Is It Possible To Be A Faithful Partner In Los?

[cathyy]

I think Bonobo was on the right track when he mentioned opportunity. My husband has mentioned that many men in the US are faithful to their wives only due to a lack of opportunity. Of course, a man can do a lot to increase or decrease the opportunity. Where are you more likely to run into opportunity, taking the wife to the movies, or drinking with the guys? Which activity do you choose? If you want to be faithful, you think first and make choices about where you go and what you do to minimize opportunity.

[bonobo]

Good [point. It has to be a mutual decision based on equality,

It is not "cheating" when both know and agree to it.

That would be fine if the partnership is equitable in all other respects.

When one half the relationship holds control over the other then it would not be equitable - for example if one of the partners holds all the income.

The comment 'With privilage comes responsibility' comes to mind.

[bonobo]

Actually, this is an astue observation.

If you really don't want to stray, then don't put yourself in the situation where the opportunity to stray is more likley to arise.

I think Bonobo was on the right track when he mentioned opportunity. My husband has mentioned that many men in the US are faithful to their wives only due to a lack of opportunity. Of course, a man can do a lot to increase or decrease the opportunity. Where are you more likely to run into opportunity, taking the wife to the movies, or drinking with the guys? Which activity do you choose? If you want to be faithful, you think first and make choices about where you go and what you do to minimize opportunity.

[Valjean]

I think Bonobo was on the right track when he mentioned opportunity. My husband has mentioned that many men in the US are faithful to their wives only due to a lack of opportunity. Of course, a man can do a lot to increase or decrease the opportunity. Where are you more likely to run into opportunity, taking the wife to the movies, or drinking with the guys? Which activity do you choose? If you want to be faithful, you think first and make choices about where you go and what you do to minimize opportunity.

I work for a multi-national and have visitors from around the world come to town. Some are experienced expats or working around Asia and others are newbies. The nightlife in Bangkok is tempting way beyond anything that exists in the US and more men that wives would hope stray for a few hours. The situation and temptation is just too great and it's just too easy. That said I've seen plenty of guys roaring drunk, having the time of their life in go-go bars but are 100% clear that they want to go back to their hotel rooms alone - and they do. I've found it impossible to guess which way a guy will go.

Derek

Edited June 26, 2008 by Valjean

[JOHN2]

This was never meant to be taken so seriously.

There are a lot of deep thinking serious individulas on this board,where do you all drink? All the expats i know here are as mad as hel_l.

[tourleadersi]

The question is, what is infidelity? One person may feel that there is no harm done by sleeping with someone besides their spouse, whilst others are wracked with guilt after they wink at someone they pass on the street. I have friends who fall into both of these categories and others that range inbetween.

At the end of the day, we all appear to have different boundaries and limits with regards our concept of fidelity. Often the two people in a relationship have completely different understandings and feelings about what is 'out of bounds'. Sometimes however they are both of completely of the same mind that is where a truly happy medium can be found.

I read about an American couple who had a 'zip code' rule, in that if they were in different zip codes then they could do as they pleased. It worked for them. Would it work for me? Nope.

At the end of the day, perhaps a better question might be 'What do you consider infedility to be, and how do you avoid stepping over that line?'

[Valjean]

This was never meant to be taken so seriously.

There are a lot of deep thinking serious individulas on this board,where do you all drink? All the expats i know here are as mad as hel_l.

I drink at home alone brooding over the meaning of life... (or was that the meaning of wife? )

[thaimate]

Now i do love Mrs John2 but tempatation is so high here i always end up straying and regretting it afterwards.

So,is it possible to stay faithful?

yes

ive slept with hundreds of women ,but when i am in a relationship i dont stray ,i dont want to lose my wife,because i know which side my breads buttered.

[Mossfinn]

when you are venerable. [/size][/font]

I suspect you mean vulnerable, venerable means something entirely different, but is really quite apt for this thread

Moss

[Dustoff]

My, my. In spite of the OP's protestations, this has turned into quite a satisfying thread! (no pun intended)

I feel I have already made friends here, too many to list, but then there are others who I would not bother to put on any list..

I would be happy to communicate with and meet those who are open to intelligent, thoughtful and productive discussion but I am afraid that I would avoid those who are out there on the extreme wings of:

(1) willing to obtain a duck and a knife and alter the physiology of a partner who is even suspected of challenging their insecurities and;

(2) those who have made promises of sexual monogamy to someone they supposedly care about but are willing to fall between any attractive pair of thighs that seem willing to open for them.

I have never experienced nor witnessed that mindlesslness leads us to growth as a species..

Gotta keep this kinda Thailand-specific or we risk, umm, no more fun so I will admit that Thailand does seem to have very attractive women (which means nothing in terms of their personality (read psychological normalcy)) so this topic seems to come up quite often here. Not gonna mention the girlie-bars (oops) or off we go to the dustbin of history.

While I agree about 'opportunity' flinging temptation in our faces (hmm), restricting full-on experience, and especially demanding it in another, may work for the masses but any more-than-half-witted person is bound to begin to suffer claustrophobia.

I don't know how many times, in many places in the world including my own country, that "reports" were made to people that their partner was "seen having lunch with another woman/man!" I mean, how ridiculous is that?

In my long time here, nitwits of course have plagued us a bit with rumor and my Thai wife was ready to kick some butt for their stupidity and childishness.

Brought up by a single Mom probably contributed to my having mostly women as my best friends and this continues to this day. Including my darling wife whom I adore. I still have a multitude of dear female friends, many of whom have put us up in their homes in my own country and, in spite of many of them being ex-lovers, she and they made fast friends.

Someone earlier posed the question about how we would feel if our partner 'cheated'.

The question is skewed - as I would be if I thought like that.

I wouldn't even ask! Any more than I would demand to know who my sister or mother or best friend or anyone else had had any kind of connection with.

Who in the world thinks that they have that kind of right of authority over another's freedom to do as they see fit?

In America we called that slavery and decided it was wrong.

A marriage or relationship agreement is not a deed of ownership, or at least should never be...

Edited June 26, 2008 by Dustoff

[pampal]

Is it possible?

Yes

Is it likely?

definite no for the majority

[Felt 35]

I’m not religious at all. But temptation is for the weak.

[bassmaster50]

I have been faithful to the same Thai woman,the only one I have been with since coming here 19 months ago,which is strange because I was not faithful to anyone back in US.She worked in a restaurant and seemed like a decent,old fashioned woman,but to be safe I asked her to take an HIV test,as well as tests for all the usual,STDs,and she agreed.Her test were all negative and I talked to the doctor and read the reports to be sure.Even though I had been tested previously,although she didn't ask,to be fair and for her own peace of mind,I also was tested.Whenever I have felt the urge to be unfaithful,I think of all this stuff.I am obviously not going to run around taking bar girls to the hospital for tests,and I also am not risking HIV.Not only for my sake but moreso for my girlfriend,who is an innocent party.Plus I don't trust condoms.Especially made in Thailand.

I used to work in an AIDS ward and more than morality,I am sorry to say,fear keeps me straight.Plus as others have pointed out,the best way to be faithful is to avoid temptation.Despite my fear of AIDs,if I were to hang out in bars,perhaps some night I would get drunk enough to overcome it.

[telaksslave]

When I was single and married guys told me that they had no desire for another woman, I didn't believe them. I was sure they were liars.

Now that I have found the right woman, FINALLY found the right woman, I have discovered that I have everything I could want and no desire to stray. Either your relationship is right or it isn't.

i totally agree with you, someone with a brain, if your in real love how could you want anybody else, sex with a loving partner is better than any bit of sleazy back street sex

[Dustoff]

Maybe you should think about having an open relationship. This will not work if either of you are insecure. You will both need to be mature and honest. I've had open relationships in the past and they can be truly rewarding relationships. It can be especially fun if your girlfriend enjoys spending time with members of both sexes.

However most people have insecurities and need the boyfriend/ girlfriend to "prove" their love by staying faithful. Honesty is also a rarity in most relationships I see, and therefore open relationships will not work.

If you are one of these blokes that is happy to have fun behind the wife's back but would scream, cry and scream blue murder if she did the same, then yer just a bit of a spanner.

Can't find a slang 'spanner' in any of my dictionaries but perhaps it relates to the American "monkeywrench" that someone throws into the works just to screw it all up?

Lots of those folks around...

[Sarge]

Now i do love Mrs John2 but tempatation is so high here i always end up straying and regretting it afterwards.

So,is it possible to stay faithful?

nope ..... only in Thailand losing is more fun than winning, when you're fighting temptation

[Valjean]

When I was single and married guys told me that they had no desire for another woman, I didn't believe them. I was sure they were liars.

Now that I have found the right woman, FINALLY found the right woman, I have discovered that I have everything I could want and no desire to stray. Either your relationship is right or it isn't.

i totally agree with you, someone with a brain, if your in real love how could you want anybody else, sex with a loving partner is better than any bit of sleazy back street sex

I’m assuming you’ve place yourself in the demographic “with a brain” which helps with the tenor of the conversation.

There are so many different kinds of people and when you match them up in combinations of two and more it’s some factor of 6,000,000,000 that I don’t know how many zeros to add. For you maybe these things are true – but they are not necessarily some constant of the universe like gravity. (Which I guess if I were an astrophysicist might be even malleable but that’s another subject I know even less about.)

My point is this: take a moment with that oversize cranium of yours and consider that your values and perceptions might not be applicable to all people. There is nothing wrong with your values and perceptions – they are yours and stick by them. I try, like any flawed person, to stay tuned to my true north – and that’s a learning process. What I like, where I take pleasure, what the meaning and experience of love is – these are all very personal to me and a journey of discovery to this day. Along the way I have learned not to let other people define what’s “the right way”. There’s a line of people at my doorstep, waiting to evangelize and moralize a point of view and over time what they say to me has become less interesting than wondering their motivations are to say it in the first place.

[bunta71]

My wife is a filipina. Waray to be specific. Ever see those butterfly knives they are so good with? That supercedes all the intellectual falsehoods claimed on this thread pants, excuse me I mean HANDS down...

[girlx]

Dustoff had a good post. When my wife and I discussed getting married we felt honesty was more important than monogamy. We accept each other how we are and within that have complete trust and honesty. Neither of us has a big moral thing about this – people can make their own decisions on that. For us this was a better way. I have a wonderful wife, we take good care of each other. I have the freedom to go have fun, within some agreed upon bounds, if I want but in reality it’s really not that interesting to me. I know I can go out anytime I desire but really the gold is in the relationship. When I’m out with the boys or she’s away up country when she asks me “did you have fun?” she knows 100% that she will always get the honest answer. There’s no guessing or wondering – or guilt or recriminations. And yes it’s a hypocritical one way deal – but it’s our deal and we’re happy. As Dustoff said a relationship is a contract with two individuals and in our contract we both have gives and gets.

nothing wrong with that- i think most people would agree it is the dishonesty and betrayal that is the worst part of cheating, and you eliminate that. it is still difficult to have an open relationship- i tried it once and just my boyfriend ended up playing around, i got too jealous. i have never once cheated on anyone.

[ade100]

I only sleep with women who are voluptuous, highly intelligent, well educated, have travelled the world, are fluent in at least three languages and can compose either a sonnet or a sonata. Thankfully there is no temptation at all for me in Thailand. Thailand is the best country in the world for being faithful.

[intumult]

Been tempted a time or to to let it out (of my pants) but so far have kept it for whoever is the current one at the time. Not so sure now it was / is a good idea

[Dustoff]

My point is this: take a moment with that oversize cranium of yours and consider that your values and perceptions might not be applicable to all people. There is nothing wrong with your values and perceptions – they are yours and stick by them. I try, like any flawed person, to stay tuned to my true north – and that’s a learning process. What I like, where I take pleasure, what the meaning and experience of love is – these are all very personal to me and a journey of discovery to this day. Along the way I have learned not to let other people define what’s “the right way”. There’s a line of people at my doorstep, waiting to evangelize and moralize a point of view and over time what they say to me has become less interesting than wondering their motivations are to say it in the first place.

Standing ovation!

Edited June 26, 2008 by Dustoff

[Dustoff]

I only sleep with women who are voluptuous, highly intelligent, well educated, have travelled the world, are fluent in at least three languages and can compose either a sonnet or a sonata. Thankfully there is no temptation at all for me in Thailand. Thailand is the best country in the world for being faithful.

Wow.. Way cool that you can so easily write off some 30+ million Thai women as inferior.

May we assume, hopefully, that your post is satirical and that you do not really feel that all Thai women are scrawny, moronic, uneducated, inexperienced, linguistically inept and musically challenged?

If not, Geez, no wonder they won't have sex with you...

[Dustoff]

Been tempted a time or to to let it out (of my pants) but so far have kept it for whoever is the current one at the time. Not so sure now it was / is a good idea

Have you thought about using "Whoever is the current one at the time" as your signature line?

The ladies on these forums are sure to be attracted to it...

[JOHN2]

Blimey,what have i started here??

Still can't believe how serious some of you lot are.

But I'm looking to get to know a few more intelligent deeper thinking ex-pats here,is there like a monthly meet or something? The last tuesday of every month for example, down the bulls head type of carry on?

[Dustoff]

Blimey,what have i started here??

Still can't believe how serious some of you lot are.

But I'm looking to get to know a few more intelligent deeper thinking ex-pats here,is there like a monthly meet or something? The last tuesday of every month for example, down the bulls head type of carry on?

HEY!

I thought we were having great fun here.. Did I forget to put smiley-heads in my posts?

Bulls Head - is that a writer's group...?

Edited June 26, 2008 by Dustoff

[ThaiPauly]

The Bull's Head is my pub of choice when I am in Bangkok.

It's a British Style pub that serves good food, has some pretty nice waitresses and a good Manager.

I can't coment on anything else as I have not read the whole thread , just the last page

[rick75]

I am of the belief that in relationships there is already too much to worry about without the fear of infidelity, I have never cheated on a partner and don't think one has ever cheated on me. I tell them that is my only rule in a relationship, if I ever catch them out its over, no second chances and in return I adhere to the same rule, it works for me.

[jbowman1993]

Now i do love Mrs John2 but tempatation is so high here i always end up straying and regretting it afterwards.

So,is it possible to stay faithful?

Thanks for sharing your character flaws with the rest of us!

[JOHN2]

Now i do love Mrs John2 but tempatation is so high here i always end up straying and regretting it afterwards.

So,is it possible to stay faithful?

Thanks for sharing your character flaws with the rest of us!

Not a problem,we can't al be perfect like you can we.