amazing the things you find on the internet.....

[zaza]

I encourage TAT to arrange a nose picking contest, it will draw wide attention for the skillful talents.

[JetsetBkk]

How about an "Extreme Living" competition?

The first task is to stay in the country for more than 90 days complying with all legal and immigration requirements. No visa runs are acceptable. This will eliminate 85% of "Extreme Tourists".

The second task - running concurrently with the first - is to avoid giving any one Thai female more than 1,000 baht for anything. There goes another 10%.

The final task is to visit Phuket for a week and to ride home alone on a moto-cy at 3 am each night without being knocked off the bike and shot by an assailant. Any competitor failing the final task will be thrown in the back of a rusty pick-up and rushed to the furthest, most expensive hospital where all bills will be paid up to the limit of 5,000 baht.

Good luck!

[Briggsy]

An open letter to the failure that is the Tourism Authority of Thailand (TAT)...

I just checked your other 18 topics, they seem relatively sane. So what happened?

The insanity of Thailand does this to you.

[Nignoy]

Nobody has mentioned an Xtreme defensive driving course for APV drivers to be under taken in chatuchak market on a saturday morning points to be awarded for maximum casualties or the sportier versions of APVs for example the Abbot with its own heavy artillery , mobat and shrike as anti tuk tuk and baht bus weapons. I could really get into this Xtreme sport, it is widely practised here in the coastal tourist areas of queensland and is a great success, So I see no problems with it succeeding in Phuket or Pattaya as long as copious amounts of alcohol are available,the thought of driving an AWD Alvis anti Tuk Tuk weapons blazing along the front at Patong makes my mouth water Nignoy

[JetsetBkk]

...the thought of driving an AWD Alvis anti Tuk Tuk weapons blazing along the front at Patong makes my mouth water Nignoy

Yes, I can almost picture it now.

And you can get extra points for every Harley riding, Nazi helmeted, tattooed farang you squash too.

[roygsd]

An open letter to the failure that is the Tourism Authority of Thailand (TAT):

This week I have been reflecting on the TAT’s total lack of credibility, the scandals, the mismanagement, falling tourist numbers and junkets to who knows where or for what reason. The lack of any marketing skills whatsoever on TAT’s part is legend. Billions of Baht have been spent (wasted) recently on failed programs with no oversight or accountability. With the astronomical amounts of money being shoved down a black hole can the TAT explain why they cannot even come up with a two or three word slogan to market Thailand as a tourist destination? “Amazing Thailand” was so last century. One may think that this is just another one to the thousands of complaint letters that TAT must receive every month from tourists, vendors, tour operators, hotels and hostels but I’m here to offer a program guaranteed to make money for the government and entrepreneurs as well. I am offering this custom tailored program to the TAT free of all charges except maybe a plaque of recognition when this takes off like a rocket.

I can sum it up in two words: Extreme Tourism. I want you to conjure up a vision of rolling down a dirt road in the one of the three southern most provinces in a military vehicle with an armed military escort. This for many would be a thrill but we haven’t even started our adventure. As you recall, this area is plagued by what many call an insurgency and what some call a civil war where as many as 4,000 people have been killed over the past four years. The South Thailand insurgency is a separatist campaign which is taking place in the predominantly Malay Pattani region, made up of the three southernmost provinces of Thailand, with violence increasingly spilling over into other provinces. Although separatist violence has occurred for decades in the region, the campaign escalated in 2004. This backdrop sets the scene for an ambitious Extreme Tourism program that will finally put Thailand on the map.

The Royal Thai Army has ordered 96 brand new armored personnel carriers (APC’s) from Kharkiv Morozov Machine Building Design Bureau in the Ukraine. The16.4 ton monsters called the BTR-3 is becoming quite popular. Burma has ordered 1000 and Iraq has ordered 336. They are not cheap at about $1.25 million each but if Thailand is trying again to pay for military equipment with frozen chicken who really cares about price. I mention this because a frozen chicken deal for Swedish Gripen fighter jets thawed recently. These APC’s are fitted out with things like the one-person KBA-105 "Shkval" unified fighting module which can accommodate 30mm gun, 7.62mm coaxial machine gun, 30mm automatic grenade launcher and anti-tank guided weapons. To me this sounds very sexy and can be used in promotional material with impunity. Another handy feature of this APC is that it’s fully amphibious. Believe it or not the BTR-3 even has power steering, automatic transmission and air-conditioning! What can be better than that? This thing holds three crew and six infantry soldiers.

Here is a synopsis of the business plan. Take three or four of these new APC’s and under the Army’s watchful eye, convert them for use as tour vehicles. Rip out the utilitarian bench seats for the six infantry soldiers and replace them with VIP seats the likes of which can be found on their aging Bell 212 helicopter reserved for special flights. Really the only other major modification would be windows. You need lots of windows. Only the finest bulletproof glass will do. As a safety precaution I would not award this contract to just any general’s brother who owns an automobile repair shop. We’re talking national pride here and a showcase for Thai ingenuity.

Now back to that dirt road in the war zone. You now have a APC crammed with six high-end tourists on the adventure of a lifetime. The are on an expensive tour of an active war zone. The onboard communication equipment is crackling with news of new murder victims, improvised explosive devices, roadside bombings, police and army raids, snipers, and even the random beheading. This is all being passed on to your intrepid extreme tourists. If the APC Extreme Tourism Vehicle (APCETV) is close enough to the action they respond to the scene of the carnage. The best think that can happen on the tour is coming under small arms fire. Four hours of true life and death experience is over as quickly as it started. The photograph of the tourist wearing that war surplus helmet with the crew and their APCETV, “Priceless”!

Marketing this program will seem magical. News agencies from around the world will be scrambling to put their perspective to a true international news story. The story will spread like bird flu throughout the internet community of well heeled extreme tourists. Word of mouth will have all the seats filled for years to come. The TAT will finally have the successful program that has eluded them so far in the 21st century.

My research leads me to believe that every single seat will be filled on every APCETV on each four hour “War Safari”. USD1,000 for each seat will be the cost of a regular tour. TAT and the Army may decide to offer group rates but that will cut into profits and is totally unnecessary given the potential popularity of the program. Hats, tee shirts and models of the APCETV will add millions to the program’s bottom line. No one, unless they are killed during to tour, will be able to resist the memorabilia from the “War Safari”. The imagination runs wild when you think of the product and branding opportunities just waiting to be capitalized upon.

To the TAT: Please don’t thank me now. Let’s wait until we have this unique Thai Extreme Tourism Experience up and running. May I suggest you and your legal team develop a waiver for your customers to protect your organization and the country from those pesky, frivolous law suits some people tend to file nowadays. Remember it is important that the waiver be in the language most often used by the participant. This is gong the bring back tourism to the Kingdom like nothing you at the TAT could ever conceive.

Good luck!

Look forward to recieving your follow up report following you preliminary trail of this venture...........

[Nignoy]

...the thought of driving an AWD Alvis anti Tuk Tuk weapons blazing along the front at Patong makes my mouth water Nignoy

Yes, I can almost picture it now.

And you can get extra points for every Harley riding, Nazi helmeted, tattooed farang you squash too.

I will have Bung Bars fitted too Bung!!! is the noise Harley riders makewhen they make contact with the Bullbars also special anti Tout and Tailor Grenade throwers:D Nignoy

[qwertz]

You forgot to mention anti-time share tout spray.